(no subject)
The power of objects over me amazes me.
For the first time in six months, the space around my bed is bare carpet. For six months I have not been able to get around in my own room, let alone know how to locate anything that was in that mess. I spend most of my time out here at my desk and in the "living room," where I have a pile of musical instruments and flotsam that's currently down to 4 feet by 6 feet. And my desk gets messy, heck, it's pretty messy now, but I've successfully cleaned my desk area a number of times. The bedroom was a challenge because the things in it were a lot of stuff that I don't use regularly, like a racquetball racquet, a box full of previous years' schoolwork, and bubble solution. Also, Max sleeps there during normal sleeping hours, which is when I have my most initiative. At any rate, it's clean now, and I feel more empowered and elated than I have in a long time.
In that mess that was my room I found my reed-making tools which I had long given up looking for, and just days ago started thinking about replacing and spending *shudder* money. You see, I'm taking bassoon lessons this semester.
Unfortunately my cell phone didn't turn up. It was lost about December 8th. I bought a used one on eBay, but it wasn't E911 compliant so it didn't work. So I bought another used one on eBay, but the battery charger didn't work. But they're sending me one. Elliot and I agreed that the cell phone is one of those tentacles that one can use to touch other people. Having a severed tentacle for a month, and trying to grow it back with much trouble, has hurt me.
The internet is another tentacle of mine. I love it and appreciate it and touch and am touched by other people's tentacles on a daily basis.
This is not as nice as in-person touching, of which I give and receive roughly 2% of the recommended daily allowance. But I've come not to expect it. Pope Salmon the Lesser Mungojelly has suggested that this is perhaps more luxury than need.
I spent $100 at Central Market last Friday. It was as dizzying to go in there as the first time and see all of that wonderful food which had been carried from everywhere to this node to sell itself to me. It was pretty distressing having to *choose* only $100 worth, but...the euphoria was long-lasting.
So what more could I want? Phone, bassoon, floor, internet, a school full of classes which deliver me acquaintanceships that I usually don't even have to work for...the only thing I want...is to be hungry for action, anxious for doings and happenings, to untie my poor, poor inertia and my inhibitions and let them wander around a bit, to get a little bit more confident, a little less guilty about being here on this planet, about being exactly where I am, just enough that I am unparalyzed, loosened up enough to do the wonderful grand things that I dream of every day.
All of that, and some good headphones. And a light bulb for my desk lamp. But those are easier.
Can you believe that Handel wrote a canon that goes, "So tell me now, what is this world, what is this world? Oh, listen, friend, the world's a mess, just a mess, a mess; Yes, yes, it is a mess, a mess, a horrible mess. The world is just a mess; It's a terrible mess, It's a horrible mess, It's the messiest mess, Yes, yes, it is, my boy etc."?
For the first time in six months, the space around my bed is bare carpet. For six months I have not been able to get around in my own room, let alone know how to locate anything that was in that mess. I spend most of my time out here at my desk and in the "living room," where I have a pile of musical instruments and flotsam that's currently down to 4 feet by 6 feet. And my desk gets messy, heck, it's pretty messy now, but I've successfully cleaned my desk area a number of times. The bedroom was a challenge because the things in it were a lot of stuff that I don't use regularly, like a racquetball racquet, a box full of previous years' schoolwork, and bubble solution. Also, Max sleeps there during normal sleeping hours, which is when I have my most initiative. At any rate, it's clean now, and I feel more empowered and elated than I have in a long time.
In that mess that was my room I found my reed-making tools which I had long given up looking for, and just days ago started thinking about replacing and spending *shudder* money. You see, I'm taking bassoon lessons this semester.
Unfortunately my cell phone didn't turn up. It was lost about December 8th. I bought a used one on eBay, but it wasn't E911 compliant so it didn't work. So I bought another used one on eBay, but the battery charger didn't work. But they're sending me one. Elliot and I agreed that the cell phone is one of those tentacles that one can use to touch other people. Having a severed tentacle for a month, and trying to grow it back with much trouble, has hurt me.
The internet is another tentacle of mine. I love it and appreciate it and touch and am touched by other people's tentacles on a daily basis.
This is not as nice as in-person touching, of which I give and receive roughly 2% of the recommended daily allowance. But I've come not to expect it. Pope Salmon the Lesser Mungojelly has suggested that this is perhaps more luxury than need.
I spent $100 at Central Market last Friday. It was as dizzying to go in there as the first time and see all of that wonderful food which had been carried from everywhere to this node to sell itself to me. It was pretty distressing having to *choose* only $100 worth, but...the euphoria was long-lasting.
So what more could I want? Phone, bassoon, floor, internet, a school full of classes which deliver me acquaintanceships that I usually don't even have to work for...the only thing I want...is to be hungry for action, anxious for doings and happenings, to untie my poor, poor inertia and my inhibitions and let them wander around a bit, to get a little bit more confident, a little less guilty about being here on this planet, about being exactly where I am, just enough that I am unparalyzed, loosened up enough to do the wonderful grand things that I dream of every day.
All of that, and some good headphones. And a light bulb for my desk lamp. But those are easier.
Can you believe that Handel wrote a canon that goes, "So tell me now, what is this world, what is this world? Oh, listen, friend, the world's a mess, just a mess, a mess; Yes, yes, it is a mess, a mess, a horrible mess. The world is just a mess; It's a terrible mess, It's a horrible mess, It's the messiest mess, Yes, yes, it is, my boy etc."?