Comments | devoken: 30 days meme: Day 5, "Love, defined"

devoken

30 days meme: Day 5, "Love, defined"

Oct 04, 2010 23:40

Love means always sincerely saying you're sorry, and always being willing to sincerely hear you partner's apologies.

I'm not saying everything has to be forgiven. I'm certainly not saying that people should stay in bad/unhappy relationships. What I am saying is that pride and anger can't take precedence over love.

( That's the gist of it. The important part. The rest is for those who want more than the gist: )

Comments 12

londo October 5 2010, 03:53:38 UTC

Good precision of language.

devoken October 5 2010, 04:09:54 UTC

Danke schoen!

(Assuming you're being sincere, that is. I suspect sarcasm a bit, though, because I feel like I rambled all over the place on this one. Though, not as badly as yesterday's.)

swashbucklr October 5 2010, 04:00:25 UTC

When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee...

that's a moray. ;)

devoken October 5 2010, 04:10:44 UTC

Hey, I was trying to lighten the mood of my essay. You, however, have no excuse. :)

swashbucklr October 5 2010, 04:26:47 UTC

Have I ever had, or needed, an excuse for hilarity such as that? :)

woodwardiocom October 5 2010, 10:45:09 UTC

Well said.

devoken October 5 2010, 13:34:00 UTC

Thank you.

caulay October 5 2010, 15:07:29 UTC

On a theoretical basis, I agree with all of that. On a practical basis, I not so good. Which of course, is my fault and one I need to work on.

I do have one serious mantra that applies in this and a lot of other situations: "Forgive but do not forget." Not very christian of me but I haven't been one of those for longer than you've been alive.

alexx_kay October 5 2010, 15:56:32 UTC

"apology" (like most language) is a fuzzy concept. When you're apologizing (or accepting an apology), I think it's good to reach for more clarity.

"I regret that you are upset, but I don't acknowledge my actions as incorrect."

"I acknowledge that what I did was wrong."

"I regret having done it."

"I offer restitution for my action."

"I promise not to do it again."

I've seen apologies mix and match these components in a wide variety of ways. Many arguments arise when what A is saying isn't what B is hearing.

devoken October 5 2010, 18:50:04 UTC

You're correct, and the whole piece would be much more useful with that extra clarity. It was hard to work in, though, because there are so very many ways it can be expressed and meant.

Not that the previous statement helps any; I'm just offering an explanation.

I think my perspective on apologies is closest to a combination of 2 and 3, but all of them are valuable.

coraline October 5 2010, 20:16:05 UTC

a very very good point.

at the very least, i'd really love to hear mroe people separate out "i'm sorry" ("i have sorrow about this situation") from "i apologize" ("i acknowledge some responsibility for this situation").

devoken October 5 2010, 23:44:25 UTC

Agreed on separating out "I'm sorry" from "I apologize." Partly for precision of language, and partly because I hate it when, hearing about some not-awesome situation, I say "I'm sorry" and the recipient says "Why? It's not your fault."