please excuse the dribbling rant.
i hate being angry. i never have had a voilent tendency, never wanted to physically hurt anything. i'm too much of a girl for that. mental angish, is easy. but last night. all i wanted was the satisfaction of PUNCHING him in the CHEST. not the face, not the balls. just right there; right on his HEART. like maybe if i hit it hard enough that stupid steel baracade he has rebuilt could come down. like i could jolt him into feeling something, anything, into saying something, anything.
i asked him to say something, and he said he felt like he already had.
i don't love you anymore, and i don't want to be with you.
why?
i don't know.
that's it.
it.
i gave him a year and a half of my very being, dedicated myself to him, loved him. and he just...stopped? can you do that? it makes me feel like everytime he said "baby i love you so much" it was a lie. because i just don't imagine loving someone as much as he told me and then...stopping, for no reason. or no reason you can explain.
i asked him to say something, and he said he felt like he already had.
i don't love you anymore, and i don't want to be with you.
why?
i don't know.
that's it.
it.
i gave him a year and a half of my very being, dedicated myself to him, loved him. and he just...stopped? can you do that? it makes me feel like everytime he said "baby i love you so much" it was a lie. because i just don't imagine loving someone as much as he told me and then...stopping, for no reason. or no reason you can explain.