Fic: Jim Kirk's Adventures in Xenobiology
Title: Jim Kirk's Adventures in Xenobiology (1/2)
Author: diane_kepler
Length: you'd be surprised
Rating: NC-17
Fandom: ST: XI
Characters: Kirk/Spock - the OTP, yo
Summary: Jim is going there. Although, after he's become acquainted, maybe not so boldly?
Warnings: Extensive alien peen. Nervous captains. Crack.
Disclaimer: Don't own. I mean, who could, really? Oh, wait: Paramount. Nevermind.
Notes: So skyblue_reverie andtherumjournals have recently been posting some cracktastically delicious tales about AUs in which McCoy and Kirk (respectively) have, junk of epic proportions, prompting therumjournals, beta extraordinaire, to ask: what if it was Spock with the big trouser trout? Said question, of course, prompted this self-styled expert to exclaim "Once more unto the breach!"
Acknowledgements: The above two authors get a tip of the hat, as does janice_lester . You'll see why in part 2. Also, kudos to ewinfic and gabrihl for the sound effect.
Recs: Customers who enjoyed this fic might also like: Spock, Paper, Scissors and Vlitaya [Payment]
"So no one’s ever seen it?" Jim's face was eager in the low light of his quarters. He'd dimmed them down to thirty instead of his usual ten percent because he didn't want to miss anything.
"No one."
"What about, like, kids in the shower or something?"
"Vulcans do not shower. We also learn to control such gross physical reactions before formal education begins."
Jim leaned in for another kiss, loving the feel of Spock's tongue. It was raspy, like a cat's, and Kirk's whole mouth tingled with all the fun it'd been having. And his XO? Total virgin. This meant nobody, not even Uhura, had ever gotten a glimpse of the mysterious entity that Spock, on the night Kirk had first introduced him to hot chocolate, had referred to as his o'ha'did -- a Vulcan word that Jim later learned meant "apparatus".
The captain grinned. It was good to be James T. Kirk. "Gonna show me?"
The object of Jim's desire made a purring sound as he swept two parallel fingers along Jim's body, kissing him in the Vulcan manner. Their emotions fed back on one another, passion and heat growing in an exponential way that made Jim impatient and clumsy with Spock's pants. So the first officer left off kissing Jim long enough to undo his own trousers and part the fly. Then he went back to inhaling the sweet scents along the top of Kirk's shoulder and the side of his neck, tasting with his raspy-soft tongue as Jim pushed his erection even harder into Spock's questing hand.
Jim's digits were also on the move, slipping inside Spock's underwear and finding the closed genital slit that Spock had told him he'd encounter when they finally got to this point. Jim slid the pad of his middle finger along it and Spock hissed in pleasure.
"Gonna let it out for me, baby?" Kirk teased him. His other hand was at the back of Spock’s neck, stroking the short hairs there.
"You wish for me to . . . achieve an erection?"
Hearing that Spock had lost his composure enough to have a pause in his speech was hotter than anything yet.
"Yeah," the captain whispered into the shell of one pointed ear, "Wanna see all of you. No more hard-to-get tonight, please."
So Spock did.
And Jim fell right off the bed.
It was due as much the sound effect, something like an umbrella opening, as the sheer dimensions of what expanded out into his hand. It was unreal. Spock had the biggest piece of man-meat Jim had ever seen.
Spock sat up and leaned over. "Are you injured?"
Kirk poked his head up like a prairie dog and examined the guy-wire from this new angle. Yup. His first instinct had been right. Spock had what was quite possibly the biggest goddamn crank in this quadrant. Jim knew this because he hadn't come by his playboy reputation through vicious rumors -- he'd lived it. That meant Jim knew a one-eyed monster when one looked him in the eye. And while he'd been prepared for Spock's control-rod to have a color that was plenty different from his own, Spock had provided no clue about the immensity of what he was supposed to be dealing with.
It was at eye level now that Jim was on the floor, and that induced a little vertigo. It was beautiful, of course. Like the rest of Spock, his erection was lithe and tapered, with a graceful curve that Jim's mouth water and his lips twitch. To say nothing of the scent that was rising off of Spock now -- rare, like exotic spices. He didn't think Vulcan pheromones were supposed to work on humans but damn and double damn if he wasn't ready to just slide that plum of a dickhead past his lips right now and see how much he could swallow without choking.
But his throat kind of closed up and his asshole positively spasmed. They'd planned to have Spock top him, since Jim was more experienced, but that was before this new . . . wrinkle? No, not exactly.
The first officer cocked his head. "You are surprised."
Jim coughed into his hand and got up, rubbing the sore spot on his hip and continuing to stare. He knew it was rude, but he was riveted. And now that he was seeing it from above instead of head-on, it looked even bigger. Kirk wasn't religious, so he never blasphemed, but Jesus.
"Spock, we, um. Here, can I . . . touch you?"
The Vulcan looked cagey but he nodded.
Kirk reached out, then he hesitated when his hand next to that power tool made something click. Fuck. It was literally bigger than his brain had dared to think about. Only when there was something to provide scale did the true extent of Spock's weapon of massive destruction become clear. Still, Jim hadn't made captain by shying away from scary situations, so he just took hold of it. But Spock didn't respond with a soft hiss or a push of his lips like maybe JIm had hoped.
"The appearance of my li-wun has shocked you." It was a polite Vulcan euphemism for an artifact comparable to an old-Earth lance. Kirk had snickered when he'd first heard it, just two nights ago when they were planning these shenanigans. But now, faced with the reality, "lance" was almost frightening appropriate.
"Aw c’mon Spock. Shock me?"
"You are aware that I can sense a lie through this as well as through any other contact?"
"Fuck." Kirk dropped the offending shwantz as if scalded, his own hard-on melting away. Spock was now looking at him with an eyebrow hiked up to somewhere dangerous. Vulcans didn't lie, and having one of them catch you was as bad as -- well, Jim didn't even want to think about what it was as bad as. It was probably so bad that it had last occurred before the time before Surak.
"You will explain." Spock, retracted now and sitting in the most threatening lotus position ever, had a tone like ice.
Kirk got off the bed, pulling on his black undershirt and looking for his boots. "Uh, tell you what, just wait here, okay?"
"You will stay here and tell me why, in this intimate moment, you have chosen to --"
"It's okay Spock. I'll be right back."
Boots, on. Zippers, up. Hand through his hair, smoothing it. Jim ran a tongue across his swollen lips. Would it look like he'd been kissing ravenously to anyone who passed him in the halls? Probably. But there was no other choice. He had to -
"Jim -"
But the door to Kirk's quarters had already swooshed shut.
Part 2
Author: diane_kepler
Length: you'd be surprised
Rating: NC-17
Fandom: ST: XI
Characters: Kirk/Spock - the OTP, yo
Summary: Jim is going there. Although, after he's become acquainted, maybe not so boldly?
Warnings: Extensive alien peen. Nervous captains. Crack.
Disclaimer: Don't own. I mean, who could, really? Oh, wait: Paramount. Nevermind.
Notes: So skyblue_reverie andtherumjournals have recently been posting some cracktastically delicious tales about AUs in which McCoy and Kirk (respectively) have, junk of epic proportions, prompting therumjournals, beta extraordinaire, to ask: what if it was Spock with the big trouser trout? Said question, of course, prompted this self-styled expert to exclaim "Once more unto the breach!"
Acknowledgements: The above two authors get a tip of the hat, as does janice_lester . You'll see why in part 2. Also, kudos to ewinfic and gabrihl for the sound effect.
Recs: Customers who enjoyed this fic might also like: Spock, Paper, Scissors and Vlitaya [Payment]
"So no one’s ever seen it?" Jim's face was eager in the low light of his quarters. He'd dimmed them down to thirty instead of his usual ten percent because he didn't want to miss anything.
"No one."
"What about, like, kids in the shower or something?"
"Vulcans do not shower. We also learn to control such gross physical reactions before formal education begins."
Jim leaned in for another kiss, loving the feel of Spock's tongue. It was raspy, like a cat's, and Kirk's whole mouth tingled with all the fun it'd been having. And his XO? Total virgin. This meant nobody, not even Uhura, had ever gotten a glimpse of the mysterious entity that Spock, on the night Kirk had first introduced him to hot chocolate, had referred to as his o'ha'did -- a Vulcan word that Jim later learned meant "apparatus".
The captain grinned. It was good to be James T. Kirk. "Gonna show me?"
The object of Jim's desire made a purring sound as he swept two parallel fingers along Jim's body, kissing him in the Vulcan manner. Their emotions fed back on one another, passion and heat growing in an exponential way that made Jim impatient and clumsy with Spock's pants. So the first officer left off kissing Jim long enough to undo his own trousers and part the fly. Then he went back to inhaling the sweet scents along the top of Kirk's shoulder and the side of his neck, tasting with his raspy-soft tongue as Jim pushed his erection even harder into Spock's questing hand.
Jim's digits were also on the move, slipping inside Spock's underwear and finding the closed genital slit that Spock had told him he'd encounter when they finally got to this point. Jim slid the pad of his middle finger along it and Spock hissed in pleasure.
"Gonna let it out for me, baby?" Kirk teased him. His other hand was at the back of Spock’s neck, stroking the short hairs there.
"You wish for me to . . . achieve an erection?"
Hearing that Spock had lost his composure enough to have a pause in his speech was hotter than anything yet.
"Yeah," the captain whispered into the shell of one pointed ear, "Wanna see all of you. No more hard-to-get tonight, please."
So Spock did.
And Jim fell right off the bed.
It was due as much the sound effect, something like an umbrella opening, as the sheer dimensions of what expanded out into his hand. It was unreal. Spock had the biggest piece of man-meat Jim had ever seen.
Spock sat up and leaned over. "Are you injured?"
Kirk poked his head up like a prairie dog and examined the guy-wire from this new angle. Yup. His first instinct had been right. Spock had what was quite possibly the biggest goddamn crank in this quadrant. Jim knew this because he hadn't come by his playboy reputation through vicious rumors -- he'd lived it. That meant Jim knew a one-eyed monster when one looked him in the eye. And while he'd been prepared for Spock's control-rod to have a color that was plenty different from his own, Spock had provided no clue about the immensity of what he was supposed to be dealing with.
It was at eye level now that Jim was on the floor, and that induced a little vertigo. It was beautiful, of course. Like the rest of Spock, his erection was lithe and tapered, with a graceful curve that Jim's mouth water and his lips twitch. To say nothing of the scent that was rising off of Spock now -- rare, like exotic spices. He didn't think Vulcan pheromones were supposed to work on humans but damn and double damn if he wasn't ready to just slide that plum of a dickhead past his lips right now and see how much he could swallow without choking.
But his throat kind of closed up and his asshole positively spasmed. They'd planned to have Spock top him, since Jim was more experienced, but that was before this new . . . wrinkle? No, not exactly.
The first officer cocked his head. "You are surprised."
Jim coughed into his hand and got up, rubbing the sore spot on his hip and continuing to stare. He knew it was rude, but he was riveted. And now that he was seeing it from above instead of head-on, it looked even bigger. Kirk wasn't religious, so he never blasphemed, but Jesus.
"Spock, we, um. Here, can I . . . touch you?"
The Vulcan looked cagey but he nodded.
Kirk reached out, then he hesitated when his hand next to that power tool made something click. Fuck. It was literally bigger than his brain had dared to think about. Only when there was something to provide scale did the true extent of Spock's weapon of massive destruction become clear. Still, Jim hadn't made captain by shying away from scary situations, so he just took hold of it. But Spock didn't respond with a soft hiss or a push of his lips like maybe JIm had hoped.
"The appearance of my li-wun has shocked you." It was a polite Vulcan euphemism for an artifact comparable to an old-Earth lance. Kirk had snickered when he'd first heard it, just two nights ago when they were planning these shenanigans. But now, faced with the reality, "lance" was almost frightening appropriate.
"Aw c’mon Spock. Shock me?"
"You are aware that I can sense a lie through this as well as through any other contact?"
"Fuck." Kirk dropped the offending shwantz as if scalded, his own hard-on melting away. Spock was now looking at him with an eyebrow hiked up to somewhere dangerous. Vulcans didn't lie, and having one of them catch you was as bad as -- well, Jim didn't even want to think about what it was as bad as. It was probably so bad that it had last occurred before the time before Surak.
"You will explain." Spock, retracted now and sitting in the most threatening lotus position ever, had a tone like ice.
Kirk got off the bed, pulling on his black undershirt and looking for his boots. "Uh, tell you what, just wait here, okay?"
"You will stay here and tell me why, in this intimate moment, you have chosen to --"
"It's okay Spock. I'll be right back."
Boots, on. Zippers, up. Hand through his hair, smoothing it. Jim ran a tongue across his swollen lips. Would it look like he'd been kissing ravenously to anyone who passed him in the halls? Probably. But there was no other choice. He had to -
"Jim -"
But the door to Kirk's quarters had already swooshed shut.
Part 2