(no subject)
You know, I read about everyone's perfect little moments in life and I realize that I'm the antithesis of that. Nothing about my life is ever quite right nor do I ever have those moments people like to read about.
Maybe that's the way it's meant to be. Maybe I'm the counter-balance so that everyone else can have those moments.
I've also found that lately, I'm becoming just a bit envious of people in love. It may be because I'm in such a spot where I feel hopelessly tangled up by events in motion but I'm not willing to settle (as in, acceptance of something that isn't really how I want it to be).
I feel colder and each year, a little further from the hope of ever having a decent relationship with anyone. I keep telling myself that my goals and career are important but seriously, why can't I have my goals, career and at least a semi-happy coexistance with someone whom I love, cherish and adore?
I used to be able to write beautiful love poetry and stories that would make people weep with emotion because they were heartfelt and dedicated to what I thought would come to me (or I'd find it) eventually.
I'm almost thirty and most people at this point have crashed and burned their way through at least a few serious relationships but are now working on something special, something that will last. Me....I just crash, burn and keep on smoldering.
I'm also beginning to wander into another ugly phase. At work, I just don't care anymore about how I look. The only thing I take pride in are my hair ties.....other than that, I don't wear makeup, my eyes have been bothering me....I feel so hopelessly unattractive. Even around friends and going out to places, I just no longer give a shit. I look in my closet and pass by most of my fancier clothing for just jeans and a t-shirt. Just getting out of bed lately and feeling like a person has been a struggle lately, nevermind a person worth looking at more than once.
Ehh....same old tired story. I'm sick of saying it.
Can someone just buy me a new life?
-Elle
Maybe that's the way it's meant to be. Maybe I'm the counter-balance so that everyone else can have those moments.
I've also found that lately, I'm becoming just a bit envious of people in love. It may be because I'm in such a spot where I feel hopelessly tangled up by events in motion but I'm not willing to settle (as in, acceptance of something that isn't really how I want it to be).
I feel colder and each year, a little further from the hope of ever having a decent relationship with anyone. I keep telling myself that my goals and career are important but seriously, why can't I have my goals, career and at least a semi-happy coexistance with someone whom I love, cherish and adore?
I used to be able to write beautiful love poetry and stories that would make people weep with emotion because they were heartfelt and dedicated to what I thought would come to me (or I'd find it) eventually.
I'm almost thirty and most people at this point have crashed and burned their way through at least a few serious relationships but are now working on something special, something that will last. Me....I just crash, burn and keep on smoldering.
I'm also beginning to wander into another ugly phase. At work, I just don't care anymore about how I look. The only thing I take pride in are my hair ties.....other than that, I don't wear makeup, my eyes have been bothering me....I feel so hopelessly unattractive. Even around friends and going out to places, I just no longer give a shit. I look in my closet and pass by most of my fancier clothing for just jeans and a t-shirt. Just getting out of bed lately and feeling like a person has been a struggle lately, nevermind a person worth looking at more than once.
Ehh....same old tired story. I'm sick of saying it.
Can someone just buy me a new life?
-Elle