lyotto
in
df_loggage
Sometimes cute is seriously disturbing.
In which the Hades parents have been kiddified, discover that they dislike each other, meet three of their six children, discover that maybe they don't dislike each other as much as they originally thought, talk about home and family, blow up the kitchen and decide that, okay, maybe marrying each other won't really be so bad after all. And thanks to Gabe for cleaning up the log for me. <3
[ickleTi] *is a seven year old wandering around, pretending not to be confused* *...oh...and the seven year old has Papa Hades' gun >_>*
[Phlegethon] *...eyebrowquirk* Excuse me.
[ickleTi] *blinkblink* *looks up at Phleggy* Huh?
[Phlegethon] Care to explain to me why you have that gun?
[ickleTi] *blinks again, looks at the gun, looks back at Phleggy and is quite matter-of-fact* 'cause 's mine.
[Phlegethon] And you're completely certain about that. Where did you get it?
[ickleTi] *nods* Papa gave it to me. He said, if I could shoot it, I could keep it.
[Phlegethon] Sounds a little like my father. Not that I remember him all that well. You are?
[ickleTi] *holds out his hand totally as if he were just as adult as Phleggy* Tiresias Hades. Who're you?
[Phlegethon] ... Tiresias... Hades. ... *will kneel and shake his hand because there's nothing left for it* Phlegethon Hades. I'm your son.
[ickleTi] *watch as the child ellipses* ..................... *there, now we blink* ...huh.
[Phlegethon] ... Yes, I know. *solemnly baffled Hades Look (TM)*
[IckleMary] *wanders in quietly, all nine years old and looking curiously innocent*
[ickleTi] *is still staring at Phleggy, kind of studying him now* You kind of look like my brother a little. *is fidgetting with the gun while he speaks*
[Phlegethon] Oh? Which brother? *would usually light a cigarette or something but that seems somehow wrong*
[IckleMary] *notices Ti, because he's got a gun! walks over to him and Phleggy, and just /watches/, waiting to be noticed*
[Phlegethon] *and with the eyebrowquirk at Marything*
[ickleTi] *totally not noticing Mary yet, as is apparently less observant as a child* Laius. He tied me up in a tree once. I shot through his school books for it.
[Phlegethon] Good for you. I would have done the same.
[IckleMary] *gives Phleggy a small wave* Hi. *pretty little curtsy*
[Phlegethon] ...Hello. You are --?
[ickleTi] *shall notice Mary now*
[IckleMary] I'm Mary Niska. *smile* *points at Ti, and stagewhispers* Do you think such a little boy should be carrying a weapon like that?
[ickleTi] *narrows his eyes at Mary*
[Phlegethon] ... Oh, for fuck's sake, this is not fair.
[IckleMary] *bright,rather patronizing smile at Ti* ... What's not fair?
[Phlegethon] Both of my parents are younger than me.
[ickleTi] *notquiteglare at Mary then--* What?
[IckleMary] ....*stares at him* What do you mean?
[Phlegethon] You -- *points at Mary* -- are my completely psychotic mother.
[IckleMary] */stare/* That sounds like /you're/ the psychotic one. I don't have any kids. I'm too little.
[ickleTi] *more seven year old ellipsing goes here* ..........you mean I marry -her-? *apparently dislikes Mary already, isn't it cute?*
[IckleMary] *pats Ti's head, rather infuriatingly* I'm sure I take good care of you.
[ickleTi] *steps away with an outright glare*
[Phlegethon] *shakes his head* ...You're my parents, all right.
[IckleMary] *decides to change tack!* D'you have any idea what he's talking about? *points at Phleggy*
[ickleTi] *crosses his arms over his chest and keeps glaring* It was almost kind of making sense until you showed up.
[Phlegethon] *looking almost amused*
[IckleMary] *gives up and glares right back* I bet it /wasn't/. You probably just don't understand anything.
[ickleTi] *glareglare* I understand plenty. I just don't understand anybody marrying you, 'specially me.
[Phlegethon] For the record, Father? I agree.
[IckleMary] ...*glares at Phleggy, too* If you're my son, you're s'posed to respect me. Mother says all children respect their parents.
[Phlegethon] *grins at Mary* I respect you. I respect that you want to kill me.
[ickleTi] *looks slightly triumphant at Phleggy's first comment, then makes a face at Mary and...still with the grr*
[IckleMary] ...What'd you do to make me want to kill you?
[Phlegethon] *there's really no point in bothering to lie* I fell in love with an angel.
[Styx] *walks in and -- woah wait what?*
[ickleTi] *stops with the grr to blink at Phleggy*
[IckleMary] *stares at him* Angel's aren't /real/...
[Phlegethon] Yes. They are. *-- dammit, it's /Styx/* *scowls at him* Hello.
[Styx] *beams* Hello, Phlegethon. What's this about an angel?
[IckleMary] *blinks at Styx* Who're /you/?
[ickleTi] *looks up at Styx and blinks some more*
[Phlegethon] An angel? *arches an eyebrow and looks innocent as best he can*
[Styx] You said something about an angel. *-- oh, look, children* Styx Hades. Who are you?
[Phlegethon] I may well have. What of it?
[Styx] I was just wondering if my ears were deceiving me.
[ickleTi] *looks at Phleggy* How many kids am I gonna have?
[Phlegethon] *pauses as if going to say something horrible like "twelve"* ...Six.
[IckleMary] *watching people, and such*
[ickleTi] ...wow. *looks up at Styx again* Hi. I'm Tiresias. I guess I'm your dad or something.
[IckleMary] ....*stares at Phleggy* ... I'm going to have six kids with /him/?
[Styx] *so slow* *blinks at Ti* ..........Father? -- *asfkjahs and at Mary* .../Mum/?
[ickleTi] *makes a face and sticks his tongue out at Mary*
[IckleMary] ...I guess so. Hi. -- *whaps the side of Ti's head* Stop that.
[Phlegethon] Yes. Those are our parents, Styx.
[ickleTi] *almost bites his tongue* Ow! *grumblemutter*
[Styx] *ellipses at Phlegethon*
[Phlegethon] *ha. >:D got out of the angel thing. score one for Phleggy* *and smiles at Styx*
[IckleMary] *another prettylittlegirl smile* It's not polite to make nasty faces at your wife.
[ickleTi] *glareglare* You're not my wife yet. I'm just seven. I can't get married for years.
[Styx] *-- pfft, yeah right* ....Our parents are children and you're in love with an angel. What /else/ have I missed?
[Phlegethon] I didn't say I was in love with an angel, did I? *innocent^maxthrice ;__;*
[IckleMary] *glares too, then* But we've already had kids. *points to Phleggy and Styx* I don't like you very much, but I guess I'm gonna have to deal with it. *suffering expression* At least you've got a nice gun.
[Styx] Yes, you did. Right as I was walking in. I'm not /that/ stupid.
[Phlegethon] .../Dammit/.
[Styx] May I just say -- what the /fuck/, Phlegethon?
[ickleTi] *harumphs but yay gun* Papa gave it to me. He killed somebody with it once.
[Phlegethon] I agree completely.
[IckleMary] Oh. I helped Mother kill someone last week. *looks rather proud of herself* He was trying to steal from us.
[ickleTi] *might kind of like her a little now if you squint...sideways...on the fifth thursday of the thirteenth month* He deserved to die, then. Anybody stupid enough to get caught deserves to die.
[Styx] No. Really. /What the fuck/?
[Phlegethon] Yes, Styx, that was my reaction too.
[IckleMary] *nods, and may dislike Ti a tiny bit less. possibly* He must have been /really/stupid to try stealing from Mother.
[Styx] ........*facepalms at him* /Of all people and things/.
[ickleTi] My mum says anybody who can steal something from her deserves whatever they can get. Nobody ever tries to take any of our stuff, though.
[Phlegethon] *patiently* Yes, Styx. I know. Would you like to kill me too?
[Styx] -- I know better than to try.
[IckleMary] *thoughtful look* Your mother sounds like a smart person. *refrains from asking why he hasn't inherited it*
[Phlegethon] -- Good for you, you're learning. Don't think this changes me.
[Styx] -- Good. *and will now go back to watching Mary with worryworry*
[ickleTi] Mum and Papa are both really smart. *nods and fidgets with the gun a bit*
[IckleMary] *she can really take care of herself, Styx. really.* So, d'you think our kids are going to be smart? *eyeing available kids a bit dubiously*
[Styx] *-- yes, but while she's little /she can't keep him from being murdered/*
[ickleTi] *looks at Phleggy and Styx* I 'spose so. Don't see why not. 'course, Mum says there are always exceptions. Like my brother Creon's not so bright.
[Phlegethon] I like to think of myself as a relatively intelligent individual. Styx, on the other hand...
[Styx] *glarePhleggy* At least I'm not like /Lethe/.
[IckleMary] Oh? I don't have any brothers or sisters. *to Styx* What d'you mean?
[ickleTi] I've got a half-sister and two half-brothers. *nods, then cocks his head to the side a little in response to Styx*
[Styx] What do I mean by what? *-- can be incredibly stupid, hi*
[IckleMary] What's wrong with Lethe? *prods Styx a bit with her knife, which is still sheathed*
[Phlegethon] He's evil-impaired.
[Styx] *-- jumps at the knife-prodding* He's -- yes.
[ickleTi] *as long as she carries a knife around, she apparently can't be all bad* *blink*
[IckleMary] *wrinkles nose* That doesn't sound good. Why didn't we kill him yet?
[Phlegethon] People come back to life here, Mother. It's a problem.
[Styx] ...It can be useful, though.
[IckleMary] ....Oh. *frowns*
[ickleTi] *frowns* That'd make killing people a lot less fun.
[Phlegethon] It's still satisfying enough.
[IckleMary] *still frowning* But they come /back/...
[ickleTi] If they come back, that kind of defeats the purpose of killing. They're supposed to die and stay that way. That's why you kill them in the first place - to get rid of them.
[IckleMary] *nods, even though agreeing with Ti isn't fun*
* Acheron has joined #desperatefans
[ickleTi] *is a frowning seven year old with a gun*
[Styx] *-- an Acheron. joy.* *squeaks*
[Phlegethon] *oh, look, an Acheron. isn't /that/ nice* ...Acheron.
[IckleMary] *is a rather disappointed nine-year-old, with a knife*
[Acheron] *is still here, even if typist is inandout* *nods* Phlegethon. It's been awhile, hasn't it.
[Phlegethon] It has. I'm alive now, anyway.
[IckleMary] *headtilt at Acheron* Are you my son, too?
[ickleTi] *looks up at Acheron curiously*
[Acheron] Welcome back. *looks down at Mary* Perhaps.
[Acheron] *looks at Phlegethon* Am I?
[Phlegethon] Yes. You are, I'm afraid.
[Acheron] Ah. *turns back to Mum* I am.
[IckleMary] Okay. Then you're his son, too. *points to Ti* I don't really like him much, but I guess he's okay.
[ickleTi] Huh. *is still taking amazingly well to the whole children thing* *almost sticks his tongue out at Mary but stops himself*
[Styx] *...is going to be inching away from the family gathering*
[IckleMary] *brandishes knife in Styx's direction* Hey! What about you? Are you a good son?
[Styx] I'm your favorite son.
[IckleMary] *squint* How do I know you're telling the truth? What'd you do to be favourite, anyway?
[ickleTi] *quite reasonably* Besides, being the favourite doesn't always make you the best example.
[Acheron] *looks very amused* That's absolutely right.
[Styx] ...*-- is just going to /get out of there and hide/. srsly.*
[Phlegethon] *looks amused at Styx's exit*
[IckleMary] *frowns* He's /scared/. He can't be a very good son if he gets scared like that.
[ickleTi] *watches Styx go* I think he was lying about being the favourite.
[Acheron] *grins* He gets scared easily. Note that.
[Phlegethon] He isn't.
[Acheron] Not that bit.
[Acheron] He's not a great liar, at any rate.
[IckleMary] *blinks* But how can he be my favourite if he's so... *waves a hand*
[ickleTi] *loathe to admit it but* She's got a point.
[Acheron] *looks very amused* I'm taking off. *grins at Phlegethon, a smile that implies "and leaving all the responsibility to /you/"*
[IckleMary] *shrugs* I still think he's lying, unless I'm really different when I'm older.
[ickleTi] *can't help childish snark* Maybe you're different in a way that actually makes me want to marry you. Even if him being your avourite would be stupid.
[IckleMary] I hope that's not why I'm different. *wrinkles nose* I don't want to get married if it'll make me stupid.
[ickleTi] *makes a face* Who says marrying made you stupid? Maybe something else made you stupid. And then something made -me- stupid so I'd marry someone stupid.
[IckleMary] Well, I guess if I'm stupid when I marry you, it doesn't really count because I'm not me anymore. Or maybe you're smart sometime ... *squint* Though, I don't know how that could happen.
[ickleTi] *narrows eyes* I'm plenty smart. And Papa says I'll get smarter when I'm bigger and that I'll be smarter than the rest of the family someday, too.
[Phlegethon] *oh, right. will leave at some point. does that.*
[IckleMary] But how does he /know/?
[ickleTi] He just does. And Mum says I always do everything better than the others did anyway.
[IckleMary] Maybe you're just smarter than /them/. *still looking rather doubtul*
[ickleTi] *makes a face at her* Well, fine. If you wanna look at it this way, if you don't go stupid, would you marry somebody stupid?
[IckleMary] Definitely not.
[ickleTi] All right, then. So, if we get married then, unless you go stupid, that means I'd have to be smart.
[IckleMary] I guess so. Doesn't mean you're smart /now/. You're little.
[ickleTi] I know I'm not the smartest ever -now-. You can't be really smart until you've learned stuff. I can't learn -everything- when I'm only seven.
[IckleMary] *nods, because this sounds reasonable* Then I guess we'll have to.. agree to disagree. Or we could ask one of our kids how we are when we grow up.
[ickleTi] *crosses his arms over his chest again* We could do that. 'course, we gotta find one first.
[IckleMary] *looks around* Looks like they all ran away. Maybe we're really /scary/ when we're older. I think that wouldn't be so bad.
[ickleTi] Maybe. *gunfidget* Scary's better'n stupid.
[IckleMary] If we're scary, we've got to be pretty smart, too. I wouldn't be scared of a stupid person.
[ickleTi] I wouldn't either. Stupid people are just annoying. I mean, my sister's stupid and I know -she's- sure annoying.
[IckleMary] What's it like having brothers and sisters? *yes, question out of nowhere*
[ickleTi] *shrugs* Not all bad but not all good, either. They all had one father but Papa killed him and then he and Mum had me and Laius says I'm a spoiled brat. I say they'd like him more if he wasn't so lazy.
[IckleMary] He's probably jealous 'cause they don't like him as much.
I don't think I'd like it if I had a sister and Mother liked her better.
[ickleTi] Well, I guess I can't really blame him for being jealous but he should still try harder if he wants to be the favourite.
[IckleMary] He doesn't deserve it if he doesn't try.
[ickleTi] He doesn't. I mean, he hasn't even killed anything yet and he's already sixteen. I shot the neighbour's cat when I was five. That's how I got my gun.
[IckleMary] *holds up her knife* I got this after I beat up the man who tried to kidnap me. He almost died, but I guess I just didn't hit hard enough.
[ickleTi] Bah. People try to kidnap you and steal your stuff and interesting things like that. *sighs* Nobody every tries to do anything against my family. It's kind of boring.
[IckleMary] It's probably 'cause of where we live. It's not a really nice place, so there are all sorts of stupid, mean people around. We're
better than they are, though, so we can stay safe.
[ickleTi] Yeah. People kinda try to stay away from our house. *makes a face* I don't like the house very much at all, either.
[IckleMary] Our house smells kinda weird. What's wrong with yours?
[ickleTi] It's all big but really empty. Hadeses have lived there for years and years and years and there's even a dungeon under it and stuff but none of the good stuff works anymore because nobody's used it since my great-great-Grandpa.
[IckleMary] *frowns* Why don't they use it, if they've got all that neat stuff around?
[ickleTi] *shrugs* Papa says he doesn't like bringing work home.
[IckleMary] *doesn't look particularly happy with that response, but will just move on* We don't have anything really interesting, except
Mother's collection of knives. She's got them from all over the world, in a little room all by itself.
[ickleTi] Papa's like that with guns. He doesn't let anybody touch most of them. Says you touch one without permission and he'll use it on you.
[IckleMary] Mother's never said something like that, but she'd probably do it, too. This one comes from her collection, but the rest are much better. It's just one she didn't like so much.
[ickleTi] I think that's why Papa let me have my gun, too. I said I
wanted one and he handed this one to me and said I could have it if I could shoot something with it.
[IckleMary] I got mine so it would be easier to kill people if they tried to kidnap me, but I think all the other people heard, so they don't try anymore. *proud smile*
[ickleTi] *looks a little impressed* Well, that's smart of them, even if they're cowards.
[IckleMary] I guess they just know I'm better than them. *smiles* Still, I don't really like living where people do stupid things all the time.
[ickleTi] People do stupid things everywhere. *shrugs* But, I guess, if people didn't do stupid things, people wouldn't get killed. That'd be boring.
[IckleMary] Probably. But I think it would be better to kill smart people, because that would mean you're even smarter than they are. It would be more fun.
[ickleTi] Just 'cause they do stupid things doesn't mean they're completely stupid. Smart people do stupid things sometimes, too, so it doesn't always mean you're smarter. It just means you didn't do anything stupid.
[IckleMary] *smiles in an approving sort of littlegirl way* Maybe you /are/ smart after all. I wish Mother would talk to me more about this kind of stuff. She's usually just teaching me how to hurt people, not talking /about/ people.
[ickleTi] *actually smiles back a bit proudly* See? Even seven year olds can be smart. Papa and Mum don't talk much about people, either,
except when they're talking to each other. They don't teach me much, either. I just listen a lot and teach myself.
[IckleMary] *odd, faraway look* Mother doesn't talk to anyone very much when I'm around. I have to read a lot if I want to know about people.
[ickleTi] *thoughtfully* Well, I guess that's one good thing about the house, 'cause there are a lot of places to hide. They don't talk about anything interesting if I'm around so I sneak off and hide and listen. See, there's this hole in the wall in the cupboard and I can fit in some of the walls 'cause I'm still little.
[IckleMary] Our house is one big hole to hide in. *sigh* Who knows, maybe I end up marrying you 'cause you'll talk to me about people. Or maybe it's because you've got a better house.*is almost seriously thinking about this, because is odd*
[ickleTi] *looks a little doubtful about the house thing* Maybe. I don't think I'd marry anybody I wouldn't talk to about important stuff like people. I wanna get rid of the house some day, though. I wanna...wanna blow it up or something. And then I'll get a better house that people won't be scared of because nothing interesting happens if people are too scared to come close.
[IckleMary] Well, if you get a better one, that's fine. And anyway, blowing it up would probably be a whole lot of fun.
[ickleTi] Well, if we're married and we get the house together then of course it'll be better because we'd both want something better, wouldn't we? And I like blowing things up. My sister was picking on me once so I tied a bunch of firecrackers to her favourite doll and lit'em up.
[IckleMary] *thoughtful nod* I haven't tried blowing things up yet, since everything's so close together it'd /all/ blow up if I tried. I've watched people do it, though...
[ickleTi] *looks around a bit* If we could find stuff to do it with, maybe we could blow something up just because. Then you could say you had. There's enough room around here.
[IckleMary] *tries not to light up too much, but only sort of succeeds* We could! *glances around* Where would they put explosive things?
[ickleTi] Hmm. I don't know. *looks around some more, biting his lip* Maybe in a closet or something?
[IckleMary] Maybe... *spots a closet rather conveniently close to the plot hole* There's one. ... There's something /funny/ next to it, too.
[ickleTi] *ooo, strange things are fun* Wonder what that is. *and, of course, we'll go look*
[IckleMary] *obviously we have to go look* It.. kind of looks like a hole in the wall... *sticks her hand in just a little, and pulls out a bit of yarn* ..There's /stuff/ in it. *starestare*
[ickleTi] *and here's an amazingly normal wide-eyed child look* What kind of stuff? *reaches in as well and pulls out a blanket* *lightbulb! :D* ...hey! Maybe we can get explosive stuff from in here!
[IckleMary] We probably can! I wonder how it works... *is, in fact, quite fascinated* *reaches in with a look of concentration and pulls out a box of matches*
[ickleTi] *grins* That's a start. *sort of pokes his tongue out of the corner of his mouth, concentrating and pulling out a spool of fuse* Okay. Now we just need something that explodes.
[IckleMary] *thinks about it for a moment, then reaches in and gets a small, rather oldfashioned looking powder horn* ... That's not really what I was thinking about, but it should probably work...
[ickleTi] Sure. Now. What do we want to blow up? *the idea of making things go boom apparently cheers him greatly*
[IckleMary] *points kitchenwards* We passed that on the way here, and there's no one there to stop us. There're probably lots of fun things to blow up. *quite happy at the idea herself*
[ickleTi] All right! *marches off to the kitchen for some explosivebonding fun, yay :D*
[IckleMary] *follows; it's just not DF without an exploded kitchen* *looks around and some storage containers off to one side* How about those?
[ickleTi] Hmm. *goes to inspect them* They could work. *looks around as professionally as a seven year old can when praciticing pyromania* We'll run the fuse out through the door so we don't get blown up with them.
[IckleMary] *nods* It wouldn't be very smart to get blown up.
[ickleTi] Nope. Wouldn't be smart at all. *whee, cheerful smile* All right! Let's get to it! *puts the end of the fuse by the containers and starts running it away*
[IckleMary] *runs after, then, as what else is there do to?*
[ickleTi] *once out the door, looks at it all and nods* Is there actually powder in that? Maybe we should put some by the stuff to make sure it catches.
[IckleMary] *opens the horn carefully and still gets some powder spilled on her hands* Definitely.
[ickleTi] *beams* Okay. You go put the powder down and I'll make sure nobody catches us. It wouldn't be very fun if somebody stopped us before we even got to light the fuse.
[IckleMary] No, it wouldn't. *goes over and put the horn down by the packagely end of the fuse carefully, then hurries back to the door*
[ickleTi] *looks around to make sure no one's watching them then sits back on his heels* You're the one who hasn't blown things up before so you get to light it.
[IckleMary] *beamy smile, then strikes a match and holds it to the end of the fuse*
[ickleTi] *and now we watch happily as the fuse burns up to the powder aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand KITCHENGOBOOM!!! :D* *yes, this is now a very happily giggling Tiresias, completely forgetting his residual dislike of Mary for the time being*
[IckleMary] *oh, yes, we can totally forget disliking Ti for now, since KITCHEN GOING BOOM is fun*
[ickleTi] See? Blowing stuff up is fun!
[IckleMary] It /is/. *marvels* That was /wonderful/.
[ickleTi] *beamybeamygrin* Maybe, if we get married, we can blow things up together more.
[IckleMary] *smiiile* Oh, I think that wouldn't be so bad at all.
[ickleTi] See? *seriously* Maybe being married to you could be fun after all. I mean, if we blow things up and kill things together, it couldn't be -all- bad.
[IckleMary] *also becomes more serious* Yes, I'm sure that must be it. Maybe, since we're older and better at it, we kill people together, too. That's probably even /more/ fun.
[ickleTi] *nods* Of course. That'd make a lot of sense. I mean, I know I wouldn't marry anybody I could do fun stuff like that with.
[IckleMary] Right, and I'd be the same way. Maybe we should ask all those kids what sort of stuff we do when we're older. It must be /really/ fun.
[ickleTi] It -must- be. *thinks a moment* I wonder how many of them are good at killing things, too.
[IckleMary] Some of them must be, at least. I'd teach them, anyway. Would you?
[ickleTi] Of course I would. I wouldn't want any of my kids to be lazy like Laius or anything.
[IckleMary] I wouldn't let any of my kids be lazy. It would be /embarrassing/.
[ickleTi] They have to be able to hurt things properly and do all of the fun stuff. And...and we should do fun stuff with them. *nods* That way they really learn.
[IckleMary] Yes! And we should talk to them about people, too, because that's also important if you're going to /hurt/ people.
[ickleTi] *totally warming up to this entire idea* Maybe, if we do it all right, then the stupid one'll just have been an accident. Oh...and the one that's not evil. At least then we'd have-- *thinks a moment* --four to be proud of.
[IckleMary] *nods* Four out of six isn't too bad, and I guess we'd be able to have different fun with the other two. It'll just be fun for us instead of for them. *a smile hinting at her future evil!smiles*
[ickleTi] *being cheerfully oblivious to the fact that he dies, shall nod and grin almost wickedly himself* I really think this whole thing
really might not be so bad.
[IckleMary] *nods, and doesn't know about him dying either, so the whole world is currently pretty good for her* I think it really isn't. That's good.
[ickleTi] *is a seven year old wandering around, pretending not to be confused* *...oh...and the seven year old has Papa Hades' gun >_>*
[Phlegethon] *...eyebrowquirk* Excuse me.
[ickleTi] *blinkblink* *looks up at Phleggy* Huh?
[Phlegethon] Care to explain to me why you have that gun?
[ickleTi] *blinks again, looks at the gun, looks back at Phleggy and is quite matter-of-fact* 'cause 's mine.
[Phlegethon] And you're completely certain about that. Where did you get it?
[ickleTi] *nods* Papa gave it to me. He said, if I could shoot it, I could keep it.
[Phlegethon] Sounds a little like my father. Not that I remember him all that well. You are?
[ickleTi] *holds out his hand totally as if he were just as adult as Phleggy* Tiresias Hades. Who're you?
[Phlegethon] ... Tiresias... Hades. ... *will kneel and shake his hand because there's nothing left for it* Phlegethon Hades. I'm your son.
[ickleTi] *watch as the child ellipses* ..................... *there, now we blink* ...huh.
[Phlegethon] ... Yes, I know. *solemnly baffled Hades Look (TM)*
[IckleMary] *wanders in quietly, all nine years old and looking curiously innocent*
[ickleTi] *is still staring at Phleggy, kind of studying him now* You kind of look like my brother a little. *is fidgetting with the gun while he speaks*
[Phlegethon] Oh? Which brother? *would usually light a cigarette or something but that seems somehow wrong*
[IckleMary] *notices Ti, because he's got a gun! walks over to him and Phleggy, and just /watches/, waiting to be noticed*
[Phlegethon] *and with the eyebrowquirk at Marything*
[ickleTi] *totally not noticing Mary yet, as is apparently less observant as a child* Laius. He tied me up in a tree once. I shot through his school books for it.
[Phlegethon] Good for you. I would have done the same.
[IckleMary] *gives Phleggy a small wave* Hi. *pretty little curtsy*
[Phlegethon] ...Hello. You are --?
[ickleTi] *shall notice Mary now*
[IckleMary] I'm Mary Niska. *smile* *points at Ti, and stagewhispers* Do you think such a little boy should be carrying a weapon like that?
[ickleTi] *narrows his eyes at Mary*
[Phlegethon] ... Oh, for fuck's sake, this is not fair.
[IckleMary] *bright,rather patronizing smile at Ti* ... What's not fair?
[Phlegethon] Both of my parents are younger than me.
[ickleTi] *notquiteglare at Mary then--* What?
[IckleMary] ....*stares at him* What do you mean?
[Phlegethon] You -- *points at Mary* -- are my completely psychotic mother.
[IckleMary] */stare/* That sounds like /you're/ the psychotic one. I don't have any kids. I'm too little.
[ickleTi] *more seven year old ellipsing goes here* ..........you mean I marry -her-? *apparently dislikes Mary already, isn't it cute?*
[IckleMary] *pats Ti's head, rather infuriatingly* I'm sure I take good care of you.
[ickleTi] *steps away with an outright glare*
[Phlegethon] *shakes his head* ...You're my parents, all right.
[IckleMary] *decides to change tack!* D'you have any idea what he's talking about? *points at Phleggy*
[ickleTi] *crosses his arms over his chest and keeps glaring* It was almost kind of making sense until you showed up.
[Phlegethon] *looking almost amused*
[IckleMary] *gives up and glares right back* I bet it /wasn't/. You probably just don't understand anything.
[ickleTi] *glareglare* I understand plenty. I just don't understand anybody marrying you, 'specially me.
[Phlegethon] For the record, Father? I agree.
[IckleMary] ...*glares at Phleggy, too* If you're my son, you're s'posed to respect me. Mother says all children respect their parents.
[Phlegethon] *grins at Mary* I respect you. I respect that you want to kill me.
[ickleTi] *looks slightly triumphant at Phleggy's first comment, then makes a face at Mary and...still with the grr*
[IckleMary] ...What'd you do to make me want to kill you?
[Phlegethon] *there's really no point in bothering to lie* I fell in love with an angel.
[Styx] *walks in and -- woah wait what?*
[ickleTi] *stops with the grr to blink at Phleggy*
[IckleMary] *stares at him* Angel's aren't /real/...
[Phlegethon] Yes. They are. *-- dammit, it's /Styx/* *scowls at him* Hello.
[Styx] *beams* Hello, Phlegethon. What's this about an angel?
[IckleMary] *blinks at Styx* Who're /you/?
[ickleTi] *looks up at Styx and blinks some more*
[Phlegethon] An angel? *arches an eyebrow and looks innocent as best he can*
[Styx] You said something about an angel. *-- oh, look, children* Styx Hades. Who are you?
[Phlegethon] I may well have. What of it?
[Styx] I was just wondering if my ears were deceiving me.
[ickleTi] *looks at Phleggy* How many kids am I gonna have?
[Phlegethon] *pauses as if going to say something horrible like "twelve"* ...Six.
[IckleMary] *watching people, and such*
[ickleTi] ...wow. *looks up at Styx again* Hi. I'm Tiresias. I guess I'm your dad or something.
[IckleMary] ....*stares at Phleggy* ... I'm going to have six kids with /him/?
[Styx] *so slow* *blinks at Ti* ..........Father? -- *asfkjahs and at Mary* .../Mum/?
[ickleTi] *makes a face and sticks his tongue out at Mary*
[IckleMary] ...I guess so. Hi. -- *whaps the side of Ti's head* Stop that.
[Phlegethon] Yes. Those are our parents, Styx.
[ickleTi] *almost bites his tongue* Ow! *grumblemutter*
[Styx] *ellipses at Phlegethon*
[Phlegethon] *ha. >:D got out of the angel thing. score one for Phleggy* *and smiles at Styx*
[IckleMary] *another prettylittlegirl smile* It's not polite to make nasty faces at your wife.
[ickleTi] *glareglare* You're not my wife yet. I'm just seven. I can't get married for years.
[Styx] *-- pfft, yeah right* ....Our parents are children and you're in love with an angel. What /else/ have I missed?
[Phlegethon] I didn't say I was in love with an angel, did I? *innocent^maxthrice ;__;*
[IckleMary] *glares too, then* But we've already had kids. *points to Phleggy and Styx* I don't like you very much, but I guess I'm gonna have to deal with it. *suffering expression* At least you've got a nice gun.
[Styx] Yes, you did. Right as I was walking in. I'm not /that/ stupid.
[Phlegethon] .../Dammit/.
[Styx] May I just say -- what the /fuck/, Phlegethon?
[ickleTi] *harumphs but yay gun* Papa gave it to me. He killed somebody with it once.
[Phlegethon] I agree completely.
[IckleMary] Oh. I helped Mother kill someone last week. *looks rather proud of herself* He was trying to steal from us.
[ickleTi] *might kind of like her a little now if you squint...sideways...on the fifth thursday of the thirteenth month* He deserved to die, then. Anybody stupid enough to get caught deserves to die.
[Styx] No. Really. /What the fuck/?
[Phlegethon] Yes, Styx, that was my reaction too.
[IckleMary] *nods, and may dislike Ti a tiny bit less. possibly* He must have been /really/stupid to try stealing from Mother.
[Styx] ........*facepalms at him* /Of all people and things/.
[ickleTi] My mum says anybody who can steal something from her deserves whatever they can get. Nobody ever tries to take any of our stuff, though.
[Phlegethon] *patiently* Yes, Styx. I know. Would you like to kill me too?
[Styx] -- I know better than to try.
[IckleMary] *thoughtful look* Your mother sounds like a smart person. *refrains from asking why he hasn't inherited it*
[Phlegethon] -- Good for you, you're learning. Don't think this changes me.
[Styx] -- Good. *and will now go back to watching Mary with worryworry*
[ickleTi] Mum and Papa are both really smart. *nods and fidgets with the gun a bit*
[IckleMary] *she can really take care of herself, Styx. really.* So, d'you think our kids are going to be smart? *eyeing available kids a bit dubiously*
[Styx] *-- yes, but while she's little /she can't keep him from being murdered/*
[ickleTi] *looks at Phleggy and Styx* I 'spose so. Don't see why not. 'course, Mum says there are always exceptions. Like my brother Creon's not so bright.
[Phlegethon] I like to think of myself as a relatively intelligent individual. Styx, on the other hand...
[Styx] *glarePhleggy* At least I'm not like /Lethe/.
[IckleMary] Oh? I don't have any brothers or sisters. *to Styx* What d'you mean?
[ickleTi] I've got a half-sister and two half-brothers. *nods, then cocks his head to the side a little in response to Styx*
[Styx] What do I mean by what? *-- can be incredibly stupid, hi*
[IckleMary] What's wrong with Lethe? *prods Styx a bit with her knife, which is still sheathed*
[Phlegethon] He's evil-impaired.
[Styx] *-- jumps at the knife-prodding* He's -- yes.
[ickleTi] *as long as she carries a knife around, she apparently can't be all bad* *blink*
[IckleMary] *wrinkles nose* That doesn't sound good. Why didn't we kill him yet?
[Phlegethon] People come back to life here, Mother. It's a problem.
[Styx] ...It can be useful, though.
[IckleMary] ....Oh. *frowns*
[ickleTi] *frowns* That'd make killing people a lot less fun.
[Phlegethon] It's still satisfying enough.
[IckleMary] *still frowning* But they come /back/...
[ickleTi] If they come back, that kind of defeats the purpose of killing. They're supposed to die and stay that way. That's why you kill them in the first place - to get rid of them.
[IckleMary] *nods, even though agreeing with Ti isn't fun*
* Acheron has joined #desperatefans
[ickleTi] *is a frowning seven year old with a gun*
[Styx] *-- an Acheron. joy.* *squeaks*
[Phlegethon] *oh, look, an Acheron. isn't /that/ nice* ...Acheron.
[IckleMary] *is a rather disappointed nine-year-old, with a knife*
[Acheron] *is still here, even if typist is inandout* *nods* Phlegethon. It's been awhile, hasn't it.
[Phlegethon] It has. I'm alive now, anyway.
[IckleMary] *headtilt at Acheron* Are you my son, too?
[ickleTi] *looks up at Acheron curiously*
[Acheron] Welcome back. *looks down at Mary* Perhaps.
[Acheron] *looks at Phlegethon* Am I?
[Phlegethon] Yes. You are, I'm afraid.
[Acheron] Ah. *turns back to Mum* I am.
[IckleMary] Okay. Then you're his son, too. *points to Ti* I don't really like him much, but I guess he's okay.
[ickleTi] Huh. *is still taking amazingly well to the whole children thing* *almost sticks his tongue out at Mary but stops himself*
[Styx] *...is going to be inching away from the family gathering*
[IckleMary] *brandishes knife in Styx's direction* Hey! What about you? Are you a good son?
[Styx] I'm your favorite son.
[IckleMary] *squint* How do I know you're telling the truth? What'd you do to be favourite, anyway?
[ickleTi] *quite reasonably* Besides, being the favourite doesn't always make you the best example.
[Acheron] *looks very amused* That's absolutely right.
[Styx] ...*-- is just going to /get out of there and hide/. srsly.*
[Phlegethon] *looks amused at Styx's exit*
[IckleMary] *frowns* He's /scared/. He can't be a very good son if he gets scared like that.
[ickleTi] *watches Styx go* I think he was lying about being the favourite.
[Acheron] *grins* He gets scared easily. Note that.
[Phlegethon] He isn't.
[Acheron] Not that bit.
[Acheron] He's not a great liar, at any rate.
[IckleMary] *blinks* But how can he be my favourite if he's so... *waves a hand*
[ickleTi] *loathe to admit it but* She's got a point.
[Acheron] *looks very amused* I'm taking off. *grins at Phlegethon, a smile that implies "and leaving all the responsibility to /you/"*
[IckleMary] *shrugs* I still think he's lying, unless I'm really different when I'm older.
[ickleTi] *can't help childish snark* Maybe you're different in a way that actually makes me want to marry you. Even if him being your avourite would be stupid.
[IckleMary] I hope that's not why I'm different. *wrinkles nose* I don't want to get married if it'll make me stupid.
[ickleTi] *makes a face* Who says marrying made you stupid? Maybe something else made you stupid. And then something made -me- stupid so I'd marry someone stupid.
[IckleMary] Well, I guess if I'm stupid when I marry you, it doesn't really count because I'm not me anymore. Or maybe you're smart sometime ... *squint* Though, I don't know how that could happen.
[ickleTi] *narrows eyes* I'm plenty smart. And Papa says I'll get smarter when I'm bigger and that I'll be smarter than the rest of the family someday, too.
[Phlegethon] *oh, right. will leave at some point. does that.*
[IckleMary] But how does he /know/?
[ickleTi] He just does. And Mum says I always do everything better than the others did anyway.
[IckleMary] Maybe you're just smarter than /them/. *still looking rather doubtul*
[ickleTi] *makes a face at her* Well, fine. If you wanna look at it this way, if you don't go stupid, would you marry somebody stupid?
[IckleMary] Definitely not.
[ickleTi] All right, then. So, if we get married then, unless you go stupid, that means I'd have to be smart.
[IckleMary] I guess so. Doesn't mean you're smart /now/. You're little.
[ickleTi] I know I'm not the smartest ever -now-. You can't be really smart until you've learned stuff. I can't learn -everything- when I'm only seven.
[IckleMary] *nods, because this sounds reasonable* Then I guess we'll have to.. agree to disagree. Or we could ask one of our kids how we are when we grow up.
[ickleTi] *crosses his arms over his chest again* We could do that. 'course, we gotta find one first.
[IckleMary] *looks around* Looks like they all ran away. Maybe we're really /scary/ when we're older. I think that wouldn't be so bad.
[ickleTi] Maybe. *gunfidget* Scary's better'n stupid.
[IckleMary] If we're scary, we've got to be pretty smart, too. I wouldn't be scared of a stupid person.
[ickleTi] I wouldn't either. Stupid people are just annoying. I mean, my sister's stupid and I know -she's- sure annoying.
[IckleMary] What's it like having brothers and sisters? *yes, question out of nowhere*
[ickleTi] *shrugs* Not all bad but not all good, either. They all had one father but Papa killed him and then he and Mum had me and Laius says I'm a spoiled brat. I say they'd like him more if he wasn't so lazy.
[IckleMary] He's probably jealous 'cause they don't like him as much.
I don't think I'd like it if I had a sister and Mother liked her better.
[ickleTi] Well, I guess I can't really blame him for being jealous but he should still try harder if he wants to be the favourite.
[IckleMary] He doesn't deserve it if he doesn't try.
[ickleTi] He doesn't. I mean, he hasn't even killed anything yet and he's already sixteen. I shot the neighbour's cat when I was five. That's how I got my gun.
[IckleMary] *holds up her knife* I got this after I beat up the man who tried to kidnap me. He almost died, but I guess I just didn't hit hard enough.
[ickleTi] Bah. People try to kidnap you and steal your stuff and interesting things like that. *sighs* Nobody every tries to do anything against my family. It's kind of boring.
[IckleMary] It's probably 'cause of where we live. It's not a really nice place, so there are all sorts of stupid, mean people around. We're
better than they are, though, so we can stay safe.
[ickleTi] Yeah. People kinda try to stay away from our house. *makes a face* I don't like the house very much at all, either.
[IckleMary] Our house smells kinda weird. What's wrong with yours?
[ickleTi] It's all big but really empty. Hadeses have lived there for years and years and years and there's even a dungeon under it and stuff but none of the good stuff works anymore because nobody's used it since my great-great-Grandpa.
[IckleMary] *frowns* Why don't they use it, if they've got all that neat stuff around?
[ickleTi] *shrugs* Papa says he doesn't like bringing work home.
[IckleMary] *doesn't look particularly happy with that response, but will just move on* We don't have anything really interesting, except
Mother's collection of knives. She's got them from all over the world, in a little room all by itself.
[ickleTi] Papa's like that with guns. He doesn't let anybody touch most of them. Says you touch one without permission and he'll use it on you.
[IckleMary] Mother's never said something like that, but she'd probably do it, too. This one comes from her collection, but the rest are much better. It's just one she didn't like so much.
[ickleTi] I think that's why Papa let me have my gun, too. I said I
wanted one and he handed this one to me and said I could have it if I could shoot something with it.
[IckleMary] I got mine so it would be easier to kill people if they tried to kidnap me, but I think all the other people heard, so they don't try anymore. *proud smile*
[ickleTi] *looks a little impressed* Well, that's smart of them, even if they're cowards.
[IckleMary] I guess they just know I'm better than them. *smiles* Still, I don't really like living where people do stupid things all the time.
[ickleTi] People do stupid things everywhere. *shrugs* But, I guess, if people didn't do stupid things, people wouldn't get killed. That'd be boring.
[IckleMary] Probably. But I think it would be better to kill smart people, because that would mean you're even smarter than they are. It would be more fun.
[ickleTi] Just 'cause they do stupid things doesn't mean they're completely stupid. Smart people do stupid things sometimes, too, so it doesn't always mean you're smarter. It just means you didn't do anything stupid.
[IckleMary] *smiles in an approving sort of littlegirl way* Maybe you /are/ smart after all. I wish Mother would talk to me more about this kind of stuff. She's usually just teaching me how to hurt people, not talking /about/ people.
[ickleTi] *actually smiles back a bit proudly* See? Even seven year olds can be smart. Papa and Mum don't talk much about people, either,
except when they're talking to each other. They don't teach me much, either. I just listen a lot and teach myself.
[IckleMary] *odd, faraway look* Mother doesn't talk to anyone very much when I'm around. I have to read a lot if I want to know about people.
[ickleTi] *thoughtfully* Well, I guess that's one good thing about the house, 'cause there are a lot of places to hide. They don't talk about anything interesting if I'm around so I sneak off and hide and listen. See, there's this hole in the wall in the cupboard and I can fit in some of the walls 'cause I'm still little.
[IckleMary] Our house is one big hole to hide in. *sigh* Who knows, maybe I end up marrying you 'cause you'll talk to me about people. Or maybe it's because you've got a better house.*is almost seriously thinking about this, because is odd*
[ickleTi] *looks a little doubtful about the house thing* Maybe. I don't think I'd marry anybody I wouldn't talk to about important stuff like people. I wanna get rid of the house some day, though. I wanna...wanna blow it up or something. And then I'll get a better house that people won't be scared of because nothing interesting happens if people are too scared to come close.
[IckleMary] Well, if you get a better one, that's fine. And anyway, blowing it up would probably be a whole lot of fun.
[ickleTi] Well, if we're married and we get the house together then of course it'll be better because we'd both want something better, wouldn't we? And I like blowing things up. My sister was picking on me once so I tied a bunch of firecrackers to her favourite doll and lit'em up.
[IckleMary] *thoughtful nod* I haven't tried blowing things up yet, since everything's so close together it'd /all/ blow up if I tried. I've watched people do it, though...
[ickleTi] *looks around a bit* If we could find stuff to do it with, maybe we could blow something up just because. Then you could say you had. There's enough room around here.
[IckleMary] *tries not to light up too much, but only sort of succeeds* We could! *glances around* Where would they put explosive things?
[ickleTi] Hmm. I don't know. *looks around some more, biting his lip* Maybe in a closet or something?
[IckleMary] Maybe... *spots a closet rather conveniently close to the plot hole* There's one. ... There's something /funny/ next to it, too.
[ickleTi] *ooo, strange things are fun* Wonder what that is. *and, of course, we'll go look*
[IckleMary] *obviously we have to go look* It.. kind of looks like a hole in the wall... *sticks her hand in just a little, and pulls out a bit of yarn* ..There's /stuff/ in it. *starestare*
[ickleTi] *and here's an amazingly normal wide-eyed child look* What kind of stuff? *reaches in as well and pulls out a blanket* *lightbulb! :D* ...hey! Maybe we can get explosive stuff from in here!
[IckleMary] We probably can! I wonder how it works... *is, in fact, quite fascinated* *reaches in with a look of concentration and pulls out a box of matches*
[ickleTi] *grins* That's a start. *sort of pokes his tongue out of the corner of his mouth, concentrating and pulling out a spool of fuse* Okay. Now we just need something that explodes.
[IckleMary] *thinks about it for a moment, then reaches in and gets a small, rather oldfashioned looking powder horn* ... That's not really what I was thinking about, but it should probably work...
[ickleTi] Sure. Now. What do we want to blow up? *the idea of making things go boom apparently cheers him greatly*
[IckleMary] *points kitchenwards* We passed that on the way here, and there's no one there to stop us. There're probably lots of fun things to blow up. *quite happy at the idea herself*
[ickleTi] All right! *marches off to the kitchen for some explosivebonding fun, yay :D*
[IckleMary] *follows; it's just not DF without an exploded kitchen* *looks around and some storage containers off to one side* How about those?
[ickleTi] Hmm. *goes to inspect them* They could work. *looks around as professionally as a seven year old can when praciticing pyromania* We'll run the fuse out through the door so we don't get blown up with them.
[IckleMary] *nods* It wouldn't be very smart to get blown up.
[ickleTi] Nope. Wouldn't be smart at all. *whee, cheerful smile* All right! Let's get to it! *puts the end of the fuse by the containers and starts running it away*
[IckleMary] *runs after, then, as what else is there do to?*
[ickleTi] *once out the door, looks at it all and nods* Is there actually powder in that? Maybe we should put some by the stuff to make sure it catches.
[IckleMary] *opens the horn carefully and still gets some powder spilled on her hands* Definitely.
[ickleTi] *beams* Okay. You go put the powder down and I'll make sure nobody catches us. It wouldn't be very fun if somebody stopped us before we even got to light the fuse.
[IckleMary] No, it wouldn't. *goes over and put the horn down by the packagely end of the fuse carefully, then hurries back to the door*
[ickleTi] *looks around to make sure no one's watching them then sits back on his heels* You're the one who hasn't blown things up before so you get to light it.
[IckleMary] *beamy smile, then strikes a match and holds it to the end of the fuse*
[ickleTi] *and now we watch happily as the fuse burns up to the powder aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand KITCHENGOBOOM!!! :D* *yes, this is now a very happily giggling Tiresias, completely forgetting his residual dislike of Mary for the time being*
[IckleMary] *oh, yes, we can totally forget disliking Ti for now, since KITCHEN GOING BOOM is fun*
[ickleTi] See? Blowing stuff up is fun!
[IckleMary] It /is/. *marvels* That was /wonderful/.
[ickleTi] *beamybeamygrin* Maybe, if we get married, we can blow things up together more.
[IckleMary] *smiiile* Oh, I think that wouldn't be so bad at all.
[ickleTi] See? *seriously* Maybe being married to you could be fun after all. I mean, if we blow things up and kill things together, it couldn't be -all- bad.
[IckleMary] *also becomes more serious* Yes, I'm sure that must be it. Maybe, since we're older and better at it, we kill people together, too. That's probably even /more/ fun.
[ickleTi] *nods* Of course. That'd make a lot of sense. I mean, I know I wouldn't marry anybody I could do fun stuff like that with.
[IckleMary] Right, and I'd be the same way. Maybe we should ask all those kids what sort of stuff we do when we're older. It must be /really/ fun.
[ickleTi] It -must- be. *thinks a moment* I wonder how many of them are good at killing things, too.
[IckleMary] Some of them must be, at least. I'd teach them, anyway. Would you?
[ickleTi] Of course I would. I wouldn't want any of my kids to be lazy like Laius or anything.
[IckleMary] I wouldn't let any of my kids be lazy. It would be /embarrassing/.
[ickleTi] They have to be able to hurt things properly and do all of the fun stuff. And...and we should do fun stuff with them. *nods* That way they really learn.
[IckleMary] Yes! And we should talk to them about people, too, because that's also important if you're going to /hurt/ people.
[ickleTi] *totally warming up to this entire idea* Maybe, if we do it all right, then the stupid one'll just have been an accident. Oh...and the one that's not evil. At least then we'd have-- *thinks a moment* --four to be proud of.
[IckleMary] *nods* Four out of six isn't too bad, and I guess we'd be able to have different fun with the other two. It'll just be fun for us instead of for them. *a smile hinting at her future evil!smiles*
[ickleTi] *being cheerfully oblivious to the fact that he dies, shall nod and grin almost wickedly himself* I really think this whole thing
really might not be so bad.
[IckleMary] *nods, and doesn't know about him dying either, so the whole world is currently pretty good for her* I think it really isn't. That's good.