(no subject)
Wow have i been bummed lately, it's kinda pathetic. I have so many thoughts and internal conflicts right now it's driving me insane. I'm just so annoyed wiht myself that i have little arguements in my head, one little voice arguing one way, and the other totally bringing down the argument. It may seem that i'm a little crazy but i am just very hard on myself for my lackings and the dumb things i ahve done but frankly you can think whatever your little hearts desire because it doesn't matter anymore. i wish i knew what to say when people talk to me, my anti socialism is getting to be an annoyance and it's making me an outcast. i dont really fit in with almost all of you no matter how much you deny it, i don't it's a cold fact plain and simple. I just want to figure out if therre is anyway that i could change all of this and be like a normal human being. it's not looking very good at the moment, but who knows i could just possibly have a break through.
This is nothing against anyone, it's not your fault it's mine ... but i just wish that i could talk to all of you and make jokes, that are actually funny, and participate in the things that i used to consider fun. "i grew up to fast" is what i keep on telling myself, but i think it's just a sherade to keep me from realising this could be fixed. I hate that no one really knows me, i ahve so amny sides to me and most poeple usually only see one, and very rarely 2. This didn't even help at all.. i still feel like a failure, i guess thats a hint.
I don't want any rolled eyes or such about this, if you dont like to know whats actually going on in my head and you only want to see the person i portray to you then DONT READ THIS
This is nothing against anyone, it's not your fault it's mine ... but i just wish that i could talk to all of you and make jokes, that are actually funny, and participate in the things that i used to consider fun. "i grew up to fast" is what i keep on telling myself, but i think it's just a sherade to keep me from realising this could be fixed. I hate that no one really knows me, i ahve so amny sides to me and most poeple usually only see one, and very rarely 2. This didn't even help at all.. i still feel like a failure, i guess thats a hint.
I don't want any rolled eyes or such about this, if you dont like to know whats actually going on in my head and you only want to see the person i portray to you then DONT READ THIS