The talk.
In the last hour of work, I was finishing up some counts, wishing time would pass more quickly so I could finally go home and get some work done. As I was reaching for some junk up on a top shelf, I felt rushed in on from behind and before I knew it, I was the victim of a massive bear hug. I was ready to totally flip my shit, but much much MUCH to my surprise, it was Josh. He had gotten off work and made the drive up there to see me. I was shocked. In two years, he had rarely ever been up there to see me at work. It was so sweet.
We went out to dinner, then to Target to pick up a few things. Then we went to his place to hang out for awhile.
"I'm going to take you shopping."
"For what?"
"I'll tell you later. *wink*"
I figured he was looking forward to some extra cash and wanted to take me clothes shopping or something. Finally, I got it out of him:
"I want to take you ring shopping."
I was ecstatic. I had been waiting for something along those lines. But then that horrible sinking doubt started to settle in.
Fast forward to three hours later.
I'm crying buckets. He's looking at me with eyes full of love and yet regret.
We had finally plunged into having a talk, and while we haven't made any official call... I think I know where it may be going.
Tired of our dysfunctional cycle we like to call our relationship, I initiated a reevaluation of us as a couple and we pretty much both arrived at the conclusion that we have more as individuals working against us than we'd like to admit. Basically put, we won't be on the same page in life for many years just because we're in different places and they don't seem to mix well.
It may not be official yet, but my heart is already preparing to make the call and let go. If this is how it's going to end, then I'm glad that it's going to be a mutual and civil decision.
If not, then I just hope that someday, we'll learn to live with our differences and not let them come between us as they have in the past.
Either way, I told him that everything would be okay and that I love him with all my heart. We have our moments where things are fucked and we piss each other off beyond belief, but there's no denying the sense of affection that we hold for each other. He's been my best friend, my love, and my strength over the past few years, and even if we don't make it through this, that will never change. There's no telling where I'd be if it weren't for him.
I'm afraid of the pain that's to come, but I've grown enough in the past year. It subsides, and life goes on.
We went out to dinner, then to Target to pick up a few things. Then we went to his place to hang out for awhile.
"I'm going to take you shopping."
"For what?"
"I'll tell you later. *wink*"
I figured he was looking forward to some extra cash and wanted to take me clothes shopping or something. Finally, I got it out of him:
"I want to take you ring shopping."
I was ecstatic. I had been waiting for something along those lines. But then that horrible sinking doubt started to settle in.
Fast forward to three hours later.
I'm crying buckets. He's looking at me with eyes full of love and yet regret.
We had finally plunged into having a talk, and while we haven't made any official call... I think I know where it may be going.
Tired of our dysfunctional cycle we like to call our relationship, I initiated a reevaluation of us as a couple and we pretty much both arrived at the conclusion that we have more as individuals working against us than we'd like to admit. Basically put, we won't be on the same page in life for many years just because we're in different places and they don't seem to mix well.
It may not be official yet, but my heart is already preparing to make the call and let go. If this is how it's going to end, then I'm glad that it's going to be a mutual and civil decision.
If not, then I just hope that someday, we'll learn to live with our differences and not let them come between us as they have in the past.
Either way, I told him that everything would be okay and that I love him with all my heart. We have our moments where things are fucked and we piss each other off beyond belief, but there's no denying the sense of affection that we hold for each other. He's been my best friend, my love, and my strength over the past few years, and even if we don't make it through this, that will never change. There's no telling where I'd be if it weren't for him.
I'm afraid of the pain that's to come, but I've grown enough in the past year. It subsides, and life goes on.