Remuré Memorium
Author: dream-edge
Title: Remuré Memorium
Summary: The hardest thing to say is nothing at all. When Dillon and Ziggy are seperated from the rest of the team a secret Ziggy never should have kept will be revealed. Ziggy doesn't expect forgiveness.
Rating: M
Pairings: Dillon/Ziggy
Disclaimer: I do not own the Power Rangers or anything related to the franchise
Remuré Memorium
Chapter 4
Dillon paced around the small clearing anxiously, barely aware of his surroundings as Ziggy watched him carefully from where he sat cross-legged against a tree. He was confused, annoyed, and, although he would never admit to it, just slightly scared; yet Ziggy's surprising calm eyes seemed to catch everything. Dillon ignored the younger man, running the terms around and around in his head, trying to make sense of them. Reiniku Heri. Soul Bond. Finally, angrily, he turned towards Ziggy. "What?" He asked one more time, feeling like he'd said it a hundred times.
"Soul Bond." Ziggy told him again. Dillon thought Ziggy was being entirely too calm about all of this. In fact, Ziggy had barely shown any emotion on his face besides hesitation and ethereal calm and if not for the bond shakily feeding him information on Ziggy's emotional state he would say Ziggy really was as calm as he appeared. But the bond couldn't be trusted because it flickered wildly and disappeared erratically when they weren't in physical contact.
He tried to calm himself down, tried to take deep breathes and think rationally. After a moment, he was calm enough to start talking again. "Let's pretend for a moment," he whispered, knowing if he spoke any louder he'd scream. "That I have no idea what you're talking about."
Ziggy gnawed at his lower lip again, something that was quickly becoming a bad habit for him. "I don't know much about it actually. No one does. It's the rarest bond there is. Those that have it don't say much about it and it's such a personal bond that no one asks about it." He frowned then spoke slowly, as if he was thinking over every word carefully. "What I do know is that it's a... connection on the deepest level. Those that have it end up sharing emotions, thoughts and after a while, even magic."
"Is there any way to get rid of it?" He asked, the words leaving a sour taste in his mouth. Ziggy flinched like he'd been physically slapped, agony flooding down the link and making him feel even worse about asking. Ziggy's eyes, dark with pain, fell down to his lap and he merely shook his head, not saying anything.
Dillon turned around to watch the waterfall and the pool it cascaded into, the moonlight giving it a soft glow. The silver light reminded him harshly of the bond light, making him clench his hands into fists. Soul Bond, Soul Bond, Soul Bond. What did that even mean? He knew what it was now, kind of. But he didn't understand what it meant. "So we're Soul Bonded or something?"
"The term for people with Soul Bonds is life-bonded."
"Does that mean we have to be involved?" he asked, snapped really, because he couldn't keep himself from becoming angry with the situation. He didn't mind the idea of being with Ziggy- he had been seriously considering the idea of it before- but the idea that he had no choice but to be in a relationship with him was maddening. If he got together with someone, he wanted it be of his own free will, not because some mystic bond said he had to.
With his back turned, he never saw the tortured expression that slid briefly over Ziggy's face before the younger man locked it away. In his anger, he never felt the distress flowing down the link. Ziggy took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and when he spoke, his voice was steady if nothing else. "There has never been a record of life-bonded not romantically involved. However, that doesn't mean it's not possible."
Dillon thought about the words carefully, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Slowly, he managed to unclench his hands and turn to look at Ziggy. Ziggy stared back at him with unreadable eyes, his expression set, and the moonlight playing across his pale skin. He gulped and turned in the direction they'd entered from. "I need to be alone." he said, hoping that the distance would lessen the bond enough so that he could think without feeling what Ziggy was. Without the bond affecting what he was thinking.
Even as he walked away, he heard Ziggy scramble to his feet and run after him. Ziggy started to say something, laying his hand on Dillon's shoulder, but the minute he did, Dillon spun around and snapped, "I need to be alone!" Ziggy retreated a step, his eyes going wide. Fear flashed down the link.
Dillon stared at the younger man in surprise, both at Ziggy's retreat and his own violent reaction. Shame laced through him at his lack of self-control and he stepped forward, reaching out a hand to comfort the younger man. Ziggy stepped back again.
Ziggy seemed to slam a wall down between them, weakening the bond to near nonexistence and making it so Dillon couldn't sense him at all. The older man choked at the strange sensation, like he couldn't catch his breath. It felt like he couldn't reach the Ziggy anymore. It felt like something was crushing his chest.
"It's alright." Ziggy whispered, taking another large step back and clasping his hands behind him; his eyes were downcast. The tension was so thick between them that Dillon thought he could choke on it. "I understand. It feels like you're losing control of the situation. I get it. Go if you need to."
Dillon watched the younger man turn away from him and walk towards the waterfall, his arms wrapped around himself in comfort. Ziggy didn't say anything else and didn't even acknowledge his presence after that. He sighed and walked away, hoping that he'd come back with at least one decision.
Ziggy waited until he was sure Dillon had left to collapse. He crumpled to the ground, spent emotionally and out of the will to even try to appear fine and in control anymore. He curled up into a ball, trying to make himself as small as possible in an effort to disappear. Dillon words continued to replay in his head, cutting into his heart and slowly shredding the strength he'd manage to gather.
"Is there any way to get rid of it?"
"Does that mean we have to be involved?"
The questions hurt, physically hurt no matter how much he understood where the older man was coming from. He understood that Dillon just needed to think but that didn't stop him from hating how he pulled away. He understood that Dillon was just confused, just felt like he didn't have any choice in the matter anymore and that scared him, but that didn't stop him from feeling like Dillon was angry with him. He knew that Dillon just needed to figure out what was going on in his own head, his own heart, but that didn't stop him from feeling like Dillon didn't want him anymore.
He didn't even have the energy to cry anymore, to emotionally spent even though he finally had his physical strength back. How ironic that when he finally had the strength to stand on his own, he no longer had the will to do so.
Really, he just wanted to go back to the way they were before all of this, before Corinth and before Venjix. He wanted things to go back to when it was just him and Dillon and Tenaya. When nothing else mattered but the three of them. He reached a trembling hand up to grasp at the shape of the key hidden beneath his shirt, wishing with all his might to return to the day he had gotten it. The day when one couldn't tear Dillon from his side.
But he knew, better than most, that turning back the clock was the one thing even wishing couldn't do.
--0--0--
Dillon didn't come back till the sun had risen. When he did, he realized that Ziggy wasn't speaking to him. And that wall between them, snapping the link in half and making it feel like he was drowning and he couldn't breath, was still there. And he couldn't even blame Ziggy for putting it there despite how horrible it was making him feel. But still, he wished it would slip for just one moment, just long enough for him to realize what was going on in Ziggy's head. Just long enough for him to figure out what to do.
But that seemed to be the one luxury Ziggy wasn't going to give him. No, the younger man refused to do anything to help his situation or to help him figure out what to do. And no matter how much he thought, he still couldn't figure out what to chose. Although staying away from Ziggy and ignoring the bond almost physically hurt, he could do nothing else if he wanted to deal with the situation with Summer first. And if he didn't deal with that first, he'd just keep finding other things to do so that he didn't have to. And if he didn't give the problem serious thought, he'd always consider those 'what ifs'. And he couldn't do that to either of them.
But no matter how many times he ran these things around in his head, he couldn't help but resent the continuing silence. Right now, he wanted nothing more than for Ziggy to go back to the way he used to be, always smiling, always laughing, always finding something to talk about. The silence between them was oppressive and choking. Finally, he could take it no more. He stood and turned to look at the younger man. "God damn it Ziggy! Say something!" he snapped.
Ziggy stopped what ever he was doing but didn't turn around to look at him, leaving him to stare at the younger man's back. "What do you want me to say?" he asked quietly.
"Anything!" He shouted back. Anything, he prayed, just please, please tell I haven't ruined everything.
Ziggy didn't say anything for a long time, just stood there gazing off into the distance. Finally, softly, but with a frigid intensity, "How can I say something when you can't even make up your own damn mind?" he asked. Dillon blinked in shock. Ziggy cursed; Ziggy never cursed. He must be really upset. But then, Dillon couldn't blame him. As hard as this was on him, it had to be harder on Ziggy who was left waiting in the dark with no clear end in sight.
He growled and resisted the urge to tug at his hair in frustration. "How can I make up my mind when I don't even know what's going on anymore?!" He was shouting again. He didn't want to shout, didn't want to push his frustration, his confusion onto to Ziggy and take it out on him. But Ziggy was not doing anything to make himself any less of a target and Dillon couldn't help it if he tried. He needed to snap or he'd completely loose it.
But a small part of him couldn't help but point out that it wasn't right for him to snap at Ziggy.
Ziggy's head tilted to the side as if he wanted to look at him but didn't dare do so. "What more do you need to know? It's me or Summer, Dillon. Nothing else matters."
"More does matter!" He snapped back. The wall between them lifted just enough for Ziggy's disbelief to echo through. Dillon paused, trying to find words for what till then he'd only felt; the whole reason he couldn't figure what to think about the situation. "The one thing I don't know... is you, Zig. I thought I did know, after that kiss. But now, with this bond, I just don't know anymore. How much of that was adrenaline? How much was the bond?" He hesitated and looked over at Ziggy. The younger man was still facing away from him but from the small tilt of his head he was still listening. "How much was you?"
He felt Ziggy's hesitation through the little crack in the wall. He wondered, briefly, if Ziggy let it remain on purpose or if he didn't even know it was there. "Please, Zig." He whispered. "I need to know. I can't force you into this no more than you can me. I don't want the bond to make this choice for us."
Those words seemed to make Ziggy's mind up for him. Every wall seemed to disappear in seconds and a near complete rapport formed between them. All of Ziggy's emotions slammed into him like a tidal wave, the sheer power of it sending him to his knees. He gasped, momentarily drowning in it all. There was crushing pain, overwhelming agony, blinding guilt. He struggled to find the source of those emotions but before he could he was hit with something else.
Love. Pure, unconditional, revokable love. The kind that was selfless and gentle and didn't ask for anything in return. The kind of love he would never have imagined possible if he hadn't been feeling it for himself. And all of it was directed towards him.
He jerked himself from the torrent of emotions, sending a few gasping moments trying to figure out what was his and what was Ziggy's. It felt like the two of them had been meshed beyond the point where they could be separated and the thought was as frightening as it was welcome. When he'd centered himself, figured out relatively what was his and what wasn't, he realized he had dropped to his hands and knees. And he was crying, just slightly. Just enough to blur his vision, just enough to choke his voice. "Why didn't you say anything?" he asked Ziggy, who still refused to look at him. He stood slowly, asking, "Why didn't you say you loved me?"
"Should I have?" he asked, and there was an odd note of defeat in his voice. A rush of hopelessness raced down the still open link. "You had Summer. Why should you have worried about me?"
"Because I care about you Ziggy. All you had to do was say something. I would have listened. I wouldn't have just written it off. Why didn't you just say something? Why didn't you just say you were in love with me?"
Ziggy turned to him finally, his eyes glassy with tears. "Because you were happy!" he shouted, his voice cracking. "You were happy, Dillon. Who was I to take that away?" The boy's gaze dropped and his hands clenched into fists. "I just... I just wanted you to be happy. And if that happiness was with Summer and not me, then so be it." he finished, his voice a soft whisper.
Dillon stared at his best friend, shocked by how selfless he was. Ziggy was willing to stand to the side and let them flirt or kiss or do anything, as long as Dillon was happy. It was beyond selfless and it made him feel horrible for every bad thought he'd ever had about Ziggy. Watching him and Summer must have torn the younger man to shreds. "Ziggy..."
Ziggy didn't seem to hear him. "As long as you were happy I thought... maybe I could be happy to."
Slowly, carefully, he approached the younger man until he was right in front of him. Ziggy looked up at him with eyes dark with pain that made him want to hold the younger man and take away all his hurts. "Still," Dillon whispered. "That happiness seems a little lonely to me."
Ziggy's eyes dropped again and an almost unnoticeable shudder passed across him. After a long moment, in which Dillon feared he hadn't reached the younger man, that Ziggy was going to close up again, Ziggy collapsed into him. Dillon had to immediately wrap Ziggy in his arms or risk letting him fall because he was no longer sure the younger man could support himself. Ziggy trembled in his embrace, making soft keening sounds in the back of his throat as he clung to him. Ziggy didn't cry, even though it seemed like he would and Dillon knew he needed to. But no matter how much he coaxed, the tears would not come.
Eventually, the weakness Ziggy had suffered from returned, even though he had been remarkably better today than before, and it slowly drew him into a needed but still light sleep that Ziggy threatened to wake from at any minute. Carefully, Dillon set the younger man on the ground and walked over to the waterfall, watching as it splashed against the rocks behind it and into the pool.
He thought he had nearly everything figured out now, finally. Ziggy loved him beyond comprehension, beyond what should be possible. They shared a bond, something real and physical that he could see with his own eyes and feel with his heart. Now, the only thing he had to figure out was if he wanted Summer or Ziggy. And to do that, he really needed to know what he thought of Ziggy, what he felt for him.
What he wouldn't give to have Ziggy's crystalline emotions, where everything was so clear and simple. What he wouldn't do to have Ziggy's belief in his own feelings for just a few minutes.
Ziggy was a friend. He knew that, had known that for a very long time. But the question was, was he more? If he went by the kiss they shared yesterday, definitely. But that was a kiss and, no matter how good it was, it didn't matter if it wasn't any more than that. And no matter how much Ziggy loved him, he couldn't indulge him just because he had what could be a momentary attraction. No, he couldn't do that because Ziggy loved him so much. Love like that deserved something better than a briefly satisfaction.
Before any of this, had he even looked at Ziggy in that kind of light? He hadn't, not really. If he was honest, the thought of being involved with Ziggy had never crossed his mind before they had been sent flying off to where ever they were now. And why had it now? Because Ziggy had mentioned loving someone and he had gotten jealous, like Ziggy was already his and no one else could have have him. But Ziggy wasn't his.
Not yet. A part of him whispered. He ignored it.
He had been the one to protect Ziggy since day one, sometimes even against their teammates. It could just be protectiveness. But it wasn't. He knew jealousy and he knew protectiveness. He was protective of Tenaya because she was his sister even if she was currently an emotionally void android. He was protective of his team because they took care of each other. What he had felt then hadn't been protectiveness. It was defiantly jealousy. But why was he jealous of some guy he'd never met?
Because maybe, just maybe, he did love Ziggy. And maybe it was sudden and maybe it didn't make sense but half the things he did these days didn't make sense. But could one really fall in love in a day and a half?
But maybe it wasn't sudden. Maybe it had just been growing silently in the back of his mind and he hadn't acknowledged it, pushed it away and written it off as something else. He was protective of Ziggy and, he'd admit, sometimes he could be downright possessive of him. It was Ziggy he went to when he was troubled and it was Ziggy he left reassure him, Ziggy he let remind him of why he was fighting. It was Ziggy that got him to smile half the time.
And Summer?
Summer, he didn't know honestly. He had thought he cared about her. Now, he just didn't know. He liked her but it didn't feel anything like what he felt for Ziggy. But it didn't seem like anything else either. The closet he came was to what he felt for Tenaya, and that still was no where near close. Tenaya.... Ziggy's words from yesterday came back to him, rooting him in place.
"Do you love Tenaya?"
"But you wouldn't marry her."
He loved Tenaya and he loved Summer. But he was in love with Ziggy.
Just like that, he made his choice. On some level, it felt like he'd made it a long time ago and just hadn't realized it yet. The decision was easier then he thought it would be in the long run. And now that it was made he felt... freer almost. Lighter, in a way. He ran the decision around in his mind briefly and was startled by the sheer rightness of it.
He blinked himself back into awareness, looking up at the sky and was shocked by how much time had past. The sun was already half way across the sky. When he'd started to think, it had been barely past early morning. He turned around to look at Ziggy and found him still asleep, curled up right where he'd placed him down. He stared at the younger man and couldn't help a small grin from lighting up his features. He'd made his choice.
--0--0--
Ziggy slowly woke up when something really warm settled down next to him. Slowly, he opened his eyes and glanced up to see Dillon staring back down at him with gentle eyes, his head supported by his hand as he lay stretched out next to him, in direct opposite to how he himself was curled up into a small ball. He uncurled slowly, never breaking his gaze from Dillon's and realized that Dillon was smiling, a soft, fond smile, at him.
"Dillon?" he asked carefully. Dillon's smile widened and the older man reached forward and gently brushed a few stray strands of his hair out of his face. Before Ziggy could ask what was going on, and he really wanted to ask what was going on, Dillon leaned down and gently caught his lips with his own. Ziggy blinked in shock, surprised by the unexpected contacted. This was not what he'd expected when he'd woken up.
He registered a thought sliding slowly down the link, half-formed and ill-guided, but it was from Dillon and Dillon definitely wanted him to hear it. He let down what little barriers he'd put back in place before he'd fallen asleep, straining his mental ear to make out the sent thought.
;I've made up my mind.; Was the ghosting thought. ;I'm sorry I made you wait so long.;
Tears rushed to his eyes at the tender thought but he pushed them aside, not wanting to ruin this moment with tears. He closed his eyes and gave into the kiss completely. This was what a kiss should be. Not desperate, not rushed. Soft, tender, just slightly timid, a gesture of intimate affection that was meant to convey only one message. That one was cared for immensely. This time, he was willing to listen.
Dillon's content with the situation washed across his mind, much clearer than his thoughts, and slid across his senses like velvet, soft and warm. Dillon's lips against his felt like rose petals, beautiful and timid. His hands in his hair was like... chocolate, slow and easy with the promise of something more. He couldn't stop the wide grin that spread across his lips even if he wanted to.
;I like those comparisons.; Dillon told him, much clearer than he had before. Either his body was remembering how to work with a mental link or he was learning very fast. ;It's romantic.;
Ziggy found a laugh building in his throat and pulled away just enough to let it loose. Dillon smiled and untangled one of his hands from his hair to draw it down the line of his spine in his neck. Ziggy shivered as the feeling exploded across his senses, prompting Dillon to ask him. "And that? What's that feel like?"
"Sunlight." He whispered before he thought about it. "Warm. Bright. Reassuring. But it can burn if your not careful."
A slow smile was etching its way across Dillon's face and Ziggy would give anything to see it stay there, to freeze this moment in time and never leave it. Dillon's breath fanned out across his face and he told him without prompting this time. "Feathers. Light, and airy."
Dillon leaned in and kissed him again and Ziggy into it readily. They stayed like that for a long time, trading slow, unrushed kisses and small descriptions of what each touch felt like. Dillon's hand on his hip felt like lightening, shocking and unexpected but amazing in it's intensity. His hand on Dillon's cheek felt like wind, insubstantial but still comforting and somehow intimate.
Warmth settled like a blanket over his mind. After a while, they stopped the kisses and simply laid next to each other. Ziggy's head rested on Dillon's chest and he listened in content to the heart pounding in his chest. It was a comforting sound. Before he was aware of what was happening, he was asleep. Dillon followed seconds later.
--0--0--
Dillon woke up to find himself in a tangle of limbs with Ziggy, the bond so thick between them that for a moment Dillon couldn't which of the arms and legs were his. He laid there for a moment, taking in the simplicity of the embrace and knowing this was where he wanted to be. Then, slowly, he started to untangle himself from Ziggy. As he did so, he caught a flash of thought from Ziggy, probably having to do with whatever he was dreaming. Something about a necklace....
He blinked and looked down to see a long golden chain wrapped carefully around Ziggy's neck. He tugged it up from beneath his shirt, staring briefly at the two rings there. Then his gaze caught and held on the last item. His breath froze. A key. One that looked startlingly familiar. Carefully, so as not to awaken the younger man, he pulled the necklace over his head and moved away from him, one hand reaching shaking for his watch.
He knew it wouldn't work. If it would, Ziggy would have said something. Ziggy wouldn't have kept this from him. He wouldn't have lied to him. He sat down heavily on the ground a few feet from Ziggy. Hesitantly, he placed the key inside the watch. It fit. But, when he tried, it didn't turn. He sighed softly, shaking his head and smiling at his own foolishness. Of course it wouldn't work. He was being an idiot and jumping at shadows.
He went to pull it out and accidentally turned it the other way. It gave. He froze again, his brain shutting down as his body gaze the normal three quick turns and pulled the watch open.
A slow, beautiful ballad started to play softly.
Maybe Ziggy didn't know. He couldn't know. If he had, he would have told him. He couldn't have known....
Ziggy gave a soft moan and slowly blinked his eyes open. Dillon watched numbly as the younger man shifted and propped himself up, looking around the small clearing for him with a warm smile. Ziggy spotted him and his smile grew. Then his eyes dropped down to the watch in his hands and Dillon watched as horror took over his once peaceful expression and one hand flew to his neck to find... nothing. Ziggy's necklace dangled from Dillon's hand. Ziggy's eyes shot back up to stare at him and in that one look Dillon knew that Ziggy had known about the key. Had known and hadn't told him.
Dillon felt his entire world fall apart in that one look.
And Ziggy realized he was wrong. He didn't need to say anything. All it took was a single look to ruin everything he'd gained.
Title: Remuré Memorium
Summary: The hardest thing to say is nothing at all. When Dillon and Ziggy are seperated from the rest of the team a secret Ziggy never should have kept will be revealed. Ziggy doesn't expect forgiveness.
Rating: M
Pairings: Dillon/Ziggy
Disclaimer: I do not own the Power Rangers or anything related to the franchise
Remuré Memorium
Chapter 4
Dillon paced around the small clearing anxiously, barely aware of his surroundings as Ziggy watched him carefully from where he sat cross-legged against a tree. He was confused, annoyed, and, although he would never admit to it, just slightly scared; yet Ziggy's surprising calm eyes seemed to catch everything. Dillon ignored the younger man, running the terms around and around in his head, trying to make sense of them. Reiniku Heri. Soul Bond. Finally, angrily, he turned towards Ziggy. "What?" He asked one more time, feeling like he'd said it a hundred times.
"Soul Bond." Ziggy told him again. Dillon thought Ziggy was being entirely too calm about all of this. In fact, Ziggy had barely shown any emotion on his face besides hesitation and ethereal calm and if not for the bond shakily feeding him information on Ziggy's emotional state he would say Ziggy really was as calm as he appeared. But the bond couldn't be trusted because it flickered wildly and disappeared erratically when they weren't in physical contact.
He tried to calm himself down, tried to take deep breathes and think rationally. After a moment, he was calm enough to start talking again. "Let's pretend for a moment," he whispered, knowing if he spoke any louder he'd scream. "That I have no idea what you're talking about."
Ziggy gnawed at his lower lip again, something that was quickly becoming a bad habit for him. "I don't know much about it actually. No one does. It's the rarest bond there is. Those that have it don't say much about it and it's such a personal bond that no one asks about it." He frowned then spoke slowly, as if he was thinking over every word carefully. "What I do know is that it's a... connection on the deepest level. Those that have it end up sharing emotions, thoughts and after a while, even magic."
"Is there any way to get rid of it?" He asked, the words leaving a sour taste in his mouth. Ziggy flinched like he'd been physically slapped, agony flooding down the link and making him feel even worse about asking. Ziggy's eyes, dark with pain, fell down to his lap and he merely shook his head, not saying anything.
Dillon turned around to watch the waterfall and the pool it cascaded into, the moonlight giving it a soft glow. The silver light reminded him harshly of the bond light, making him clench his hands into fists. Soul Bond, Soul Bond, Soul Bond. What did that even mean? He knew what it was now, kind of. But he didn't understand what it meant. "So we're Soul Bonded or something?"
"The term for people with Soul Bonds is life-bonded."
"Does that mean we have to be involved?" he asked, snapped really, because he couldn't keep himself from becoming angry with the situation. He didn't mind the idea of being with Ziggy- he had been seriously considering the idea of it before- but the idea that he had no choice but to be in a relationship with him was maddening. If he got together with someone, he wanted it be of his own free will, not because some mystic bond said he had to.
With his back turned, he never saw the tortured expression that slid briefly over Ziggy's face before the younger man locked it away. In his anger, he never felt the distress flowing down the link. Ziggy took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and when he spoke, his voice was steady if nothing else. "There has never been a record of life-bonded not romantically involved. However, that doesn't mean it's not possible."
Dillon thought about the words carefully, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Slowly, he managed to unclench his hands and turn to look at Ziggy. Ziggy stared back at him with unreadable eyes, his expression set, and the moonlight playing across his pale skin. He gulped and turned in the direction they'd entered from. "I need to be alone." he said, hoping that the distance would lessen the bond enough so that he could think without feeling what Ziggy was. Without the bond affecting what he was thinking.
Even as he walked away, he heard Ziggy scramble to his feet and run after him. Ziggy started to say something, laying his hand on Dillon's shoulder, but the minute he did, Dillon spun around and snapped, "I need to be alone!" Ziggy retreated a step, his eyes going wide. Fear flashed down the link.
Dillon stared at the younger man in surprise, both at Ziggy's retreat and his own violent reaction. Shame laced through him at his lack of self-control and he stepped forward, reaching out a hand to comfort the younger man. Ziggy stepped back again.
Ziggy seemed to slam a wall down between them, weakening the bond to near nonexistence and making it so Dillon couldn't sense him at all. The older man choked at the strange sensation, like he couldn't catch his breath. It felt like he couldn't reach the Ziggy anymore. It felt like something was crushing his chest.
"It's alright." Ziggy whispered, taking another large step back and clasping his hands behind him; his eyes were downcast. The tension was so thick between them that Dillon thought he could choke on it. "I understand. It feels like you're losing control of the situation. I get it. Go if you need to."
Dillon watched the younger man turn away from him and walk towards the waterfall, his arms wrapped around himself in comfort. Ziggy didn't say anything else and didn't even acknowledge his presence after that. He sighed and walked away, hoping that he'd come back with at least one decision.
Ziggy waited until he was sure Dillon had left to collapse. He crumpled to the ground, spent emotionally and out of the will to even try to appear fine and in control anymore. He curled up into a ball, trying to make himself as small as possible in an effort to disappear. Dillon words continued to replay in his head, cutting into his heart and slowly shredding the strength he'd manage to gather.
"Is there any way to get rid of it?"
"Does that mean we have to be involved?"
The questions hurt, physically hurt no matter how much he understood where the older man was coming from. He understood that Dillon just needed to think but that didn't stop him from hating how he pulled away. He understood that Dillon was just confused, just felt like he didn't have any choice in the matter anymore and that scared him, but that didn't stop him from feeling like Dillon was angry with him. He knew that Dillon just needed to figure out what was going on in his own head, his own heart, but that didn't stop him from feeling like Dillon didn't want him anymore.
He didn't even have the energy to cry anymore, to emotionally spent even though he finally had his physical strength back. How ironic that when he finally had the strength to stand on his own, he no longer had the will to do so.
Really, he just wanted to go back to the way they were before all of this, before Corinth and before Venjix. He wanted things to go back to when it was just him and Dillon and Tenaya. When nothing else mattered but the three of them. He reached a trembling hand up to grasp at the shape of the key hidden beneath his shirt, wishing with all his might to return to the day he had gotten it. The day when one couldn't tear Dillon from his side.
But he knew, better than most, that turning back the clock was the one thing even wishing couldn't do.
--0--0--
Dillon didn't come back till the sun had risen. When he did, he realized that Ziggy wasn't speaking to him. And that wall between them, snapping the link in half and making it feel like he was drowning and he couldn't breath, was still there. And he couldn't even blame Ziggy for putting it there despite how horrible it was making him feel. But still, he wished it would slip for just one moment, just long enough for him to realize what was going on in Ziggy's head. Just long enough for him to figure out what to do.
But that seemed to be the one luxury Ziggy wasn't going to give him. No, the younger man refused to do anything to help his situation or to help him figure out what to do. And no matter how much he thought, he still couldn't figure out what to chose. Although staying away from Ziggy and ignoring the bond almost physically hurt, he could do nothing else if he wanted to deal with the situation with Summer first. And if he didn't deal with that first, he'd just keep finding other things to do so that he didn't have to. And if he didn't give the problem serious thought, he'd always consider those 'what ifs'. And he couldn't do that to either of them.
But no matter how many times he ran these things around in his head, he couldn't help but resent the continuing silence. Right now, he wanted nothing more than for Ziggy to go back to the way he used to be, always smiling, always laughing, always finding something to talk about. The silence between them was oppressive and choking. Finally, he could take it no more. He stood and turned to look at the younger man. "God damn it Ziggy! Say something!" he snapped.
Ziggy stopped what ever he was doing but didn't turn around to look at him, leaving him to stare at the younger man's back. "What do you want me to say?" he asked quietly.
"Anything!" He shouted back. Anything, he prayed, just please, please tell I haven't ruined everything.
Ziggy didn't say anything for a long time, just stood there gazing off into the distance. Finally, softly, but with a frigid intensity, "How can I say something when you can't even make up your own damn mind?" he asked. Dillon blinked in shock. Ziggy cursed; Ziggy never cursed. He must be really upset. But then, Dillon couldn't blame him. As hard as this was on him, it had to be harder on Ziggy who was left waiting in the dark with no clear end in sight.
He growled and resisted the urge to tug at his hair in frustration. "How can I make up my mind when I don't even know what's going on anymore?!" He was shouting again. He didn't want to shout, didn't want to push his frustration, his confusion onto to Ziggy and take it out on him. But Ziggy was not doing anything to make himself any less of a target and Dillon couldn't help it if he tried. He needed to snap or he'd completely loose it.
But a small part of him couldn't help but point out that it wasn't right for him to snap at Ziggy.
Ziggy's head tilted to the side as if he wanted to look at him but didn't dare do so. "What more do you need to know? It's me or Summer, Dillon. Nothing else matters."
"More does matter!" He snapped back. The wall between them lifted just enough for Ziggy's disbelief to echo through. Dillon paused, trying to find words for what till then he'd only felt; the whole reason he couldn't figure what to think about the situation. "The one thing I don't know... is you, Zig. I thought I did know, after that kiss. But now, with this bond, I just don't know anymore. How much of that was adrenaline? How much was the bond?" He hesitated and looked over at Ziggy. The younger man was still facing away from him but from the small tilt of his head he was still listening. "How much was you?"
He felt Ziggy's hesitation through the little crack in the wall. He wondered, briefly, if Ziggy let it remain on purpose or if he didn't even know it was there. "Please, Zig." He whispered. "I need to know. I can't force you into this no more than you can me. I don't want the bond to make this choice for us."
Those words seemed to make Ziggy's mind up for him. Every wall seemed to disappear in seconds and a near complete rapport formed between them. All of Ziggy's emotions slammed into him like a tidal wave, the sheer power of it sending him to his knees. He gasped, momentarily drowning in it all. There was crushing pain, overwhelming agony, blinding guilt. He struggled to find the source of those emotions but before he could he was hit with something else.
Love. Pure, unconditional, revokable love. The kind that was selfless and gentle and didn't ask for anything in return. The kind of love he would never have imagined possible if he hadn't been feeling it for himself. And all of it was directed towards him.
He jerked himself from the torrent of emotions, sending a few gasping moments trying to figure out what was his and what was Ziggy's. It felt like the two of them had been meshed beyond the point where they could be separated and the thought was as frightening as it was welcome. When he'd centered himself, figured out relatively what was his and what wasn't, he realized he had dropped to his hands and knees. And he was crying, just slightly. Just enough to blur his vision, just enough to choke his voice. "Why didn't you say anything?" he asked Ziggy, who still refused to look at him. He stood slowly, asking, "Why didn't you say you loved me?"
"Should I have?" he asked, and there was an odd note of defeat in his voice. A rush of hopelessness raced down the still open link. "You had Summer. Why should you have worried about me?"
"Because I care about you Ziggy. All you had to do was say something. I would have listened. I wouldn't have just written it off. Why didn't you just say something? Why didn't you just say you were in love with me?"
Ziggy turned to him finally, his eyes glassy with tears. "Because you were happy!" he shouted, his voice cracking. "You were happy, Dillon. Who was I to take that away?" The boy's gaze dropped and his hands clenched into fists. "I just... I just wanted you to be happy. And if that happiness was with Summer and not me, then so be it." he finished, his voice a soft whisper.
Dillon stared at his best friend, shocked by how selfless he was. Ziggy was willing to stand to the side and let them flirt or kiss or do anything, as long as Dillon was happy. It was beyond selfless and it made him feel horrible for every bad thought he'd ever had about Ziggy. Watching him and Summer must have torn the younger man to shreds. "Ziggy..."
Ziggy didn't seem to hear him. "As long as you were happy I thought... maybe I could be happy to."
Slowly, carefully, he approached the younger man until he was right in front of him. Ziggy looked up at him with eyes dark with pain that made him want to hold the younger man and take away all his hurts. "Still," Dillon whispered. "That happiness seems a little lonely to me."
Ziggy's eyes dropped again and an almost unnoticeable shudder passed across him. After a long moment, in which Dillon feared he hadn't reached the younger man, that Ziggy was going to close up again, Ziggy collapsed into him. Dillon had to immediately wrap Ziggy in his arms or risk letting him fall because he was no longer sure the younger man could support himself. Ziggy trembled in his embrace, making soft keening sounds in the back of his throat as he clung to him. Ziggy didn't cry, even though it seemed like he would and Dillon knew he needed to. But no matter how much he coaxed, the tears would not come.
Eventually, the weakness Ziggy had suffered from returned, even though he had been remarkably better today than before, and it slowly drew him into a needed but still light sleep that Ziggy threatened to wake from at any minute. Carefully, Dillon set the younger man on the ground and walked over to the waterfall, watching as it splashed against the rocks behind it and into the pool.
He thought he had nearly everything figured out now, finally. Ziggy loved him beyond comprehension, beyond what should be possible. They shared a bond, something real and physical that he could see with his own eyes and feel with his heart. Now, the only thing he had to figure out was if he wanted Summer or Ziggy. And to do that, he really needed to know what he thought of Ziggy, what he felt for him.
What he wouldn't give to have Ziggy's crystalline emotions, where everything was so clear and simple. What he wouldn't do to have Ziggy's belief in his own feelings for just a few minutes.
Ziggy was a friend. He knew that, had known that for a very long time. But the question was, was he more? If he went by the kiss they shared yesterday, definitely. But that was a kiss and, no matter how good it was, it didn't matter if it wasn't any more than that. And no matter how much Ziggy loved him, he couldn't indulge him just because he had what could be a momentary attraction. No, he couldn't do that because Ziggy loved him so much. Love like that deserved something better than a briefly satisfaction.
Before any of this, had he even looked at Ziggy in that kind of light? He hadn't, not really. If he was honest, the thought of being involved with Ziggy had never crossed his mind before they had been sent flying off to where ever they were now. And why had it now? Because Ziggy had mentioned loving someone and he had gotten jealous, like Ziggy was already his and no one else could have have him. But Ziggy wasn't his.
Not yet. A part of him whispered. He ignored it.
He had been the one to protect Ziggy since day one, sometimes even against their teammates. It could just be protectiveness. But it wasn't. He knew jealousy and he knew protectiveness. He was protective of Tenaya because she was his sister even if she was currently an emotionally void android. He was protective of his team because they took care of each other. What he had felt then hadn't been protectiveness. It was defiantly jealousy. But why was he jealous of some guy he'd never met?
Because maybe, just maybe, he did love Ziggy. And maybe it was sudden and maybe it didn't make sense but half the things he did these days didn't make sense. But could one really fall in love in a day and a half?
But maybe it wasn't sudden. Maybe it had just been growing silently in the back of his mind and he hadn't acknowledged it, pushed it away and written it off as something else. He was protective of Ziggy and, he'd admit, sometimes he could be downright possessive of him. It was Ziggy he went to when he was troubled and it was Ziggy he left reassure him, Ziggy he let remind him of why he was fighting. It was Ziggy that got him to smile half the time.
And Summer?
Summer, he didn't know honestly. He had thought he cared about her. Now, he just didn't know. He liked her but it didn't feel anything like what he felt for Ziggy. But it didn't seem like anything else either. The closet he came was to what he felt for Tenaya, and that still was no where near close. Tenaya.... Ziggy's words from yesterday came back to him, rooting him in place.
"Do you love Tenaya?"
"But you wouldn't marry her."
He loved Tenaya and he loved Summer. But he was in love with Ziggy.
Just like that, he made his choice. On some level, it felt like he'd made it a long time ago and just hadn't realized it yet. The decision was easier then he thought it would be in the long run. And now that it was made he felt... freer almost. Lighter, in a way. He ran the decision around in his mind briefly and was startled by the sheer rightness of it.
He blinked himself back into awareness, looking up at the sky and was shocked by how much time had past. The sun was already half way across the sky. When he'd started to think, it had been barely past early morning. He turned around to look at Ziggy and found him still asleep, curled up right where he'd placed him down. He stared at the younger man and couldn't help a small grin from lighting up his features. He'd made his choice.
--0--0--
Ziggy slowly woke up when something really warm settled down next to him. Slowly, he opened his eyes and glanced up to see Dillon staring back down at him with gentle eyes, his head supported by his hand as he lay stretched out next to him, in direct opposite to how he himself was curled up into a small ball. He uncurled slowly, never breaking his gaze from Dillon's and realized that Dillon was smiling, a soft, fond smile, at him.
"Dillon?" he asked carefully. Dillon's smile widened and the older man reached forward and gently brushed a few stray strands of his hair out of his face. Before Ziggy could ask what was going on, and he really wanted to ask what was going on, Dillon leaned down and gently caught his lips with his own. Ziggy blinked in shock, surprised by the unexpected contacted. This was not what he'd expected when he'd woken up.
He registered a thought sliding slowly down the link, half-formed and ill-guided, but it was from Dillon and Dillon definitely wanted him to hear it. He let down what little barriers he'd put back in place before he'd fallen asleep, straining his mental ear to make out the sent thought.
;I've made up my mind.; Was the ghosting thought. ;I'm sorry I made you wait so long.;
Tears rushed to his eyes at the tender thought but he pushed them aside, not wanting to ruin this moment with tears. He closed his eyes and gave into the kiss completely. This was what a kiss should be. Not desperate, not rushed. Soft, tender, just slightly timid, a gesture of intimate affection that was meant to convey only one message. That one was cared for immensely. This time, he was willing to listen.
Dillon's content with the situation washed across his mind, much clearer than his thoughts, and slid across his senses like velvet, soft and warm. Dillon's lips against his felt like rose petals, beautiful and timid. His hands in his hair was like... chocolate, slow and easy with the promise of something more. He couldn't stop the wide grin that spread across his lips even if he wanted to.
;I like those comparisons.; Dillon told him, much clearer than he had before. Either his body was remembering how to work with a mental link or he was learning very fast. ;It's romantic.;
Ziggy found a laugh building in his throat and pulled away just enough to let it loose. Dillon smiled and untangled one of his hands from his hair to draw it down the line of his spine in his neck. Ziggy shivered as the feeling exploded across his senses, prompting Dillon to ask him. "And that? What's that feel like?"
"Sunlight." He whispered before he thought about it. "Warm. Bright. Reassuring. But it can burn if your not careful."
A slow smile was etching its way across Dillon's face and Ziggy would give anything to see it stay there, to freeze this moment in time and never leave it. Dillon's breath fanned out across his face and he told him without prompting this time. "Feathers. Light, and airy."
Dillon leaned in and kissed him again and Ziggy into it readily. They stayed like that for a long time, trading slow, unrushed kisses and small descriptions of what each touch felt like. Dillon's hand on his hip felt like lightening, shocking and unexpected but amazing in it's intensity. His hand on Dillon's cheek felt like wind, insubstantial but still comforting and somehow intimate.
Warmth settled like a blanket over his mind. After a while, they stopped the kisses and simply laid next to each other. Ziggy's head rested on Dillon's chest and he listened in content to the heart pounding in his chest. It was a comforting sound. Before he was aware of what was happening, he was asleep. Dillon followed seconds later.
--0--0--
Dillon woke up to find himself in a tangle of limbs with Ziggy, the bond so thick between them that for a moment Dillon couldn't which of the arms and legs were his. He laid there for a moment, taking in the simplicity of the embrace and knowing this was where he wanted to be. Then, slowly, he started to untangle himself from Ziggy. As he did so, he caught a flash of thought from Ziggy, probably having to do with whatever he was dreaming. Something about a necklace....
He blinked and looked down to see a long golden chain wrapped carefully around Ziggy's neck. He tugged it up from beneath his shirt, staring briefly at the two rings there. Then his gaze caught and held on the last item. His breath froze. A key. One that looked startlingly familiar. Carefully, so as not to awaken the younger man, he pulled the necklace over his head and moved away from him, one hand reaching shaking for his watch.
He knew it wouldn't work. If it would, Ziggy would have said something. Ziggy wouldn't have kept this from him. He wouldn't have lied to him. He sat down heavily on the ground a few feet from Ziggy. Hesitantly, he placed the key inside the watch. It fit. But, when he tried, it didn't turn. He sighed softly, shaking his head and smiling at his own foolishness. Of course it wouldn't work. He was being an idiot and jumping at shadows.
He went to pull it out and accidentally turned it the other way. It gave. He froze again, his brain shutting down as his body gaze the normal three quick turns and pulled the watch open.
A slow, beautiful ballad started to play softly.
Maybe Ziggy didn't know. He couldn't know. If he had, he would have told him. He couldn't have known....
Ziggy gave a soft moan and slowly blinked his eyes open. Dillon watched numbly as the younger man shifted and propped himself up, looking around the small clearing for him with a warm smile. Ziggy spotted him and his smile grew. Then his eyes dropped down to the watch in his hands and Dillon watched as horror took over his once peaceful expression and one hand flew to his neck to find... nothing. Ziggy's necklace dangled from Dillon's hand. Ziggy's eyes shot back up to stare at him and in that one look Dillon knew that Ziggy had known about the key. Had known and hadn't told him.
Dillon felt his entire world fall apart in that one look.
And Ziggy realized he was wrong. He didn't need to say anything. All it took was a single look to ruin everything he'd gained.