You can't trust a cold-blooded GG Writer, or My day-late response to the GG finale

[diableriewillow]

So.

I don't even know where to begin.

I think I'll start by bringing back my predictions from the previous day:

the ONLY thing I am certain about the finale is that it is going to suck. And i will be left unsatisfied and let down (how this is possible when I lower my expectations so much I don't know) and it has nothing to do with Dair right now.

Well, yeah that's my main thing and what I care about most but I want things to make SENSE. I want characters to act in natural ways and to progress and not have their personalities be determined and held captive by the needs of the plot at hand.

I was right on that first point naturally, but OMG it is KILLING me how so very unprepared I was for just how much it sucked and how it destroyed not only Dair but all of the characters. ALL OF THEM. There was no sense whatsoever. None. GG finales (actually 95% of all the episodes, but finales espec.) usually are crappy writing-wise and so very unsatisfying but had some consistency with the season that precedes it but I am still so BAFFLED how this finale is supposed to fit with all of.... EVERYTHING ELSE THIS SEASON. Gossip Girl and its writers looooves its premiere/finale parallels. There were none this year. It was shoddily written, the dialogue was shit, the actors looked like they had no idea why they were doing/saying all the crap thet were given, there were awkward pacing issues, nothing significant or shocking (in the good way) happened, it felt so badly put together that I couldn't believe this was really an episode of television, the terrible OOCness and character assassinations left right and center... fucking hell. downing a bunch of pink lemonade flavored vodka and several pint bottles of Smirnoff Ice just gave it an even more surreal edge that I frankly needed to get through it all but it still wasn't enough to insulate me from the terribleness and disappointment.

I am not even mad about Dair. I'm really not. I'm just sort of apathetic about it and sad but whatever. All of my rage is directed at how they've ruined Blair and Dan as characters, Blair especially. I feel so ineffectual (I am regardless lol) because even that rage is tamped down by sadness and confusion and crushing disappointment.They really truly destroyed them for me and there's no coming back from what they did to both characters. I'll still have everything that came before 5x23, but whatever these fucking writers have in store for the future I am OUT. For good. Okay, in all honesty I'm pretty sure I'll still keep tabs on how stuff goes down but any investment and interest I've had in how things progress from this point on has been effectively killed dead. Back to reading ONTD GG posts for me, but with a much welcome detachment and minimal concern.


It's been firmly established that I am a mess of a person who up till now has been foolishly pinning my happiness on several tv shows close to my heart, one being fucking Gossip Girl. I've really hit a lowlowlow point though where I realize just how much of a problem I have and that things can't go on this way. I need to reclaim my life.

Let's start by setting the scene; how my Monday progressed and how I got from expecting a crappy episode of a terrible show that somehow got something golden and shiny and perfect out of the dreck that I loved that I knew going in were probably going to break up... to drunk sobbing to my sister on the phone with condiments in my hair twelve hours later.

I was doing my usual insomniac routine, where I don't get tired enough to fall asleep until about roughly 5am when the first signs of another day encroaching on the darkness becomes visible, and rotating between my go-to sites, one being tumblr of course. What popped up on my dash just before I was about to call it a night and go to sleep but a TON of spoilery clips from the episode that showed my worst nightmare come to horrid life: Blair choosing Chuck. Blair telling him she's in love with him. Blair grovelling at his feet practically only for him to rebuff her and stomp all over her feelings yet again for her efforts, now that she's available (not really but I dont. want. to talk. about it.) and pursuing him he pushes her away; rendering her small and weak and making it quite clear that Blair Waldorf is not enough for the great Chuck fucking Bass.

So much fucking WRONG with that. The worst thing that I was not prepared for in all my worst-case-scenarios building in my head to prepare myself for what was to come that evening.

But I held onto this flimsy hope that there was something we weren't being told. That maybe this scene was preceded by huge misunderstandings that Dan slept with Serena and this is what made Blair go to Chuck. (and of course Dan would never cheat on Blair not really, because he loves her so and that is just absurd after everything they've been through together, but Blair wouldn't've been wise to that of course and assume he really did cheat.)

Even so, that scenario is fucking awful and didn't make me any happier and wanting to watch this because of what it said about Blair; that she cannot choose herself and be alone and independent but goes crawling back to Chuck at the first huge obstacle instead of I dont know, talking to Dan, being honest as they have done all through their relationship. or even taking a break from both boys and getting her shit together. UGH. that her sense of self worth is always determined by who she is with and not the amazing person she herself is. She has not been single AT ALL this season and it makes me sad. As much as I loved all the Dair development post-wedding ep, I really lament the fact that Blair couldn't just be single for a while away from marriage entrapments and abusive exes waiting in the wings and even loyal best friend who's been not so secretly in love with her but still putting her and her needs first. She needed time in between her fake marriage and jumping into a relationship with Dan.

Despite my issues with how this season hasn't left Blair with any breathing room to herself, I really did think that she was on the path to rising above all of that and rediscovering herself outside of her relationships after admitting that she had lost her true self and wanted Dan's help to find that girl she once was, and then Dan being the voice of fandom and all that's true and beautiful saying that she IS that girl still she's only a little lost and isn't that far gone and that he would help find that girl and then they hugged and afslfkjgdagadgadg (OH GOD STOP IT, SELF). They wouldn't destroy all that character development and progress and have her go back to Chuck after making it explicitly clear that she didn't want to get lost in a relationship with him and lose her identity and autonomy as what has happened again and again. As what would always happen when she's with Chuck. That'd be absurd. right? RIGHT? omg. this fucking show.

After being a bitter crabby bitch to any and all people who encountered me last morning (oh god, I am so mean in the morning but I was even more awful than I usually am after watching those clips) I decided that instead of going through my premeditated plan of getting super duper drunk to get through this episode I would instead sleep the day off, hopefully wake up too late to watch the finale and just read about what happened later. Then came wonderful sleep.

Woke up promptly at 3pm still wondering if I should go out and buy some booze and watch it live. I'd be more likely to watch it all the way through if I livestreamed it instead of downloading it later and despite all of my reservations I did want to see this through to the end. Plus the sooner I watched, the sooner I'd be free from GG's sinister clutches. At least until it returned for its final season.

It was a conversation with my mom that decided it for me that I'd go through with the booze + livestream option instead of the much saner choice of staying away and reading up on the damage sober but as I said, I just wanted to be done and over with. I don't remember exactly what we talked about, or how we got to the point that riled me up and got me out the door with Sleigh Bells blasting on my ipod, a girl on a mission to get as much alcohol as she could with her meager savings heading to the closest 711 with more drive and purpose than I have felt in a long long time (if only I could channel it into more important endeavors). Suffice to say she got me good and angered with her totally off base comments and opinions about me and how I AM ADDICTED TO THE MISERY (nooope. ... however the fact i subject myself to the torture that is gg may prove her right). So I took my righteous indignation from this affront to my character and got ready to go out and get some fucking alcohol to watch my stupid teen soap that I am too emotionally invested in to a fault because I AM AN ADULT WHO CAN DO THAT NOW. It was a nice feeling having a purpose that I set out to do and accomplished, however small and sad it was in the grand scheme of things.

By the time I got home, there was 25 minutes till go time, so drinking time commenced, taking several shots of the pink lemonade vodka my mom bought earlier, and then doing dishes and just staying active waiting for the finale (omg so much build up and anticipation). Then I see Kate commenting on my last post that she was going to livestream it too and I was like OH SHIT I MUST WARN HER. SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT I KNOW. NOT ABOUT THE AWFUL CHAIR SCENES THAT'S COMING AND ABOUT THE CASINO PICS AND OMG THIS WAS GOING TO BE SO BAD. awaaay to facebook but it was too late alas and so we watched the shitfest as it unfolded.

It certainly helped a millionfold having someone to talk to and complain and go through the drunken motions with as it aired, my focus wasn't entirely on what was happening which was a blessing. But no amount of side distraction and Smirnoff Ice could keep me safe from the worst case scenario I didn't even think I needed to think up in my worst nightmares to be prepared...

It started off harmless enough. Blair's diaries being leaked and her enlisting the help of her minions for damage control. Serena trying to fix her egregious wrongs and stupid choices. Dan having no clue what's going on. Chuck and his daddy fights. Nate being irrelevant. All things we knew and expected.

Then it just got really really bad. Beyond bad.

All I know is that the moment it became clear that Dan indeed sleeps with Serena--no doppelgangers, no hurt from thinking that Blair chose Chuck over him (I don't even remember their dialogue so maybe I am wrong on this?), no drunk out of his mind bad decision making, just him and Serena doing the deed in the exact same location that Serena slept with Nate in the pilot flashbacks (UGH GODDD. WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT FOR FUCKS SAKE), setting up some parallel to that of course because it's Serena yet again sleeping with her best friend's boyfriend but I guess her whole incentive was that she really does love Dan a lot and no ulterior awful friend betrayal angle. Not about Blair at all? Oh, except as Serena tells it this is proof that Dan didn't love the real Blair, only the Blair he wrote and made up in his book. LIES AND FALLACIES OMFG. WHAT SHOW HAVE I BEEN WATCHING THE PAST FEW MONTHS FOR FUCKS SAKE.

Not only that but my little scrap of hope that Blair chooses Chuck because of this (very real it turns out) betrayal was obviously not true because she was heading to Chuck regardless.

And that fucking scene.

Holy shit.

If anything from the finale still has the power to make me break into tears even now it is that scene.

I hate it so much.

I hate that Blair is treated so terribly not only by Chuck but by these fucking writers who for some sick reason need to degrade her and her character and FOR WHAT PURPOSE but to keep up this horrible abusive relationship that's been going around in circles for fucking years now.

I hate that she is stuck loving someone who will only hurt her over and over and that SHE is the one having to sacrifice everything to be with him. I hate so much everything this fucking show chooses to be.




LOOK AT THIS. Look at how sad and vulnerable Blair looks. Look at Chuck's smarmy face as he has the fucking audacity to tell her she isn't enough for him and that he is done sacrificing everything for her when it has been BLAIR giving everything up for him ever since midseason 2. THIS BREAKS MY FUCKING HEART. AND SPARKS RAGE WITHIN MY CHEST.

Not only because it harkens back to the "And what if I lose everything?" "You'll still have me"  flawless Dair dialogue of yesteryear but instead of something sweet and supportive and perfect, distorts it into something twisted, shaming and hurtful (it is also worth mentioning the same writer wrote both episodes), but because this...like...i have no words for how shitty this is! How offensive and cruel and awful this is. How regressive and abusive this is to Blair. And I'm not talking about Chuck only. These writers. If this is how they treat their lead female characters, i want no further part in this or ANY other show any of them work on in the future.

You know what. If they made the Chair scene happy, yay! reunited lovers after all this time, well I'd be pissed but it wouldn't have shit ALL OVER blair's character in the worst way possible and made me so angry and upset and fucking offended as a person and a woman and a fan of Blair Waldorf how these writers treat her. How she can't be happy and move on from an abusive relationship with a sociopath. How they have said sociopath further ridicule and belittle her and throw in her face everything she has to offer that she chooses to give to him for god knows what reason, obliterating episodes of character development and progress in the process. How she chooses someone who makes her feel weak and lost and not like an independent person but an extension of him and thus an object for his use whose the sole determinant of her worth, over someone who made her feel happy and safe and was her best friend.

And even after all that, Chuck walking away from her, this season ended with Blair being "all in" with Chuck. Giving even more to aid him and his neverending fucking family drama of BULLSHIT. This fucking show.

You know what.

The silver lining to this dark cloud of nightmares and evil? The finale was awful enough and offensive enough and ridiculous enough that it killed all of my investment. In Dair. In the characters. In everything. So I have no qualms about dropping this show once and for all.

Let's make a checklist of all the destruction this vile piece of television wrought shall we:

• Dan cheated on Blair and is preparing to wreak all hell on the UES with Georgina by his side. But I don't care. All sympathy I had for him went right out the window when he had sex with Serena. It was like a clean cut how quick and painless that was; my Danfeelingssectomy. It was so not what the Dan Humphrey I have known and loved and then kinda hated but grew to love even more would do I don't believe it for a moment I don't even see it as the same character. Penn put nothing in his scenes and I don't fucking blame him. crazy offensive OOC character 180s doesn't deserve any effort. I feel SO bad for all the actors still being stuck on this terrible show that doesn't deserve them even moreso than i did before.
• Blair crawling back to Chuck, still in love with him even when she was in a happy healthy relationship with Dan and Chuck still being an asshole who only views her as his property. She even said earlier to his face that's how he treats her, that he thinks she's something he can buy and sell, and it was so beautiful seeing her finally confront him and call him out on that and i want to cry now with how this turned out. not even in my worst fears did I think this'd happen. I wish I didn't still care. That as with Dan I have no feelings at all, but I'm sad for her honestly. I'm angry not at her but the fucking writers. They deserve all the blame for this. All of it.
• CHAIR. Yes she chose Chuck, but why the fuck would anyone in their right mind root for this couple after the way Chuck treated her in this episode? Not even talking of all past actions, in which he has on multiple occasions done far worse, but THIS episode in itself. Why did they not make their coming back together something in any way positive or good? I just. No. The whole time Chuck was such a dismissive asshole to her after this whole year he's been trying to get her back or whatever it's SO STUPID. As soon as she wants him back, it's time to reject her. AGAIN. But they were given their final scene of new hope for a bright shiny future Blair betting on him finally (ewwww fuck you show) in a casino right alongside the man who Chuck sold Blair to for his own gain only two years earlier. Savage said that Chair was the plan all along but I don't believe her one whit. they'd not have shown Dair as the total polar opposite counterpart to Chair this year if that were the case. Before this episode, it was CHAIR that was the prop to DAIR. what the fuck happened?!
• Serena falling back into old habits of drug abuse and letting creepy frontmen of pop bands slash drug dealers on the side that SHOULD have been my Dan doppelganger feel her up as she runs away from all her problems yet again. But why? Is it deja vu guilt for sleeping with her BFF's bf (lol jk, it's because she killed a guy by handing him his own drugs again isn't it)? There was very little Blerena for an episode that was allegedly supposed to be focuesd on them so who fucking knows. From what I could tell she was just that heartbroken that Dan rejected her that she had to flee the city and destroy herself regressing her character to a place that was PRESERIES and thus it's like we are in the negative number zone here of how far she's reversed.
• Any good 'change' that the writers were gunning for Chuck, making us believe he was maturing finally (and I did think they were truly going to do that before the Bart back from the dead bullshit started, not just SAY he's a better man as they did in the first half of s5) is ruined. He is back to letting his father get to him, one lil Bart pep talk and once again he turns into an even bigger douchebag to Blair (it's actually an interesting parallel to the finale of s1 but I dont feel like delving further into that right now). REGRESSION FOR YOU TOO CHUCKLES.
• Nate is once again forgotten and nothing happens with him. His guest star girlfriend got more interesting/memorable scenes than him. Oh he did spot some person who may be the real GG but who gives a shit i mean really.
• Lily fucking chose BART OVER RUFUS. WHAT THE FUCK. Another s1 finale parallel I guess but what is the point of all this? WHY. other than Rufly angst for the new season. She didn't even love Bart. She was going to leave him before he "died" because Rufus is the love of her life. Bart was a terrible husband who had dossiers on her and her children. He faked his own death and was in hiding for years. LILY WHAT HAVE THESE WRITERS DONE TO YOU. As with how I earlier naively believed w/ Dair, being apart now only solidifies their endgameness but who cares. I feel so tired. Emotionally. And physically. ugh not even getting to:
• Dair. I really thought that whatever happened even a Chair reunion (still knew this was a possibility despite my hopes and predictions) there'd be just enough angst and promise put in place to make the Dair fans want to stick in there next year to see what happens. There was nothing. No closure. No break up. The only thing signifying they are more than two acquaintances sharing a show but no scenes or storyline in the later half of the episode was a screen image of blair sending tons of emails to dan about how she can explain and to please read! and i am sending dorota out to brooklyn! that Dan promptly deletes without reading. If this is supposed to be the bait for Dair fans to be intrigued and wonder what happens next season, sorry this is weak and I aint biting. No cares at all after they destroyed the characters and their narratives--as a ship and as individuals. I will still love them for all that came before because they were perfect but whatever future they MAY have I won't stick around to find out. As far as I am concerned, their storyline ended with them planning their trip to Rome.

The more I think on it (oh god why even but I must. in order to exorcise all the feelings they must be examined and inventoried so I can finally be free from all this overcaring) the more things make even less sense than they did before.

Where was all of the Blair and Serena that Safran and the other writers promised this episode was centered on? This was supposed to be about them and their relationship but they were completely separate for most of the episode. It was the Chair and Derena show. All I know is one minute Blair wants to find Serena's worst secret to destroy her for some super dark secret leaked from her diary onto GG (that we never even find out about) then kicking her out of her penthouse and the next we see her going to Chuck several times to check on him and to tell him she is still in love with him and has always been she's just been hiding from it all this time (dafhjadghhFUCKEVERYTHING) so that makes her a liar to Dan and herself but no this is the writers being shitheads. and Serena and Dan are in a bar drinking and taking their clothes off and having sex to a song I like a lot but I wont let it taint that song because I was checked out by that point by drunkenness. Followed by that scene I already spent enough time describing I dont want to do it again.

This episode was called "The Return of the Ring." we saw said egagement ring of doom on screen for like two seconds tops and then it's never brought up again.

Also. I distinctly remember there being pap photos of Serena and Penelope on the street filming but no scene of the sort made the final cut.

None of what happened fit in with any of the interviews or spoilers we got earlier (and I thought most of them were shit but they had nothing on the real deal)

Not even going into the parallels that were set up in the season premiere. How the show has been building up for several episodes now to Blair saying ILY back to Dan. How season 5 is supposed to be the season of Dair and all of their development from the premier onwards...

None of this makes sense. That's what I am left thinking and feeling and that is the conclusion I've settled on when it comes to this clusterfuck.

No fucking sense at all.

I involuntarily laugh now when I think about Dair pre-finale. Every fucking time I think about them and their relationship in s5 or look at my last post with that gratuitous happy dair gifspam of gifs i stole from tumblr I start laughing. I can't help it. There is SUCH a disconnect between then and this fucking finale, it can't be anything but ridiculous and funny and I can't take it seriously. I really can't.

I am not even mad at myself for believing in them being endgame. I don't think I was delusional or that I was reading into things without good reason. I was reading into things that they wanted me to read into. I accept no other reality. Whatever happened between 5x23 and 5x24, something fundamentally shifted the story these stupid writers were telling and they scrapped the story they were building up all season long (the explicit interviews, so much tellingness in dialogue, and fucking perfect SONG choices) because of I don't know... pressure from the network, fear for their lives from crazy threatening chuckistans, changed their minds last minute I DONT KNOW AND I DONT CARE. I am not standing for this shit any longer.

GOODBYE AND GOOD RIDDANCE GOSSIP GIRL

XOXO

well fuck I did not even get into the after effects watching the finale had me feeling. I WAS A MESS. And I ran over the character limit so I had to cut out my whole mom rant. Plus there's MORE of my emotions I must chronicle because this did a number on me I wasn't expecting this and the drinking probably wasn't the best course of action. so I guess there'll be a part two! OH JOY!