open letter to jerks
i have standards. i have needs. if you are going to say 'i want to be a part of yr life' then you need to consider my needs before you can meet my standards. if you want to form a committed monogamous relationship (something i do not philosophically believe in) then you need to understand that i am not in this by default. this is not my comfort zone. this is something i am agreeing to conditionally.
i do much better on my own. if you truly believe you can make my life better than it is while i'm on my own, then you need to do that. & not just once, or for a little while, until the relationship is solid, & then assume you've 'won' me.
to meet my needs, you have to listen. & then you have to think. i am not going to spoonfeed you everything you need to know about me, my needs & my standards. you have to do a bit of your own independent investigation. you have to pay attention. to the little hints, the non-verbal signs, that something might be off.
for months i have tried to let you know what parts of your behaviour were not good enough to keep me around. sometimes even told you. & i have become pretty exhausted trying to make it clear without spoon feeding you. but it appears you need to be spoon fed. so i did - i let you know clearly, unambiguously & openly. you went straight on the defensive & argued that since i had never said those specific words before, i was actually in the wrong.
i want to assert this: fuck that.
i do not have a responsibility to school you in how to be a good lover, partner, friend. i am talking about the basics here, nothing too idiosyncratic. if you are not being a good lover, partner, friend, then i would normally assume this relationship is no longer 'going anywhere'. but if you want to convince me that it is, then you better be able to, at minimum, be a good lover, partner & friend. is that too high a standard?
i don't think so.
i do much better on my own. if you truly believe you can make my life better than it is while i'm on my own, then you need to do that. & not just once, or for a little while, until the relationship is solid, & then assume you've 'won' me.
to meet my needs, you have to listen. & then you have to think. i am not going to spoonfeed you everything you need to know about me, my needs & my standards. you have to do a bit of your own independent investigation. you have to pay attention. to the little hints, the non-verbal signs, that something might be off.
for months i have tried to let you know what parts of your behaviour were not good enough to keep me around. sometimes even told you. & i have become pretty exhausted trying to make it clear without spoon feeding you. but it appears you need to be spoon fed. so i did - i let you know clearly, unambiguously & openly. you went straight on the defensive & argued that since i had never said those specific words before, i was actually in the wrong.
i want to assert this: fuck that.
i do not have a responsibility to school you in how to be a good lover, partner, friend. i am talking about the basics here, nothing too idiosyncratic. if you are not being a good lover, partner, friend, then i would normally assume this relationship is no longer 'going anywhere'. but if you want to convince me that it is, then you better be able to, at minimum, be a good lover, partner & friend. is that too high a standard?
i don't think so.