Crimson Mask query letter - help needed.
Wow, this thing still exists? I kind of figured LJ would just delete it from inactivity. Anyway, Sara has written a query letter for me and I desperately need some feedback on it. Hopefully soon, too, because I'd like this thing mailed out (or e-mailed out) by Thursday
( Read more... )
Dear Agent,
I am seeking representation for my fantasy novel, The Crimson Mask, complete at 130,000 words.
The Crimson Mask is a fast-paced medieval fantasy set in Jyoto, the religious capital of the book's world, where the High Priestess of the Goddess Inashita holds benevolent court. Along with the creator-goddess, the world is populated by a cast of demi-gods known as the “Wanderers.” But (Never start a sentence with but) A shadow is cast over this peaceful world when by a group of zealots calling themselves the “Chosen of Inashita” who have split from the faith, eager to eradicate the Wanderers and worship the Goddess as their sole deity. It is This conflict that catapults Ryjel, the book's protagonist, into an unexpected life as an assassin when the Chosen of Inashita martyr his parents, attendants to one of the Wanderers.
When a schism within the Chosen of Inashita brings their leaders back to Jyoto, Ryjel sees an opportunity to achieve long denied vengence. But (Never start a sentence with but) His quest for revenge must be put on hold when he is forced to join with choose between two of the men who killed his parents Betel the Guise, the leader of the Chosen of Inashita, or and the man who led the attack on his parents, in order to safeguard the world from an even greater threat: Antares, a mage who now wields power over death itself. Now (you used “now” in the previous sentence) Embroiled in what has become an all-out war for the city of Jyoto, Ryjel finds even more unlikely allies including a mysterious attendant to the Red Lady- the avatar of death, a warrior-mage prodigy who wields a sentient and curmudgeonly sword, and the High Priestess who guards a secret.
But opposing this unlikely federation is an army of the undead lead by Antares and his champion, Shaula, another attendant of the Red Lady and a master sword-maiden, who herself seeks vengence on Betel (Too Much info) (Attach next sentence to last paragraph) Before the battle is over, Ryjel will find that question if there are things more important to him than vengeance and will discover just what he is willing to sacrifice to stop Antares and save his world.
The Crimson Mask is a visceral fantasy that combines intense action, engaging characters, and a world that is both mythical and dangerous. It's a tale of gritty, urban warfare but never loses the wonder of the world, nor forgets the art of story-telling.
Included with this query are the (number of pages) sample and a brief synopsis of The Crimson Mask. Please do not hesitate to contact me with any questions.
Thank you so much for your consideration.
A story is about the journey, not the destination, hence I focused on Ryjels choices rather than his decisions. The only words I regret striking are "army of the undead", but it just didn't fit where it was. On the whole, not bad.
Reply
Leave a comment