(no subject)
just got back from the house party/ show. The bands were pretty decent and the venue was definatly unique.....but i still had a shitty time. I met up with Michiko and her friends, Yuki, and Marie and we carpooled to the venue. Yuki is pretty cool, it's too bad she smokes cigarettes like mad or i'de definatly wanna hang with her more often. Marie was pretty damn awesome, she has 99% the exact same taste in music as me and she was soo nice to me. Too bad she's moving back to Japan this month too!! Michiko was nice to me at first.....but in a car full of 3 girls and one guy, the topic of conversation quickly shifts to so and so is soooo cute, or so and so makes me sooo hot etc. Basically it was a bunch of guys i didn't know nor did i care to talk about......
We arrived at the venue and Michiko practically ignored me....i set of on my own little mission of making friends but i gave up after seeing that i was one of the only people there that wasn't stoned or piss drunk and acting like an ass. I found a place outside and just stared into the flood lights that lit up the parking lot below. My mind went a million different ways but I guess i was thinking about Madoka......lately i've had quite an issue with some of the things she once said to me and how she treated me.....maybe i'm just being an idiot but it's been bothering me alot. "JASON!!" I hear, as I snap back into reality......Marie is calling me over to the rest of the girls telling me not to stand alone. I was invited by Michiko....she was supposed to be the friend that i knew.....but it seemed like Marie was the only one that noticed i had wandered off and wasn't exactly living the party up.
The next band came on so we filed into the house again. They were rocking and so was my bladder so i snuck upstairs to get some relief and to kinda assess the increasingly ackward situation with michiko and her friends. Michiko seemed to pull away if i tried to even stand close to her....or she'd ignore me and talk to yuki. I don't normally let that kind of thing bother me...i mean she's leaving in a month and she's just a friend.....but friggin' A, i was basically stuck at the venue for the night and she was the only person i really knew.....it's a much more fucked up feeling that just being alone....yah know? I'de have rather been at a party where i knew noone rather than a party where i knew 1 person and that person was acting like i wasn't there.
Back downstairs for the band. Michiko offers me a seat next to her and i take it but she's immediatly indulged in a deep conversation with yuki so i just kick back and enjoy the tunes. After the set is over, some guy comes over and starts talking with yuki. They take a picture together and michiko stands up and walks a few steps away from me and gets into the convo with them. At this point i was really getting annoyed....why the hell did she bring me if she was just going to ignore me.....i knew noone else and while i don't mind meeting new people, it was one of THOSE parties where everyone else is buddy buddy and goes to the same school.
Back outside....i go back to where i was standing before, lean against the van parked nearby and let my mind wander off again. About 10 minutes pass and i see michiko and marie come outside and walk off somewhere to my left. I hold my ground, not seeing the point of following them around like a lost puppy and with the way i was getting ignored, i was much happier talking to myself. After a few minutes, marie walks past me followed by michiko who turns to me and says "kanashikunaino?" [are you sad?] I was sad.....kinda depressed...kinda lonely...but i lied and said, "daijoubu, nandemonaiyo." [i'm ok, it's nothing] she asks again....so i just let her know that i don't know anyone and it's kinda difficult to enjoy the party. She kind of encourages me to talk to scott, their extremly drunk and hyper friend who is screaming something about raping with a beer bottle. Yeah.....no....noway am i going to amuse myself by talking to him. Soon yuki joins us and it's back inside for the last band.
It's kinda pointless to continue writing this i guess.....nothing else exciting happened. I spent the car ride home talking to marie about music and bands and yes, i talked more to her than i did with my "friend" michiko. I gave them all my new business cards. Michiko and marie are going to back to japan at the end of this month so i doubt the cards will do any good.....though marie might be fun to e-mail and talk music with. Who knows, maybe yuki, who will be here for at least a year more, will ring me up or something and we can hang out.
I feel so exhausted......not physically, but mentally. It's 4:21am and I feel more confused and hopless than usual. I'm kinda angry too.....just not sure what about or who at. I need some sleep......but my bed is torn apart from washing the sheets today...the couch is sounding mighty nice tonite......
We arrived at the venue and Michiko practically ignored me....i set of on my own little mission of making friends but i gave up after seeing that i was one of the only people there that wasn't stoned or piss drunk and acting like an ass. I found a place outside and just stared into the flood lights that lit up the parking lot below. My mind went a million different ways but I guess i was thinking about Madoka......lately i've had quite an issue with some of the things she once said to me and how she treated me.....maybe i'm just being an idiot but it's been bothering me alot. "JASON!!" I hear, as I snap back into reality......Marie is calling me over to the rest of the girls telling me not to stand alone. I was invited by Michiko....she was supposed to be the friend that i knew.....but it seemed like Marie was the only one that noticed i had wandered off and wasn't exactly living the party up.
The next band came on so we filed into the house again. They were rocking and so was my bladder so i snuck upstairs to get some relief and to kinda assess the increasingly ackward situation with michiko and her friends. Michiko seemed to pull away if i tried to even stand close to her....or she'd ignore me and talk to yuki. I don't normally let that kind of thing bother me...i mean she's leaving in a month and she's just a friend.....but friggin' A, i was basically stuck at the venue for the night and she was the only person i really knew.....it's a much more fucked up feeling that just being alone....yah know? I'de have rather been at a party where i knew noone rather than a party where i knew 1 person and that person was acting like i wasn't there.
Back downstairs for the band. Michiko offers me a seat next to her and i take it but she's immediatly indulged in a deep conversation with yuki so i just kick back and enjoy the tunes. After the set is over, some guy comes over and starts talking with yuki. They take a picture together and michiko stands up and walks a few steps away from me and gets into the convo with them. At this point i was really getting annoyed....why the hell did she bring me if she was just going to ignore me.....i knew noone else and while i don't mind meeting new people, it was one of THOSE parties where everyone else is buddy buddy and goes to the same school.
Back outside....i go back to where i was standing before, lean against the van parked nearby and let my mind wander off again. About 10 minutes pass and i see michiko and marie come outside and walk off somewhere to my left. I hold my ground, not seeing the point of following them around like a lost puppy and with the way i was getting ignored, i was much happier talking to myself. After a few minutes, marie walks past me followed by michiko who turns to me and says "kanashikunaino?" [are you sad?] I was sad.....kinda depressed...kinda lonely...but i lied and said, "daijoubu, nandemonaiyo." [i'm ok, it's nothing] she asks again....so i just let her know that i don't know anyone and it's kinda difficult to enjoy the party. She kind of encourages me to talk to scott, their extremly drunk and hyper friend who is screaming something about raping with a beer bottle. Yeah.....no....noway am i going to amuse myself by talking to him. Soon yuki joins us and it's back inside for the last band.
It's kinda pointless to continue writing this i guess.....nothing else exciting happened. I spent the car ride home talking to marie about music and bands and yes, i talked more to her than i did with my "friend" michiko. I gave them all my new business cards. Michiko and marie are going to back to japan at the end of this month so i doubt the cards will do any good.....though marie might be fun to e-mail and talk music with. Who knows, maybe yuki, who will be here for at least a year more, will ring me up or something and we can hang out.
I feel so exhausted......not physically, but mentally. It's 4:21am and I feel more confused and hopless than usual. I'm kinda angry too.....just not sure what about or who at. I need some sleep......but my bed is torn apart from washing the sheets today...the couch is sounding mighty nice tonite......