Thursday, July 17, 2008......
words for right now ...that still wont mean anything later
The thoughts flood me like soo much water ripping away my breath, I reachout longingly to the images in my head knowing the arent real but memories,fantasies a life once imagined slightly lived. Gripping onto what could be my soul like a hang nail...It's like watching somthing so beautiful it hurts, yet im soo fucking numb. When did it become like this? Was who I could have been destroyed by what I have become? That same water now stings my eyes letting those thoughts seep behind them creeping further into my mind . Now taking the familiar shape of blissful pain......rebirthing those moments tasting,feeling,aching with those strange old friends once again...Time becomes an after thought as that water holds me like a new born in the womb..Pure yet a lie the sence of saftey evelops me.. that day?.........those lips?.....breath like cotton candy?....Water now softly rocking me Laughter?.......Tribe?.....Road trip to no where?....Waves rising and falling.....Those images and memories pull me into that instance ...Strangleing me with my own life and joy...This lack of air is crushin my lungs but I have to hang on....Bon fire?......sand under our feet?.....Eyes like the northern lights?...I feel the water thrashing my lifeless body impaling me onto the jagged rocks below...Booze on my breath?...I dare not cry out...Youth?....Love?.....Adventure?...........Real?..who's?........Mine?..............His????...The images shake and blur sending the tides back, my mind aches for the warmth of that suffocating embrace....Again I reachout longingly, desperately for those memories as the air tears my lungs making me breath....Life comes back but why? The water slips through my fingers.........