drunk angry rant on an already exhausted topic
here's the deal. i'm quite drunk and people suck. i hate nicco and i love him at the same time. it's messed up. tonight i hung out with noah and some people and i really like them. i like good people. not two-faced bitches. when you associate with people who suck it really says something about your judgment. i want everything to be okay but it's not. he tells me it doesn't matter but that's what i have a problem with. you can't just have sex with someone and say it doesn't matter cause your intentions were good. your intentions are fucked. i'm trying not to dwell and to move on but he doesn't understand that he fucking blew it. how can he say nothing between us is different when he lied to me for so long? what kind of relationship is that? he says he hates being distant from me but if he didn't want to be distant he woudln't have done it. he wouldn't have lied. and now i'm in this alone. even though he feels sad sometimes about it, it's not the same. i didn't betray him. i hate guys and i hate relationships. i've lost so much faith in people and especially him. before i let everything go and completely trusted him but now what am i supposed to do. nothing can change the fact that it happened. he's only sad because i am but he keeps telling me it's not his fault. i don't care about fault. it's not about that. i see him so differently now. i'm preparing myself for shit to go down. i'm sick of drama and shitty people. i just want it to be over.