Currently
I just got up. I had a rough sleep... not sure why, I had a very interesting dream- but I was constantly needing to move in my sleep. My stomach was tight this morning- still is. My legs hurt for some reason... I don't know, maybe it was from walking a few days ago...
Currently, ever since I've been up my ED has been saying "there's an enemy in the house..." referring to the cake supplies that Bryan bought yesterday. It's telling me to go make it for Bryan, and eat a few pieces with him- and then when he goes off to work- to eat the rest of my half.
I really don't want to- but I do. This is what I hate, when my mind offers food to "GET RID OF IT!!!" and therefore afterward, I know I'm going to feel horrible and want to get rid of it somehow.
I keep fighting my binge head and say "no- I get weighed tomorrow- don't ruin this for me"
but then I think... ok- is that my ED voice speaking again??? I just have two ED voices fighting each other now??? what the crap! Which is right???
and that's where I choose one, but because I'm not strong enough right now, I will then punish myself after eating- if I do that, or I will continue to fight my head while I sit here not eating.
*salutes- directed at my battling head*
thanks a lot guys.
sooooooooooooooo
I think 'm going to bake the cakes- and Bryan will be home for a little bit before he heads off to work for the first time- and I'll fill him in on my annoyingness.
ok....
sounds like a plan I suppose.
Currently, ever since I've been up my ED has been saying "there's an enemy in the house..." referring to the cake supplies that Bryan bought yesterday. It's telling me to go make it for Bryan, and eat a few pieces with him- and then when he goes off to work- to eat the rest of my half.
I really don't want to- but I do. This is what I hate, when my mind offers food to "GET RID OF IT!!!" and therefore afterward, I know I'm going to feel horrible and want to get rid of it somehow.
I keep fighting my binge head and say "no- I get weighed tomorrow- don't ruin this for me"
but then I think... ok- is that my ED voice speaking again??? I just have two ED voices fighting each other now??? what the crap! Which is right???
and that's where I choose one, but because I'm not strong enough right now, I will then punish myself after eating- if I do that, or I will continue to fight my head while I sit here not eating.
*salutes- directed at my battling head*
thanks a lot guys.
sooooooooooooooo
I think 'm going to bake the cakes- and Bryan will be home for a little bit before he heads off to work for the first time- and I'll fill him in on my annoyingness.
ok....
sounds like a plan I suppose.