You'll Never Know
You'll Never Know, originally uploaded by Anxiety Explosion.
We've previously enjoyed the tantalizing work of "Anxiety," an interesting girl from Italy, the beautiful and historic city of Siena.
Just to re-introduce her for a moment, her Flickr profile concludes in a crescendo:
"...I have a lot of tattoos, I like expensive clothes, I can't stand [someone] who screams for no reason,** I don't like beer, I read a lot, I think too much, I have odd dreams, I talk to my dog, I'm left-handed, I can't walk on heels and right now I don't want a boyfriend."
A girlfriend, perhaps?
The title here is intriguing, especially since she sub-captions "It's all my fault."
No, it ISN'T, sweetie! If (as I presume) you are referring to a love affair, it's almost never one person's fault. COUPLES have a dynamic, an interplay that builds over time, for better or worse.
Example: A lover told me this intimate thing, oh, months ago -- I took it badly then, but I have thought about the thing and about HER reaction to my taking it badly... And of course it depends on who SHE is and who I am -- both our histories, definitely including who we were BEFORE we met.
I've been a submissive all my life, I suppose, but only Joanne, my SigOther, really understood that -- and she taught me how much I needed to explore it. Which we joyously did for several thrilling years. She, for her part, had to have that control over a lover -- including OUTSIDE the sexual sphere. I was okay about that, too, except for some aspects of me outside the bedroom.
And that was the difficulty: I'm a skeptic about religion -- going back to how badly my once-devout mother was treated by her church because of my agnostic dad. All of that duly told to the quite-religious SigOther years ago -- not that she fully accepted that as a fact.
Whose fault?
Nobody's, right? The girl who understands me better than any previous lover -- well, the damned religion has got between us, despite both of us genuinely trying to avoid exactly that.
Nobody's fault.
PW 40 (oh, yes, "Anxiety," your sexuality definitely summons my own!)
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** "chi urla a caso" is her original phrase -- and the English corresponds. I have no idea what her reason for saying this might be -- though it sure could account for the anxiety.