Why Me?
It seems that everytime I try and express my feelings I always seem to hurt someone. Not speaking in vulgar terms or anything, but just speaking basically from the heart, from the way I feel. So why me? So why do I seem to have problems everytime I try and speak the way I feel. Maybe I should just shut my mouth and keep quiet again, it seemed like it was better that way anyways. I didnt have to worry about hurting people I could just sit and listen to their problems and give them an honest opinion of what I would do.
Anyways this is what happened. Angie and I where talking today online playing a game that is like tetris, she mentioned something about a friend older then me who she had met awhile ago and lived in the same town as her. Anyways I know jealousy is a stupid issue, but everyone sometimes feels a twinge everynow and then. Mine hit me for a moment and she asked me what was wrong and I told her I was worried that something could happen between them. She was hurt by my accusation and I said to her I was sorry but being so far away, I dont know what exactly happens. It's not like someone else will tell me since I barely know anyone. But we had had this conversation before. She had expressed her feeling about one of her friends who I seemed to talk about and I was hurt by it too because I felt like I didnt mean to do that. But I understand where she was coming from after I sat and I thought about it. I tried to explain that I was foolish, but at the same time I was a bit worried because I had been in this situation before and I didnt want to be hurt. I want her to have her friends men or women it does not matter. I was just hit with that bit of a bolt at first and sometimes I get the sinking feeling in my stomach and I always try to express how I feel at that time. Normally that is when everything would come out. *sighs*
Sometimes I wonder if I should just be single for the rest of my life. It would be awhole lot simpler, yet I know it would be twice as complicated. I dont know I just feel that no matter how I express myself I am just always and will always be in the wrong. I dont want to loose her, and she said I could always express myself to her and tell her the truth. The term the truth will set you free does not seem to effect me. Instead I think I drive a wound deep into someone each time I tell the truth.
I dont know what to do about this, and I just want to curl up and close my eyes. To sleep for as long as I can and forget about the world in general. I just want to be myself, I dont want to change for anyone. I dont want to become someone that will hurt another, male or female, physically or emotionally. The only time I do hurt someone is in the defense of someone I care about. My friends of family, and that is something that is honorable I think at least.
I guess I will just continue floating on my river waiting for my time again...
Anyways this is what happened. Angie and I where talking today online playing a game that is like tetris, she mentioned something about a friend older then me who she had met awhile ago and lived in the same town as her. Anyways I know jealousy is a stupid issue, but everyone sometimes feels a twinge everynow and then. Mine hit me for a moment and she asked me what was wrong and I told her I was worried that something could happen between them. She was hurt by my accusation and I said to her I was sorry but being so far away, I dont know what exactly happens. It's not like someone else will tell me since I barely know anyone. But we had had this conversation before. She had expressed her feeling about one of her friends who I seemed to talk about and I was hurt by it too because I felt like I didnt mean to do that. But I understand where she was coming from after I sat and I thought about it. I tried to explain that I was foolish, but at the same time I was a bit worried because I had been in this situation before and I didnt want to be hurt. I want her to have her friends men or women it does not matter. I was just hit with that bit of a bolt at first and sometimes I get the sinking feeling in my stomach and I always try to express how I feel at that time. Normally that is when everything would come out. *sighs*
Sometimes I wonder if I should just be single for the rest of my life. It would be awhole lot simpler, yet I know it would be twice as complicated. I dont know I just feel that no matter how I express myself I am just always and will always be in the wrong. I dont want to loose her, and she said I could always express myself to her and tell her the truth. The term the truth will set you free does not seem to effect me. Instead I think I drive a wound deep into someone each time I tell the truth.
I dont know what to do about this, and I just want to curl up and close my eyes. To sleep for as long as I can and forget about the world in general. I just want to be myself, I dont want to change for anyone. I dont want to become someone that will hurt another, male or female, physically or emotionally. The only time I do hurt someone is in the defense of someone I care about. My friends of family, and that is something that is honorable I think at least.
I guess I will just continue floating on my river waiting for my time again...