(no subject)
So, I was transferring my files over to my new hard drive, and while I was deciding what to save and what not to save, I came across some of my old IM logs from the first conversations I had with Mya about my gender and sexuality discoveries. These are pretty much verbatim except that I replaced the user names.
Me: I'm reading a story about a son who wants to be a girl...I don't know if it's fiction or not
Mya: oh?
Me: mmhmm
Me: wow...I think I just decided I might be pansexual
Mya: Oh?
Me: well, I wouldn't define myself as bisexual...
Me: and I'm definitely not asexual
Mya: Nor would I
Me: nor homosexual....
Me: but, I have some bicurious tendencies
Mya: *hug*
Me: and the feelings I have seem to have more to do with personalities and less to do with
genders
Mya: So you have bicurious tendancies?
Me: mmhmm
Me: Honestly most of the ones that I would define as being attracted to males are in a female sense
Me: I can tell you that I appreciate a slim body, and occasionally a toned body.
Me: In a male I like fairly short hair usually, and little or no facial hair.
Me: In a female, long hair.
Me: tattoos, piercings, etc all depend on the person specifically, and how they look otherwise.
Me: Mostly, I'm attracted to the shape and features of a person's face.
Me: And their personality and humor.
Me: So, if that person happens to be a male, what can I do?
Mya: *nod*
Me: And looking at some more, I think that if I classified myself by a term, gender-wise, it
would be one of the following: genderqueer, androgyne, or bigender...
Me: I need to look into them more.
Me: and I fit into someof the definitions of transgender and transsexual
Me: One of these days I might talk to my therapist about it....
Me: I dunno
Me: I don't feel comfortable talking about my sexuality with most people.
Me: I should probably talk to somebody about it at least anyway
Mya: your therapist
Me: well, I dont' know that I need to talk to a therapist about it....
As a few side notes. I would still probably consider myself pansexual, but bisexual is so much easier to explain. Also, my reasoning for androgyne, genderqueer, and bigender were mostly that I wasn't entirely confident in how feminine I felt, and I was being cascaded with information.
The story that I mention at the beginning is indeed a nonfiction story Mom, I need to be a Girl by Just Evelyn.
Then a few nights later:
Me: I'm going to go to sleep in the next half hour I think
Me: But for now, I'd be happy to talk to you about emotions, sexuality, how things are, or
anything else really
Me: I'm trying to get more perspective on my own sexuality as well...
Me: so I'm doing some preliminary research on the internets
Mya: I see
Mya: well don't be too quick to indentify with any one thing
Mya: make sure it is what you are based upon self observation
Me: yeah
Me: which is why I'm looking at everything I can find
Mya: don't let new informantion snowball and then later make you unhappy because it is not
really how you feel
Me: I started with the androgyne stuff...
Me: now I'm moving on to transgender I think
Me: yeah, definitely
Me: I want to talk to my therapist about it too
Mya: I think you should
Mya: It might help clear your head
Me: well, soonest I see her is in like 3 weeks >.<
And this was true unfortunately. I didn't get a chance to see my psychologist for awhile, but by then I felt pretty firm in my assertation that I was a transsexual. I am still firm in this assertation.
These conversations were very intrumental in my journey of self discovery. Without them I don't know how much longer it could have taken for me to come to any conclusions on my own, or to be willing to discuss it with my psychologist.
That's all for tonight. I'll post again this week, keep an eye out.
~R
My diary
Me: I'm reading a story about a son who wants to be a girl...I don't know if it's fiction or not
Mya: oh?
Me: mmhmm
Me: wow...I think I just decided I might be pansexual
Mya: Oh?
Me: well, I wouldn't define myself as bisexual...
Me: and I'm definitely not asexual
Mya: Nor would I
Me: nor homosexual....
Me: but, I have some bicurious tendencies
Mya: *hug*
Me: and the feelings I have seem to have more to do with personalities and less to do with
genders
Mya: So you have bicurious tendancies?
Me: mmhmm
Me: Honestly most of the ones that I would define as being attracted to males are in a female sense
Me: I can tell you that I appreciate a slim body, and occasionally a toned body.
Me: In a male I like fairly short hair usually, and little or no facial hair.
Me: In a female, long hair.
Me: tattoos, piercings, etc all depend on the person specifically, and how they look otherwise.
Me: Mostly, I'm attracted to the shape and features of a person's face.
Me: And their personality and humor.
Me: So, if that person happens to be a male, what can I do?
Mya: *nod*
Me: And looking at some more, I think that if I classified myself by a term, gender-wise, it
would be one of the following: genderqueer, androgyne, or bigender...
Me: I need to look into them more.
Me: and I fit into someof the definitions of transgender and transsexual
Me: One of these days I might talk to my therapist about it....
Me: I dunno
Me: I don't feel comfortable talking about my sexuality with most people.
Me: I should probably talk to somebody about it at least anyway
Mya: your therapist
Me: well, I dont' know that I need to talk to a therapist about it....
As a few side notes. I would still probably consider myself pansexual, but bisexual is so much easier to explain. Also, my reasoning for androgyne, genderqueer, and bigender were mostly that I wasn't entirely confident in how feminine I felt, and I was being cascaded with information.
The story that I mention at the beginning is indeed a nonfiction story Mom, I need to be a Girl by Just Evelyn.
Then a few nights later:
Me: I'm going to go to sleep in the next half hour I think
Me: But for now, I'd be happy to talk to you about emotions, sexuality, how things are, or
anything else really
Me: I'm trying to get more perspective on my own sexuality as well...
Me: so I'm doing some preliminary research on the internets
Mya: I see
Mya: well don't be too quick to indentify with any one thing
Mya: make sure it is what you are based upon self observation
Me: yeah
Me: which is why I'm looking at everything I can find
Mya: don't let new informantion snowball and then later make you unhappy because it is not
really how you feel
Me: I started with the androgyne stuff...
Me: now I'm moving on to transgender I think
Me: yeah, definitely
Me: I want to talk to my therapist about it too
Mya: I think you should
Mya: It might help clear your head
Me: well, soonest I see her is in like 3 weeks >.<
And this was true unfortunately. I didn't get a chance to see my psychologist for awhile, but by then I felt pretty firm in my assertation that I was a transsexual. I am still firm in this assertation.
These conversations were very intrumental in my journey of self discovery. Without them I don't know how much longer it could have taken for me to come to any conclusions on my own, or to be willing to discuss it with my psychologist.
That's all for tonight. I'll post again this week, keep an eye out.
~R
My diary