i'm gonna regret this in the morning
One of these days, I'm going to catch up on the f-list and fic therein, but I'm taking somewhat of a cathartic break (and not simply ignoring you all, okay?) in which I have discovered that the best way to fall in love with Smallville all over again, is to immerse yourself in an AU badfic so ridiculous that it shall never be shared with anyone but yourself. This way, you can include the most crass fart, poo and semen jokes, and create the craziest plot ever, and have Clark's life take a completely different path so that he becomes a washed-up 2nd class superhero on a reality TV show were his roomate is an animated and very gay Nintendo character (on a neverending quest to save his boyfriend!), and he is forced to undertake such humiliating antics for the sake of publicity and ratings that he one day receives a letter in a purple envelope...
>"It's from my arch nemesis," Hero said between sobs, tears pooling on the floor beside him. "He's...he's..." Hero broke down, head between his knees, and Xandir patted his back, concerned. Nobody noticed Ling Ling being swept away in the torrent of tears Hero had created.
(insert Chinese Japanese Generic Asian for "I WILL AVENGE YOU, STUPID SUPER CRYBABY" here), Ling Ling screamed as he was carried out the door.
"What about your arch nemesis?" Xandir asked. "Has he taken over the world?"
Hero shook his head and continued wailing.
"I bet he croaked it," Spanky said, wading to the couch. "Didn't he lose his hand to cancer a while back? Baldy was probably riddled with it."
"No, it's worse," Hero said. He blew his nose loudly on his cape, the trumpeting vibrations shaking the entire couch. "My arch nemesis is...he's...he's breaking up with me!"
Tears once again sprayed from Hero's eyes, and Xandir shifted until he was straddling the armrest of the couch. "There, there, it'll be okay," he said as he patted Hero's broad, muscular back. He lifted the corner of Hero's cape and held it up to the crying man's nose. "Here, blow."
As Hero dutifully blew his nose, Xandir pressed down onto the vibrating armrest and moaned. "Again," he said, offering a dry patch of the cape. "Blow harder this time."
Cue Opening Title Sequence (414kb)
*cough*
I have Hero clips to share, but keep getting upload error messages tonight, so I'll try again tomorrow.
>"It's from my arch nemesis," Hero said between sobs, tears pooling on the floor beside him. "He's...he's..." Hero broke down, head between his knees, and Xandir patted his back, concerned. Nobody noticed Ling Ling being swept away in the torrent of tears Hero had created.
(insert Chinese Japanese Generic Asian for "I WILL AVENGE YOU, STUPID SUPER CRYBABY" here), Ling Ling screamed as he was carried out the door.
"What about your arch nemesis?" Xandir asked. "Has he taken over the world?"
Hero shook his head and continued wailing.
"I bet he croaked it," Spanky said, wading to the couch. "Didn't he lose his hand to cancer a while back? Baldy was probably riddled with it."
"No, it's worse," Hero said. He blew his nose loudly on his cape, the trumpeting vibrations shaking the entire couch. "My arch nemesis is...he's...he's breaking up with me!"
Tears once again sprayed from Hero's eyes, and Xandir shifted until he was straddling the armrest of the couch. "There, there, it'll be okay," he said as he patted Hero's broad, muscular back. He lifted the corner of Hero's cape and held it up to the crying man's nose. "Here, blow."
As Hero dutifully blew his nose, Xandir pressed down onto the vibrating armrest and moaned. "Again," he said, offering a dry patch of the cape. "Blow harder this time."
Cue Opening Title Sequence (414kb)
*cough*
I have Hero clips to share, but keep getting upload error messages tonight, so I'll try again tomorrow.