Friday, November 03, 2006 .............
have no fuckin idea....................retarded fuckin ramble
I'm rattled lately and I dunno why, uninspired, pissed off, the desire to self destruct ??I dunno... My life is good, more broke than I wanna be but hell arent we all? I really am happy prolly the most at piece I've ever been. yeah its the most boring my life has ever been but ya don't get both right? and maybe thats the problem or the cause of my restlessness, imagine if you will a fist closed tight knuckles white freshly put through a wall a door or repeatedly into a face, now that same fist bruised, scraped lightly bleeding still closed tight knuckles even more white.. THATS WHAT I NEED, To FEEL THAT WAY!.. I know this makes no sense to anyone hell maybe not even to me..I just feel sluggish, tired , too routine too mundane I desire sum chaos a reason to feel a passion for life ...those of you that may read this(if anyone) prolly know me and as I see myself I am passion I live for that fire that drives me excitement danger sumthin anything but the same fuckin thing..I need to create to destroy to be wild soo that the time i do have that is down and mello ( which is all of it as late) doesn't consume me and I lose myself in it..I dunno my life hasn't been privileged hell i've had to bust heads for everything I've gotten .most my life mainly the early years I was kicked around everyday which is prolly why I take no shit now unfortunately I wasn't always soo confident and cared what everyone thought of all aspects of me..well fuck them fuck that and fuck you cause thats done..But now I have nuthin to prove nuthin to fight for life is just fuckin life and I'm fuckin bored to death..I'm goin crazy in my own skin even my drawing or sculpting isn't really helping me relax like it used to hell lately the only thing that mello's me is loud loud fuckin waaaay loud Metal music it's the only piece of mind im getting lately.blah blah blah fuck this is even starting to piss me off now..I need to find my fire get my passion back i need a reason and a will to fight to have sumthing that i want soo much it hurts i need a chip on my shoulder and sum poor fuck to try to knock it off..like he said in fight club I just want to destroy sumthin beautiful.. i think my insanity is consuming its self for survival and if I get sane I mean happy Johnny 9 to 5
pointless existence routine It'll be the death of me I will in all actuality no longer "BE".. left just a sad former drone shell of me and well thats worse than death...Fuck society and the fuckin shit it sucks us into and creates out of us NOTHING!Fuck me gettin soft, ok fuck this you get no real plot here no ending no middle nothing just my random pissed of nothing just this dull numbing doldrums that I am now floating or falling in...............
I'm rattled lately and I dunno why, uninspired, pissed off, the desire to self destruct ??I dunno... My life is good, more broke than I wanna be but hell arent we all? I really am happy prolly the most at piece I've ever been. yeah its the most boring my life has ever been but ya don't get both right? and maybe thats the problem or the cause of my restlessness, imagine if you will a fist closed tight knuckles white freshly put through a wall a door or repeatedly into a face, now that same fist bruised, scraped lightly bleeding still closed tight knuckles even more white.. THATS WHAT I NEED, To FEEL THAT WAY!.. I know this makes no sense to anyone hell maybe not even to me..I just feel sluggish, tired , too routine too mundane I desire sum chaos a reason to feel a passion for life ...those of you that may read this(if anyone) prolly know me and as I see myself I am passion I live for that fire that drives me excitement danger sumthin anything but the same fuckin thing..I need to create to destroy to be wild soo that the time i do have that is down and mello ( which is all of it as late) doesn't consume me and I lose myself in it..I dunno my life hasn't been privileged hell i've had to bust heads for everything I've gotten .most my life mainly the early years I was kicked around everyday which is prolly why I take no shit now unfortunately I wasn't always soo confident and cared what everyone thought of all aspects of me..well fuck them fuck that and fuck you cause thats done..But now I have nuthin to prove nuthin to fight for life is just fuckin life and I'm fuckin bored to death..I'm goin crazy in my own skin even my drawing or sculpting isn't really helping me relax like it used to hell lately the only thing that mello's me is loud loud fuckin waaaay loud Metal music it's the only piece of mind im getting lately.blah blah blah fuck this is even starting to piss me off now..I need to find my fire get my passion back i need a reason and a will to fight to have sumthing that i want soo much it hurts i need a chip on my shoulder and sum poor fuck to try to knock it off..like he said in fight club I just want to destroy sumthin beautiful.. i think my insanity is consuming its self for survival and if I get sane I mean happy Johnny 9 to 5
pointless existence routine It'll be the death of me I will in all actuality no longer "BE".. left just a sad former drone shell of me and well thats worse than death...Fuck society and the fuckin shit it sucks us into and creates out of us NOTHING!Fuck me gettin soft, ok fuck this you get no real plot here no ending no middle nothing just my random pissed of nothing just this dull numbing doldrums that I am now floating or falling in...............