I am a dumbass.

[digging_a_ditch]

Yes, I said it. I'm a dumbass. You know why? Because on my placement form (you know...the thing that says what classes you're supposed to take according to your test scores) my social number is WRONG. I flipped the 3rd and 5th numbers because I was tired, it was early, and I smoke way too much pot. This means that when I go to register for classes

Comments

[lizbobiz]

I'm just going by the things you said. You brought up pot in this entry and attributed it to your mistake of putting in the wrong social security number and not being able to register for classes. So, in my opinion, my response was invited.

I think it's good that you're trying to make the situation better by saying that you've smoked less pot this week than you have all summer, but it's pretty much a given that any amount you've smoked this week is going to be less than the amount that you've smoked the last three months added together.

Life in general changed how you think. What happened to make you this dependent on a mind altering substance? You got kicked out of the band?

In the past, I never hesitated to defend you, or to tell people to lay off when the rumors flared up when you weren't at school all the time. But after a while, it just seemed like you didn't want to take any steps to make your life better. Now, you sit behind your computer and tell the world how depressed you are, how unhappy you are, how nothing is going right. Is it pity that you want?

YOU are the one who has to take initiative, and I'm glad to see you do that by deciding you need to quit smoking. But life isn't going to just automatically improve when you want it to. There's a certain amount of required effort on your part. Taking control of your life starts with realizing the things you need to change, and the most obvious ways of carrying out the transition. I've told you that I'm here to talk, and I stand by that. But not if it's going to solely consist of you making excuses for why you shouldn't quit these sordidly unhealthy behaviors that you've been practicing for far too long now.

[digging_a_ditch]

I don't want this to seem like I'm attacking you or anything because I really appreciate the fact that you're the only one who seems to be responding to any of the stuff I write in here anyway. So if any of this seems rude or anything like that, it's not supposed to be.

Yes, the band played a good part of why I got back into this stuff (or got worse I should say), but it's not even in my mind anymore until someone brings it up and it definitely wasn't the entire reason. I do it now because it's fun. I know that's not something you can understand because you're lucky enough to have known better in the past to just not touch the stuff. I made that mistake a long time ago, but there's nothing I can do about that now.

The fact of the matter is, I'm not smoking as much as I used to (for example, I haven't smoked all day today except for a very small amount on the way home from work). My comment about not smoking as much that week was not to be compared to all of the rest of the summer. What I meant was that I simply haven't been smoking as much. I'm not sure if you understood that.

I wanna get more into it, but this is getting really long. Thanks for caring enough back then and even now. It really means a lot to me that someone actually cares that much. We need to hang out so we can talk about this more. I'll give you a call sometime. Sorry if I'm dissapointing you.

Musically,

Tim

[lizbobiz]

It's not so much that you're disappointing me as it is that you're just really upsetting me sometimes. It seems that you have no idea just how far you could go in your life. By doing things like skipping school to go smoke pot, neglecting to pay for your classes so the school drops them all the day after you register, and hardly being in the studio you're so proud of because you're off getting high...it makes it seem like you're taking for granted all the good that has been given to and done for you.

So many other kids our age that I know are just barely getting by because they have to pay for their own college, apartment, car insurance, car payments, books, fees, gas, and food. God forbid they should want a computer, or a keyboard, or even two keyboards, or a guitar, or some new DVD's, or Pro Tools, or a new ipod.

I'm not trying to attack you. I'm just trying to tell you that you have a lot of things and opportunities that other people only dream about having. I do blame pot for a lot of the things that have changed about you. And you still seem to be making a lot of excuses for continuing to do it. If it's true what you're saying, about how you want to quit smoking and shape your life up, then for goodness sakes, just do it! You say how hard it is, but I've known many people who have just outright quit, and regret the fact that they hadn't done it sooner.

And, I understood what you were trying to say in your comment about not smoking as much lately as you have over the summer. I was just picking on the fact that it didn't make any sense how you worded it.

[digging_a_ditch]

I know it seems like I take it for granted, but I definitely don't. I know I'm not in the studio as much as I should be, but I do spend some good time in there. The problem right now is that Pro Tools is temporarilly down until they get a better working version with the new OS. I can't do anything with the studio until Pro Tools works.

Anyway...that's not even the point. I'm not making excuses. It's the damned truth. I know that because I tried to quit several times before and lasted as long as three months without even thinking about it. I know that's not really that long, but for me it is. I have to take it slow or I'll never be done with it. I know some people have just up and quit that may have even smoked for longer than I have, but they're not me.

And I didn't skip school to go smoke pot. I skipped school because I hated being there.