The Truth Is Hard To Swallow [Twenty-Two]
Title: The Truth Is Hard To Swallow [Twenty-Two]
Author: detourtoyou
Rating: NC-17 overall
Pairing: Jack/Alex
POV: 3rd
Summary: Of course the one time he decided to act his age, Alex would end up messing even that up. But in his defense, it was hard to act his age when he was faced with things so entirely beyond his age and maturity level, like a one-night decision that decided to follow him into the rest of his life.
Warning: Mpreg
Disclaimer: This is sadly false and a complete lie created by my mind. Title taken from Toxic Valentine by All Time Low.
Dedication: For an amazing person whom I love dearly with all my heart, Mike damnedifidoyah <3
A/N: Back with a mediocre chapter! Hope you guys had a wonderful Christmas. And, since I probably won’t update quickly considering I’m getting lazy haha, Bye 2010, thanks for the awesome memories and hello 2011! Happy New Year’s! :)
Feel free to follow me on tumblr but as a heads up, it’ll be mostly used for updates and such. I’m not too good with keeping up at that kinda stuff lol
“You had no right to do that.”
Caleb looked up, half-leaning against the wall behind him and cocking his head. There was barely a ruffle of remorse in his expression, and Alex had to shove his own balled fist into his jacket pocket to resist the temptation of knocking it across the other’s jaw. If there was ever a moment Alex truly hated someone, it was Caleb right now. No amount of good the other boy had done for him could possibly redeem this. Caleb had pretty much crushed everything good in his life.
“To do what?” he asked, like there was really any need to. The two of them had been left behind to tend to themselves, Jack having stormed off as soon as he had thrown the redhead off of him. No words, no more yells, just hurried, thundering footsteps away.
“Don’t even try to play stupid!” cried Alex, taking a step forward and roughly shoving the redhead against the wall. Caleb started at the unexpected violence, eyes wide with surprise. “You had absolutely no right to do any of that! Why the hell should Jack have to hear it from you of all people? You had no right, Caleb. None!”
Any surprise was well wiped away as Caleb shook his head, saying, “Well, if Jack didn’t hear it from me, he would have heard it from someone else eventually. Besides, it isn’t like he didn’t already suspect or anything. Think about it, Alex. Jack isn’t a complete moron. He was already suspicious. I think he just didn’t want to say anything because as long as you kept quiet about it, he wouldn’t have to do anything about it either. He wouldn’t have to take responsibility or end up as a teen parent like you. But the minute you say something to him, he can’t just go free.”
Honestly, it was one of the most logical deductions Alex had ever heard regarding the baby and Jack. There really was no possible way that Jack was that thick and stupid to as not figure out the baby was his. But even so, Alex protested, anger still bubbling in his veins, “How do you even know? This is all just your stupid speculation!”
“You can’t seriously believe that, can you?” Puffing an exasperated sigh, Caleb rolled his eyes, inciting Alex’s anger even further. “Think what you want, Alex, but I was just doing what needed to be done.”
“Even so, you weren’t the one who needed to do it,” bit Alex furiously, eyes narrowing.
“If I didn’t do it, you never would have, and Jack would have just been able to go free without ever worrying about anything. I hardly think that’s fair.”
“It’s not a matter of what’s fair or not, Caleb! It’s what I decide I want, not you.” Alex shook his head, hair falling into his eyes as he glared at the younger boy. “Why would you even do it?”
“I just wanted Jack to know that no matter what, I’m going to be in the baby’s life. Regardless of whether he wants to step up or not.”
“Be in the baby’s life,” repeated the pregnant teen, incredulity creeping into the rising syllables.
Caleb nodded, suddenly sheepish. “Yeah. I’ve done some thinking, and… it wasn’t right of me to just leave you like that, especially over something so stupid.” He stopped, hand running through his hair as he collected his thoughts. “It’s just that, I got really jealous, y’know? When you’re hanging out with Zack or Kyle or someone else, I don’t really mind because I know there’s nothing there, but with Jack, it’s just something different. I don’t know how to explain it other than I don’t really like you being with him. I get suspicious, and I can’t help but think that you’ll end up liking him or something. But I’m over it now, Alex. I know I’ve made a stupid mistake, but I still really want to be in your life.” Nervous titter bubbling from his lips, he said in a hurried breath, quick and soft, “I, um, love you, Alex.”
Mouth clamped shut, Alex stood there, hand awkwardly supporting his weight from the back, and stared at the redhead, mind running in circles until he could feel his lungs actually losing breath. Once upon a time, Caleb had been the only person there for him, promising that everything would be okay and that he would support and help take care of both the baby and Alex. And at one point in his life, Alex had liked Caleb. A lot. He just was no longer sure that point in his life was stretching this far into now as terrible as it was. From the very beginning, Alex had always held the uncertainty that he was simply with Caleb for all the right reasons but all the wrong feelings, and now, he was certain that he had been. The fear of being a pregnant teen, the worry of the father not knowing, the anxiety of having to be mature and responsible when he was just a child himself, it had all been the momentum which drove Alex to Caleb in the first place. Not love. Not even like. Just desperation and fear.
"I want a family, Caleb."
"I know! I want to give you that family, Alex. We can all be together and-"
Head shaking, Alex cut the other off, "No, we really can't. You're a great person, and you've helped me a lot, more than my own mom. There's probably no way I can ever really thank you or pay you back, but Caleb, I don't think..." he trailed off into a murmur of thought. "I can't see this going anywhere."
"This?"
"I want a family for the baby, and for that, I need someone who's going to be stable and reliable," intoned Alex softly, voice dropping and eyes dulling. "I've done some thinking too, and I can't do this anymore. I don't." The pregnant boy stopped himself, gnawing on his lower lip before matching eyes with the redhead. "I don't want to lie to everyone anymore. You're not the father; Jack is. And whether he wants to be in the baby's life or not is up to him, but I want him to be the one to decide," he finished plainly, the words dragging up from his stomach. "You're not what I want. You're not who I want, and I'm sorry I strung you along like this for so long. I don't deserve your kindness or even your forgiveness or anything, but I'm really sorry, Caleb. I wish I could take it all back."
Caleb blinked, face blank of expression as he stared through the pregnant boy. Alex could almost hear the breaths wetting his lips as they came in slow succession.
"I was right, wasn't I?"
"Right?"
"About you and Jack," he remarked plaintively. "Fuck, Alex. You promised me that you didn't."
"I didn't know. I still don't know!" the older boy hurriedly uttered, and he flinched at the snort his latter excuse had garnered. "I... I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Well, a bang up job on doing that," exclaimed the redhead with a choked snort of disbelief. Acridity spilled from his tongue as he spoke, lines of agony tracing his face, "I just wanted to give you a family, and if you didn't want it, all you had to do was say no instead of making me make a fucking ass out of myself. I liked you. Fuck, I love you, and you just throw it all back in my face. Fuck. Was this just all some joke to you?"
"N-no! It's not-"
"Save it, Alex," he interrupted, deceptively soft in his tone. "I don't want to hear it. I tried so hard for you, and I wanted to be everything for you, but it's still worth nothing to you, is it? Go play house with Jack. I'm done."
Even though Alex had no right to be hurt by the words, he could still feel them cutting into him and bleeding tears. The slow pulse of pressure crushing his chest held captive any words he could have said as he watched Caleb sadly shake his head and walk back into the building without a glance back.
It didn't go away even as the day wore on, only tightening when Alex found himself left alone at home once more. Jack had gone missing once again, and it tore at his chest just a little because this time, it really was his fault. Alex hadn't meant for things to become this ugly, and in hindsight, if he had simply just told the truth from the beginning, all of this useless drama and hurt could have been avoided. He slumped onto the bed, mindful of the baby.
It wasn't until around three in the morning that Alex heard the front door being jingled open as a heavy body stepped through. He struggled to sit up, rolling around a little like a backwards turtle before finally making it up. While waiting up for Jack, he had fallen into a light sleep, and now that the boy was back, so was his internal turmoil.
“Jack?” he whispered into the blackened room, listening to thudding feet colliding with the floor as it tromped closer to the room. The door was creaked open, a thin line of light racing across and catching in Alex's eyes, making the boy squint.
Jack stopped, hand on the knob. Eyes narrowing, he said quietly so as not to wake his father, “Come on. Since you’re up, might as well as go now.”
“Go? Go where?” he asked, alarmed, but stopped the rest of the waterfall of words at the sharp look cutting through him. He merely pulled on a hoodie despite the warm air outside and followed after Jack with his head hung, careful to stay quiet and not even daring to breathe until they were sitting in a dingy booth at the local IHOP. Alex fidgeted as the waitress deposited their drinks onto the table, eyeing him critically before sauntering away to help another table.
"So." Alex jumped at the sound of his voice, startled. “So, the-” Jack stopped, eyes dropping to below the table where Alex’s stomach sat hidden. “It’s mine,” he stated quietly, no emotion leaking.
Up until now, Alex had been able to avoid strictly saying the words that Jack was the father. Now that this was the big moment, it felt all wrong. Swallowing the lump of fear in his throat, the pregnant teen fidgeted with the hem of his hoodie, eyes bobbing from the table to the glass of water sitting in front of him.
“Yeah, it’s yours,” he breathed softly, half-expecting the entire store to simply implode because of the simple statement. It obviously didn’t, and neither did Jack which Alex could not discern as being good or bad.
“Fuck my life,” muttered Jack with an exasperated hand sifting through his hair, head lobbing the other way to stare at the waitress fulfilling an order from a group of what looked to be college students. He played with the straw in his orange juice, swirling the namesake colored liquid around in violent whirls. It felt like a bad metaphor for how Alex currently felt. “So, what are you going to do?”
Large brown eyes blinking owlishly at the other, Alex sat in dumbed silence, unable to quite process Jack’s question. He wasn’t quite sure just what there was to do at this point. He was almost eleven weeks away from giving birth, there wasn't much he could do besides just wait until it, well, happened.
“Do?”
“Yeah.” Jack creased his brows together, clarifying, “What are you gonna do about... it?”
“Well, I was thinking that I’m going to keep him and raise him,” he said firmly, confusion still evening out his tones as he stared at Jack with a small frown.
If the situation wasn’t so somber, Alex would have laughed at the comical look of shock stretching Jack’s face at his declaration, eyes wide and mouth agape with horror. He spoke in loud, hushed whispers, eyes darting around as though Alex’s pregnancy was some sort of secret despite everyone already having caught a glimpse of his rounded belly the second he stepped into the greasy IHOP, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding. Our parents are going to get married in like, May or something.”
Alex failed to see the line of thought Jack was so openly presenting with his vague statement. “So what’re you suggesting exactly?”
“Give it up for adoption.” The words were out of his mouth with no hesitation to strangle them, face straight and serious. Alex choked on his own saliva, hardly able to trust his ears.
“Ad-adoption?” The group of bikers sitting two booths away turned curious eyes towards their direction, and Jack slunk further down in his seat, glaring angrily at the other for drawing attention to them. “You want me, to give up our child, our son, for adoption,” elaborated Alex thoroughly, making sure there were no stutters for Jack to possibly misunderstand. More than anything, Alex was hoping he was the one who had misunderstood Jack because just the very idea of the suggestion made Alex sick to his stomach in a way that morning sickness could not even rival. The baby was a part of him, and to give him away would be asking Alex to claw through his own chest and give away his heart. Impossible.
Apparently, however, that was exactly what Jack was asking for, “Yeah."
"You're shitting me, right? You can't be serious, Jack," said Alex calmly, keeping his composure despite every instinct in his body screaming at him to fight back. "I'm not going to just give the baby up for adoption," he stated, eyes steeled and refusing to budge on the decision.
"Listen, we can't take care of it. There's no way in hell our parents won't kill us either once they find out-"
"I'm prepared for that," he interrupted harshly, mouth giving ease to a small scowl.
"Well, I'm not!" Jack exclaimed, pushing away his glass of orange juice with an offended hand. The orange liquid sloshed violently, trailing down the side of the glass cup onto the sticky surface of the table. It made Alex's fingers twitch.
"Too bad then! Grow a pair and deal with it. I'm not going to give him up for adoption just because you can't 'handle it'," spat Alex with utter contempt.
"You can't fucking handle it either!" he vented, ready to shove every last word back down Alex's throat. "You think you're being some sort of saint by keeping it? If you're such a fucking saint, then think about what kind of life the kid'll have once it's born. Think how it'll live and how messed up it'll be growing up. It'll be raised in a fucking hellhole! Your own mom won't even see you because of it, and my dad is going to kick us both out on our asses once he finds out it's mine!" Throwing his hands up in the air mid-rant, Jack leaned forward to hiss sarcastically, "What do you plan on doing then? How are you gonna take care of it? Live in a fucking cardboard box outside of Wal-Mart and flips burgers at McDonalds for minimum wage so you can buy maybe one diaper or half a bottle of formula?"
"I-" The elder sewed his lips together, eyes falling to the gritty table and the bright spot of watered down orange. He could feel liquid lining his eyes, the pressure hot against his eyelids. This wasn't exactly how Alex imagined this conversation to go, but he hadn't been expecting Jack to simply suggest casting away the baby so easily either. If anything, even a simple declaration of how much money Jack would give him every month to help support the baby was around the lines of what Alex was anticipating. He had high given up the hopes that Jack would actually want to be in the baby's life despite the niggling in the back of his head always wishing fiercely for Jack to want to be a part of the family. But adoption? It seemed extreme and cruel. The worst part of it, however, was the utter truth in his words. Alex didn't have any money or even a family anymore to back him up. He had never even worked a day in his life and was still trying to graduate from high school for fuck's sake. He literally had nothing. How could he raise his son if he couldn't even provide the basic necessities the kid needed? What kind of upbringing would it be? Surely the baby didn't deserve such an unfair life just because he was too stubborn and his parents too irresponsible and stupid, right?
It was just too many heartbreaks in one day.
"But..." His mouth curled with a whimper.
Taking a breath through his nose, Jack closed his eyes to regain himself, steeling them on Alex once open. "Look. I get that it's hard and shit, but we can't do this. We're not ready to take care of it, and it'll just have a miserable, pathetic life if it stays with us. It's too much responsibility."
"You don't know that. You're not even willing to try!" Alex protested fiercely, but both boys could hear the dying heat behind his words.
"I do know it. My parents are the prime example of it," he ground out, rubbing his forehead with a weary hand. "I feel like an ass saying this too, and I know that I am, but we can't provide for it, y'know? It deserves a happy life with a happy family who can take care of it and give it whatever it needs. Me and you? We're not that happy family."
At that, Alex lost any string of composure holding him taut, tears falling from his eyes in big, watery splotches.
Author: detourtoyou
Rating: NC-17 overall
Pairing: Jack/Alex
POV: 3rd
Summary: Of course the one time he decided to act his age, Alex would end up messing even that up. But in his defense, it was hard to act his age when he was faced with things so entirely beyond his age and maturity level, like a one-night decision that decided to follow him into the rest of his life.
Warning: Mpreg
Disclaimer: This is sadly false and a complete lie created by my mind. Title taken from Toxic Valentine by All Time Low.
Dedication: For an amazing person whom I love dearly with all my heart, Mike damnedifidoyah <3
A/N: Back with a mediocre chapter! Hope you guys had a wonderful Christmas. And, since I probably won’t update quickly considering I’m getting lazy haha, Bye 2010, thanks for the awesome memories and hello 2011! Happy New Year’s! :)
Feel free to follow me on tumblr but as a heads up, it’ll be mostly used for updates and such. I’m not too good with keeping up at that kinda stuff lol
“You had no right to do that.”
Caleb looked up, half-leaning against the wall behind him and cocking his head. There was barely a ruffle of remorse in his expression, and Alex had to shove his own balled fist into his jacket pocket to resist the temptation of knocking it across the other’s jaw. If there was ever a moment Alex truly hated someone, it was Caleb right now. No amount of good the other boy had done for him could possibly redeem this. Caleb had pretty much crushed everything good in his life.
“To do what?” he asked, like there was really any need to. The two of them had been left behind to tend to themselves, Jack having stormed off as soon as he had thrown the redhead off of him. No words, no more yells, just hurried, thundering footsteps away.
“Don’t even try to play stupid!” cried Alex, taking a step forward and roughly shoving the redhead against the wall. Caleb started at the unexpected violence, eyes wide with surprise. “You had absolutely no right to do any of that! Why the hell should Jack have to hear it from you of all people? You had no right, Caleb. None!”
Any surprise was well wiped away as Caleb shook his head, saying, “Well, if Jack didn’t hear it from me, he would have heard it from someone else eventually. Besides, it isn’t like he didn’t already suspect or anything. Think about it, Alex. Jack isn’t a complete moron. He was already suspicious. I think he just didn’t want to say anything because as long as you kept quiet about it, he wouldn’t have to do anything about it either. He wouldn’t have to take responsibility or end up as a teen parent like you. But the minute you say something to him, he can’t just go free.”
Honestly, it was one of the most logical deductions Alex had ever heard regarding the baby and Jack. There really was no possible way that Jack was that thick and stupid to as not figure out the baby was his. But even so, Alex protested, anger still bubbling in his veins, “How do you even know? This is all just your stupid speculation!”
“You can’t seriously believe that, can you?” Puffing an exasperated sigh, Caleb rolled his eyes, inciting Alex’s anger even further. “Think what you want, Alex, but I was just doing what needed to be done.”
“Even so, you weren’t the one who needed to do it,” bit Alex furiously, eyes narrowing.
“If I didn’t do it, you never would have, and Jack would have just been able to go free without ever worrying about anything. I hardly think that’s fair.”
“It’s not a matter of what’s fair or not, Caleb! It’s what I decide I want, not you.” Alex shook his head, hair falling into his eyes as he glared at the younger boy. “Why would you even do it?”
“I just wanted Jack to know that no matter what, I’m going to be in the baby’s life. Regardless of whether he wants to step up or not.”
“Be in the baby’s life,” repeated the pregnant teen, incredulity creeping into the rising syllables.
Caleb nodded, suddenly sheepish. “Yeah. I’ve done some thinking, and… it wasn’t right of me to just leave you like that, especially over something so stupid.” He stopped, hand running through his hair as he collected his thoughts. “It’s just that, I got really jealous, y’know? When you’re hanging out with Zack or Kyle or someone else, I don’t really mind because I know there’s nothing there, but with Jack, it’s just something different. I don’t know how to explain it other than I don’t really like you being with him. I get suspicious, and I can’t help but think that you’ll end up liking him or something. But I’m over it now, Alex. I know I’ve made a stupid mistake, but I still really want to be in your life.” Nervous titter bubbling from his lips, he said in a hurried breath, quick and soft, “I, um, love you, Alex.”
Mouth clamped shut, Alex stood there, hand awkwardly supporting his weight from the back, and stared at the redhead, mind running in circles until he could feel his lungs actually losing breath. Once upon a time, Caleb had been the only person there for him, promising that everything would be okay and that he would support and help take care of both the baby and Alex. And at one point in his life, Alex had liked Caleb. A lot. He just was no longer sure that point in his life was stretching this far into now as terrible as it was. From the very beginning, Alex had always held the uncertainty that he was simply with Caleb for all the right reasons but all the wrong feelings, and now, he was certain that he had been. The fear of being a pregnant teen, the worry of the father not knowing, the anxiety of having to be mature and responsible when he was just a child himself, it had all been the momentum which drove Alex to Caleb in the first place. Not love. Not even like. Just desperation and fear.
"I want a family, Caleb."
"I know! I want to give you that family, Alex. We can all be together and-"
Head shaking, Alex cut the other off, "No, we really can't. You're a great person, and you've helped me a lot, more than my own mom. There's probably no way I can ever really thank you or pay you back, but Caleb, I don't think..." he trailed off into a murmur of thought. "I can't see this going anywhere."
"This?"
"I want a family for the baby, and for that, I need someone who's going to be stable and reliable," intoned Alex softly, voice dropping and eyes dulling. "I've done some thinking too, and I can't do this anymore. I don't." The pregnant boy stopped himself, gnawing on his lower lip before matching eyes with the redhead. "I don't want to lie to everyone anymore. You're not the father; Jack is. And whether he wants to be in the baby's life or not is up to him, but I want him to be the one to decide," he finished plainly, the words dragging up from his stomach. "You're not what I want. You're not who I want, and I'm sorry I strung you along like this for so long. I don't deserve your kindness or even your forgiveness or anything, but I'm really sorry, Caleb. I wish I could take it all back."
Caleb blinked, face blank of expression as he stared through the pregnant boy. Alex could almost hear the breaths wetting his lips as they came in slow succession.
"I was right, wasn't I?"
"Right?"
"About you and Jack," he remarked plaintively. "Fuck, Alex. You promised me that you didn't."
"I didn't know. I still don't know!" the older boy hurriedly uttered, and he flinched at the snort his latter excuse had garnered. "I... I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Well, a bang up job on doing that," exclaimed the redhead with a choked snort of disbelief. Acridity spilled from his tongue as he spoke, lines of agony tracing his face, "I just wanted to give you a family, and if you didn't want it, all you had to do was say no instead of making me make a fucking ass out of myself. I liked you. Fuck, I love you, and you just throw it all back in my face. Fuck. Was this just all some joke to you?"
"N-no! It's not-"
"Save it, Alex," he interrupted, deceptively soft in his tone. "I don't want to hear it. I tried so hard for you, and I wanted to be everything for you, but it's still worth nothing to you, is it? Go play house with Jack. I'm done."
Even though Alex had no right to be hurt by the words, he could still feel them cutting into him and bleeding tears. The slow pulse of pressure crushing his chest held captive any words he could have said as he watched Caleb sadly shake his head and walk back into the building without a glance back.
It didn't go away even as the day wore on, only tightening when Alex found himself left alone at home once more. Jack had gone missing once again, and it tore at his chest just a little because this time, it really was his fault. Alex hadn't meant for things to become this ugly, and in hindsight, if he had simply just told the truth from the beginning, all of this useless drama and hurt could have been avoided. He slumped onto the bed, mindful of the baby.
It wasn't until around three in the morning that Alex heard the front door being jingled open as a heavy body stepped through. He struggled to sit up, rolling around a little like a backwards turtle before finally making it up. While waiting up for Jack, he had fallen into a light sleep, and now that the boy was back, so was his internal turmoil.
“Jack?” he whispered into the blackened room, listening to thudding feet colliding with the floor as it tromped closer to the room. The door was creaked open, a thin line of light racing across and catching in Alex's eyes, making the boy squint.
Jack stopped, hand on the knob. Eyes narrowing, he said quietly so as not to wake his father, “Come on. Since you’re up, might as well as go now.”
“Go? Go where?” he asked, alarmed, but stopped the rest of the waterfall of words at the sharp look cutting through him. He merely pulled on a hoodie despite the warm air outside and followed after Jack with his head hung, careful to stay quiet and not even daring to breathe until they were sitting in a dingy booth at the local IHOP. Alex fidgeted as the waitress deposited their drinks onto the table, eyeing him critically before sauntering away to help another table.
"So." Alex jumped at the sound of his voice, startled. “So, the-” Jack stopped, eyes dropping to below the table where Alex’s stomach sat hidden. “It’s mine,” he stated quietly, no emotion leaking.
Up until now, Alex had been able to avoid strictly saying the words that Jack was the father. Now that this was the big moment, it felt all wrong. Swallowing the lump of fear in his throat, the pregnant teen fidgeted with the hem of his hoodie, eyes bobbing from the table to the glass of water sitting in front of him.
“Yeah, it’s yours,” he breathed softly, half-expecting the entire store to simply implode because of the simple statement. It obviously didn’t, and neither did Jack which Alex could not discern as being good or bad.
“Fuck my life,” muttered Jack with an exasperated hand sifting through his hair, head lobbing the other way to stare at the waitress fulfilling an order from a group of what looked to be college students. He played with the straw in his orange juice, swirling the namesake colored liquid around in violent whirls. It felt like a bad metaphor for how Alex currently felt. “So, what are you going to do?”
Large brown eyes blinking owlishly at the other, Alex sat in dumbed silence, unable to quite process Jack’s question. He wasn’t quite sure just what there was to do at this point. He was almost eleven weeks away from giving birth, there wasn't much he could do besides just wait until it, well, happened.
“Do?”
“Yeah.” Jack creased his brows together, clarifying, “What are you gonna do about... it?”
“Well, I was thinking that I’m going to keep him and raise him,” he said firmly, confusion still evening out his tones as he stared at Jack with a small frown.
If the situation wasn’t so somber, Alex would have laughed at the comical look of shock stretching Jack’s face at his declaration, eyes wide and mouth agape with horror. He spoke in loud, hushed whispers, eyes darting around as though Alex’s pregnancy was some sort of secret despite everyone already having caught a glimpse of his rounded belly the second he stepped into the greasy IHOP, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding. Our parents are going to get married in like, May or something.”
Alex failed to see the line of thought Jack was so openly presenting with his vague statement. “So what’re you suggesting exactly?”
“Give it up for adoption.” The words were out of his mouth with no hesitation to strangle them, face straight and serious. Alex choked on his own saliva, hardly able to trust his ears.
“Ad-adoption?” The group of bikers sitting two booths away turned curious eyes towards their direction, and Jack slunk further down in his seat, glaring angrily at the other for drawing attention to them. “You want me, to give up our child, our son, for adoption,” elaborated Alex thoroughly, making sure there were no stutters for Jack to possibly misunderstand. More than anything, Alex was hoping he was the one who had misunderstood Jack because just the very idea of the suggestion made Alex sick to his stomach in a way that morning sickness could not even rival. The baby was a part of him, and to give him away would be asking Alex to claw through his own chest and give away his heart. Impossible.
Apparently, however, that was exactly what Jack was asking for, “Yeah."
"You're shitting me, right? You can't be serious, Jack," said Alex calmly, keeping his composure despite every instinct in his body screaming at him to fight back. "I'm not going to just give the baby up for adoption," he stated, eyes steeled and refusing to budge on the decision.
"Listen, we can't take care of it. There's no way in hell our parents won't kill us either once they find out-"
"I'm prepared for that," he interrupted harshly, mouth giving ease to a small scowl.
"Well, I'm not!" Jack exclaimed, pushing away his glass of orange juice with an offended hand. The orange liquid sloshed violently, trailing down the side of the glass cup onto the sticky surface of the table. It made Alex's fingers twitch.
"Too bad then! Grow a pair and deal with it. I'm not going to give him up for adoption just because you can't 'handle it'," spat Alex with utter contempt.
"You can't fucking handle it either!" he vented, ready to shove every last word back down Alex's throat. "You think you're being some sort of saint by keeping it? If you're such a fucking saint, then think about what kind of life the kid'll have once it's born. Think how it'll live and how messed up it'll be growing up. It'll be raised in a fucking hellhole! Your own mom won't even see you because of it, and my dad is going to kick us both out on our asses once he finds out it's mine!" Throwing his hands up in the air mid-rant, Jack leaned forward to hiss sarcastically, "What do you plan on doing then? How are you gonna take care of it? Live in a fucking cardboard box outside of Wal-Mart and flips burgers at McDonalds for minimum wage so you can buy maybe one diaper or half a bottle of formula?"
"I-" The elder sewed his lips together, eyes falling to the gritty table and the bright spot of watered down orange. He could feel liquid lining his eyes, the pressure hot against his eyelids. This wasn't exactly how Alex imagined this conversation to go, but he hadn't been expecting Jack to simply suggest casting away the baby so easily either. If anything, even a simple declaration of how much money Jack would give him every month to help support the baby was around the lines of what Alex was anticipating. He had high given up the hopes that Jack would actually want to be in the baby's life despite the niggling in the back of his head always wishing fiercely for Jack to want to be a part of the family. But adoption? It seemed extreme and cruel. The worst part of it, however, was the utter truth in his words. Alex didn't have any money or even a family anymore to back him up. He had never even worked a day in his life and was still trying to graduate from high school for fuck's sake. He literally had nothing. How could he raise his son if he couldn't even provide the basic necessities the kid needed? What kind of upbringing would it be? Surely the baby didn't deserve such an unfair life just because he was too stubborn and his parents too irresponsible and stupid, right?
It was just too many heartbreaks in one day.
"But..." His mouth curled with a whimper.
Taking a breath through his nose, Jack closed his eyes to regain himself, steeling them on Alex once open. "Look. I get that it's hard and shit, but we can't do this. We're not ready to take care of it, and it'll just have a miserable, pathetic life if it stays with us. It's too much responsibility."
"You don't know that. You're not even willing to try!" Alex protested fiercely, but both boys could hear the dying heat behind his words.
"I do know it. My parents are the prime example of it," he ground out, rubbing his forehead with a weary hand. "I feel like an ass saying this too, and I know that I am, but we can't provide for it, y'know? It deserves a happy life with a happy family who can take care of it and give it whatever it needs. Me and you? We're not that happy family."
At that, Alex lost any string of composure holding him taut, tears falling from his eyes in big, watery splotches.