please.... someone show me the off-switch
i had a real problem back on Wednesday in work. I was on the late shift so i started work at noon and I rolled into work at eleven to get a cup of tea and try and quiet my mind.
And I couldn't.
No matter what I tried I couldn't slow my head down. And I was scared, and upset, and unhappy.
It felt like there was a whirlwind in my head. I was standing in theatre covering for my friends my heart rate was 120bpm, adrenaline squirting out my ears, and my muscles contracting so badly that I was gripping the side of a trolley in something approaching a death grip.
And with this chemical overload came a complete confidence razing. I couldn't look anyone in the eye, surgeon, nurse or friend. I called everyone 'sister' or 'sir' without even thinking about it - to the point that one friend told me to stop it - and I burst into tears in one sluice room.
My defenses were up and the fear and flight-response was just pouring off me in sheets.
In hindsight I don't know if this was the 4-minute warning signs of me being ill or just a bad day for me in general. I was off work sick the following day so that does lend credibility to the first train of thought, but there have been times in the past when I just couldn't communicate to the extreme level that there was no point in me being in work.
And with the stress levels rising in work and morale hitting an all-time low I'm scared I'm going to lose control of my head. And that's such a horrible feeling.
I know there could also be a side-bleeding of stress on account of this flat move, and I'm just trying not to think about it in work, but it's hard to keep such thoughts out. And I guess certain things build up, and I feel terrible at times.
Oh I'm not making any sense now...
And I couldn't.
No matter what I tried I couldn't slow my head down. And I was scared, and upset, and unhappy.
It felt like there was a whirlwind in my head. I was standing in theatre covering for my friends my heart rate was 120bpm, adrenaline squirting out my ears, and my muscles contracting so badly that I was gripping the side of a trolley in something approaching a death grip.
And with this chemical overload came a complete confidence razing. I couldn't look anyone in the eye, surgeon, nurse or friend. I called everyone 'sister' or 'sir' without even thinking about it - to the point that one friend told me to stop it - and I burst into tears in one sluice room.
My defenses were up and the fear and flight-response was just pouring off me in sheets.
In hindsight I don't know if this was the 4-minute warning signs of me being ill or just a bad day for me in general. I was off work sick the following day so that does lend credibility to the first train of thought, but there have been times in the past when I just couldn't communicate to the extreme level that there was no point in me being in work.
And with the stress levels rising in work and morale hitting an all-time low I'm scared I'm going to lose control of my head. And that's such a horrible feeling.
I know there could also be a side-bleeding of stress on account of this flat move, and I'm just trying not to think about it in work, but it's hard to keep such thoughts out. And I guess certain things build up, and I feel terrible at times.
Oh I'm not making any sense now...