Query letters - A necessary evil.
Okay, so I think I have something that may actually work for a query letter for Crimson Mask. So take a look at it and please critique it as honestly as possible. Please keep in mind that query letters are the LAST place you should be trying to spare my feelings.
Dear Agent,
I am seeking representation for my novel, The Crimson Mask, complete at 150,000 words. Set in the city of Jyoto, called the City of the Goddess by its citizens, it tells the story of Ryjel, the son of a murdered priest and priestess, and his quest for revenge. His story is one of rage and redemption, passion and despair, and though he will find what he seeks, it will be a bitter victory.
The story begins with the invasion of Ryjel's home, a Temple of the Father of Waves, by the Chosen of Inashita. The Chosen are a recently formed splinter sect of the worshipers of the Goddess Inashita. Though the High Priestess of Inashita rules in Jyoto, the religious and cultural center of the continent and the three realms, the Chosen do not abide by her rule and choose to persecute the Attendants of the Wanderers, the lesser deities that serve Inashita, such as the Father of Waves. Ryjel's parents are killed during the attack.
Twelve years later, Ryjel has been trained as an assassin and seeks revenge on the Chosen of Inashita officers he blames for his parents' death. When the founder of the Chosen, Betel, returns to Jyoto, Ryjel sees this as a chance to finally achieve vengeance. But Ryjel discovers that the Chosen of Inashita are in the midst of a civil war, and that Betel may be the only hope against his former lieutenant, Antares, a mage who has discovered how to cheat the laws of death and may threaten the very Wanderers themselves. Torn between his lust for revenge and his loyalty to the Wanderers, Ryjel enters an alliance of convenience with Betel, vowing to defend him until Antares is slain.
Now caught up in a brutal war playing out on the streets of Jyoto, Ryjel finds that he is not the only ally of convenience that Betel has made. Joining them to fight against Antares is the High Priestess of Inashita, the High Temple Guard, and others who would defend the Wanderers. But Antares has allies himself, individuals who believe Betel and his continuing command of the Chosen of Inashita to be the greater threat. Among them is an Attendant of the Lady in Red, the incarnation of death in this world, who will stop at nothing to see Betel slain and is unmatched on the field of battle.
The pantheon of The Crimson Mask is an active force in the world and appears often in the story. The Father of Waves does not stand idly by while Ryjel's parents are murdered, but takes what vengeance he can from the Chosen of Inashita. The Wanderer appears again later in the story, along with another, The Trader of Treasures. While the Lady in Red does not appear directly, one of her defining myths is told to Ryjel by the High Priestess of Inashita.
While Crimson Mask is a stand-alone novel, it is rich with series potential. I have already begun work on a sequel that revisits the world and characters seven years later. I've planned a third novel to follow, as well as leaving open the possibility of a prequel series.
While I am still a new writer, I am pleased to say that a short story of mine was recently picked up for an anthology by Kerlak Publishing, a small press working out of Memphis, entitled Dragon's Composed.
I have enclosed a sample of the first thirty-pages and would be thrilled to send the complete manuscript at your request.
Sincerely,
Dear Agent,
I am seeking representation for my novel, The Crimson Mask, complete at 150,000 words. Set in the city of Jyoto, called the City of the Goddess by its citizens, it tells the story of Ryjel, the son of a murdered priest and priestess, and his quest for revenge. His story is one of rage and redemption, passion and despair, and though he will find what he seeks, it will be a bitter victory.
The story begins with the invasion of Ryjel's home, a Temple of the Father of Waves, by the Chosen of Inashita. The Chosen are a recently formed splinter sect of the worshipers of the Goddess Inashita. Though the High Priestess of Inashita rules in Jyoto, the religious and cultural center of the continent and the three realms, the Chosen do not abide by her rule and choose to persecute the Attendants of the Wanderers, the lesser deities that serve Inashita, such as the Father of Waves. Ryjel's parents are killed during the attack.
Twelve years later, Ryjel has been trained as an assassin and seeks revenge on the Chosen of Inashita officers he blames for his parents' death. When the founder of the Chosen, Betel, returns to Jyoto, Ryjel sees this as a chance to finally achieve vengeance. But Ryjel discovers that the Chosen of Inashita are in the midst of a civil war, and that Betel may be the only hope against his former lieutenant, Antares, a mage who has discovered how to cheat the laws of death and may threaten the very Wanderers themselves. Torn between his lust for revenge and his loyalty to the Wanderers, Ryjel enters an alliance of convenience with Betel, vowing to defend him until Antares is slain.
Now caught up in a brutal war playing out on the streets of Jyoto, Ryjel finds that he is not the only ally of convenience that Betel has made. Joining them to fight against Antares is the High Priestess of Inashita, the High Temple Guard, and others who would defend the Wanderers. But Antares has allies himself, individuals who believe Betel and his continuing command of the Chosen of Inashita to be the greater threat. Among them is an Attendant of the Lady in Red, the incarnation of death in this world, who will stop at nothing to see Betel slain and is unmatched on the field of battle.
The pantheon of The Crimson Mask is an active force in the world and appears often in the story. The Father of Waves does not stand idly by while Ryjel's parents are murdered, but takes what vengeance he can from the Chosen of Inashita. The Wanderer appears again later in the story, along with another, The Trader of Treasures. While the Lady in Red does not appear directly, one of her defining myths is told to Ryjel by the High Priestess of Inashita.
While Crimson Mask is a stand-alone novel, it is rich with series potential. I have already begun work on a sequel that revisits the world and characters seven years later. I've planned a third novel to follow, as well as leaving open the possibility of a prequel series.
While I am still a new writer, I am pleased to say that a short story of mine was recently picked up for an anthology by Kerlak Publishing, a small press working out of Memphis, entitled Dragon's Composed.
I have enclosed a sample of the first thirty-pages and would be thrilled to send the complete manuscript at your request.
Sincerely,