everything you say is a lie
recycledair51: nicco had sex with amanda
nrm8573: what
nrm8573: really??
nrm8573: how the fuck did that happen
recycledair51: it happened a while ago
recycledair51: he just didn't feel the need to tell me
nrm8573: well how long ago
recycledair51: until amanda started leaking it out to his friends
recycledair51: like when we first started dating
nrm8573: when was that
recycledair51: i mean we never set an official date
recycledair51: but we clicked from the start
recycledair51: and we decided that we wanted to be together
recycledair51: i told him i loved him
recycledair51: but i said i didn't want to jump into the physical stuff so soon
recycledair51: and then he had sex with amanda
recycledair51: because she begged him saying it would be closure for her and she'd leave us alone
recycledair51: which of course she never did
nrm8573: so in a weird way he did it to preserve your relationship
recycledair51: yeah it's so fucking twisted
recycledair51: it just really hurts that he would ever agree to that
recycledair51: when he knew she was so fucking psycho from the start
recycledair51: and that he kept her around until a couple days ago
recycledair51: and that he had sex with her after i told him i was in love with him
recycledair51: i never say that first and it took so much for me to
recycledair51: i thought he understood that
nrm8573: well what are you going to do?
recycledair51: i have no idea
recycledair51: last night he told me when we were in my dorm
nrm8573: it's not like you can ever trust him again
recycledair51: and i was so upset
recycledair51: i asked him to leave
recycledair51: and he wouldn't
recycledair51: and no one is around
recycledair51: so i left and he kept following me
recycledair51: and i told him to get the fuck away from me
recycledair51: and he kept trying to make me promise to see him today
recycledair51: and i said i didn't know but i didn't want to talk to him then
recycledair51: so he finally left
recycledair51: and today he just took off without telling me
recycledair51: i don't know when he's coming back or if we're still together
nrm8573: what a jerk
recycledair51: i know
recycledair51: i'm so angry and so sad
recycledair51: it's confusing and i don't know what to do
recycledair51: like if i can even be with him
nrm8573: so why are you going home? classes start on tuesday
recycledair51: because i don't have anything to do until then
recycledair51: i only have two classes on tuesday
recycledair51: and i need to see my friends
recycledair51: today was the most depressing day
recycledair51: new york is so lonely sometimes
nrm8573: i know what you mean
nrm8573: it's so weird that he did that
nrm8573: maybe it was before he thought things were as serious?
recycledair51: things were always serious
recycledair51: when i was with travis it was killing us
recycledair51: because we didn't know what to do
nrm8573: well maybe nicco didn't think of it that way from the start
nrm8573: which is ok
nrm8573: because he seems to be devoted now
recycledair51: it's not really
nrm8573: you had told him that you loved him before he did it?
recycledair51: yeah
nrm8573: ohh
nrm8573: so it wasn't in the VERY beginning
nrm8573: i thought you meant when you were just kind of flirting
recycledair51: no
recycledair51: like i broke up with travis for him
recycledair51: and told him i loved him
recycledair51: and then he had sex with her
nrm8573: maybe he was trying to get her out of the way?
recycledair51: that's what he said
recycledair51: but that's fucked up
recycledair51: how did he think that i would be okay with that?
recycledair51: and how did he ever agree to that
nrm8573: i'm trying to justify it but..
recycledair51: i know i mean i feel bad that he had to deal with her shit
recycledair51: but it really hurts that he did that after i told him and i thought it was clear that we were going to be together
nrm8573: i mean everybody makes mistakes, that's a pretty big one
recycledair51: and then he kept so much about her from me for so long
recycledair51: and lied about it
recycledair51: and tried to make me like her
recycledair51: and after all this he just took off without notice
nrm8573: where to?
nrm8573: home?
recycledair51: i guess
nrm8573: i guess i wouldn't throw in the towel yet
nrm8573: the problem is
recycledair51: i know i still want to be with him
nrm8573: you're never going to be able to trust him fully, ever
recycledair51: yeah i know
nrm8573: that's the kiss of death for a relationship
nrm8573: he's going to think every time your'e mad at him
nrm8573: that somehow or another it's because of that
nrm8573: so he'll get spiteful and uncomfortable
recycledair51: but i don't see how i'll be able to get over it either
recycledair51: when travis cheated on me i fucking cried my eyes out to him
recycledair51: and he held me and told me he would never hurt me like that
nrm8573: was that before or after it happened
recycledair51: before
nrm8573: maybe he needed closure from her too?
recycledair51: he told me he didn't
recycledair51: he said he had no feelings for her anymore since he met me
nrm8573: well i'd be willing to call bullshit on that
nrm8573: why do you have sex with someone
recycledair51: i know
recycledair51: but then i feel like we built off a lie
recycledair51: he fucking deceived me for so long
recycledair51: and he says that this doesn't change anything because it's all been real
nrm8573: would the relationship have worked if he were honest from the start?
recycledair51: yes
nrm8573: was that clear from his perspective given the context?
nrm8573: i'm just trying to understand it from his side
nrm8573: so you told him you loved him, but he still cared about amanda...but he cared about you more
nrm8573: so he needed closure for himself
nrm8573: by having sex with her..
nrm8573: and thereafter he's been devoted to you
recycledair51: he said he really didn't have feelings for her
nrm8573: why else would he have sex with her?
recycledair51: he said it was because he wanted her to leave us alone
recycledair51: cause she was telling him not to be with me
recycledair51: and making up lies
recycledair51: and he just wanted it to be civil
recycledair51: and if he didn't try to be friends with her he said his friends wouldn't have still been friends with him
recycledair51: cause they're all in the same group
recycledair51: but if he had just told them what she was doing, they would have understood
recycledair51: cause he told them now and they understand
nrm8573: the only way my thesis still holds is if he thought maybe it would be less hurtful to tell you that instead of the truth
nrm8573: he does have an unsettling history of deception
recycledair51: good point
nrm8573: in which case he's kind of stupid
recycledair51: which is why i don't know what to do
nrm8573: at this point
nrm8573: i would give him the benefit of the doubt
nrm8573: even though that's very liberal
nrm8573: but don't be surprised if he fucks up again
nrm8573: at least you gave it a shot
recycledair51: i don't think i can deal with another disappointment like that though
recycledair51: this amanda drama has been killing me slowly
recycledair51: that night you called was the only time i freaked out though cause i was so wasted
recycledair51: but every time more stuff comes up it breaks my heart a little
nrm8573: the only way you can be dissapointed is if you have higher expectations
nrm8573: but then again
nrm8573: that doesn't seem like
nrm8573: a healthy relationship
recycledair51: but we had something i thought was so good
nrm8573: everyone is flawed
recycledair51: when she wasn't in the picture
recycledair51: so that would be my expectation
recycledair51: but i don't know how i can trust him
recycledair51: or not be hurt when i look at him
recycledair51: or let him touch me
recycledair51: without thinking about what he did
nrm8573: well it would take time
nrm8573: february is the worst possible timing for this to have happened because it's such a depressing month anyway
nrm8573: well
nrm8573: if you walk away
recycledair51: i know right
nrm8573: you'll always wonder if it would have worked out
nrm8573: and that would bother the crap out of you
recycledair51: i guess
nrm8573: right?
nrm8573: wouldn't you think about that?
recycledair51: but if it doesn't work it'll drag this out
recycledair51: like i'm a fucking mess
recycledair51: i can't stand it
nrm8573: i think it's going to take time to get over it either way
recycledair51: and if we try to work things out i don't even know where to begin
recycledair51: because i can't stand him fucking touching me
nrm8573: go back to the beginning
nrm8573: he doens't have to touch you
nrm8573: if he cares he'll clearly understand that
recycledair51: i wouldn't know what to say to him now
recycledair51: like what we would do or talk about
recycledair51: i would just be so miserable
recycledair51: i am miserable
nrm8573: well first you would have to talk to him about it
nrm8573: and ask him about what i proposed above
nrm8573: i was being very generous to him
recycledair51: i'm pretty sure he would reject that
recycledair51: which is why it's so twisted
recycledair51: like that makes sense
recycledair51: not that it justifies it
nrm8573: but it's at least understandable
recycledair51: but i honestly don't believe that's the case
nrm8573: was he sober?
recycledair51: yes
nrm8573: if he's telling the truth it's a case of means and ends
recycledair51: what do you mean?
nrm8573: evil means justifying good ends
nrm8573: if he truly believed that having sex with her would allow him to have a relationship with you
nrm8573: the ends (relationship with you) justified the means (having sex with her)
nrm8573: i mean i couldn't do that but hey it's a pretty diverse gene pool otu ther
nrm8573: e
recycledair51: but that's so fucking stupid
nrm8573: it is
recycledair51: and it didn't work
recycledair51: so he did it in vain
nrm8573: and he knew she was psychotic
recycledair51: exactly
nrm8573: why would she have any credibility
recycledair51: i know that's what i said
nrm8573: what'd he say
recycledair51: he said he was sorry and felt like he was being raped
recycledair51: i mean if he seriously believed that the ends justified the means
nrm8573: i mean that just makes him look like kind of an idiot
recycledair51: then he's seriously fucked up too
nrm8573: yeah
nrm8573: either really fucked up, extremely naive, or a moron..or all 3
recycledair51: and not who i thought he was
nrm8573: see what he has to say
nrm8573: it's troubling that part of the problem here is that we don't konw if what he says is true
nrm8573: so we can't come to a decisive conclusion
nrm8573: but still see what he has to say
nrm8573: and slap that amanda bitch
nrm8573: because if he's not who you thought he was then you should just cut your losses
recycledair51: yeah
nrm8573: i can't even imagine how disappointing that must be
nrm8573: i'm sorry kat
nrm8573: it's not fair how many shitty guys you end up with
recycledair51: yeah seriously
recycledair51: i'm about to give up
nrm8573: i konw a cool lesbian
nrm8573: i actually have a crush on her
nrm8573: her name is julia
recycledair51: girls suck
nrm8573: what
nrm8573: really??
nrm8573: how the fuck did that happen
recycledair51: it happened a while ago
recycledair51: he just didn't feel the need to tell me
nrm8573: well how long ago
recycledair51: until amanda started leaking it out to his friends
recycledair51: like when we first started dating
nrm8573: when was that
recycledair51: i mean we never set an official date
recycledair51: but we clicked from the start
recycledair51: and we decided that we wanted to be together
recycledair51: i told him i loved him
recycledair51: but i said i didn't want to jump into the physical stuff so soon
recycledair51: and then he had sex with amanda
recycledair51: because she begged him saying it would be closure for her and she'd leave us alone
recycledair51: which of course she never did
nrm8573: so in a weird way he did it to preserve your relationship
recycledair51: yeah it's so fucking twisted
recycledair51: it just really hurts that he would ever agree to that
recycledair51: when he knew she was so fucking psycho from the start
recycledair51: and that he kept her around until a couple days ago
recycledair51: and that he had sex with her after i told him i was in love with him
recycledair51: i never say that first and it took so much for me to
recycledair51: i thought he understood that
nrm8573: well what are you going to do?
recycledair51: i have no idea
recycledair51: last night he told me when we were in my dorm
nrm8573: it's not like you can ever trust him again
recycledair51: and i was so upset
recycledair51: i asked him to leave
recycledair51: and he wouldn't
recycledair51: and no one is around
recycledair51: so i left and he kept following me
recycledair51: and i told him to get the fuck away from me
recycledair51: and he kept trying to make me promise to see him today
recycledair51: and i said i didn't know but i didn't want to talk to him then
recycledair51: so he finally left
recycledair51: and today he just took off without telling me
recycledair51: i don't know when he's coming back or if we're still together
nrm8573: what a jerk
recycledair51: i know
recycledair51: i'm so angry and so sad
recycledair51: it's confusing and i don't know what to do
recycledair51: like if i can even be with him
nrm8573: so why are you going home? classes start on tuesday
recycledair51: because i don't have anything to do until then
recycledair51: i only have two classes on tuesday
recycledair51: and i need to see my friends
recycledair51: today was the most depressing day
recycledair51: new york is so lonely sometimes
nrm8573: i know what you mean
nrm8573: it's so weird that he did that
nrm8573: maybe it was before he thought things were as serious?
recycledair51: things were always serious
recycledair51: when i was with travis it was killing us
recycledair51: because we didn't know what to do
nrm8573: well maybe nicco didn't think of it that way from the start
nrm8573: which is ok
nrm8573: because he seems to be devoted now
recycledair51: it's not really
nrm8573: you had told him that you loved him before he did it?
recycledair51: yeah
nrm8573: ohh
nrm8573: so it wasn't in the VERY beginning
nrm8573: i thought you meant when you were just kind of flirting
recycledair51: no
recycledair51: like i broke up with travis for him
recycledair51: and told him i loved him
recycledair51: and then he had sex with her
nrm8573: maybe he was trying to get her out of the way?
recycledair51: that's what he said
recycledair51: but that's fucked up
recycledair51: how did he think that i would be okay with that?
recycledair51: and how did he ever agree to that
nrm8573: i'm trying to justify it but..
recycledair51: i know i mean i feel bad that he had to deal with her shit
recycledair51: but it really hurts that he did that after i told him and i thought it was clear that we were going to be together
nrm8573: i mean everybody makes mistakes, that's a pretty big one
recycledair51: and then he kept so much about her from me for so long
recycledair51: and lied about it
recycledair51: and tried to make me like her
recycledair51: and after all this he just took off without notice
nrm8573: where to?
nrm8573: home?
recycledair51: i guess
nrm8573: i guess i wouldn't throw in the towel yet
nrm8573: the problem is
recycledair51: i know i still want to be with him
nrm8573: you're never going to be able to trust him fully, ever
recycledair51: yeah i know
nrm8573: that's the kiss of death for a relationship
nrm8573: he's going to think every time your'e mad at him
nrm8573: that somehow or another it's because of that
nrm8573: so he'll get spiteful and uncomfortable
recycledair51: but i don't see how i'll be able to get over it either
recycledair51: when travis cheated on me i fucking cried my eyes out to him
recycledair51: and he held me and told me he would never hurt me like that
nrm8573: was that before or after it happened
recycledair51: before
nrm8573: maybe he needed closure from her too?
recycledair51: he told me he didn't
recycledair51: he said he had no feelings for her anymore since he met me
nrm8573: well i'd be willing to call bullshit on that
nrm8573: why do you have sex with someone
recycledair51: i know
recycledair51: but then i feel like we built off a lie
recycledair51: he fucking deceived me for so long
recycledair51: and he says that this doesn't change anything because it's all been real
nrm8573: would the relationship have worked if he were honest from the start?
recycledair51: yes
nrm8573: was that clear from his perspective given the context?
nrm8573: i'm just trying to understand it from his side
nrm8573: so you told him you loved him, but he still cared about amanda...but he cared about you more
nrm8573: so he needed closure for himself
nrm8573: by having sex with her..
nrm8573: and thereafter he's been devoted to you
recycledair51: he said he really didn't have feelings for her
nrm8573: why else would he have sex with her?
recycledair51: he said it was because he wanted her to leave us alone
recycledair51: cause she was telling him not to be with me
recycledair51: and making up lies
recycledair51: and he just wanted it to be civil
recycledair51: and if he didn't try to be friends with her he said his friends wouldn't have still been friends with him
recycledair51: cause they're all in the same group
recycledair51: but if he had just told them what she was doing, they would have understood
recycledair51: cause he told them now and they understand
nrm8573: the only way my thesis still holds is if he thought maybe it would be less hurtful to tell you that instead of the truth
nrm8573: he does have an unsettling history of deception
recycledair51: good point
nrm8573: in which case he's kind of stupid
recycledair51: which is why i don't know what to do
nrm8573: at this point
nrm8573: i would give him the benefit of the doubt
nrm8573: even though that's very liberal
nrm8573: but don't be surprised if he fucks up again
nrm8573: at least you gave it a shot
recycledair51: i don't think i can deal with another disappointment like that though
recycledair51: this amanda drama has been killing me slowly
recycledair51: that night you called was the only time i freaked out though cause i was so wasted
recycledair51: but every time more stuff comes up it breaks my heart a little
nrm8573: the only way you can be dissapointed is if you have higher expectations
nrm8573: but then again
nrm8573: that doesn't seem like
nrm8573: a healthy relationship
recycledair51: but we had something i thought was so good
nrm8573: everyone is flawed
recycledair51: when she wasn't in the picture
recycledair51: so that would be my expectation
recycledair51: but i don't know how i can trust him
recycledair51: or not be hurt when i look at him
recycledair51: or let him touch me
recycledair51: without thinking about what he did
nrm8573: well it would take time
nrm8573: february is the worst possible timing for this to have happened because it's such a depressing month anyway
nrm8573: well
nrm8573: if you walk away
recycledair51: i know right
nrm8573: you'll always wonder if it would have worked out
nrm8573: and that would bother the crap out of you
recycledair51: i guess
nrm8573: right?
nrm8573: wouldn't you think about that?
recycledair51: but if it doesn't work it'll drag this out
recycledair51: like i'm a fucking mess
recycledair51: i can't stand it
nrm8573: i think it's going to take time to get over it either way
recycledair51: and if we try to work things out i don't even know where to begin
recycledair51: because i can't stand him fucking touching me
nrm8573: go back to the beginning
nrm8573: he doens't have to touch you
nrm8573: if he cares he'll clearly understand that
recycledair51: i wouldn't know what to say to him now
recycledair51: like what we would do or talk about
recycledair51: i would just be so miserable
recycledair51: i am miserable
nrm8573: well first you would have to talk to him about it
nrm8573: and ask him about what i proposed above
nrm8573: i was being very generous to him
recycledair51: i'm pretty sure he would reject that
recycledair51: which is why it's so twisted
recycledair51: like that makes sense
recycledair51: not that it justifies it
nrm8573: but it's at least understandable
recycledair51: but i honestly don't believe that's the case
nrm8573: was he sober?
recycledair51: yes
nrm8573: if he's telling the truth it's a case of means and ends
recycledair51: what do you mean?
nrm8573: evil means justifying good ends
nrm8573: if he truly believed that having sex with her would allow him to have a relationship with you
nrm8573: the ends (relationship with you) justified the means (having sex with her)
nrm8573: i mean i couldn't do that but hey it's a pretty diverse gene pool otu ther
nrm8573: e
recycledair51: but that's so fucking stupid
nrm8573: it is
recycledair51: and it didn't work
recycledair51: so he did it in vain
nrm8573: and he knew she was psychotic
recycledair51: exactly
nrm8573: why would she have any credibility
recycledair51: i know that's what i said
nrm8573: what'd he say
recycledair51: he said he was sorry and felt like he was being raped
recycledair51: i mean if he seriously believed that the ends justified the means
nrm8573: i mean that just makes him look like kind of an idiot
recycledair51: then he's seriously fucked up too
nrm8573: yeah
nrm8573: either really fucked up, extremely naive, or a moron..or all 3
recycledair51: and not who i thought he was
nrm8573: see what he has to say
nrm8573: it's troubling that part of the problem here is that we don't konw if what he says is true
nrm8573: so we can't come to a decisive conclusion
nrm8573: but still see what he has to say
nrm8573: and slap that amanda bitch
nrm8573: because if he's not who you thought he was then you should just cut your losses
recycledair51: yeah
nrm8573: i can't even imagine how disappointing that must be
nrm8573: i'm sorry kat
nrm8573: it's not fair how many shitty guys you end up with
recycledair51: yeah seriously
recycledair51: i'm about to give up
nrm8573: i konw a cool lesbian
nrm8573: i actually have a crush on her
nrm8573: her name is julia
recycledair51: girls suck