gah.
my mom called today, to update that my grandma is not well at all. she was in an assisted living home, but fell, and went to the hospital. apparently she had fallen several times, but not told anyone. so she went to the hospital, and they found out she hasn't been eating or drinking anything. she then went to a full care nursing home, but has gotten worse. she's dropped from 97 to 90 pounds, and still won't eat. they had to take her off her meds because she is so dehydrated, her blood was becoming toxic.
she called her lawyer after getting to the nursing home, and finalized her will, and won't get out of bed or eat. the nurse said she just seems to be shutting down. my mom said i could come up and say goodbye, but she didn't think it would be good for gramma. she slips in and out. she has had a long, lonely, hard life, and she is just -done-. if she'd eat, she'd be pretty physically healthy, but i think she has given up as much of her independence as she wants to. she asked my mom while in the hospital we she didn't just let her go..
its so fucking sad. we didn't get to see her for years, because she didn't want to see anyone. she was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, and has never treated it, unless in the hospital- which happened a few years ago, and is when my mom started taking care of her.
im so very thankful i got to see her again over the last few years. i had missed her so much, and she is such an awesome lady. she'd be completely cantankerous and difficult, but then start fucking with my mom, while looking over at my and winking. she is so much fun, when she feels good.
its such a hard choice.. who are we to make her stay if she is ready to go? yes, i want her to be there when i'm home at thanksgiving. yes i want her around for a few more years, but that is all from a selfish point of view.
she knows we love her. and when she goes, i hope to whatever god there might be that she gets to see all the people she has missed for so long. she deserves that. she deserves that so very much.
she called her lawyer after getting to the nursing home, and finalized her will, and won't get out of bed or eat. the nurse said she just seems to be shutting down. my mom said i could come up and say goodbye, but she didn't think it would be good for gramma. she slips in and out. she has had a long, lonely, hard life, and she is just -done-. if she'd eat, she'd be pretty physically healthy, but i think she has given up as much of her independence as she wants to. she asked my mom while in the hospital we she didn't just let her go..
its so fucking sad. we didn't get to see her for years, because she didn't want to see anyone. she was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, and has never treated it, unless in the hospital- which happened a few years ago, and is when my mom started taking care of her.
im so very thankful i got to see her again over the last few years. i had missed her so much, and she is such an awesome lady. she'd be completely cantankerous and difficult, but then start fucking with my mom, while looking over at my and winking. she is so much fun, when she feels good.
its such a hard choice.. who are we to make her stay if she is ready to go? yes, i want her to be there when i'm home at thanksgiving. yes i want her around for a few more years, but that is all from a selfish point of view.
she knows we love her. and when she goes, i hope to whatever god there might be that she gets to see all the people she has missed for so long. she deserves that. she deserves that so very much.