untitled.
Nobody reads this so I can just pour out whatever I feel. This past week has been nothing but bad luck, but I feel it was all a part of a challenge for myself to see if I can make it being alone, and I can. Mistakes and misfortune happen, but they aren't going to ruin my life because I've still got so much more fortune in my life to think about. A sappy breakup had to happen, and now I'm slowly watching the time pass by 'til I feel whole again. I don't feel like I need a boy to be happy, because right now I need to find myself in order to be a happy person...and I'd rather not focus it on trying to make somebody else happy but never ever feeling like I achieved that within them. I feel as if I was with somebody for comfort and not realising that there is more to it than that. I strived to bring happiness but there was always a problem. Though it is the end of an era, I can still look at the positives that I possessed during the time period...but sometimes when your heart and head are raging thoughts inside your mind it's better to end it. Now all I care about is my well being and spending time with myself. Yea...I know it'll be okay for awhile and possibly get into another slump, but nobody predicted life as a simple subject. My passions have shifted to things I've imagined since I was a young girl, the art of posing for the camera and expressing myself through other people's ideas. No...not in a naked way! The art of photography captivates me daily, and being part of the subject the artist wants to possess is fascinating to me. There's more to modeling then money and fame, for it's a passion that you must have and hold. Now here I am, facing no's and "yea we'll call ya" but not giving up. A million no's to get a yes is what I expected and I'm taking it firmly. As for my education? That's another subject. Frustrating as hell because I don't know what path to take for it. Part of me loves the dental field, and the other part of me is obsessed with art...but where to go with it? I'm trying to focus my attention on my education but I feel uninspired by everything in it. I know general education is always the first step, and I won't give up now, but it's also hard to see the path ahead with all the frustrating signs posted in front of me. I just keep my eyes open and my heart fully with God, Jesus Christ my savior. He gives me these challenges because He knows I can take them, and besides you'll never learn anything if everything is handed to you easily. I'm still so overwhelmingly blessed though, for my health, my support, and the little but enjoyable wealth I possess. Life would be nowhere without my love for The Holy Spirit, which is why I have it sprawled all along the top of my back. A big thank you and admiration for the staple to my life. Whatever life brings me next, I'll just accept it...and to be honest? I'm a little excited for whatever comes next.