Sunday Night in Renselaeus
Session Start (Armand-mun:#grounds): Sun Aug 07 21:57:06 2005
SusanStoHelit: *lands Binky a short distance from Armand and points the way to the others, not sure he'd want to see her a second time today*
Armand: *is on the ground crying* *doesn't actually notice them*
Chauvelin: *dismounts and rushes over to where Armand is* Armand? Are you all right?
Alistair: *dismounts and follows Chauvelin* Thank you, Miss Susan.
Armand: *looks up in a panic* *eyes widen in dismay* I-- oh no...
SusanStoHelit: *nods and wishes she'd brought coffee with her. Or at least chocolate*
Chauvelin: Armand, what is the matter?
Armand: *looks away* Leave me alone, please?
Alistair: We're here because we are worried. *looks at Chauvelin* I assume you are, at least.
Chauvelin: Armand, your sister is getting sick worrying about you. Talk to us.
Armand: *sits up and wraps his arms around his knees* *look generally terrified but still crying a little too coz he can't stop* I'm sorry you're worried. Don't.
Armand: *closes his eyes at the mention of Margot* I can't--
Alistair: Armand, you're doing -this- and you're telling us not to worry? That's not on.
Chauvelin: What are we supposed to do, Armand? Go home and twiddle our thumbs and hope you come home in one piece?
Armand: *doubtfully* Yes?
Alistair: The correct answer is 'no'.
Chauvelin: Mon Dieu, Armand... *sits on the ground*
Armand: *hides his face against his knees trying to be as small as possible*
Armand: *very quietly* I can't do this.
Chauvelin: Can't do what, 'Mand?
Armand: Get through this.
Alistair: *sits next to Chauvelin* Yes, you can, you will, we will help you....
Chauvelin: Just tell us what you need.
Armand: You can't give it to me.
Alistair: I know, but at least I can understand.
Armand: *looks up to divide a despairing glance between them* Peace of mind? The respect of the woman I love? *shakes his head*
Alistair: You will be safe from the man who did this to you. I promise this.
Chauvelin: Do you doubt Jeanne now? Do you doubt my promise to protect you?
Chauvelin: You are surrounded by those who would give their lives to protect you. Look at your sister: she's ready to rip those men apart with her bare hands.
Armand: *winces* I know.
Armand: But can Margot stop the nightmares?
Chauvelin: Have you allowed her to try?
Alistair: Armand...you may not be able to stop them. I know. For years, I've been troubled by my own dreams. But I know I have people I can talk to about them.
Chauvelin: Did you speak to Cassandra? Or Melinda, perhaps? There are people who want to help you.
Armand: I told Margot what happened. I tried to talk to Cassandra. *shakes head* I can't talk about it. It hurts too much.
Chauvelin: No one expects the pain to go away like that. *snaps fingers* Mon Dieu, I doubt I'll ever dream again without hearing the screams of my victims, but that doesn't stop me from sleeping.
Alistair: *nods* The same here. I can never, ever forget what I've seen or done.
Armand: *flinches* I'm not like you. And it's my own screams that I dream of. I can barely eat. Sleep. *shakes head*
Alistair: Armand...I never told you about what happened to me, did I?
Alistair: It's not so much as what happened to you....
Armand: *shakes his head* What happened?
Alistair: I was a prisoner of war. I was beaten twice for standing up to my captors...they tried to kill Nimitz... then I protested our treatment.
Alistair: Not so much as what you went through, but I still see it.
Armand: *whispers* I'm sorry Alistair.
Alistair: I know you keep thinking I'm stronger than you, but I'm not.
Armand: But you must be. You've survived.
Chauvelin: So have you.
Alistair: He's right. You have.
Armand: Only a few weeks so far. I don't know how much longer I can stand it.
Chauvelin: Sequestering yourself away from the world is hardly going to help.
Alistair: It won't. I had things to live for...if I cracked, what would happen to the men and women who depended on me to live?
Armand: Nobody depends on me. I can't stand the idea of anyone seeing this.
Chauvelin: Your sister depends on you.
Alistair: I depend on you, Armand.
Alistair: Because here...*whispers* I have nothing else to live for.
Armand: *stares at them in shock*
Chauvelin: *thinks he heard Alistair, but says nothing*
Alistair: I would not dissemble in this circumstance.
Armand: Margot has Percy. *even more quietly* What of your duty, Alistair?
Chauvelin: Damn Percy to hell! Do you realize how many times she's nearly gotten herself killed for you?
Alistair: *shakes head* Not here.
Armand: I know she has. That has to stop. She can't keep doing that.
Armand: *closes his eyes* Have you spoken to your... *fumbles for words and breath* to Honor about that, Alistair?
Chauvelin: *buries his face in his hands and shouts* What will it take to get through your thick skull that she would die if something happened to you?
Alistair: We have. We are still trying to decide. Our duty may be to go home...and I can't leave you.
Armand: *flinches from the shout and generally starts crying again*
Alistair: *embraces Armand* Shh, shh.
Armand: *cries on Alistair then* I can't... I can't...
Chauvelin: I'll go. I'll leave now, before I make things worse.
Armand: No. please...
Chauvelin: *stares Armand in the eyes* Do you want me to stay?
Armand: *pulls back from Alistair* *meets Chauvelin's gaze* Yes, I do. *can't even really describe the pain in Armand's eyes*
Alistair: Please, stay for him.
Chauvelin: *kisses the top of Armand's head and sits down*
Armand: What am I supposed to do?
Chauvelin: Tell yourself you can win this...then fight to do so.
Armand: It hurts.
Chauvelin: no one said it would be easy.
Alistair: I know. But you must endure through it.
Armand: I can't eat.
Chauvelin: Then we'll find another means of nourishment until you can.
Armand: *looks worried at that remembering the horrible IV of Katherine's*
Armand: And I dream.
Chauvelin: Everyone does.
Alistair: I know. If you do, and they trouble you, tell me.
Armand: I dream about it. And about what might have happened if I refused. *sounds calmer if distant*
Alistair: It's to be expected. But -that- didn't happen. And won't.
Chauvelin: The dreams will fade with time. They always do.
Armand: Cassandra said months.
Alistair: *nods* Or perhaps years. It's been almost ten for me.
Chauvelin: Armand, no one is asking you to forget this, but you have to move on with your life.
Armand: If she won't have me, I have nowhere to move on to. Regardless of how she feels, Margot must start thinking of her child and husband before me.
Alistair: You have me.
Alistair: We will find somewhere together, if need be.
Armand: I'm keeping you from something too, Alistair.
Alistair: From what?
Armand: What you owe your own people... *quietly*
Alistair: If I cannot go back, what will I do?
Alistair: And if I can, what makes you think I would not take you if you desired?
Chauvelin: *sits in silence*
Armand: *bites his lip* I don't belong there.
Alistair: I don't belong here, but I am here anyway.
Armand: Not by choice.
Alistair: I'm here now with you because I want to be.
Armand: *closes his eyes and shakes his head*
Alistair: I don't know what it would take to get you to realize we're telling the truth.
Alistair: Look at what he did because he cares for you!
Armand: Whatever either of you have done for my sake, I don't deserve it.
Chauvelin: I am merely trying to atone for what I have done to your family.
Armand: *quietly* Thank you for that.
Alistair: I love you so much and I have no reason to ever, ever, believe you don't deserve it.
Armand: I don't understand how... *bites his lip*
Armand: No matter how hard I try, I still end up hurting people. All I want is for it to stop hurting.
Chauvelin: *hugs Armand tightly*
Armand: *hugs him and cries*
Alistair: You haven't hurt me at all. You didn't do anything. Sometimes, yes, love is painful, but you did nothing intentionally to harm.
Armand: Love hurts most of all.
Alistair: It's supposed to. But it's the good kind, usually.
Armand: I won't pretend to understand.
Armand: Does it make sense to you?
Alistair: Armand, they're emotions. They're not usually supposed to make sense.
Armand: Oh.
Armand: I'm scared.
Alistair: I know you are. I am too.
Armand: It's so much more complicated than that but that's all I know how to say.
Alistair: That's all you need to say. I can see it in your...everything, really.
Armand: It shows?
Alistair: You've been sitting here all huddled up for hours. You look at me with this look of fear and you should know not to be afraid of me.
Armand: I'm worried you won't love me anymore when you find out everything about me.
Alistair: Well, let's settle that here and now. What's the everything?
Armand: I'm not brave. I do incredibly stupid, disloyal things when I'm scared. *blinks trying to keep from crying again* I don't know if I can get over this.
Alistair: Armand, you already told me that. I'm still here. And I know you're unsure. But you need to let us help you. We won't let you fail.
Armand: I don't know how.
Alistair: Of course you don't! You find out on the way there.
Armand: Now?
Alistair: What do you now? You get up, if you can, and you go talk to your friends, if you can, and tell them how you're doing, and be honest in what you're feeling. I need to be better at that myself.
Armand: But I can't be honest.
Alistair: And why can't you?
Armand: Not to everyone.
Alistair: Well, who can you be honest to? Let's make a list.
Armand: You, I think. Maybe.
Alistair: Well, I'd hope it would be definitely.
Armand: *gives him such a worried look*
Armand: Feanor.
Alistair: Two, then.
Armand: Probably Chauvelin.
Alistair: Three.
Armand: I don't know who else.
Alistair: Well, that's a start.
Armand: Margot knows too much already.
Alistair: I know why you couldn't tell her in the first place.
Alistair: But you want to know something from me about people I can be honest to? Here, at least? There's you, and Honor.
Alistair: There was another, but like you, I'm not sure.
Armand: She knows some of it now. We had a fight last week.... only us? Who was that?
Alistair: Well, you have a good idea who I was rather close to for a time.
Armand: Fleur?
Alistair: *nods*
Armand: I'm sorry.
Armand: I have tried to be honest with Jeanne but I don't really know how she feels.
Alistair: You see? We both have problems.
Alistair: We both have the exact same problem.
Armand: *goes over to hug Alistair*
Alistair: *hugs Armand* You know, things would be a lot simpler if...
Armand: if?
*** Mab has joined #grounds.
Armand: *blinks at the fairy lady* oh dear
Mab: *flits outside*
Alistair: Hmm. What is that? *looks closer*
Armand: *whispers* Queen Mab?
Mab: Yeah?
Armand: How did you find your way here? *bites lip*
Alistair: Is that another friend of yours, Armand?
Armand: I suppose she must be.
Mab: *raises an eyebrow, not that that's visible, considering how small she is*
Armand: Hello. *tentatively*
Alistair: Hello, Ms. Faery.
Mab: Ms. -Faery-? I find that title to be demeaning and I'd appreciate it if you didn't use it.
Armand: *nudges Alistair* Call her Queen Mab. I don't about anything else.
Alistair: Sorry about that, Queen Mab.
Mab: Eh.
Armand: Why did you come all this way?
Mab: I just came outside. Too stuffy in that mansion.
Armand: *blinks*
Armand: We're not outside the mansion. oh dear.
Armand: Ummm... that's amazing.
Alistair: It's just something she does, Armand.
Armand: Apparently.
Armand: Now, you were saying before she arrived?
Mab: *doesn't particularly like being talked about in this manner* *looks down her nose at both of them*
Alistair: It's probably something you didn't want to hear.
Alistair: Because of the way our relationship has evolved.
Armand: *to Mab* Your majesty, I don't know why you're here, how you're here... Alistair and I were talking.
Armand: Why wouldn't I want to hear it?
Alistair: Well, as I said, you feel like my son now. And I'm not...you know, but...I wish I could find a woman I get along with as well as I do you.
Armand: *almost smiles* I'm sorry you haven't. Even my sister is not like me.
Alistair: Like I said, I wish I hadn't said anything.
Armand: *sighs*
Alistair: The only one I do, sadly, is my very taken superior.
Armand: Well, it's the women's loss then. You're a fine man. There will be someone. I would think. *is sad*
Mab: *looks Alistair up and down* You'll find someone, seriously. Don't worry.
Alistair: Well, there was one, but I don't know how to tell how she feels.
Alistair: Armand here's got the same issue.
Mab: *shrugs* Women.
Alistair: We both think we...well, suck.
Armand: *nods*
Mab: Nah, I doubt it.
Mab: Why would you suck?
Armand: Because the women we love won't talk to us?
Mab: Doesn't mean anything.
Armand: How can you be so sure?
Mab: It never does, seriously.
Alistair: Well, I think everyone's just busy. I just have the most horrible luck.
Mab: Bad luck'll do it, yes.
Alistair: You seem to have some very good advice.
Mab: Me?
Armand: Yes ma'am, that's what he said.
Alistair: Can you give him some advice on how to start feeling better about himself?
Alistair: Or, for addition, me, because I completely fail in that area.
Armand: *turns red and looks for somewhere to hide*
Mab: Wait it out?
Alistair: *nods*
Alistair: Armand, don't hide! You see? Someone else agrees with me.
Armand: But--
Mab: Buuuut?
Armand: *is trying to answer but keeps nodding off*
Mab: *flits over close to Armand, then over to Alistair* Put him to bed, would you?
Armand: Stay with me? Danric won’t mind. Y'can go home in the morning.
Alistair: I certainly will...
Alistair: Although he'll be very surprised to see me here. I think I'll have fun with that.
Armand: I haven't seen 'im since Friday.
Alistair: Ah. Have you been out since Friday?
Armand: Was in my room.
Alistair: I had figured that. Let's get up and head our sorry selves back to the house. You can walk, can't you?
Armand: *nods wearily* Yes, Alistair. I can walk.
Alistair: Oh, good.
Armand: *gets up to prove he can*
Mab: *flits away*
Alistair: *nod* I see. You're a bit of a feather anyway.
Armand: There are stairs. *points at the 'house' which looks more like a castle*
Armand: Come on before you have to carry me.
Alistair: Not another one. Can you get up the stairs?
Alistair: *gets up* I'm coming, I'm coming.
Armand: I could the other day.
Alistair: *mutters* Why does everyone I know live in such giant houses?
Armand: It's aristocracy.
Armand: Vidanric is going to be a king soon. And his parents rule here.
Armand: *takes Alistair's hand*
Session Close (#grounds): Mon Aug 08 01:44:17 2005