all the good that won't come out of me

[dialed]

i really am doing the best i can with what i've got. people doubt me, but it just gives me more reasons to prove them wrong. not only that, but i actually could care less what they think about me. i know it sounds quite selfish, but i'm doing what i feel will make me a happier person. i drained my energy into something that never got the feedback i felt i deserved, and eventually from paying attention to other people's problems i've seemed to lose myself. so instead of focusing on everybody, i'm starting to walk down a different path. one that will help me see the better in myself, and actually learn to love myself. i've already taken my first few baby steps, but now i see a future of farther leaps. my potential is much more then i am giving out, and i know i can show it. the lifestyle i lead may not seem ideal, but it's keeping me secure until i venture out into bigger, and better things. my intentions were never to break hearts, but it's all in the process of what had to be done. the pain is never easy, and the lonely nights are never ideal, but i'd rather face the music then hide behind the curtains thinking about the what ifs and how to's. right now, i feel a tad empty. almost like a blank canvas, but the painter is there, with ideas in His mind, just waiting for the right time to get to painting, because He'd hate to have to restart. i always think about God, more then anything...and just how much i love Him, and keep my faith in his hands, and know that the paths He brings me down will be secured with Him. i never feel alone in this thing we call life. i never will. may the best prevail in the months to come. the hardship will take the course it needs to, but i can't let what it does control me. just keeping my mind on myself, and the loved ones around me is enough. i don't know where i'd be without the people in my life. friend or family, they are truly the people who are dearest in my heart, and always bringing me to a smile in the roughest times. thank you.

"and memories of love will be the only thing we have in the end"