August 24, 2003 11:20pm
Today hasn’t been too bad. I got a haircut after only and hour of work. It was kind of a crappy day, I was depressed for a while, but I know why. I just keep having this thought of all of the things that Sydney and I did together that Terry will probably never let us do. Like go to visit each other and hang out, see a baseball game and such. And I’ll probably not get to see her family anymore. I felt that they really liked me, it’s the first time that I think anyone’s family accepted me being around the same time that they were. I truly felt loved with Sydney. It wasn’t awkward to be around her and her family, even at her cousin’s wedding. I just feel so comfortable around Sydney and her family, I felt accepted. That makes things a little harder for me. I was so lucky to have Sydney. I was so happy; I just wasn’t ready to commit fully to her. I wanted to, but I didn’t. And that is one thing that I can’t figure out. I tried to make her so happy and I ignored her and didn’t cuddle with her as much as I could’ve and now all I want to do is hold her. She tells me; “You live, you learn. Learn this and you could make some other girl very happy”. Truth is I believe that, but I just want to make her happy.
We talked for a long time last night. I am starting to see Terry as ‘the better man’ for Sydney. He has everything that she is looking for. He is mature, stable and he doesn’t play video games or hang out with his friends all of the time.
I would give anything to start this relationship over and show who I really am, treat her like she truly deserved to be treated. Every time I talk to her I just can’t help from telling her that I am so sorry for the way I treated her. She says that I didn’t treat her nearly as bad as any of her other boyfriends, but to be close enough for comparison to them was bad enough to really hurt me.
We talked for a long time last night. I am starting to see Terry as ‘the better man’ for Sydney. He has everything that she is looking for. He is mature, stable and he doesn’t play video games or hang out with his friends all of the time.
I would give anything to start this relationship over and show who I really am, treat her like she truly deserved to be treated. Every time I talk to her I just can’t help from telling her that I am so sorry for the way I treated her. She says that I didn’t treat her nearly as bad as any of her other boyfriends, but to be close enough for comparison to them was bad enough to really hurt me.