Motivated
I've never been more glad to see a Monday morning. The weekend was exhausting. My son was sick and extreeeemely needy.
I woke up this morning with the rejuvinated motivation to stop purging. I've gotten rid of all my binge food and I am not going to buy more. I'm not tempted to stop by the grocery store on the way home, I'm so dead set on stopping this b/p bullshit. I don't know why I'm so hopeful this time but I really feel like this time will be different. Maybe I'm finally truly 100% sick of it. I have always hated myself for doing it but now I'm at the point where it's gotten so bad that even I myself recognize that something has to be done to stop this train wreck. My blood pressure dropped really low over the weekend from dehydration and exhaustion. For practical reasons, I can't keep on flushing money down the toilet - literally -
There are so many reasons why I should stop. The only problem is that the only way to stop purging is to stop eating (at least temporarily). Oh edema, please stay away, you're the LAST thing I need now for my body image or self-perception. If the edema stays away I might at least have a sliver of hope at succeeding.
Today's success: My mom/sis ordered pizza. (Huge trigger food for me). They weren't happy with the pizza so they complained about it and got their money back, but they also got to keep the pizza. They weren't going to eat it, they were going to throw it out. Normally I would have been ALL OVER THAT free food - free PIZZA of all things! But this time I personally gave the pizza away (to hungry co-workers) so I could remove myself from the triggering situation.
When my family is in NYC I will have to be 100% there for my son. No messing around. I can't afford to collapse while they are away because he's only 3. He depends completely on me. In some ways I feel like this is overwhelming. A whole little life is depending on me. I can barely do enough to look after MYSELF, how could I possibly be trusted with someone ELSE?
I'm still totally obsessed with weight loss or rather avoiding weight gain, but if I can do so by just restricting rather than restricting and purging, that's still good right? So says my Tx team. Has anyone else been told that purging (even at a normal weight) is more dangerous than restricting because it's more unpredictable?
I woke up this morning with the rejuvinated motivation to stop purging. I've gotten rid of all my binge food and I am not going to buy more. I'm not tempted to stop by the grocery store on the way home, I'm so dead set on stopping this b/p bullshit. I don't know why I'm so hopeful this time but I really feel like this time will be different. Maybe I'm finally truly 100% sick of it. I have always hated myself for doing it but now I'm at the point where it's gotten so bad that even I myself recognize that something has to be done to stop this train wreck. My blood pressure dropped really low over the weekend from dehydration and exhaustion. For practical reasons, I can't keep on flushing money down the toilet - literally -
There are so many reasons why I should stop. The only problem is that the only way to stop purging is to stop eating (at least temporarily). Oh edema, please stay away, you're the LAST thing I need now for my body image or self-perception. If the edema stays away I might at least have a sliver of hope at succeeding.
Today's success: My mom/sis ordered pizza. (Huge trigger food for me). They weren't happy with the pizza so they complained about it and got their money back, but they also got to keep the pizza. They weren't going to eat it, they were going to throw it out. Normally I would have been ALL OVER THAT free food - free PIZZA of all things! But this time I personally gave the pizza away (to hungry co-workers) so I could remove myself from the triggering situation.
When my family is in NYC I will have to be 100% there for my son. No messing around. I can't afford to collapse while they are away because he's only 3. He depends completely on me. In some ways I feel like this is overwhelming. A whole little life is depending on me. I can barely do enough to look after MYSELF, how could I possibly be trusted with someone ELSE?
I'm still totally obsessed with weight loss or rather avoiding weight gain, but if I can do so by just restricting rather than restricting and purging, that's still good right? So says my Tx team. Has anyone else been told that purging (even at a normal weight) is more dangerous than restricting because it's more unpredictable?