makes me sound disassociated; like Karl Craft, or Typhoid Mary, working two jobs..
I should be getting ready for bed, instead I'm typing this. Though I do blame Weird Al in part, I got Polka Power blaring in my ears and BtVS running through my head.
I wish I didn't have to call people Sir at times. It's a defence mechanism, almost like some invisible internal switch comes crashing down from off to on and rips out most of my charm, sparkle and interest in the world aside from the here and now.
you can see why I'm writing this can't you. :(
*sigh*
it's like a voice in my head that exists solely for this purpose. and it gets major beef from the other voices in my head, other characters, ones that aren't as polite, aren't as accommodating or professional or forthright.
that's what the voice is, it's a tripswitch on my own personal reactor. anything gets too ott, my body can't cope and the switch fires and cuts the power to everything but the essential bits. it's the only way I can get through the day sometimes.
the fact that it exists at all is an embarrassment. the fact that the other voices have almost reached the surface terrifies me like you wouldn't believe. if I told people what I really thought?
yeah.... best not.
we're all nuts. we have to be I think. like Murdock.
it's just, when I first came to work I made the decision to check my baggage at the door the best I could. and in a sense that's a good thing, but it also made me emotionally intangible for a long time. and I'm still having a hard time coming to terms with it. this isn't a new thing. I was the same in all my jobs.
defence mechanism.
the same for everyone no doubt, but the struggle I have at times just to keep the little things sealed. heh.. that's a job in itself.
I wish I didn't have to call people Sir at times. It's a defence mechanism, almost like some invisible internal switch comes crashing down from off to on and rips out most of my charm, sparkle and interest in the world aside from the here and now.
you can see why I'm writing this can't you. :(
*sigh*
it's like a voice in my head that exists solely for this purpose. and it gets major beef from the other voices in my head, other characters, ones that aren't as polite, aren't as accommodating or professional or forthright.
that's what the voice is, it's a tripswitch on my own personal reactor. anything gets too ott, my body can't cope and the switch fires and cuts the power to everything but the essential bits. it's the only way I can get through the day sometimes.
the fact that it exists at all is an embarrassment. the fact that the other voices have almost reached the surface terrifies me like you wouldn't believe. if I told people what I really thought?
yeah.... best not.
we're all nuts. we have to be I think. like Murdock.
it's just, when I first came to work I made the decision to check my baggage at the door the best I could. and in a sense that's a good thing, but it also made me emotionally intangible for a long time. and I'm still having a hard time coming to terms with it. this isn't a new thing. I was the same in all my jobs.
defence mechanism.
the same for everyone no doubt, but the struggle I have at times just to keep the little things sealed. heh.. that's a job in itself.