Query letters - A necessary evil.

[desuvan]

Okay, so I think I have something that may actually work for a query letter for Crimson Mask. So take a look at it and please critique it as honestly as possible. Please keep in mind that query letters are the LAST place you should be trying to spare my feelings.

Dear Agent,

I am seeking representation for my novel, The Crimson Mask, complete at

Comments

[saraphina_marie]

The pantheon of The Crimson Mask is an active force in the world and appears often in the story. The Father of Waves does not stand idly by while Ryjel's parents are murdered, but takes what vengeance he can from the Chosen of Inashita. The Wanderer appears again later in the story, along with another, The Trader of Treasures. While the Lady in Red does not appear directly, one of her defining myths is told to Ryjel by the High Priestess of Inashita.

Take out that line, it holds up the thought process and is not all that important.

Yours: While I am still a new writer, I am pleased to say that a short story of mine was recently picked up for an anthology by Kerlak Publishing, a small press working out of Memphis, entitled Dragon's Composed.

Better: Although I am a new writer, I have recently made my first sale; my short story, "Father," to the Dragons Composed anthology put out by Kerlak Publishing in Memphis, TN eariler this year.

And as for the ending, make sure that you are only sending what they ask for. So be ready to ammend that last sentance to reflect each agent's requests: first chapter, first 10 pages, first three chapters, etc.
Also, I posted a link to this on my LJ. ^_^