A recent pic of myself
I'm still afraid of telling the ones who forgave me about this new account. As I'm sat here, writing this page, I look at the pic edited as my icon and then I remember when I had my old account in this journal. Those days look so far and it was less than 2 months when I had it! I remember that I used to believe I was still that girl with long hair and nice eyebrowns when I saw my old pic used as the icon for my old account. And then I just noticed that the one who I had most lied to was myself! I used to sat down at my comp and while I was talking to my friends I really believed that everything was the same, that I was healthy and dancing and going to uni again...
During the last weeks all I have done is to reflect about my big mistake, about how much I've lost and everytime I face myself in the mirror I have to see that the truth is still there no matter people believe me or not. I'm so shy about my lies and also so shy to show how I am now. And I decided that if I had to tell about this new account I would have to be myself and use a recent pic. It is so embarassing cos I've destroyed all pics my friends took of me cos I don't like what I see. I have this last one, I wish this journal allowed us to download bigger pics cos there I'm with two friends and they are better to see than I am now. But I decided that if I had to tell about this journal my friends would have the right to see how I am. The image is small, not cos I wanted it, but cos they just allow small pics. Anyway I think that it is enough to show how I am and that noone will see a sexy girl but just this poor thing. I don't like to share this image but I think that it will be honest to show it.
I'm feeling depressed. I miss someone who I care so much about. Okay, I'm thankful cos I still have friends who replied my e-mail and forgave me and I hope that they don't feel disapointed cos I miss this person. I feel I'm a complete shit now that I destroyed any chance to be forgiven for them. I even dunno why i have to type about this, I need a place to vent and it will have to be this journal.
I'll try to finish this with a version in English of a beautiful stuff that I heard in a brazilian film: "Time takes off so many things from us. But there are things that just time brings to us."
I can be evil at your eyes, but my heart still loves all truly xxxxxx
During the last weeks all I have done is to reflect about my big mistake, about how much I've lost and everytime I face myself in the mirror I have to see that the truth is still there no matter people believe me or not. I'm so shy about my lies and also so shy to show how I am now. And I decided that if I had to tell about this new account I would have to be myself and use a recent pic. It is so embarassing cos I've destroyed all pics my friends took of me cos I don't like what I see. I have this last one, I wish this journal allowed us to download bigger pics cos there I'm with two friends and they are better to see than I am now. But I decided that if I had to tell about this journal my friends would have the right to see how I am. The image is small, not cos I wanted it, but cos they just allow small pics. Anyway I think that it is enough to show how I am and that noone will see a sexy girl but just this poor thing. I don't like to share this image but I think that it will be honest to show it.
I'm feeling depressed. I miss someone who I care so much about. Okay, I'm thankful cos I still have friends who replied my e-mail and forgave me and I hope that they don't feel disapointed cos I miss this person. I feel I'm a complete shit now that I destroyed any chance to be forgiven for them. I even dunno why i have to type about this, I need a place to vent and it will have to be this journal.
I'll try to finish this with a version in English of a beautiful stuff that I heard in a brazilian film: "Time takes off so many things from us. But there are things that just time brings to us."
I can be evil at your eyes, but my heart still loves all truly xxxxxx