Un-Breaking Armand. Mostly.
Session Start (Armand-mun:#blakeneymanor): Sat Jul 23 10:43:38 2005
Elrohir: *appears by Armand*
*** Feanaro has joined #blakeneymanor.
Feanaro: *smiles slightly to Armand*
ArmandStJust: *smiles at them both and would so hug Elrohir if he were allowed up*
ArmandStJust: Two elves. I feel so priveledged.
Elrohir: *attempts to put on a pleasent face for the sake of Armand* *goes over and hugs him* I've missed you
ArmandStJust: *hugs Elrohir so tightly* I've missed you too. *sounds a little choked*
Feanaro: *amused* Whatever for? You have had Admirals and witches about, so two elves more or less...
Elrohir: *kneels down by the bed (assuming he is still bedbound)* I am sorry I could not have protected you more...
ArmandStJust: Only the one Admiral lately, and he's mostly staying because I don't want him to endanger himself.
ArmandStJust: *oh yes Armand is still bedbound* Elrohir, there's nothing you could have done. I fought them. It didn't matter.
Elrohir: *looks down* It does matter, for I failed you...
ArmandStJust: *looks pleadingly at Feanor because he knows nothing of the tensions between them* El, no... I wasn't a good enough student. I let Rosier get what he wanted.
Feanaro: *ignores Elrohir, for the most part*
Feanaro: *frowns* What does that have to do with not being a good enough student? What choices did you have?
Elrohir: I'm not talking about that...*sighs deeply* I failed to protect someone in my tribe, and that was the whole purpose of being a shaman
ArmandStJust: *fiercely* There had to have been some way.
ArmandStJust: *to Elrohir* I don't see how you could ahve done anything.
Feanaro: What you did was most admirable. You bore torment in order to protect someone dear to you. Anything else might have saved yourself, but might have harmed your sister.
ArmandStJust: *curls up and cries a bit* But I still don't know if she'll be safe.
Elrohir: *strokes Armand, not really sure what to say anymore*
Feanaro: *sighs* We are all doing our best.
Feanaro: *would hold Armand, but El's in the way*
Elrohir: *looks back at Fea, like he has no hope anymore* *stands up and allows Fea to comfort Armand*
ArmandStJust: *whispers so that there is no way his voice would carry beyond the room* I truly don't know if I can live with myself.
Elrohir: *truely doesn't know what to say*
Elrohir: *wants to hug Armand again, but doesn't want to get in Fea's way, again*
ArmandStJust: *is crying, doubly miserable that other people are hurt by this*
Elrohir: *pulls Armand into his arms* do not cry...please...
ArmandStJust: *cries on Elrohir* I'm so sorry. This isnt anyone else's fault. It's not!
Feanaro: It's not your fault, either. *holds hand*
ArmandStJust: How can you say that?
Feanaro: How can you say that it is?
Elrohir: *looks over at Fea, and feels like he is getting in between something* *gives Fea a look like 'what am I suppose to do?*
Feanaro: *frowns, as in 'why do you think that we expect you to do something?'* Do hold on, Armand. That at least.
ArmandStJust: You do realize I was taken from this very bed? Don't you?
Elrohir: *sees the look and looks even more shattered than he already does* *tears fall down his cheeks*
Elrohir: Armand...I'm sorry...I feel that I cannot say that enough
ArmandStJust: *has never seen Elrohir cry* *squeaks miserably* Oh no... It's not your fault!
Feanaro: I know. I know... and I am so sorry. But we are truly trying to protect you.
ArmandStJust: Despite all you may do, I don't know if I'll feel safe ever again.
Feanaro: I understand, and it's only natural that it be this way. That is why I try to root out this evil, once and for all. which is not going to work but a man can try.
ArmandStJust: I'm beginning to wonder if it's wrong to love so strongly.
Elrohir: the answer to that is, never
ArmandStJust: Never?
Elrohir: Love is the most important feeling in the world. you will never be wrong for loving someone
Feanaro: *still holding hand, firmly* That is hard to say; but no, it should not be.
ArmandStJust: Even if for that love I sacrifice my worthiness to be loved?
Feanaro: *frowns* Is that not that most noble sacrifice you could make? Though I do not see how you sacrificed that.
Elrohir: Armand, I still love you like a brother, no matter what happened to you. Please, do not ever think you are unworthy to be loved.
ArmandStJust: *choked* You don't? I should have died rather than done what he wanted.
Feanaro: But it was not your life that was on the line, dear; it was your sister's life. And you protected it by not dying.
ArmandStJust: *curls up again and sobs*
Elrohir: *holds him*
Feanaro: *lets go of hand and instead caresses head* Now, now.
ArmandStJust: I sold my honor once before, and it was for a lie. *cries some more* How can I get it back now?
Feanaro: *closes eyes* You never lost it. There is so much more honour in the reasons for your deed than you could ever have lost by it.
ArmandStJust: How is this different?
Feanaro: What do you mean?
ArmandStJust: *sniffs and tries to pull himself together* When I first met Jeanne Lange, I made a few horrible mistakes. She was arrested for my sake. I did not trust Percy to free her and made my own bargain. A bad one, as I only had one thing Chauvelin wanted. And he wasn't mine to give. I lured Percy into a trap that allowed Chauvelin to arrest him and put him into prison.
*** Hermione has joined #blakeneymanor.
Hermione: *carefully pokes her head around the door post*
Hermione: ... hello?
ArmandStJust: *still explaining to Feanor and El* He was able to free himself, and even allowed me to help. But only his and Margot's forgiveness redeemed my treachery and selfishness. *startles and blinks at Hermione* Hello.
Hermione: I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?
Feanaro: *smiles at Hermione* Armand was explaining some rather... unhappy events from his past.
Hermione: Oh I see... May I stay?
Feanaro: *sighs* Aye, but they forgave you. And don't you think that your sister would happily forgive you, if only she knew what you had done for her sake?
ArmandStJust: *nods and takes a deep breath* Yes, Hermione. Please stay.
ArmandStJust: But can I forgive myself? There are some crimes that stain the victim too.
Feanaro: That is exactly the problem. The only one who stands in the way of your redemption is yourself...
Elrohir: *completely agrees*
Hermione: *just listens for the time being as she _is_ the wee one in this group*
Feanaro: So we must ask, why can you not forgive yourself?
ArmandStJust: I am ashamed. I don't even know if I can face Margot if she has any idea what this was. And I fear that she does know.
Feanaro: But what of? You did a most noble deed: You sacrificed all you could give in order to protect her. The ones who should be ashamed are those who violated you.
Hermione: *raises an eyebrow as she wonders if this is what she thinks it is*
ArmandStJust: *angrily* But they're not ashamed are they? Rosier has bragged on it I have heard already, and the other seemed to enjoy giving me hope only to take it away again. And not everyone will think as you do that this was noble. I was weak and lost.
Hermione: *gets her suspicions confirmed and bites her lip*
Hermione: *looks like she would like to comment*
Feanaro: *nods to Hermione, encouragingly*
Hermione: I... am going on the assumption that this is what I think it is, and forgive me for any rashness...
ArmandStJust: *bites his lip*
Feanaro: They are villains. They know no shame; that is exactly what makes them what they are. Know then, at least, that Rosier knows remorse, or will know it soon.
Hermione: But 1. I do believe Rosier is now enjoying a rather painful and stinky stay at Mandos' halls, courtesy of yours truly.
Feanaro: Show me one who dares to think otherwise...
Hermione: Further more, I doubt he will brag about it again, as I have made it clear that he will answer to me if he does.
Hermione: Secondly, and this is just a woman's point of view.
Hermione: I think, as females in a mortal society, we somehow always... take into account the possibility of something like this happening.
Hermione: There are some who would harm a woman that way, and we are all raised with the same admonitions:
Hermione: Do not walk somewhere alone.
Hermione: Do not go outside after dusk.
Hermione: Do not open doors after dusk, no matter who claims to be on the other side.
Hermione: Because sadly, the risk is always there.
ArmandStJust: *looks away* In other words, give up all claims to being a man.
Hermione: And I think we are doing the other gender in our society a great disservice by assume such vile acts only happen to a woman.
Hermione: No, you are missing my point.
Feanaro: *sighs*
Hermione: My point is that just because it happened to *you*, doesn't make it any less bad. And frankly?
ArmandStJust: That is the standard of my world.
Hermione: When Hades took the lives of those close to me... I offered my own life in payment for theirs.
Hermione: Does that make me weak and lost, Armand?
Feanaro: *gasps, sharply*
Elrohir: *blinks*
Hermione: Because I conceded to something I did not think I ever would... for the sake of my loved ones?
ArmandStJust: You mean back when the god Hades took so many of us?
Hermione: *sighs* Yes.
Feanaro: *has totally forgotten about that*
Elrohir: *is not sure he was here for that...*
Hermione: I cannot speak for anyone else but...
Hermione: If someone threatened my loved ones?
Hermione: There is little I would not do to stop it.
Hermione: even.... even... *gulps*...
Hermione: even if it meant paying with my life, or my dignity.
Feanaro: *narrows eyes* (to Hermione) And I know that I would forbid you both, currently.
Hermione: So do I think what you did was weak or otherwise less than noble?
ArmandStJust: I did everything I knew how to get them to kill me instead. I failed. Yes, I have given that, and now I cannot have it back.
Hermione: Don't you see, Armand?
Hermione: By doing what you did... you *kept* it.
Hermione: You did not lose it.
Hermione: I think what you did was very brave and noble and honourable.
ArmandStJust: You're a woman Hermione. I can't... it's too much a part of my culture to hold you to the same standards I do myself.
Hermione: And I can understand that...
Hermione: but by insisting that you did something wrong... you give great power to miserable orcs like Rosier and Hades.
Hermione: Because in knowing that they upset you lies their pleasure.
Feanaro: That is just what I have been trying to tell you.
Hermione: The act itself was a momentary thing, the real pleasure for them lies in how you react.
Feanaro: *is so going to name Hermione Huoristimë, now. Muahahah.*
Hermione: And even if you don't believe in yourself... let _me_ believe in you.
Feanaro: And know that she is not the only one.
Elrohir: *wordlessly hugs Armand for the others have said what he feels too*
ArmandStJust: *blinks at her clearly not quite understanding* *hugs Elrohir instead of speaking*
Hermione: Armand... to me, you are the same trustworthy, honourable and noble friend you always were.
Hermione: I see no difference.
Hermione: And for what they did to you, they will pay.
Hermione: *looks scarily determined* Trust me. They will _pay_.
ArmandStJust: As I was telling our noble elves here when you arrived, that honor was already stained before you ever met me.
Hermione: Why do you say that? Because you made mistakes?
Feanaro: *exasperated* Then, if anything, you cleansed it now.
Feanaro: Speaking of cleansing, how about that bath?
Hermione: Honour lies not in trying to be perfect, Armand. It lies in behaving to the best of our abilities, working with our faults as best we can.
ArmandStJust: Other people manage perfection.
ArmandStJust: Not until Hermione leaves*!
Elrohir: name one?
Hermione: Yes, by all means... enlighten me.
ArmandStJust: Percy. *or so he thinks*
Hermione: And what, in your view, makes Percy perfect?
Feanaro: *would laugh if he weren't so worried about Armand*
ArmandStJust: He is -never- afraid for himself. I've never seen him take more than he gives. And Margot loves him. He must be perfect.
Feanaro: *frowns slightly*
Hermione: Hmm...
Hermione: so...
Hermione: Let me see if I understand you, Armand.
Hermione: Having the love of another is one part of it, yes?
ArmandStJust: Having -Margot's- love.
Hermione: All right. Margot's love.
Hermione: I would be willing to bet a great deal that Margot loves you, too.
Hermione: And so do many others, now that I think about it.
Hermione: I know that my Head of House, Professor McGonagall, thinks very highly of you.
Feanaro: *smiles* Indeed.
Hermione: And I admire her greatly, so I would not dare question her opinion of you.
ArmandStJust: She loves me as her little brother. *whispers* *blinks astonished* She does? I rather thought she felt sorry for me like a child.
Elrohir: *whispers in Armand's ear* the three of us here love you, count that as a blessing
Hermione: I highly doubt that.
Hermione: Professor McGonagall is very strict. If she thought of you as a child, she would be very formal with you. And that is not what I have seen.
ArmandStJust: *is even more confused but mostly because he almost dares not believe them*
Hermione: Even if I did not know you myself, and had not formed an equally positive opinion of you, her word would be enough for me.
Hermione: If she says you are honourable and worthy, then you are.
ArmandStJust: I... don't know what to say.
Hermione: Secondly... you say that Percy never takes more than he gives, correct?
ArmandStJust: That is what I see, yes.
Hermione: Well, permit me to say, but I see the same thing in you.
Hermione: The lengths you would go to, to care for another?
Hermione: I am impressed.
Feanaro: And do you think I would spend so much time with you if I thought you a child? 'tis true that I have come to love you like a son, but certainly not in a demeaning way.
Hermione: I think you give a great deal, and I hope that I can one day repay you for all you do for me.
Hermione: Not everything we do for another shows on the outside, Armand.
ArmandStJust: But Hermione... I've done nothing for you... *bites his lip yet again*
Hermione: Is that what you think?
ArmandStJust: *nods*
Hermione: I would urge you to reconsider, for not everything we give for another is visible on the outside.
ArmandStJust: I trust you. *baffled by rest*
ArmandStJust: *isn't answering Fea because he has no idea what to say*
Hermione: Let me ask you this...
Hermione: Would you stand by my side if someone meant to harm me?
ArmandStJust: Of course.
Hermione: Well, then you have just answered your own question.
Hermione: Intent is what matters, not the physical act.
Hermione: And last but not least...
Hermione: I have learned one thing...
Hermione: Courage is not the absence of fear, Armand.
Hermione: Courage is knowing you _are_ afraid, but refusing to give in to it, because something else is more important.
Hermione: Be it the well-being of one's family or something else.
Hermione: By choosing to act the way you did, you showed great courage.
Feanaro: *hopes Armand will finally believe it if it's Hermione who says it*
ArmandStJust: All I felt was the fear and the something I won't talk about in front of you.
Hermione: But you acted anyway.
Feanaro: But still you bore it.
Hermione: That is what courage is, Armand.
Hermione: In spite of that fear, you still acted.
Hermione: In fact...
Hermione: *removes her wand and conjures up a Gryffindor scarf*
Hermione: In my world, courageous people are placed in Gryffindor house.
Hermione: Because they would act, in spite of their fear.
Hermione: *gets up carefully and walks toward Armand*
Hermione: I think you deserve to wear my house colours.
ArmandStJust: *stares at her with his mouth open*
Hermione: I would be honoured if you did.
Hermione: *holds out the scarf for Armand to take*
ArmandStJust: *reaches out a trembling hand to take it* I would hope that hat would agree with you if I'd been born a wizard.
Elrohir: I think it would Armand
ArmandStJust: *looks down at it in his hands and cries again* *not bad tears I don't think*
Hermione: Well... unless I am much mistaken...
Hermione: The sorting hat is at the community.
Elrohir: Actually, yes it is. It placed me in Gryffinor too
Hermione: I'm sure we could ask it to sort you, Armand.
Feanaro: Me too. *almost grins*
ArmandStJust: *is too busy trying to stop crying to answer just yet*
Hermione: I think that over the years... many wondered why I was not put in Ravenclaw, which is where the smart witches and wizards go.
Hermione: *removes a delicate handkerchief from her pocket and hands it to Armand*
ArmandStJust: *shakily takes the handkerchief and gets it very wet* You are very smart.
Hermione: Well, there are some who would argue that.
ArmandStJust: But you are. *manages a wet smile*
Session Close (#blakeneymanor): Sat Jul 23 13:16:13 2005
typist: I am infinitely grateful that Armand has been fixed this much. Now if only he had some reason to think his own family weren't ashamed of him.