Would You Do This To Your Family
Recently, A received her fourth warning in the HH shelter program. Under company rules, the third is grounds for filing a non-compliance report and attempting to remove her from the homeless shelter. Now, A is very fond of manipulation tactics; lies, topic aversion, and even crying to get out of warnings (despite her sixteen on the record). Once, she even accused me of not knowing the rules because I'm new. I've grown immune to her tricks, but recently she said something that struck a nerve. She asked me: "How can you do this to me? HH is supposed to be like a family to us - would you do this to your family?"
Immediately, I thought of Meegan. My high school drop-out drug addict sister who has been in and out of our house since she went AWOL at age 18 (now 24). I immediately had to ask myself: if Meegan was my client, would I do this to her?
Bias of her being a family member would instantly make me want to say no, lest I accept that I'm a terrible person. But on many levels, A is very much like my sister. Both are too smart for their own good - skilled in many ways, but ultimately too lazy to apply those skills to jobs. When being manipulative gets you out of work, why work? They're also druggies, and highly promiscuous. How my sister hasn't gotten knocked up is beyond me, honestly; I find it hard to believe that the girl who drunkenly flushed her birth certificate and social security card down a toilet is responsible enough to wear a condom every time.
I still remember when Meegan first left the house - she failed out of Mercy High School, went to Berkley, and dropped out there before almost failing. She left the house, deciding she'd rather live in a dumpster than under Rick's cruel hand (which, knowing what would come a few years later, isn't something I truly blame her for saying). But I did everything to enable Meegan back then. I fed her. I let her in the house when no one was home. When the family kicked her out, I drove her to bars to get some time to cool off, and maybe find someone to take her home. As much as SoMeegan needed to be independent, I always wanted her to feel loved and supported. But this just made me one more person she could mooch off of, to the point where I spent more money on her than myself. When I finally cut her off, she stole from me to get weed. But enough of that story - I think I shared that enough times in this journal for one lifetime.
So part of me thought that maybe I would cradle Meegan more than I cradle A. But I'm not a hundred percent sold that this is the right thing to do. Meegan never learned to fend for herself all those years because her usual tricks kept working. Kicking her out of the house, refusing to give her money - those things felt cruel when I was a kid. But the older I got, the more I felt like I was doing more to help her by forcing her to be independent. She swore that was what she wanted all those years, but she never took any action to do so. She just seemed to want a place to do whatever she wanted, and home stopped being that place.
At the end of the day, I went through with A's non-compliance. I composed a nineteen page non-compliance report detailing why she has failed to cooperate with the program and is a hindrance to other shelter members. In a few years, I hope I'll believe I did the right thing. It would be hard to kick my sister on the streets - I let my Mom and Rick do that all these years prior - but I think it would be good for her to live up to what she said she wanted to do with her life.
-Didroy
Immediately, I thought of Meegan. My high school drop-out drug addict sister who has been in and out of our house since she went AWOL at age 18 (now 24). I immediately had to ask myself: if Meegan was my client, would I do this to her?
Bias of her being a family member would instantly make me want to say no, lest I accept that I'm a terrible person. But on many levels, A is very much like my sister. Both are too smart for their own good - skilled in many ways, but ultimately too lazy to apply those skills to jobs. When being manipulative gets you out of work, why work? They're also druggies, and highly promiscuous. How my sister hasn't gotten knocked up is beyond me, honestly; I find it hard to believe that the girl who drunkenly flushed her birth certificate and social security card down a toilet is responsible enough to wear a condom every time.
I still remember when Meegan first left the house - she failed out of Mercy High School, went to Berkley, and dropped out there before almost failing. She left the house, deciding she'd rather live in a dumpster than under Rick's cruel hand (which, knowing what would come a few years later, isn't something I truly blame her for saying). But I did everything to enable Meegan back then. I fed her. I let her in the house when no one was home. When the family kicked her out, I drove her to bars to get some time to cool off, and maybe find someone to take her home. As much as SoMeegan needed to be independent, I always wanted her to feel loved and supported. But this just made me one more person she could mooch off of, to the point where I spent more money on her than myself. When I finally cut her off, she stole from me to get weed. But enough of that story - I think I shared that enough times in this journal for one lifetime.
So part of me thought that maybe I would cradle Meegan more than I cradle A. But I'm not a hundred percent sold that this is the right thing to do. Meegan never learned to fend for herself all those years because her usual tricks kept working. Kicking her out of the house, refusing to give her money - those things felt cruel when I was a kid. But the older I got, the more I felt like I was doing more to help her by forcing her to be independent. She swore that was what she wanted all those years, but she never took any action to do so. She just seemed to want a place to do whatever she wanted, and home stopped being that place.
At the end of the day, I went through with A's non-compliance. I composed a nineteen page non-compliance report detailing why she has failed to cooperate with the program and is a hindrance to other shelter members. In a few years, I hope I'll believe I did the right thing. It would be hard to kick my sister on the streets - I let my Mom and Rick do that all these years prior - but I think it would be good for her to live up to what she said she wanted to do with her life.
-Didroy