Round #19; Meet the Mixer - devyn_rose
Fandom: General
Subject: devyn_rose
Title: A Secret Me
Warnings/Notes: This was more difficult than I thought it'd be. It turned out to be more of a mix about being queer than I was intending, but that's just how it happened. It's half nostalgia and half more recent stuff, so sorry about any nostalgia bombs that might get dropped on you here, but every song is or has been extremely meaningful to me. They're the songs I listen to on repeat until I'm sick of them. Warnings for some mentions of mental illness and spoilers for Repo! the Genetic Opera (which also has references to death of parents)?
(pics used in album art taken by me)
Say Shh - Atmosphere
I wanted to make a song about where I’m from, you know?
Big up my hometown, my territory, my state but
I couldn’t figure out much to brag about
Prince lives here, we got 10,000 lakes.
But wait, the women are beautiful, to me they are
and we’re not infested with pretentious movie stars.
And it hit, Minnesota is dope
if only simply for not what we have but what we don’t.
Yes, this is a completely serious rap song about Minnesota. I love my home state, ok? And even though I’m not in the Midwest right now, hopefully I’ll go back one day.
Reflection - Christina Aguilara
I am now
in a world where I have to hide my heart
and what I believe in.
But somehow
I will show the world what’s inside my heart
and be loved for who I am.
...
Must I pretend that I’m
someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
who I am inside?
Mulan was my absolute favorite Disney movie when I was younger, and I still love it. I’ve always related to this song on a very personal level, and still do (all my young!queer feels, let me show you them).
Somewhere I Belong - Linkin Park
What do I have but negativity
‘cause I can’t justify the way everyone is looking at me.
(Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
and the fault is my own, and the fault is my own.
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real.
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long.
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real.
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along:
somewhere I belong.
Teen!me nostalgia bomb, basically.
Imaginary (demo v2) - Evanescence
Don’t say I’m out of touch
with this rampant chaos, your reality.
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge
the nightmare I built my own world to escape.
...
If you need to leave the world you live in
lay your head down and stay a while.
Though you may not remember dreaming
something waits for you to breathe again.
Oh, god, so much teen!me nostalgia up in here :p
I Didn’t Know I’d Love You So Much - Repo! The Genetic Opera
Sometimes I wanted to cry
when the people on t.v. were not quite the way we were.
Somehow, I guess I just knew...
But I didn’t know I’d love you so much.
I didn’t know I’d love you so much.
I didn’t know I’d love you so much,
but I do.
...
And we will always have each other
in our time of need.
I love musicals/rock operas, and I wanted to represent my family in this mix. This song just about sums up how I feel about them (minus the dead mother and repossession of body parts underlying this song in the actual show; my life is not a musical).
Runs In The Family - Amanda Palmer
Me? Well, I’m well.
Well, I mean I’m in hell.
Well, I still have my health.
(At least that’s what they tell me)
If wellness is this, what in hell’s name is sickness?
But business is business!
And business runs in the family,
we tend to bruise easily, bad in the blood.
I’m telling you ‘cause I just want you to know me,
know me and my family.
We’re wonderful folks,
but don’t get too close to me
‘cause you might knock me up.
Say what you will about Amanda Palmer as a person, but she’s somehow able to capture exactly how I feel about my mental health (or lack thereof). The only trouble was deciding which song of hers to use! (it was between this and Bad Habit, but it really does run in my family...)
Teen Idle (Acoustic) - Marina & The Diamonds
I wanna be a bottle blonde.
I don’t know why but I feel conned.
I wanna be an idle teen,
I wish I hadn’t been so clean.
I wanna stay inside all day.
I want the world to go away.
I want blood, guts, and chocolate cake.
I wanna be a real fake.
Yeah, I wish I’d been, I wish I’d been a teen, teen idle.
Wish I’d been a prom queen fighting for the title.
Instead of being sixteen and burning up a Bible,
feeling super, super (super!) suicidal.
I don’t know how Marina does it, either, but this is exactly how I feel about my teenage years, looking back at them.
A Thousand Years - Christina Perri
Time stands still,
beauty in all she is.
I will be brave,
I will not let anything take away
what’s standing in front of me.
Every breath, every hour has come to this.
One step closer.
I have died every day waiting for you.
Darling, don’t be afraid, I have loved you
for a thousand years.
I’ll love you for a thousand more.
Yes, this is from a Twilight soundtrack. But I love it because it sounds like a girl singing a grand, sweeping love song to another girl, which isn’t something you hear on the radio ever (unless it’s this song). It also reminds me of Sailor Moon, which was a formative influence on me, and my first fandom!
She Keeps Me Warm - Mary Lambert
And I can’t change, even if I tried.
Even if I wanted to.
And I can’t change, even if I tried.
Even if I wanted to.
My love, my love, my love, my love,
she keeps me warm.
She keeps me warm.
Cute, sappy love song? Check. Explains my feelings about being a girl who is attracted to other girls? Check. And I like it much better than that annoying Macklemore song that also uses this chorus.
This Is Gospel - Panic! At The Disco
This is gospel for the fallen ones,
locked away in permanent slumber.
Assembling their philosophies
from pieces of broken memories.
Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart.
The gnashing teeth and criminal tongues
conspire against the odds.
But they haven’t seen the best of us yet.
I’m pagan (for lack of a better word), and this song reminds me of my gods and my religious practices. And I recently re-discovered P!ATD; I couldn’t not have them on this mix.
Tiptoe - Imagine Dragons
In the morning light, let my roots take flight.
Watch me fall above like a vicious dove.
They don’t see me come, who can blame them?
They never seem to catch my eye, but I never wondered why.
I won’t fall asleep,
I won't fall asleep.
Hey yeah, don’t let ‘em know we’re coming.
Hey yeah, tiptoe higher.
Take some time to simmer down, keep your head down low.
Hey yeah, tiptoe higher.
This song cheers me up, and felt like a hopeful (and abrupt, but I like that) way to end the mix. I hope you enjoyed it!
4s
ss
Subject: devyn_rose
Title: A Secret Me
Warnings/Notes: This was more difficult than I thought it'd be. It turned out to be more of a mix about being queer than I was intending, but that's just how it happened. It's half nostalgia and half more recent stuff, so sorry about any nostalgia bombs that might get dropped on you here, but every song is or has been extremely meaningful to me. They're the songs I listen to on repeat until I'm sick of them. Warnings for some mentions of mental illness and spoilers for Repo! the Genetic Opera (which also has references to death of parents)?
(pics used in album art taken by me)
Say Shh - Atmosphere
I wanted to make a song about where I’m from, you know?
Big up my hometown, my territory, my state but
I couldn’t figure out much to brag about
Prince lives here, we got 10,000 lakes.
But wait, the women are beautiful, to me they are
and we’re not infested with pretentious movie stars.
And it hit, Minnesota is dope
if only simply for not what we have but what we don’t.
Yes, this is a completely serious rap song about Minnesota. I love my home state, ok? And even though I’m not in the Midwest right now, hopefully I’ll go back one day.
Reflection - Christina Aguilara
I am now
in a world where I have to hide my heart
and what I believe in.
But somehow
I will show the world what’s inside my heart
and be loved for who I am.
...
Must I pretend that I’m
someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
who I am inside?
Mulan was my absolute favorite Disney movie when I was younger, and I still love it. I’ve always related to this song on a very personal level, and still do (all my young!queer feels, let me show you them).
Somewhere I Belong - Linkin Park
What do I have but negativity
‘cause I can’t justify the way everyone is looking at me.
(Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
and the fault is my own, and the fault is my own.
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real.
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long.
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real.
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along:
somewhere I belong.
Teen!me nostalgia bomb, basically.
Imaginary (demo v2) - Evanescence
Don’t say I’m out of touch
with this rampant chaos, your reality.
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge
the nightmare I built my own world to escape.
...
If you need to leave the world you live in
lay your head down and stay a while.
Though you may not remember dreaming
something waits for you to breathe again.
Oh, god, so much teen!me nostalgia up in here :p
I Didn’t Know I’d Love You So Much - Repo! The Genetic Opera
Sometimes I wanted to cry
when the people on t.v. were not quite the way we were.
Somehow, I guess I just knew...
But I didn’t know I’d love you so much.
I didn’t know I’d love you so much.
I didn’t know I’d love you so much,
but I do.
...
And we will always have each other
in our time of need.
I love musicals/rock operas, and I wanted to represent my family in this mix. This song just about sums up how I feel about them (minus the dead mother and repossession of body parts underlying this song in the actual show; my life is not a musical).
Runs In The Family - Amanda Palmer
Me? Well, I’m well.
Well, I mean I’m in hell.
Well, I still have my health.
(At least that’s what they tell me)
If wellness is this, what in hell’s name is sickness?
But business is business!
And business runs in the family,
we tend to bruise easily, bad in the blood.
I’m telling you ‘cause I just want you to know me,
know me and my family.
We’re wonderful folks,
but don’t get too close to me
‘cause you might knock me up.
Say what you will about Amanda Palmer as a person, but she’s somehow able to capture exactly how I feel about my mental health (or lack thereof). The only trouble was deciding which song of hers to use! (it was between this and Bad Habit, but it really does run in my family...)
Teen Idle (Acoustic) - Marina & The Diamonds
I wanna be a bottle blonde.
I don’t know why but I feel conned.
I wanna be an idle teen,
I wish I hadn’t been so clean.
I wanna stay inside all day.
I want the world to go away.
I want blood, guts, and chocolate cake.
I wanna be a real fake.
Yeah, I wish I’d been, I wish I’d been a teen, teen idle.
Wish I’d been a prom queen fighting for the title.
Instead of being sixteen and burning up a Bible,
feeling super, super (super!) suicidal.
I don’t know how Marina does it, either, but this is exactly how I feel about my teenage years, looking back at them.
A Thousand Years - Christina Perri
Time stands still,
beauty in all she is.
I will be brave,
I will not let anything take away
what’s standing in front of me.
Every breath, every hour has come to this.
One step closer.
I have died every day waiting for you.
Darling, don’t be afraid, I have loved you
for a thousand years.
I’ll love you for a thousand more.
Yes, this is from a Twilight soundtrack. But I love it because it sounds like a girl singing a grand, sweeping love song to another girl, which isn’t something you hear on the radio ever (unless it’s this song). It also reminds me of Sailor Moon, which was a formative influence on me, and my first fandom!
She Keeps Me Warm - Mary Lambert
And I can’t change, even if I tried.
Even if I wanted to.
And I can’t change, even if I tried.
Even if I wanted to.
My love, my love, my love, my love,
she keeps me warm.
She keeps me warm.
Cute, sappy love song? Check. Explains my feelings about being a girl who is attracted to other girls? Check. And I like it much better than that annoying Macklemore song that also uses this chorus.
This Is Gospel - Panic! At The Disco
This is gospel for the fallen ones,
locked away in permanent slumber.
Assembling their philosophies
from pieces of broken memories.
Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart.
The gnashing teeth and criminal tongues
conspire against the odds.
But they haven’t seen the best of us yet.
I’m pagan (for lack of a better word), and this song reminds me of my gods and my religious practices. And I recently re-discovered P!ATD; I couldn’t not have them on this mix.
Tiptoe - Imagine Dragons
In the morning light, let my roots take flight.
Watch me fall above like a vicious dove.
They don’t see me come, who can blame them?
They never seem to catch my eye, but I never wondered why.
I won’t fall asleep,
I won't fall asleep.
Hey yeah, don’t let ‘em know we’re coming.
Hey yeah, tiptoe higher.
Take some time to simmer down, keep your head down low.
Hey yeah, tiptoe higher.
This song cheers me up, and felt like a hopeful (and abrupt, but I like that) way to end the mix. I hope you enjoyed it!
4s
ss