How to make a heart-stopping salad
I've mentioned before my recent forays into fitness. Part of these have been the development of a taste for salads at lunch. No longer do I wolf down microwave lasagna or run over to Wendy's; now I eat the nutritious way! And you can too -- just follow these simple steps:
Step 1:
Fill a bowl with a heaping helping of baby spinach, the world's healthiest food, unless you want to retain calcium or something.
Step 2:
Add banana ring peppers. Only five calories a serving! And at fourteen rings per serving, good luck reaching even that.
Step 3:
Fresh onion adds zest, and will cause damage only to your stomach lining and social life.
Step 4:
Wait a minute. I don't know about this roast beef thing . . .
Step 5:
Wow, that's a lot of cheese.
Step 6:
Blue Cheese dressing? Blue Cheese dressing?? That crap is 100 percent fat! Why not just slice open a vein and cram in a stick of butter?
Step 7:
Just kidding. Newman's Own Light Honey Mustard: perhaps not the most nutritious dressing available, but at only 70 calories a serving, certainly appropriate if used in moderation.
Step 8:
Fuck moderation.
Step 1:
Fill a bowl with a heaping helping of baby spinach, the world's healthiest food, unless you want to retain calcium or something.
Step 2:
Add banana ring peppers. Only five calories a serving! And at fourteen rings per serving, good luck reaching even that.
Step 3:
Fresh onion adds zest, and will cause damage only to your stomach lining and social life.
Step 4:
Wait a minute. I don't know about this roast beef thing . . .
Step 5:
Wow, that's a lot of cheese.
Step 6:
Blue Cheese dressing? Blue Cheese dressing?? That crap is 100 percent fat! Why not just slice open a vein and cram in a stick of butter?
Step 7:
Just kidding. Newman's Own Light Honey Mustard: perhaps not the most nutritious dressing available, but at only 70 calories a serving, certainly appropriate if used in moderation.
Step 8:
Fuck moderation.