So here it goes...
I have a feeling this is going to be a long one. Most of it is due to this "revelation" (for lack of a better word) I seemed to have stumbled upon this past week.
Let's start with the one thing everyone is going to expect. Unusual amounts of repetitive, unnecessary, pathetically inexcusable depression that should not have even existed in the first place. Let's just call it my inablility to pay attention to detail. The "fine print", if you will.
It's all based around two things. An apartment I've spent way too much time at. And a friend of mine some of you may have either met or at least heard of.
So here it goes...
I don't know why it took this long for me to come to this conclusion, but this kid needs some serious help and the only one out there that might even care enough to give two shits to help him happens to be me for some reason. It may be because I've know him for quite a few years. It may even be because I just don't have the heart to just ditch someone who I believe has the potential to be a good person. The fact of the matter is, I've tried to confront him about it before but he's more stubborn than Doru was with me when I was in the band. That alone should tell you what kind of stress I've been putting myself through.
What bothers me most is that he's been given an opportunity I know a lot of kids would kill for and he's pissing all of it away on video games, pot, alcohol, and other assorted things he could have gotten a place to live, paid for a good education, and invested. And the only reason he has this opportunity is because his family won a law suit on the count of wrongful death. His father was the case.
Now with all of that in mind, I still believe he can be a good person. Why? Because in the past he's helped me out in times of need, and a good part of the gift he's gotten has been shared with others. A lot of it has gone to myself. The reason behind that is because in one week he went bankrupt, lost his car, his job, and place to live (candle caught living room on fire), and he got arrested for driving on a suspended licence (and I still have no sympathy for him on that one). On top of that, his mom was now living in Arkansas and his brother with his grandma in South-central Florida. That left him with the only option of staying at this damned apartment.
Most people would have gotten a job they could just walk to in his position, but instead he became ridiculously lazy and just sat around the apartment...waiting for a miracle I guess. Well he got one, but he's definitely not using it to it's full potential.
The reason this all stresses me out because anytime I'm around him now, I notice more and more things I'd just love to open my mouth about but I don't because I don't want to hear him argue about it. I don't know...maybe I've found myself another battle I can't win. But I've been here before, and I've learned a few things. On top of that, he's not as bad as what Doru and I went through. I think this kid would really listen if I approached it the right way.
I came here tonight to try and do that because I thought I figured it out, but I'm here again not wanting to say anything because I'm afraid he's going to take it the wrong way. I don't know how to approach this. It'd be better if I could just talk to him and he couldn't talk back somehow. But I guess e-mail is a bit of a childish way of doing this sort of thing. If anyone out there has any suggestions, please let me know because I'm almost clueless on this one.
I just wanna see this kid get back on his feet. That's all. I know what he's been through, and he's helped me out when I needed it.
I finally figured all of this out, and it's made me realize a lot of things.
Thing 1: I don't need to spend my life at this apartment. That's why I spent an entire week away from it (which is a long time considering I was here damn near every day for the longest time) recording the song I'm still listening to.
Thing 2: I do NOT need pot in any way shape or form. 'Nuff said.
Thing 3: This is the part of my life that matters most because it's going to shape and mold the rest of it. I don't need to screw it up by doing what I've been doing.
Thing 4: Stop being so damn depressed all the time and get over it. None of that really matters anyway. It's all in your (my) head.
So there it is. That's what I've come to realize this past week, and it's made me stay at home and do things with my life like start a checking account and start saving some money, cover all of my college necessities, and work on what I want to do in life (write music and record it). It's been quite an awesome week. I haven't been depressed pretty much the entire time. I haven't smoked very much at all. And I've gotten out and seen the people out there that used to be my closest friends. Now I just have to get back to where I was.
Things are finally turning around. I just think it's kind of sad that it took me this long to think it through. Granted everything in this entry doesn't even come close to covering it all, but it's a good size portion.
To all the friends I saw this week and talked to...thanks. You guys are the ones that help me get through these things I always seem to put myself through. And you make me smile. That's real important. I love you guys.
"J is for Brandon."
Musically,
Tim
Let's start with the one thing everyone is going to expect. Unusual amounts of repetitive, unnecessary, pathetically inexcusable depression that should not have even existed in the first place. Let's just call it my inablility to pay attention to detail. The "fine print", if you will.
It's all based around two things. An apartment I've spent way too much time at. And a friend of mine some of you may have either met or at least heard of.
So here it goes...
I don't know why it took this long for me to come to this conclusion, but this kid needs some serious help and the only one out there that might even care enough to give two shits to help him happens to be me for some reason. It may be because I've know him for quite a few years. It may even be because I just don't have the heart to just ditch someone who I believe has the potential to be a good person. The fact of the matter is, I've tried to confront him about it before but he's more stubborn than Doru was with me when I was in the band. That alone should tell you what kind of stress I've been putting myself through.
What bothers me most is that he's been given an opportunity I know a lot of kids would kill for and he's pissing all of it away on video games, pot, alcohol, and other assorted things he could have gotten a place to live, paid for a good education, and invested. And the only reason he has this opportunity is because his family won a law suit on the count of wrongful death. His father was the case.
Now with all of that in mind, I still believe he can be a good person. Why? Because in the past he's helped me out in times of need, and a good part of the gift he's gotten has been shared with others. A lot of it has gone to myself. The reason behind that is because in one week he went bankrupt, lost his car, his job, and place to live (candle caught living room on fire), and he got arrested for driving on a suspended licence (and I still have no sympathy for him on that one). On top of that, his mom was now living in Arkansas and his brother with his grandma in South-central Florida. That left him with the only option of staying at this damned apartment.
Most people would have gotten a job they could just walk to in his position, but instead he became ridiculously lazy and just sat around the apartment...waiting for a miracle I guess. Well he got one, but he's definitely not using it to it's full potential.
The reason this all stresses me out because anytime I'm around him now, I notice more and more things I'd just love to open my mouth about but I don't because I don't want to hear him argue about it. I don't know...maybe I've found myself another battle I can't win. But I've been here before, and I've learned a few things. On top of that, he's not as bad as what Doru and I went through. I think this kid would really listen if I approached it the right way.
I came here tonight to try and do that because I thought I figured it out, but I'm here again not wanting to say anything because I'm afraid he's going to take it the wrong way. I don't know how to approach this. It'd be better if I could just talk to him and he couldn't talk back somehow. But I guess e-mail is a bit of a childish way of doing this sort of thing. If anyone out there has any suggestions, please let me know because I'm almost clueless on this one.
I just wanna see this kid get back on his feet. That's all. I know what he's been through, and he's helped me out when I needed it.
I finally figured all of this out, and it's made me realize a lot of things.
Thing 1: I don't need to spend my life at this apartment. That's why I spent an entire week away from it (which is a long time considering I was here damn near every day for the longest time) recording the song I'm still listening to.
Thing 2: I do NOT need pot in any way shape or form. 'Nuff said.
Thing 3: This is the part of my life that matters most because it's going to shape and mold the rest of it. I don't need to screw it up by doing what I've been doing.
Thing 4: Stop being so damn depressed all the time and get over it. None of that really matters anyway. It's all in your (my) head.
So there it is. That's what I've come to realize this past week, and it's made me stay at home and do things with my life like start a checking account and start saving some money, cover all of my college necessities, and work on what I want to do in life (write music and record it). It's been quite an awesome week. I haven't been depressed pretty much the entire time. I haven't smoked very much at all. And I've gotten out and seen the people out there that used to be my closest friends. Now I just have to get back to where I was.
Things are finally turning around. I just think it's kind of sad that it took me this long to think it through. Granted everything in this entry doesn't even come close to covering it all, but it's a good size portion.
To all the friends I saw this week and talked to...thanks. You guys are the ones that help me get through these things I always seem to put myself through. And you make me smile. That's real important. I love you guys.
"J is for Brandon."
Musically,
Tim