(no subject)
going to the school today made me feel so many different things. all of which different - none of which particularly good.
i saw and said hello to people i don't really know, and wouldn't normally say hi to.
i fumbled in conversation with people who, to this day, still intimidate me.
i helped mrs. reinhart ruin the english department in an effort to follow in the footsteps of a woman whose footsteps she should not even hope to follow.
i felt just as small as the first time i had set foot inside those doors.
i realized i'm alot shorter then i think.
i saw 11th graders i never wanted to see again.
i realized and fully comprehending the fact that i am a senior.
and i decided that for as musically capable as my year is, i know i don't feel even close to as accelerated as the seniors i delt with last year.
i'm worried about the drama, and how it will come together.
and i'm also worried about the musical and what it's going to be.
i've realized that without lauren houdek, and stacey, mr. randazzo, and ms. sweda, brett, and my little loves like allen davidson - i'm not going to be able to survive this year.
there are just too many people.
and i am just not big enough to be a senior.
i don't have it in me.
i saw ryan when i dropped stacey off.
i'm so glad i have her, she is just wonderful.
he made the call me hand sign, but didn't actually say hello. i shook my head yes, knowing that i would probably think about it and debate it more then i have ever thought about or debated anything and never actually call him.
needless to say, i have thought about it, and the only way i would even consider it is if i was entirely sure that i would get his voice mail. but the odds are against me and thus in the end i will not call him.
honestly, i don't even know if i want to be his friend. i mean, not if i want to, because i obviously i want to or i wouldn't obsess about it so much. but i don't know if i could handle it.
west side is over, and the comfort level i had maintained throughout the entire summer is gone.
besides crucible i had never been so emotionally involved with a cast.
i miss nick and simone, and their ways... the way they "be" if i may be so bold.
i miss brett, even though i know i'm going to see him like tomorrow.
and i really miss micheal, and gabriella. She was the first friend I made in this cast, and the only straight girl i felt I could make a serious and strong connection with. She's so real. She's so real she actually makes me consider reality. And Micheal was just the most amazing human being I ever got to know.
Then Craig, fucking Craig. The first person I've ever delt with on stage who was actually more concerned about my behind the scenes life. Even though he was probably high every night.
It was definately an unforgettable experience.
All My Sons.
This years drama. I'm pumped, I'm worried, I'm nervous, and I'm excited all at once. ::sigh::
Alright.
Dad and Riley are in Baltimore again visiting my grandpa
But I don't know where the rest of my family is, and I have to find them.
Bye!
i saw and said hello to people i don't really know, and wouldn't normally say hi to.
i fumbled in conversation with people who, to this day, still intimidate me.
i helped mrs. reinhart ruin the english department in an effort to follow in the footsteps of a woman whose footsteps she should not even hope to follow.
i felt just as small as the first time i had set foot inside those doors.
i realized i'm alot shorter then i think.
i saw 11th graders i never wanted to see again.
i realized and fully comprehending the fact that i am a senior.
and i decided that for as musically capable as my year is, i know i don't feel even close to as accelerated as the seniors i delt with last year.
i'm worried about the drama, and how it will come together.
and i'm also worried about the musical and what it's going to be.
i've realized that without lauren houdek, and stacey, mr. randazzo, and ms. sweda, brett, and my little loves like allen davidson - i'm not going to be able to survive this year.
there are just too many people.
and i am just not big enough to be a senior.
i don't have it in me.
i saw ryan when i dropped stacey off.
i'm so glad i have her, she is just wonderful.
he made the call me hand sign, but didn't actually say hello. i shook my head yes, knowing that i would probably think about it and debate it more then i have ever thought about or debated anything and never actually call him.
needless to say, i have thought about it, and the only way i would even consider it is if i was entirely sure that i would get his voice mail. but the odds are against me and thus in the end i will not call him.
honestly, i don't even know if i want to be his friend. i mean, not if i want to, because i obviously i want to or i wouldn't obsess about it so much. but i don't know if i could handle it.
west side is over, and the comfort level i had maintained throughout the entire summer is gone.
besides crucible i had never been so emotionally involved with a cast.
i miss nick and simone, and their ways... the way they "be" if i may be so bold.
i miss brett, even though i know i'm going to see him like tomorrow.
and i really miss micheal, and gabriella. She was the first friend I made in this cast, and the only straight girl i felt I could make a serious and strong connection with. She's so real. She's so real she actually makes me consider reality. And Micheal was just the most amazing human being I ever got to know.
Then Craig, fucking Craig. The first person I've ever delt with on stage who was actually more concerned about my behind the scenes life. Even though he was probably high every night.
It was definately an unforgettable experience.
All My Sons.
This years drama. I'm pumped, I'm worried, I'm nervous, and I'm excited all at once. ::sigh::
Alright.
Dad and Riley are in Baltimore again visiting my grandpa
But I don't know where the rest of my family is, and I have to find them.
Bye!