blerg
soooo....being single sucks. i realize i havnt been single for long and yeah i can imagine it gets easier but damn, not having anyone there to be with when i get home is killing me. i miss being able to get home and cuddle with laura and talk about our days are how crappy people are to eachother. i miss feeling like someone wants to share their life with me. whatever, i have monty. he wags his tail and does his little dance for me when i get home, he makes me feel appreciated. too bad things always seem to get worst before they get better. im just barely going to make rent this month. paying the fpl bill will have to wait. got i hate this. i wonder how shes doing? i texted her today, tried to keep it civil. tried not to show her how much i want to wrap my arms around her and hold on untill the end of time. how is it she doesnt see that as a good thing. how come i feel like the more i love her, the farther she gets. it kills me to think shes moved on and found another boyfriend. i dont care if shes had sex or made out or whatever the fuck shes done, i just dont want to know someone else made her heart feel the way i used to. the more i think about how much fun we had and how great things were for so long i think i was lucky to have gotten to be so happy for so long. its gotten to the point where i no longer hold any illusions as to whos fault it was or why things happend, at this point i just want to know she enjoyed our time together as much as i did. its sad to think that my fondest memories might have been her hardest moments. she had to have some good times. we laughed so much. we ran to eachother so much. we wanted to be together soo bad. how did that come apart? i blame myself ofcourse. i should have been more attentive to her. and got damnit i fucking swear that if i ever get another chance i will never let that happen again. i think i've learend alot from all of this. i think i've found a way to be content with who i am with out her. i think thats part of what she wanted me to find.