Weekly Rendezvous With The Unwonted Counsellor
Dear Counsellor,
I have a question that is more of a moral dilemma than anything else. There was a spider in the urinal of my college. It had been there for quite some time now. I think it was unable to get out because of the slippery ceramic even if it wanted to. It had been constantly peed on for fun by the boys. I took pity on its sorry state of affair and picked it up using a paper towel and placed him on the tile floor. He just sat there, not moving a muscle. I nudged him slightly with the towel, but nothing happened. I left, but when I came back two hours later he hadn't moved. The next day I found him dead. I thought moving him out of there was a good idea. Do you think I was the reason for his death?
- Thomas Nagel (A Distraught Student)
Dear Thomas,
A normal house spider lives around a year. If it's a female, a bit longer. The spider had it coming anyways, but who asked you to play God with an innocent arachnid and take paper towels in your own hands? Dude, how would you like if someone kicked you out of your apartment one day? You would die too, right? I do think you are the reason for his death. I just hope no other insect saw this and ratted you out to the spider mafia. If that were so, you are gonna need some serious help. I'll mail you my exterminator’s number just in case. Till then sleep with a bug spray close under your pillow.
- UC (Your Guardian Angel)
*************
Hi Counsellor,
I'm at the controls of a railway switch and there’s an out-of-control trolley coming. The tracks branch into two, one track that leads to a group of five people, and the other to one person. If I do nothing, the trolley will smash into the five people. But if I flip the switch, it’ll change tracks and strike the lone person. I am confused. What do I do?
- Philippa Foot (A Flummoxed Femme)
Hey Philippa,
I hope this is an abstract question, because I don't think you'll get the reply in time. If not, here's my two cents. Kill them all. Find a way for the trolley to loop back to the other track as well. Your conscious wouldn't be picking at you forever for choosing who you decided to bump off. With the population of the world now over 7 billion, you just gifted those six people eternal peace. Also if caught, blame the trolley driver.
- UC (The Devil's Advocate)
*************
Dear Readers,
This is your brain worm for this week.
Assume there is an experience machine that will give you any experience you desire. One could stimulate your brain to think and feel you were writing a great novel, or making a friend, or saving the world. All the time you will just be in a state of coma. Will you plug into this machine for life, preprograming your life experiences?
- UC
I have a question that is more of a moral dilemma than anything else. There was a spider in the urinal of my college. It had been there for quite some time now. I think it was unable to get out because of the slippery ceramic even if it wanted to. It had been constantly peed on for fun by the boys. I took pity on its sorry state of affair and picked it up using a paper towel and placed him on the tile floor. He just sat there, not moving a muscle. I nudged him slightly with the towel, but nothing happened. I left, but when I came back two hours later he hadn't moved. The next day I found him dead. I thought moving him out of there was a good idea. Do you think I was the reason for his death?
- Thomas Nagel (A Distraught Student)
Dear Thomas,
A normal house spider lives around a year. If it's a female, a bit longer. The spider had it coming anyways, but who asked you to play God with an innocent arachnid and take paper towels in your own hands? Dude, how would you like if someone kicked you out of your apartment one day? You would die too, right? I do think you are the reason for his death. I just hope no other insect saw this and ratted you out to the spider mafia. If that were so, you are gonna need some serious help. I'll mail you my exterminator’s number just in case. Till then sleep with a bug spray close under your pillow.
- UC (Your Guardian Angel)
*************
Hi Counsellor,
I'm at the controls of a railway switch and there’s an out-of-control trolley coming. The tracks branch into two, one track that leads to a group of five people, and the other to one person. If I do nothing, the trolley will smash into the five people. But if I flip the switch, it’ll change tracks and strike the lone person. I am confused. What do I do?
- Philippa Foot (A Flummoxed Femme)
Hey Philippa,
I hope this is an abstract question, because I don't think you'll get the reply in time. If not, here's my two cents. Kill them all. Find a way for the trolley to loop back to the other track as well. Your conscious wouldn't be picking at you forever for choosing who you decided to bump off. With the population of the world now over 7 billion, you just gifted those six people eternal peace. Also if caught, blame the trolley driver.
- UC (The Devil's Advocate)
*************
Dear Readers,
This is your brain worm for this week.
Assume there is an experience machine that will give you any experience you desire. One could stimulate your brain to think and feel you were writing a great novel, or making a friend, or saving the world. All the time you will just be in a state of coma. Will you plug into this machine for life, preprograming your life experiences?
- UC