A dream we don't want to come true
Pairing: broken!YunJae
Rating: R-ish
Warnings! Alcoholism, character death
Summary: When the news come out almost all of Korea cries. Even though after the breakup Korean fans stopped listening to DBSK, this hits everyone hard. The one to suffer the most is Jaejoong because he is the one to blame.
Based off a dream I had a few months ago, hence the title.
[Kim Jaejoong revealed as reason for canceled shoot]
[tried to see Jung Yunho]
~*-*~
Asleep no longer than an hour, the fast beat of his ringing phone drew him out of his needed slumber. Eyes hazy, he eyed the number with difficulty. Caller Unknown. To reject the call or not? What if it was something important? Mind clouded over, he slid his finger over the lock and tapped the green talk button.
Static. “Hallo?” He slurred out, Gwangju accent coming out in his attempt to speak. Static, then harsh breathing, like a pervert thinking of him inappropriately. “Hello? Who is this?” This time more alert, he sat up and looked around his room. Too dark, nothing to see, everything gray and blending with the walls.
Breathing. Static. Breathing.
“If you don’t speak up, I will disconnect the call! I will!” He back slowly to the headboard of his bed, almost afraid of a stalker behind him. “Who are you?”
Breathing. Static. Breathing. A meow. Static. “Yunnie.” The name sent a shiver through his body, and he suddenly wanted to wrap up in the sheets and hide.
“No, that is my name. Who are you?” It wasn’t a voice he would be able to recognize. Through tears and coughs, probably had a comforter over their mouth, Yunho couldn’t place the voice.
Static. Breathing. Beep, beep, beep -the call was dropped.
Changmin came into the room later that morning. Yunho was still there, huddled up against the headboard as if Changmin was a killer. “Yunho hyung, what’s wrong?” The phone fell out of the leader’s hand as he stared blankly at the sheets. The younger man reached over and snatched the smart phone, scrolling through different functions.
Gasp.
“But this is Jaejoong hyung’s number. Why is he calling you at three in the morning? What did he say?” Yunho only shook his head.
~*-*~
Late Monday night police were called to the apartment shared by Shim Changmin and the deceased Jung Yunho. Shim found Yunho lying on the bathroom floor with blue hands and feet, no pulse. Paramedics confirmed that he died from alcohol poisoning.
~*-*~
It might have been the same scene that had been working on for the last hour, but Yunho still couldn’t wrap his mind around his character. Sometimes he envied his ex-members. Yoochun’s roles in Sungkyungkwan scandal and Miss Ripley were both straight face, practically emotionless, happy serious guys. Jaejoong’s character in Protect the Boss was all smiles or frowns. Even his little Changmin had a simple character, easy to pull off because he acted the same way in real life, snarky and detestable, adorable under the mask.
Yeah, he had acting experience. He was able to act like a grief stricken idiot in love and out of control. This character was different. Pathetic, submissive, heartbroken, despised, wrong, weak willed. Disliked for being alive. It was everything Yunho was not and everything he felt like.
The staff on the set liked him enough. When they saw him, they stopped their gossiping and acted like they were actually working on something productive. Yunho stared at two stylists take out the same stage costumes and ‘adjust them’ seven different times while holding a private conversation with words like “Should have been dropped… not good enough… handsome face.” As they started the routine for the eighth time, Yunho walked right over to them and sat down in a nearby chair, letting them know of his presence. They seemed to finish their task this time.
It seemed like everyone on set thought he was free game to discuss just because he was now in a failing boyband and his girlfriend was his costar. Soohye was a woman most men had a small crush on, but only enough to watch her drama and love her face. “I don’t get the same reaction as Yoona; maybe I should do a cosmetic CM too?” Her jokes about popularity made Yunho feel like she knew where he was coming from. He didn’t get the same response as his former members; maybe he should go around spouting claims of mistreatment and slavery?
On set today, Soohye was there more for support than for her job. Her scenes were to be filmed later on while Yunho’s were in progress. “Come on Yunho, just rest before your scene. Do you have your lines memorized? Can you pull it off?” Yunho nodded weakly, half in character and half feeling that way himself. He had half an hour before his next shoot and in that half hour the producer expected him to learn his part perfectly, as if he was experienced enough to not NG more than once.
One of the newer staff came over carrying a tray of cups and a lone bottle of water. “Miss Soohye, Yunho,” his face straight and unresponsive, “some tea?” Soohye nodded gratefully and took one of the paper cups, Yunho reached out for the bottled water. Never opened before, never tampered with, safe with no guarantee to the emergency room for a stomach pump.
“Thanks,” he mumbled as his pants pocket came to life with vibrations, ‘He is calling, he is calling. Pick up, don’t answer, run away.’ Yunho stuffed his hand into his tight pocket and the floor staff walked away without curiosity.
Mr. Jaejoong
The formal letters blinked at him. Swallowing his spit and pride, he left Soohye to a private area. “Hello, Jaejoong?”
~*-*~
At 22:16 the leader of TVXQ entered a bar and had 19 shots of spirits. The bartender called him a cab at 23:43, his blood alcohol concentration estimated at .37 at the time. He was dropped off at the apartment, the taxi driver saying he had short, shallow breathing and the driver “needed to clean the vomit out of the backseat.” The driver, Kwon Jaewook, has been a taxi driver for the past 14 years. “I’ve never had so much difficulty waking a passenger. He’s a celebrity, needed a break I guess.” Finally awake, Yunho stumbled into the building 0:12.
Shim Changmin arrived at the scene at 6:47, returning from an early morning recording and a morning radio show. He found Yunho and called 119 at 6:49.
~*-*~
“Yunnie,” a breathy moan cried out. “Your small, cold hands and trembling lips, able to carry on as if nothing has happened, are you afraid of remembering someone?” The vocals cracked and scratchy, as if it had been years since the song was last sung for someone else.
“Jae,” in a soft whisper, troubled. He didn’t know why he picked up, why he even replied. They had told him to ignore all calls from the other party, to reject all communication. It had been pretty easy in the beginning. Changed his number about fifty times, moved around, and dropped off the face of the earth until promotions for their comeback started. Jaejoong. He was everywhere. His face plastered on a bus televised to all of South Korea thanks to Running Man, or scandalously appearing in Secret Garden, on a couple of radio shows here and there, a fanmeet every so often, promoting album after album after EP after OST of self composed beauty. He was everywhere and Yunho was not.
“I need to see you.” In the background, Yunho could hear a garbled live version of Junsu’s ‘Intoxication’ and he could almost imagine his two dongsaeng playing a DVD of their old concerts and pretending they were just as famous as ever.
“Jae-” A whine cut him off, along with a choking gag. Jaejoong never threw up. His drinks stayed down because it was alcohol and loved fucking Kim Jaejoong. He had to have drunk a liquor store to get so hammered that he vomited; the sound and thought of it making Yunho sick.
There was snort, like Jaejoong had wiped his face off, then a soft giggle. He sounded like he did a few years ago. Young, happy, overworked, dangerous. It was his calculated laugh. “Nobody loves us Yunnie. Nobody remembers how good we used to be,” and Yunho almost agreed with him. TVXQ’s legacy was dying, their fans going off and loving new groups. Super Junior’s little blue ocean was doing well, SHINee stole half their fans, even groups from other companies were taking Cassies by the dozens. B2ST, Big Bang, MBLAQ. Even, heaven forbid, U-KISS. He almost agreed until Jaejoong faintly whispered, “YunJae.”
Then he was mad. He fingers dug into the phone and the volume buttons on the side beeped erratically as he gripped it tightly. “We were never real,” he grit out. “Fanservice is fanservice. We were never real.”
But instead of tears or begging, he heard more laughter bubbling from Jaejoong’s throat and through the wavelengths in the air.
~*-*~
Further investigations trace back to a late night in March when Yunho left the set of his drama very flustered and upset. He had just received a phone call moments before, staff report. His costar and girlfriend tells that he answered to a blocked number and almost didn’t pick up but did anyway. He gave her a pained look and took the call to a private area. Five minutes later he came back with a red face and his makeup in ruins. “He didn’t tell me anything, just said ‘I have to go’ in a stern voice and left. Yunho didn’t talk to PD-nim about leaving or tell any of the staff,” his girlfriend says. Staff searched for two hours before coming to the conclusion that he was nowhere on set and not returning that evening.
The same night, JYJ singer Kim Jaejoong was tweeting his various followers about his condition, drunk, but in the safe location of his home. One tweet (deleted soon after being sent out) mentioned calling his past. “I know you know and we can call each other to reconcile about what we miss. I miss us man. ;_;” Neither Shim Changmin nor Jung Yunho have a twitter (fans say because SMent does not want JYJ or the current TVXQ to keep in contact with each other) so it is not certain the tweet was meant for Yunho. However, speculation went around on various netizen locations like twitter, tumblr, blogs, fan cafes, and Cassiopeia’s homepage, that the message means “I know what, U-KNOW, [and] we can call each other to reconcile for what we miss. I miss us, man.”
The next day Kim Jaejoong sent out another tweet apologizing for anything stupid he said.
~*-*~
The next day, when he arrived to work with a hangover as throbbing as the one Jaejoong had, a girlfriend fuming over their lack of communication, and a staff and director ready to fire him on the spot, Yunho wanted to walk right back out and have a repeat of the night before. He managed, and when the reluctant staff invited him out that night for a round at a local and discreet bar, he happily accepted. None of his fellow actors or the remotely tolerant staff could stop him from hitting the shots.
~*-*~
The two met in the locker room. A fight almost broke out, but the towel boy called security and broke it up. No reports were charged and the two went their different ways.
~*-*~
She definitely needed to be spoiled. Over the past few weeks, Yunho had been brushing her off like any other coworker he didn’t have time for. They shared their occasional kiss and coffee, but nothing romantic like a trip to Paris singing the only French song they knew and laughing at each other’s bad English. Nothing like a trip to Prague to enjoy the nice weather and fashion. Nothing like a trip to the Grand Canyon to set up a campsite and enjoy different sports and activities right on the river.
Yunho realized he was too held up with the past and not enough of the present. That was why he went on Strong Hearts and told stories of DB5K and not TVX2. No, they were DBSK, TVXQ, Tohoshinki, Rising Gods of the East, and then more.
Counting the bills in his wallet and scrolling through different spa resorts on his GoogleK app, the tired leader finally decided to spoil Soohye. She didn’t need flowers and to be called pretty, though she loved it when it happened, all she needed was a little attention, something Yunho had been lacking with lately.
The staff had been given the day off for the airing of the last episode. Many were gathering to have a mini-party and celebrate the success of the grueling script writing, film production, the soundtracks composition, the costume designs, the promotions, and the editing. The actors might have been the face of the drama, but they hardly did the most work. Knowing this, Yunho and Soohye spent their day off away from the slightly jealous shadow workers.
Their drive to the spa was spent singing to catchy pop songs from Michael Jackson to B1A4, the windows open and blowing hair everywhere. In the back a basket of a store bought picnic lunch package chilled by a few beers, waiting to be eaten before reaching Busan. One hand on the steering wheel, one on Soohye’s thigh gently caressing the fabric of her skirt and only that. Tranquil.
“The reservation is for five o’clock, so we have plenty of time to have lunch and finish the drive.” They shared smiles along with playful jokes until Yunho finally pulled over at a rest stop for their lunch break.
After setting up their meal on a picnic table under a shady tree, the first thing Yunho did was crack open a beer and gulp down half the bottle. The next two hours blurred together into one big food fight and cuddlefest, and by the end of it, Soohye cleaned up and drove the rest of the way there.
~*-*~
The resort staff was unaware of the fact that they had Jung Yunho waiting for them because none of them had dreamed of seeing him after attending to Kim Jaejoong for three hours.
~*-*~
The receptionist’s squeal was a bit over the top, like she had never seen a celebrity before. Of course that was false, the resort was known for being a celebrity hotspot. Yunho was nowhere near as popular as he had been years before, so unless she was a diehard Cassie, there was no need for exaggerated reaction.
“But the reservation for two was made by a Choi Minhyuk! Jung-sshi, we were not expecting you!” It seemed like his presence made everyone antsy. When the greeters first saw him, half left to inform the other workers there, and it seemed like they had been left alone afterwards. “We’re sorry, the entire floor has been rented out for the moment by someone else. I’m going to have to ask you to please wait for the other client to finish their session. Once again, we are sorry for this inconvenience.” Then two young ladies came over to them with cold fruit drinks to which Yunho and Soohye gladly took. The next half hour was spent with them sipping their refreshments and watching infomercials.
The couple was singing the G-Market song when a host gently interrupted to guide them to the locker rooms.
~*-*~
Investigations by the police revealed that Jung had been having trouble with ex-TVXQ member Kim Jaejoong. He had been, as Shim Changmin says, “Called many times over the past few months.” Yunho was very bothered, especially when the two had cut off ties almost completely after the lawsuit between current JYJ members and SM Entertainment.
SM Entertainment has yet to release an official statement as to whether they knew of these alleged calls or not. Phone records have yet to be released by the police.
~*-*~
It felt like his jaw was broken, but after flapping it a bit in the verbal dispute, he knew he’d be fine. The ‘pretty little hand’ that hit was probably took more damage from hitting his bones and teeth.
“What are you doing here?” The other hissed, and Yunho hissed back with the same fury.
“A date!” Jaejoong barely showed mild surprised.
“Tonight? What, not out getting drunk with all your coworkers? Hope you have fun!” His snide remarks even worse as he shoved Yunho up against the wall.
“It was so fucking amazing until I saw you. And you know what; I don’t need any bullshit from you, Jae.” He brought his eyes up to glare at the man towering over him, their dead stares met.
Maybe it wasn’t really intentionally that Jaejoong was acting like a forgotten bastard, maybe he’d had so much crap to deal with that Yunho only helped vent his anger. Because while Jaejoong was still seen as a musical talent, he had no chances of going anywhere. Not on TV to do performances, not on big stages at sold out concerts, the overseas couldn’t handle him and Korea was definitely screwing him over. As soon as the bubble popped, there was only Jaejoong, alone and without thousands of screaming fans wishing him the best.
Then there was Yunho. Pathetic little Yunho, too chicken to even try. He had the powerful company backing any career decision he made as long as it was under them. If he wanted to tour in China for the next three months, SM just might let him. It was SM that landed him the acting role anyway, the producer sure as hell didn’t want him. It was also SM keeping Jaejoong and JYJ from every going anywhere.
Fucked, that’s what they were. Back when everything was just promises to fans and getting some decent shut-eye at night. Back when they had each other and the other three to lean on. Back when they just had to learn the parts in the song without cracking on stage and dance like they hadn’t had major injuries before. Back when it was just gentle caresses and the fans seemed satisfied. Back when the fans didn’t cry over the simplest thing and they were one big happy family. Back when he was the Dad and Jaejoong was the Mom.
The silence lasted only briefly. Jaejoong landed one good punch to Yunho’s chest before the taller gently grabbed his arms and pulled him into a hug. After so many calls, drunken and sober, the feelings finally became mutual.
“I missed you, too,” and tears slowly soaked into his sweater.
The moment was ruined when the towel boy came in with a guard and started dragging Jaejoong out. Silly idiots, they thought the old band mates were testing their fists.
It was a fight, and Yunho was tired of always getting hit without ever getting a chance to pull the next punch.
~*-*~
Fellow costars of Jung Yunho admit that “Yunho drank more often. He went from drinking once a year to drinking every few nights.” While the issue seems small, most continued to say that they always stopped drinking long before him and never actually saw how much he consumed on an individual night.
~*-*~
“I’m sorry.”
He was a kid again, immature and inconsiderate.
“They say we look like the old YunJae, you know? He was heartbroken when gossips first started saying that.” Soohye wanted to slap him, how dare he bring the past up?
But it mattered to Yunho. His past had shaped so much of him as a person that without YunJae, he’d probably be even more of a bastard than he already was, and he’d be hell of a lot less affectionate with her. Hell, they probably wouldn’t be dating. He would have been so arrogant and self-centered an idol in a world of terrible low baritone singers. A King, that’s what he’d be.
Who would love him then?
“I don’t want to hear this, Yunho.” She dug her perfect nails into the napkin, the cloth preventing her from latching them to his neck.
“Really? Well that’s a little too bad, you really should listen.” He sliced through his grilled beef like it was butter, only adding to his aggression.
“Yunho, please,” Soohye begged.
He sighed; he wasn’t being fair to her. She had done nothing wrong, just keeping up with him all this time made her special. No, he was simply selfish and uncouth, and he was elected the band father back then? What a joke! He didn’t care for anyone’s feelings besides his own.
The wine glass looked all to appealing, and he downed the 1986 brand without even tasting the fine taste. So much for rich class.
~*-*~
On Monday afternoon, Yunho and his girlfriend, (her company wishing to withhold her name for safety and privacy reasons), were on a date to a spa near Busan. The resort normally hosted to only a few celebrities on their top floor, but the entire place had been rented out by someone already. The two waited for half an hour before being allowed to enter locker rooms to change into robes.
~*-*~
The fucking music, none of it his. No matter how many top hits he had managed to belt out, they were all of the past. A washed up singer that should have been too old to even try dancing like he was twenty again. When he joined the army next year no one would remember him. Fuck his career, it hadn’t been fun in so many years.
He lined up the next empty glass with the others, thinking faintly in the back of his mind that if this was a festival game and he had a softball, he might be able to knock all the shot glasses down and win a prize. Then he’d give the bear to Soohye and apologize for being such a dick and thinking that he ever wanted any.
Downing a few more shots, it suddenly occurred to him how physics worked and he built a pyramid with the glasses, under the assumption that the mass of those glasses would be enough to slow down gravity and time itself. With half of them stacked up he started humming their last Japanese single as five, the tune oddly familiar to him. Perhaps he had heard the other three singing it last time Joongie had called.
Yunho giggled, Joongie. Only he had to pleasure of calling the oldest by that name. Technically, his and Jae’s ages were near the same, both being born early in the year. If Yunho had been born just a few weeks later he would have had the sad fate of calling Jaejoong hyung and might not have been leader at all.
He towered the glasses even faster, this alternate reality suddenly pleasing him.
“Another,” Yunho barked when the pyramid leaned to one side. “Another,” he cried when it seemed like the last had worn off. “Another,” he plead for when it seemed like he could think clearly again. “Another,” because he hadn’t actually eaten dinner, just stabbed it a couple of times, hopefully the burn of the alcohol would ease the hunger.
The last glass shattering on the floor told the bartender that the life was more important than the money. The taxi service was speed dial on his phone, and a cab came by within fifteen minutes. He lugged the star in, sure to get his tab the next time he came around, after all, the man was a regular these days.
~*-*~
Jung and date left the spa thirty-four minutes later when Yunho complained of being drowsy. They met up that evening at a diner for a quick dinner, staying for only an hour. The two left separately, but Yunho did not go home.
~*-*~
It was either the smell of his vomit all over his body or the rough shaking the driver was inflicting upon him. Probably the vomit. Whatever it was, he woke. Yunho pulled his aching body out of the taxi, shoved a wad of money that would surely cover the fare into the driver’s front seat, and shuffled into the apartment building. One of the guards out front steadied him into the building, assuring the driver that Yunho was in good hands.
Only the people that saw him at his worst cared this much, and that thought made him sick. He stumbled into an elevator, jammed a finger on his floor number, and collapsed to the floor, enjoying the timeless ride away from everything.
His door. His key. His lock. His hallway. His light. His shoes. His clothes, smell. His bathroom, clean. His body, still sick. His toilet, drains. His body, sick. His head, pounding. His floor. His towel. His drowse. His sleep.
~*-*~
[SM reports that Shim Changmin to continue the TVXQ dream alone]
~*-*~
Well hyung, you could have said something.
~*-*~
[TVXQ member Jung Yunho found dead]
Rating: R-ish
Warnings! Alcoholism, character death
Summary: When the news come out almost all of Korea cries. Even though after the breakup Korean fans stopped listening to DBSK, this hits everyone hard. The one to suffer the most is Jaejoong because he is the one to blame.
Based off a dream I had a few months ago, hence the title.
[Kim Jaejoong revealed as reason for canceled shoot]
[tried to see Jung Yunho]
~*-*~
Asleep no longer than an hour, the fast beat of his ringing phone drew him out of his needed slumber. Eyes hazy, he eyed the number with difficulty. Caller Unknown. To reject the call or not? What if it was something important? Mind clouded over, he slid his finger over the lock and tapped the green talk button.
Static. “Hallo?” He slurred out, Gwangju accent coming out in his attempt to speak. Static, then harsh breathing, like a pervert thinking of him inappropriately. “Hello? Who is this?” This time more alert, he sat up and looked around his room. Too dark, nothing to see, everything gray and blending with the walls.
Breathing. Static. Breathing.
“If you don’t speak up, I will disconnect the call! I will!” He back slowly to the headboard of his bed, almost afraid of a stalker behind him. “Who are you?”
Breathing. Static. Breathing. A meow. Static. “Yunnie.” The name sent a shiver through his body, and he suddenly wanted to wrap up in the sheets and hide.
“No, that is my name. Who are you?” It wasn’t a voice he would be able to recognize. Through tears and coughs, probably had a comforter over their mouth, Yunho couldn’t place the voice.
Static. Breathing. Beep, beep, beep -the call was dropped.
Changmin came into the room later that morning. Yunho was still there, huddled up against the headboard as if Changmin was a killer. “Yunho hyung, what’s wrong?” The phone fell out of the leader’s hand as he stared blankly at the sheets. The younger man reached over and snatched the smart phone, scrolling through different functions.
Gasp.
“But this is Jaejoong hyung’s number. Why is he calling you at three in the morning? What did he say?” Yunho only shook his head.
~*-*~
Late Monday night police were called to the apartment shared by Shim Changmin and the deceased Jung Yunho. Shim found Yunho lying on the bathroom floor with blue hands and feet, no pulse. Paramedics confirmed that he died from alcohol poisoning.
~*-*~
It might have been the same scene that had been working on for the last hour, but Yunho still couldn’t wrap his mind around his character. Sometimes he envied his ex-members. Yoochun’s roles in Sungkyungkwan scandal and Miss Ripley were both straight face, practically emotionless, happy serious guys. Jaejoong’s character in Protect the Boss was all smiles or frowns. Even his little Changmin had a simple character, easy to pull off because he acted the same way in real life, snarky and detestable, adorable under the mask.
Yeah, he had acting experience. He was able to act like a grief stricken idiot in love and out of control. This character was different. Pathetic, submissive, heartbroken, despised, wrong, weak willed. Disliked for being alive. It was everything Yunho was not and everything he felt like.
The staff on the set liked him enough. When they saw him, they stopped their gossiping and acted like they were actually working on something productive. Yunho stared at two stylists take out the same stage costumes and ‘adjust them’ seven different times while holding a private conversation with words like “Should have been dropped… not good enough… handsome face.” As they started the routine for the eighth time, Yunho walked right over to them and sat down in a nearby chair, letting them know of his presence. They seemed to finish their task this time.
It seemed like everyone on set thought he was free game to discuss just because he was now in a failing boyband and his girlfriend was his costar. Soohye was a woman most men had a small crush on, but only enough to watch her drama and love her face. “I don’t get the same reaction as Yoona; maybe I should do a cosmetic CM too?” Her jokes about popularity made Yunho feel like she knew where he was coming from. He didn’t get the same response as his former members; maybe he should go around spouting claims of mistreatment and slavery?
On set today, Soohye was there more for support than for her job. Her scenes were to be filmed later on while Yunho’s were in progress. “Come on Yunho, just rest before your scene. Do you have your lines memorized? Can you pull it off?” Yunho nodded weakly, half in character and half feeling that way himself. He had half an hour before his next shoot and in that half hour the producer expected him to learn his part perfectly, as if he was experienced enough to not NG more than once.
One of the newer staff came over carrying a tray of cups and a lone bottle of water. “Miss Soohye, Yunho,” his face straight and unresponsive, “some tea?” Soohye nodded gratefully and took one of the paper cups, Yunho reached out for the bottled water. Never opened before, never tampered with, safe with no guarantee to the emergency room for a stomach pump.
“Thanks,” he mumbled as his pants pocket came to life with vibrations, ‘He is calling, he is calling. Pick up, don’t answer, run away.’ Yunho stuffed his hand into his tight pocket and the floor staff walked away without curiosity.
Mr. Jaejoong
The formal letters blinked at him. Swallowing his spit and pride, he left Soohye to a private area. “Hello, Jaejoong?”
~*-*~
At 22:16 the leader of TVXQ entered a bar and had 19 shots of spirits. The bartender called him a cab at 23:43, his blood alcohol concentration estimated at .37 at the time. He was dropped off at the apartment, the taxi driver saying he had short, shallow breathing and the driver “needed to clean the vomit out of the backseat.” The driver, Kwon Jaewook, has been a taxi driver for the past 14 years. “I’ve never had so much difficulty waking a passenger. He’s a celebrity, needed a break I guess.” Finally awake, Yunho stumbled into the building 0:12.
Shim Changmin arrived at the scene at 6:47, returning from an early morning recording and a morning radio show. He found Yunho and called 119 at 6:49.
~*-*~
“Yunnie,” a breathy moan cried out. “Your small, cold hands and trembling lips, able to carry on as if nothing has happened, are you afraid of remembering someone?” The vocals cracked and scratchy, as if it had been years since the song was last sung for someone else.
“Jae,” in a soft whisper, troubled. He didn’t know why he picked up, why he even replied. They had told him to ignore all calls from the other party, to reject all communication. It had been pretty easy in the beginning. Changed his number about fifty times, moved around, and dropped off the face of the earth until promotions for their comeback started. Jaejoong. He was everywhere. His face plastered on a bus televised to all of South Korea thanks to Running Man, or scandalously appearing in Secret Garden, on a couple of radio shows here and there, a fanmeet every so often, promoting album after album after EP after OST of self composed beauty. He was everywhere and Yunho was not.
“I need to see you.” In the background, Yunho could hear a garbled live version of Junsu’s ‘Intoxication’ and he could almost imagine his two dongsaeng playing a DVD of their old concerts and pretending they were just as famous as ever.
“Jae-” A whine cut him off, along with a choking gag. Jaejoong never threw up. His drinks stayed down because it was alcohol and loved fucking Kim Jaejoong. He had to have drunk a liquor store to get so hammered that he vomited; the sound and thought of it making Yunho sick.
There was snort, like Jaejoong had wiped his face off, then a soft giggle. He sounded like he did a few years ago. Young, happy, overworked, dangerous. It was his calculated laugh. “Nobody loves us Yunnie. Nobody remembers how good we used to be,” and Yunho almost agreed with him. TVXQ’s legacy was dying, their fans going off and loving new groups. Super Junior’s little blue ocean was doing well, SHINee stole half their fans, even groups from other companies were taking Cassies by the dozens. B2ST, Big Bang, MBLAQ. Even, heaven forbid, U-KISS. He almost agreed until Jaejoong faintly whispered, “YunJae.”
Then he was mad. He fingers dug into the phone and the volume buttons on the side beeped erratically as he gripped it tightly. “We were never real,” he grit out. “Fanservice is fanservice. We were never real.”
But instead of tears or begging, he heard more laughter bubbling from Jaejoong’s throat and through the wavelengths in the air.
~*-*~
Further investigations trace back to a late night in March when Yunho left the set of his drama very flustered and upset. He had just received a phone call moments before, staff report. His costar and girlfriend tells that he answered to a blocked number and almost didn’t pick up but did anyway. He gave her a pained look and took the call to a private area. Five minutes later he came back with a red face and his makeup in ruins. “He didn’t tell me anything, just said ‘I have to go’ in a stern voice and left. Yunho didn’t talk to PD-nim about leaving or tell any of the staff,” his girlfriend says. Staff searched for two hours before coming to the conclusion that he was nowhere on set and not returning that evening.
The same night, JYJ singer Kim Jaejoong was tweeting his various followers about his condition, drunk, but in the safe location of his home. One tweet (deleted soon after being sent out) mentioned calling his past. “I know you know and we can call each other to reconcile about what we miss. I miss us man. ;_;” Neither Shim Changmin nor Jung Yunho have a twitter (fans say because SMent does not want JYJ or the current TVXQ to keep in contact with each other) so it is not certain the tweet was meant for Yunho. However, speculation went around on various netizen locations like twitter, tumblr, blogs, fan cafes, and Cassiopeia’s homepage, that the message means “I know what, U-KNOW, [and] we can call each other to reconcile for what we miss. I miss us, man.”
The next day Kim Jaejoong sent out another tweet apologizing for anything stupid he said.
~*-*~
The next day, when he arrived to work with a hangover as throbbing as the one Jaejoong had, a girlfriend fuming over their lack of communication, and a staff and director ready to fire him on the spot, Yunho wanted to walk right back out and have a repeat of the night before. He managed, and when the reluctant staff invited him out that night for a round at a local and discreet bar, he happily accepted. None of his fellow actors or the remotely tolerant staff could stop him from hitting the shots.
~*-*~
The two met in the locker room. A fight almost broke out, but the towel boy called security and broke it up. No reports were charged and the two went their different ways.
~*-*~
She definitely needed to be spoiled. Over the past few weeks, Yunho had been brushing her off like any other coworker he didn’t have time for. They shared their occasional kiss and coffee, but nothing romantic like a trip to Paris singing the only French song they knew and laughing at each other’s bad English. Nothing like a trip to Prague to enjoy the nice weather and fashion. Nothing like a trip to the Grand Canyon to set up a campsite and enjoy different sports and activities right on the river.
Yunho realized he was too held up with the past and not enough of the present. That was why he went on Strong Hearts and told stories of DB5K and not TVX2. No, they were DBSK, TVXQ, Tohoshinki, Rising Gods of the East, and then more.
Counting the bills in his wallet and scrolling through different spa resorts on his GoogleK app, the tired leader finally decided to spoil Soohye. She didn’t need flowers and to be called pretty, though she loved it when it happened, all she needed was a little attention, something Yunho had been lacking with lately.
The staff had been given the day off for the airing of the last episode. Many were gathering to have a mini-party and celebrate the success of the grueling script writing, film production, the soundtracks composition, the costume designs, the promotions, and the editing. The actors might have been the face of the drama, but they hardly did the most work. Knowing this, Yunho and Soohye spent their day off away from the slightly jealous shadow workers.
Their drive to the spa was spent singing to catchy pop songs from Michael Jackson to B1A4, the windows open and blowing hair everywhere. In the back a basket of a store bought picnic lunch package chilled by a few beers, waiting to be eaten before reaching Busan. One hand on the steering wheel, one on Soohye’s thigh gently caressing the fabric of her skirt and only that. Tranquil.
“The reservation is for five o’clock, so we have plenty of time to have lunch and finish the drive.” They shared smiles along with playful jokes until Yunho finally pulled over at a rest stop for their lunch break.
After setting up their meal on a picnic table under a shady tree, the first thing Yunho did was crack open a beer and gulp down half the bottle. The next two hours blurred together into one big food fight and cuddlefest, and by the end of it, Soohye cleaned up and drove the rest of the way there.
~*-*~
The resort staff was unaware of the fact that they had Jung Yunho waiting for them because none of them had dreamed of seeing him after attending to Kim Jaejoong for three hours.
~*-*~
The receptionist’s squeal was a bit over the top, like she had never seen a celebrity before. Of course that was false, the resort was known for being a celebrity hotspot. Yunho was nowhere near as popular as he had been years before, so unless she was a diehard Cassie, there was no need for exaggerated reaction.
“But the reservation for two was made by a Choi Minhyuk! Jung-sshi, we were not expecting you!” It seemed like his presence made everyone antsy. When the greeters first saw him, half left to inform the other workers there, and it seemed like they had been left alone afterwards. “We’re sorry, the entire floor has been rented out for the moment by someone else. I’m going to have to ask you to please wait for the other client to finish their session. Once again, we are sorry for this inconvenience.” Then two young ladies came over to them with cold fruit drinks to which Yunho and Soohye gladly took. The next half hour was spent with them sipping their refreshments and watching infomercials.
The couple was singing the G-Market song when a host gently interrupted to guide them to the locker rooms.
~*-*~
Investigations by the police revealed that Jung had been having trouble with ex-TVXQ member Kim Jaejoong. He had been, as Shim Changmin says, “Called many times over the past few months.” Yunho was very bothered, especially when the two had cut off ties almost completely after the lawsuit between current JYJ members and SM Entertainment.
SM Entertainment has yet to release an official statement as to whether they knew of these alleged calls or not. Phone records have yet to be released by the police.
~*-*~
It felt like his jaw was broken, but after flapping it a bit in the verbal dispute, he knew he’d be fine. The ‘pretty little hand’ that hit was probably took more damage from hitting his bones and teeth.
“What are you doing here?” The other hissed, and Yunho hissed back with the same fury.
“A date!” Jaejoong barely showed mild surprised.
“Tonight? What, not out getting drunk with all your coworkers? Hope you have fun!” His snide remarks even worse as he shoved Yunho up against the wall.
“It was so fucking amazing until I saw you. And you know what; I don’t need any bullshit from you, Jae.” He brought his eyes up to glare at the man towering over him, their dead stares met.
Maybe it wasn’t really intentionally that Jaejoong was acting like a forgotten bastard, maybe he’d had so much crap to deal with that Yunho only helped vent his anger. Because while Jaejoong was still seen as a musical talent, he had no chances of going anywhere. Not on TV to do performances, not on big stages at sold out concerts, the overseas couldn’t handle him and Korea was definitely screwing him over. As soon as the bubble popped, there was only Jaejoong, alone and without thousands of screaming fans wishing him the best.
Then there was Yunho. Pathetic little Yunho, too chicken to even try. He had the powerful company backing any career decision he made as long as it was under them. If he wanted to tour in China for the next three months, SM just might let him. It was SM that landed him the acting role anyway, the producer sure as hell didn’t want him. It was also SM keeping Jaejoong and JYJ from every going anywhere.
Fucked, that’s what they were. Back when everything was just promises to fans and getting some decent shut-eye at night. Back when they had each other and the other three to lean on. Back when they just had to learn the parts in the song without cracking on stage and dance like they hadn’t had major injuries before. Back when it was just gentle caresses and the fans seemed satisfied. Back when the fans didn’t cry over the simplest thing and they were one big happy family. Back when he was the Dad and Jaejoong was the Mom.
The silence lasted only briefly. Jaejoong landed one good punch to Yunho’s chest before the taller gently grabbed his arms and pulled him into a hug. After so many calls, drunken and sober, the feelings finally became mutual.
“I missed you, too,” and tears slowly soaked into his sweater.
The moment was ruined when the towel boy came in with a guard and started dragging Jaejoong out. Silly idiots, they thought the old band mates were testing their fists.
It was a fight, and Yunho was tired of always getting hit without ever getting a chance to pull the next punch.
~*-*~
Fellow costars of Jung Yunho admit that “Yunho drank more often. He went from drinking once a year to drinking every few nights.” While the issue seems small, most continued to say that they always stopped drinking long before him and never actually saw how much he consumed on an individual night.
~*-*~
“I’m sorry.”
He was a kid again, immature and inconsiderate.
“They say we look like the old YunJae, you know? He was heartbroken when gossips first started saying that.” Soohye wanted to slap him, how dare he bring the past up?
But it mattered to Yunho. His past had shaped so much of him as a person that without YunJae, he’d probably be even more of a bastard than he already was, and he’d be hell of a lot less affectionate with her. Hell, they probably wouldn’t be dating. He would have been so arrogant and self-centered an idol in a world of terrible low baritone singers. A King, that’s what he’d be.
Who would love him then?
“I don’t want to hear this, Yunho.” She dug her perfect nails into the napkin, the cloth preventing her from latching them to his neck.
“Really? Well that’s a little too bad, you really should listen.” He sliced through his grilled beef like it was butter, only adding to his aggression.
“Yunho, please,” Soohye begged.
He sighed; he wasn’t being fair to her. She had done nothing wrong, just keeping up with him all this time made her special. No, he was simply selfish and uncouth, and he was elected the band father back then? What a joke! He didn’t care for anyone’s feelings besides his own.
The wine glass looked all to appealing, and he downed the 1986 brand without even tasting the fine taste. So much for rich class.
~*-*~
On Monday afternoon, Yunho and his girlfriend, (her company wishing to withhold her name for safety and privacy reasons), were on a date to a spa near Busan. The resort normally hosted to only a few celebrities on their top floor, but the entire place had been rented out by someone already. The two waited for half an hour before being allowed to enter locker rooms to change into robes.
~*-*~
The fucking music, none of it his. No matter how many top hits he had managed to belt out, they were all of the past. A washed up singer that should have been too old to even try dancing like he was twenty again. When he joined the army next year no one would remember him. Fuck his career, it hadn’t been fun in so many years.
He lined up the next empty glass with the others, thinking faintly in the back of his mind that if this was a festival game and he had a softball, he might be able to knock all the shot glasses down and win a prize. Then he’d give the bear to Soohye and apologize for being such a dick and thinking that he ever wanted any.
Downing a few more shots, it suddenly occurred to him how physics worked and he built a pyramid with the glasses, under the assumption that the mass of those glasses would be enough to slow down gravity and time itself. With half of them stacked up he started humming their last Japanese single as five, the tune oddly familiar to him. Perhaps he had heard the other three singing it last time Joongie had called.
Yunho giggled, Joongie. Only he had to pleasure of calling the oldest by that name. Technically, his and Jae’s ages were near the same, both being born early in the year. If Yunho had been born just a few weeks later he would have had the sad fate of calling Jaejoong hyung and might not have been leader at all.
He towered the glasses even faster, this alternate reality suddenly pleasing him.
“Another,” Yunho barked when the pyramid leaned to one side. “Another,” he cried when it seemed like the last had worn off. “Another,” he plead for when it seemed like he could think clearly again. “Another,” because he hadn’t actually eaten dinner, just stabbed it a couple of times, hopefully the burn of the alcohol would ease the hunger.
The last glass shattering on the floor told the bartender that the life was more important than the money. The taxi service was speed dial on his phone, and a cab came by within fifteen minutes. He lugged the star in, sure to get his tab the next time he came around, after all, the man was a regular these days.
~*-*~
Jung and date left the spa thirty-four minutes later when Yunho complained of being drowsy. They met up that evening at a diner for a quick dinner, staying for only an hour. The two left separately, but Yunho did not go home.
~*-*~
It was either the smell of his vomit all over his body or the rough shaking the driver was inflicting upon him. Probably the vomit. Whatever it was, he woke. Yunho pulled his aching body out of the taxi, shoved a wad of money that would surely cover the fare into the driver’s front seat, and shuffled into the apartment building. One of the guards out front steadied him into the building, assuring the driver that Yunho was in good hands.
Only the people that saw him at his worst cared this much, and that thought made him sick. He stumbled into an elevator, jammed a finger on his floor number, and collapsed to the floor, enjoying the timeless ride away from everything.
His door. His key. His lock. His hallway. His light. His shoes. His clothes, smell. His bathroom, clean. His body, still sick. His toilet, drains. His body, sick. His head, pounding. His floor. His towel. His drowse. His sleep.
~*-*~
[SM reports that Shim Changmin to continue the TVXQ dream alone]
~*-*~
Well hyung, you could have said something.
~*-*~
[TVXQ member Jung Yunho found dead]