A new Start
Well in a matter of three days, my world has been turned upside down and inside out once again…. BUT this time in a good way. In other aspects a lot of other people’s worlds have been kind of or have been crushed. Rick had people interested in him and wanting to be with him, I was with Josh and all those people in a way were taken down and torn apart because our love finally broke through the silence, the darkness, the war and the battle is now over. I sincerely feel bad for what I did to Josh. I hurt him badly, but at least he and I are on the same page for friendship. I told him, no matter what, I will always be there as a friend when ever he need a shoulder to lean on or just someone to talk to. I’m sure Rick will be the same way with the people that came into his life. Isn’t it strange how forever changed with a prayer and a little patience. The words that Rick spoke to me made me feel like heaven. Everyone told me I should run for cover and hide my heart. This time.. WOW that spark, hell fireworks are back. I went to Pittsburgh last night and I feel bad because I lied to Mom and told her I was meeting Rick in Grove City… She would have had laid a dozen eggs if she had known I took her car all the way to Pittsburgh. She is afraid of it falling apart. Dad would have never let the car back on the road to travel long distance if it wasn’t fixed and fixed right. I was so nervous on the way down there. I cried, I laughed, I cried some more, I got scared, hell I almost turned around and came home because I was afraid that he was going to see the new me and not like me. When I heard his voice on the phone it was such a sweet sound. Then when I got to his house, I knew I caught his eye and that’s all it took. He looks awesome, and not to blow my own horn so do I. I made it clear that I was going to be there for him and be a man of my word. I want to sleep with him forever and I want to die in his arms. I’m going to love him like nobody has loved him ever before. We are going to continue making memory of us. I know I can steal his attention like a bad out-law. I’m going to stand out in a crowd for him. I’m going to make his world better then it has ever been. To be in his arms again that was the most awesome feeling. I waited in excitement for his touch. It seems time has gone by so fast and it has done so much and so many things have changed for the good and now I know for fact he is still mine. He knows I need his love and he needs my love. The lonely nights are now gone, even though we are apart in different cities and states, we know that I will be coming home soon to him. To stay and rebuild the life that we want this time. No one else, just us. I will never forget last night and this morning. It was just like the first time we were together. My smile shows my happiness. I won’t have all the sorrow because I have him back. He knows now that I can’t live if living is with out him. I’m giving it my best, my all, my everything this time and I’m doing it right and in a healthy way. This morning when we woke up, I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to let go of him. It was so wonderful to fall asleep in his arms again, to lay next to him and know that he is in love with me and I’m love with him and our hearts and souls are complete again. We sat and talked for hours and the laughter and the tears were genuine. It took both of us to finally look into our hearts to find the answer. We reached into our souls and the sorrow melted away. We casted our fears aside and we have taken the chance and we know that what we are doing is right. It’s a long road when you face the world alone, but together we can accomplish anything. I think what happened before and the time apart if anything has made us see how much we mean to each other and has made us strong enough to climb any mountain and cross any ocean. He knows I would crawl through hell and call up to heaven for him. Lord knows that things this time will be different and in time we will find our way. I don’t have to pretend anymore that I’m happy, fully happy. I don’t have to wish and pray each night that he will come back to me. I used to be a dangerous man, and I’m no longer that man. I’m easy going and take life as it comes. “Let freedom ring, let the whit dove sing, let the whole world know that today is a day of reckoning, let the weak be strong and the right be wrong, throw the stone away, its Independence day.” That is the theory I follow in this situation. This revolution has brought the aspects of the ones that are against this. My feelings on it are, we should put the stone away, the guilty have paid and let everything start anew. I apologized to Nic last night for being such a dick and for all the names that I called him. I do consider him a good friend and we did have a long and interesting conversation. I haven’t gotten the chance to talk to Danni yet. I hope she can find it in her heart to forgive me for calling her all those nasty names. Rick talked to her last night and said he had never heard her that depressed before. Reason unknown and its probably none of my business anyways, but I hope things get better for her, depression sucks and when you’re down that makes it suck even more. I am so happy right now I can’t describe it. My body has just gone into a relaxation and I feel so good. I know I can live this life day to day a lot easier knowing he is mine, mine mine all mine! LOL. There for awhile life just seemed to get in the way. There for awhile I just tried to live an alibi and I hurt someone and myself and Rick. Everyone could see I was still lost inside and that my heart wasn’t complete. Time is precious and he is the one I have been waiting for all my life and now I can say I love him at any given time or place. Everyone is looking for that something, that one thing that makes it all complete. I have found it and that’s Rick. Some find it in the strangest places, like the face of their children, some in their lovers eyes and who can deny the joy it brings. Some find their cheer in the morning or the solitaire of the night and the sublime can make you laugh or cry. Some find it in the deepest friendships, the kind you cherish for all life. I thought being with Rick again would be impossible, but I fought for every dream and now I’m complete again. When I wake up beside him, I love to watch the sun rise upon his face, to know I can say I love you at any given time or place. The little things that only I know, those are the things that make him mine. I wrote my vows a long time ago and I meant every word of them, he is where my life started and when he will be where it ends. He is all that I want, especially when he is in my arms. To me I have my little piece of heaven right here on earth. Thinking over the years, we were running wild young and free, and now that he is back, nothing can take him away from me. He keeps me coming back for more and he is all I want. The funny thing of it is last night Mom was under the impression that I was packing my ditty bags and moving to Pittsburgh last night. Nic kind of looked at us the same way when he asked if it was “official” that we were back together. No everyone… Right now besides my relationship and Rick… My number one priority is taking care of my mom, making sure she has a successful recovery and the help that she needs here. I won’t be going to Pittsburgh until the spring. So right now we are kind of doing our relationship at a distance. That’s okay we are strong enough and I can make it down there in about two and a half hours and if I fly hell bent for election I can be there in about an hour and forty-five minutes. Well I think I’m gong to end here. I just took a hot bath and I’m all relaxed and in for the night. Rick I love you! I will make you happy for the rest of our lives, I will make you as happy as you have made me. Here is to a new start!