(no subject)
Another day with the sound of bangs passing through the earplugs, time melts into a sludge.. It's always a different slow, always. It's never Prince Of Persia style, it's never "oh here it is again."
It's a simple buffer of instincts, and knee jerking. You don't notice it end, only notice when it begins. This shit effects everything going on in your head at the time. I hate it. You can get nine hours of sleep, eat like a champ, and right at the start of the day, if it happens, you're fatigued, feeling like you've been on a 5 mile.
About that shame:
I have my own, operating code of self discipline and honor. Shame is useless in my mind, as all it does is corrupt a lesson someone could learn. But I really didn't feel it until people started noticing our patches, and avoiding eye contact. Small facts like that make you wake up from the machine, realize you're all not the same. Same uniforms, same trucks, same weapons, and the same basic set of knowledge is something all soldiers share. It's that thing most people see and think it's something you have to learn. Not at all. Everything is the same, there's a name for it, but I hate it, and never use it without saying the words, "fuck" or "cocksucker" when I have to repeat it.
It feels good to have this journal, helps steady my thoughts. I feel a tad unstable so close to leave, it isn't funny.
Went to the gym last night, thank god, and ran my ass off. That's the only high I've felt in days.
Back in the heyday, when we first got here, I would deal with my stress in the most universally excepted way ever, and that's a strong dose of chill music at the end of the workday, right before blessed slumber came and took me away. One song comes to mind, "Komoriuta" from Now and Then, Here and There. I spent many a mornings strolling down the street, on my way to hock the "shteak", listening to this song. I spent many nights strolling down by the river, listening to this song. It brings on that peaceful, somber feeling that I enjoy so much.
I wanna sleep so bad, but I need to shower. There's going to be some shit fest tomorrow, and most likely an inspection to follow. This place forces common sense right out of your bones.
ugh, shower it is. I am too tired of waking up, smelling myself, and groaning back into sleepy-town.
It's a simple buffer of instincts, and knee jerking. You don't notice it end, only notice when it begins. This shit effects everything going on in your head at the time. I hate it. You can get nine hours of sleep, eat like a champ, and right at the start of the day, if it happens, you're fatigued, feeling like you've been on a 5 mile.
About that shame:
I have my own, operating code of self discipline and honor. Shame is useless in my mind, as all it does is corrupt a lesson someone could learn. But I really didn't feel it until people started noticing our patches, and avoiding eye contact. Small facts like that make you wake up from the machine, realize you're all not the same. Same uniforms, same trucks, same weapons, and the same basic set of knowledge is something all soldiers share. It's that thing most people see and think it's something you have to learn. Not at all. Everything is the same, there's a name for it, but I hate it, and never use it without saying the words, "fuck" or "cocksucker" when I have to repeat it.
It feels good to have this journal, helps steady my thoughts. I feel a tad unstable so close to leave, it isn't funny.
Went to the gym last night, thank god, and ran my ass off. That's the only high I've felt in days.
Back in the heyday, when we first got here, I would deal with my stress in the most universally excepted way ever, and that's a strong dose of chill music at the end of the workday, right before blessed slumber came and took me away. One song comes to mind, "Komoriuta" from Now and Then, Here and There. I spent many a mornings strolling down the street, on my way to hock the "shteak", listening to this song. I spent many nights strolling down by the river, listening to this song. It brings on that peaceful, somber feeling that I enjoy so much.
I wanna sleep so bad, but I need to shower. There's going to be some shit fest tomorrow, and most likely an inspection to follow. This place forces common sense right out of your bones.
ugh, shower it is. I am too tired of waking up, smelling myself, and groaning back into sleepy-town.