spring awakening
This constant restlessness is killing me. Spring break was a bust and I thought I'd come back grateful and all right again but that wasn't the case. In some ways things are worse than before because now I'm consumed by a different feeling...perhaps apathy? I'm sick of feeling so low all the time. He doesn't get it. He says we're always getting better. It's not even the actual event anymore. The problem is his mindset and his judgment. The recycling of words and emotions and his attempts to reenact the same things with me. It sounds petty but it's little things. Like how Lost used to be their thing and now it's ours? How he wanted to do their color game with me? Fuck that. I feel like I'm losing myself. I'm doing poorly in school and 98% of my spare time is spent with him. I feel like I'm falling out but how can that be possible? If so, I'm a sham. I don't feel infinite anymore and the words are no longer comforting.