Fic: Seducing Arthur Shappey: Chapter 1
Title: Seducing Arthur Shappey
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Arthur/OFC
Warnings: Dubcon
Summary: An heiress with too much time and money on her hands takes a bet that she can seduce the world’s most oblivious steward. Hilarity ensues.
Chapter 1: Aberdeen
Interior, cabin. Arthur approaches a young woman, approximately in her late 20s, the only passenger in the entire plane.
ARTHUR:
Excuse me, miss. Could myself interest yourself in something to eat or drink? Our choices for food today are fish and chips.
WOMAN:
Or… what?
ARTHUR:
I’m sorry?
WOMAN:
Fish and chips or what?
ARTHUR:
Ohh… I’m sorry. I should have specified. Fish or chips, miss?
WOMAN:
For a minute, I thought I’d get the best of both worlds. Apparently not.
ARTHUR:
Oh, that was brilliant sarcasm! That sounded like something the first officer would say!
WOMAN:
Really, now. You can actually recognise sarcasm when you hear it?
ARTHUR:
Well, not always. It’s just, if people give me a certain look when they say it- oh! Like that kind of look! -then I just assume that they’re trying to make me think that that’s not what they’re thinking as they say the thing they’re thinking of saying while they think of it.
WOMAN:
I see.
ARTHUR:
There it is again! I’m getting good at this!
(this is normally when the ol’ Cabin Pressure intro thing would happen but this is only a fanwork so let’s just pretend it did…)
Flight deck. Martin and Douglas are playing yet another game to pass the time.
DOUGLAS:
“Doctor Whom.”
MARTIN:
Oh, that was an excellent one! Let me have a go now… “Top Gears”!
DOUGLAS:
You can’t just add an “s” to everything! That defeats the whole purpose!
Carolyn walks in.
CAROLYN:
What, might I ask, are you playing now?
MARTIN:
Adding a letter to the end of television programmes to make them more interesting. I’ve come up with plenty of good ones, haven’t I, Douglas?
DOUGLAS:
If by “good ones,” you mean making everything plural, then yes. “Houses” was probably the best one so far.
CAROLYN:
Martin, American television provides so many more opportunities; how could you miss out on classics like “The Odd Couplet”?
DOUGLAS:
Well played, Carolyn!
MARTIN:
Fine, rub it in, why don’t you…
CAROLYN:
Anyway, I’m not here to play games, even if I may be very good at them. In fact, I came up here to tell you that our passenger is growing restless and she wants to meet both of you.
MARTIN:
Carolyn, you know what I’m going to say to that. Absolutely no passengers allowed in the flight deck.
CAROLYN:
I didn’t say you were going to meet her in the flight deck. Perhaps you might prefer somewhere with a climate more suitable for… citrus fruits?
MARTIN:
Not this again. You and your “travelling lemon”!
DOUGLAS:
Well, since the captain seems to be apprehensive about going first, I’ll gladly take his place. See you in a few minutes! …Or less. Oh, and by the way, Martin: “James May’s Road Tripe”.
MARTIN:
Argh!
Douglas gets up and leaves the flight deck.
MARTIN:
So, Carolyn, mind filling me in on who the passenger actually is before I go and make an utter fool of myself in front of her?
CAROLYN:
Now where’s the fun in that?
MARTIN:
Come on, please tell me who she is! She must be someone rather important if you’re actually complying with her requests.
CAROLYN:
Heiress. That’s who she is.
MARTIN:
Oh… I see. Likes to give large tips, does she?
CAROLYN:
No, her name is Eris. Eris Archer. Another mythological being on board our humble craft, bless my soul…
MARTIN:
So she has a strange name. That’s what makes her so special, then?
CAROLYN:
No, she actually is an heiress, too. I just wanted to make you think you were entirely wrong. She gives incredible tips.
Douglas re-enters, smiling broadly.
MARTIN:
(to Douglas)
What are you so happy about? Making my life miserable when it’s my turn to go out there?
DOUGLAS:
Nothing of the sort, captain. I simply made the acquaintance of one of the loveliest passengers to grace our cabin.
MARTIN:
It’s been a while since you’ve actually taken a liking to any of our passengers. Unless, of course, this is related to your smuggling ring somehow…
DOUGLAS:
No, I was simply talking to a very intelligent, yet not-so-intelligent lady. I mean… right.
CAROLYN:
You’d better not be swindling her out of her money on one of your stupid bets!
DOUGLAS:
No, she assures me that I’ll be the one who gets swindled. We shall see.
MARTIN:
All right, that’s it. I’d better go see what you were up to.
Martin gets up to leave, then pauses.
MARTIN:
Did I say “Houses” yet?
DOUGLAS:
…Yes. Nice try. By the way, make sure Arthur doesn’t go near her while you’re out there. She was complaining about him.
Martin sighs, leaves flight deck, and enters cabin.
MARTIN:
Hello, Ms Archer. I’m your captain, Mart-
ERIS:
Martin Crieff! Yes, I already found out your name from the first officer. Lovely to meet you.
Martin is searching for the lemon, not paying attention to Eris.
ERIS:
I’m sorry, is something the matter?
MARTIN:
No, no, it’s just… erm… have you seen any food-related items around here? Like, fruit, for instance?
ERIS:
Well, if you need some fruit, we could just call the steward over and get you some…
MARTIN:
No! No, that’s not necessary. I mean, wait. You don’t have a problem with the steward, do you?
ERIS:
Why would I? He’s a perfectly nice man.
Eris presses the service button. Arthur comes bounding in, cheerful as ever.
ARTHUR:
Yes, will yourself be requiring something at this time, miss?
ERIS:
I think the captain wants some fruit. You’ll have to ask him yourself. As for me, I’ll take an ice water.
ARTHUR:
Right. Skip, here’s the lemon that Douglas told me not to give you. Miss, I’ll be back with the ice water in a moment!
ERIS:
Thank you! And by the way, you can call me Eris.
Arthur leaves.
MARTIN:
What’s going on…? I still don’t know what the bet is between you and Douglas.
ERIS:
Bet? You think someone with as much of a fortune as I have would bother to place a bet with a first officer of a charter airline? I don’t think so!
MARTIN:
Right, I’m so, so sorry. Please, have a nice flight, and I’ll just… be going now.
Martin quickly walks out, embarrassed.
ERIS:
He brought the lemon with him, I see.
Arthur returns.
ARTHUR:
Here’s the ice water you requested, miss… Eris.
ERIS:
Thank you, this should tide me over for the long trip to Aberdeen!
ARTHUR:
I think it’s really funny when you do that sarcasm thing. Like, it’s funnier than when Douglas does it.
ERIS:
Why, thank you, Arthur!
Eris takes a sip of her ice water.
ERIS:
(overdramatic)
Oh my goodness. This water is far too cold. I think I’m going to get frostbite from this ice!
ARTHUR:
Oh, god. I’m sorry. This is probably my fault. Erm. What should I do for you? I’ve never had to prevent frostbite before!
ERIS:
(nonchalantly)
Well, you can always warm it up with your own body heat. Like a mouth-to-mouth sort of thing- oh! Iss gettin wuhs now…
Back to flight deck.
MARTIN:
You did what? You bet what? No.
DOUGLAS:
I just said that if she managed to get another sort of reaction than “Brilliant!” out of Arthur, then I’d pay to see it.
MARTIN:
So, basically, you bet her some amount of money to seduce Arthur Shappey. Out of all of the outlandish things you’ve placed bets on, this has got to be the most ridiculous thing so far!
DOUGLAS:
I didn’t bet her money…
Carolyn enters.
CAROLYN:
You’re never going to believe what just happened.
DOUGLAS:
Oh, I have a few ideas…
CAROLYN:
No, you don’t. I just had to yell at Arthur for snogging Ms Archer!
MARTIN:
Well, now, Douglas. Maybe your luck has run out!
CAROLYN:
What?
MARTIN:
Nothing! Nothing. Just… wow. Unexpected news!
CAROLYN:
I should say so! In twenty-nine years, I have not yet had to reprimand Arthur for something like that. I’m starting to think I shouldn’t have stopped him…
Cut to Aberdeen airport. Eris and Arthur are sitting together at a table, having coffee.
ERIS:
Listen, I’m so sorry that you got in trouble over a foolish idea of mine.
ARTHUR:
Oh, it’s no trouble. Mum won’t be mad at me for long. I hope.
ERIS:
You’re really not smart, though. I mean, you came to get coffee with me after that whole incident even though your mother was upset. That’s not a good idea.
ARTHUR:
I couldn’t refuse an invitation from a lovely lady such as yourself!
ERIS:
You’re so happy. And oblivious. I like that.
ARTHUR:
I like that, too! Brilliant!
ERIS:
Anyway, I’ve got to ask you something. Before I make an incredibly stupid decision.
ARTHUR:
I guess you’ve come to the right place, then!
ERIS:
I overheard your mother saying that she didn’t pay the captain anything. Is that really true?
ARTHUR:
I think so. But Skip doesn’t ask for anything, so it’s all right.
ERIS:
See, I don’t think that’s all right. He seems like such an unfortunate man. And I’m sure you don’t get paid anything, either, being part of the family and all.
ARTHUR:
No, but I’m happy. Like you said: happy all the time! And oblivious, too!
ERIS:
Right, then. I’m off to book a weeklong holiday.
ARTHUR:
Most people switch airlines, it’s true. Good luck!
ERIS:
No, no! I’m booking my flights- all of them- with MJN!
ARTHUR:
(incredulously)
Really? Wow! Or was that the sarcasm again?
ERIS:
It wasn’t sarcasm. I’m going to take everyone on holiday to my favourite places. And I’m going to pay double the price just so everyone gets paid.
ARTHUR:
You were right, that was a stupid decision! But still brilliant nonetheless!
ERIS:
That’s reassuring, coming from you.
ARTHUR:
Well, where are we going first?
ERIS:
I didn’t even book the flights yet, what makes you think I know where we’re going?
ARTHUR:
Please say Disney World. I’ve always wanted to go to Disney World.
ERIS:
Fine, I’ll add it to the itinerary. But now I have to go find Carolyn to talk to her about this.
ARTHUR:
Brilliant!
Eris sighs, gets up, and leaves to find Carolyn.
END OF CHAPTER 1
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Arthur/OFC
Warnings: Dubcon
Summary: An heiress with too much time and money on her hands takes a bet that she can seduce the world’s most oblivious steward. Hilarity ensues.
Chapter 1: Aberdeen
Interior, cabin. Arthur approaches a young woman, approximately in her late 20s, the only passenger in the entire plane.
ARTHUR:
Excuse me, miss. Could myself interest yourself in something to eat or drink? Our choices for food today are fish and chips.
WOMAN:
Or… what?
ARTHUR:
I’m sorry?
WOMAN:
Fish and chips or what?
ARTHUR:
Ohh… I’m sorry. I should have specified. Fish or chips, miss?
WOMAN:
For a minute, I thought I’d get the best of both worlds. Apparently not.
ARTHUR:
Oh, that was brilliant sarcasm! That sounded like something the first officer would say!
WOMAN:
Really, now. You can actually recognise sarcasm when you hear it?
ARTHUR:
Well, not always. It’s just, if people give me a certain look when they say it- oh! Like that kind of look! -then I just assume that they’re trying to make me think that that’s not what they’re thinking as they say the thing they’re thinking of saying while they think of it.
WOMAN:
I see.
ARTHUR:
There it is again! I’m getting good at this!
(this is normally when the ol’ Cabin Pressure intro thing would happen but this is only a fanwork so let’s just pretend it did…)
Flight deck. Martin and Douglas are playing yet another game to pass the time.
DOUGLAS:
“Doctor Whom.”
MARTIN:
Oh, that was an excellent one! Let me have a go now… “Top Gears”!
DOUGLAS:
You can’t just add an “s” to everything! That defeats the whole purpose!
Carolyn walks in.
CAROLYN:
What, might I ask, are you playing now?
MARTIN:
Adding a letter to the end of television programmes to make them more interesting. I’ve come up with plenty of good ones, haven’t I, Douglas?
DOUGLAS:
If by “good ones,” you mean making everything plural, then yes. “Houses” was probably the best one so far.
CAROLYN:
Martin, American television provides so many more opportunities; how could you miss out on classics like “The Odd Couplet”?
DOUGLAS:
Well played, Carolyn!
MARTIN:
Fine, rub it in, why don’t you…
CAROLYN:
Anyway, I’m not here to play games, even if I may be very good at them. In fact, I came up here to tell you that our passenger is growing restless and she wants to meet both of you.
MARTIN:
Carolyn, you know what I’m going to say to that. Absolutely no passengers allowed in the flight deck.
CAROLYN:
I didn’t say you were going to meet her in the flight deck. Perhaps you might prefer somewhere with a climate more suitable for… citrus fruits?
MARTIN:
Not this again. You and your “travelling lemon”!
DOUGLAS:
Well, since the captain seems to be apprehensive about going first, I’ll gladly take his place. See you in a few minutes! …Or less. Oh, and by the way, Martin: “James May’s Road Tripe”.
MARTIN:
Argh!
Douglas gets up and leaves the flight deck.
MARTIN:
So, Carolyn, mind filling me in on who the passenger actually is before I go and make an utter fool of myself in front of her?
CAROLYN:
Now where’s the fun in that?
MARTIN:
Come on, please tell me who she is! She must be someone rather important if you’re actually complying with her requests.
CAROLYN:
Heiress. That’s who she is.
MARTIN:
Oh… I see. Likes to give large tips, does she?
CAROLYN:
No, her name is Eris. Eris Archer. Another mythological being on board our humble craft, bless my soul…
MARTIN:
So she has a strange name. That’s what makes her so special, then?
CAROLYN:
No, she actually is an heiress, too. I just wanted to make you think you were entirely wrong. She gives incredible tips.
Douglas re-enters, smiling broadly.
MARTIN:
(to Douglas)
What are you so happy about? Making my life miserable when it’s my turn to go out there?
DOUGLAS:
Nothing of the sort, captain. I simply made the acquaintance of one of the loveliest passengers to grace our cabin.
MARTIN:
It’s been a while since you’ve actually taken a liking to any of our passengers. Unless, of course, this is related to your smuggling ring somehow…
DOUGLAS:
No, I was simply talking to a very intelligent, yet not-so-intelligent lady. I mean… right.
CAROLYN:
You’d better not be swindling her out of her money on one of your stupid bets!
DOUGLAS:
No, she assures me that I’ll be the one who gets swindled. We shall see.
MARTIN:
All right, that’s it. I’d better go see what you were up to.
Martin gets up to leave, then pauses.
MARTIN:
Did I say “Houses” yet?
DOUGLAS:
…Yes. Nice try. By the way, make sure Arthur doesn’t go near her while you’re out there. She was complaining about him.
Martin sighs, leaves flight deck, and enters cabin.
MARTIN:
Hello, Ms Archer. I’m your captain, Mart-
ERIS:
Martin Crieff! Yes, I already found out your name from the first officer. Lovely to meet you.
Martin is searching for the lemon, not paying attention to Eris.
ERIS:
I’m sorry, is something the matter?
MARTIN:
No, no, it’s just… erm… have you seen any food-related items around here? Like, fruit, for instance?
ERIS:
Well, if you need some fruit, we could just call the steward over and get you some…
MARTIN:
No! No, that’s not necessary. I mean, wait. You don’t have a problem with the steward, do you?
ERIS:
Why would I? He’s a perfectly nice man.
Eris presses the service button. Arthur comes bounding in, cheerful as ever.
ARTHUR:
Yes, will yourself be requiring something at this time, miss?
ERIS:
I think the captain wants some fruit. You’ll have to ask him yourself. As for me, I’ll take an ice water.
ARTHUR:
Right. Skip, here’s the lemon that Douglas told me not to give you. Miss, I’ll be back with the ice water in a moment!
ERIS:
Thank you! And by the way, you can call me Eris.
Arthur leaves.
MARTIN:
What’s going on…? I still don’t know what the bet is between you and Douglas.
ERIS:
Bet? You think someone with as much of a fortune as I have would bother to place a bet with a first officer of a charter airline? I don’t think so!
MARTIN:
Right, I’m so, so sorry. Please, have a nice flight, and I’ll just… be going now.
Martin quickly walks out, embarrassed.
ERIS:
He brought the lemon with him, I see.
Arthur returns.
ARTHUR:
Here’s the ice water you requested, miss… Eris.
ERIS:
Thank you, this should tide me over for the long trip to Aberdeen!
ARTHUR:
I think it’s really funny when you do that sarcasm thing. Like, it’s funnier than when Douglas does it.
ERIS:
Why, thank you, Arthur!
Eris takes a sip of her ice water.
ERIS:
(overdramatic)
Oh my goodness. This water is far too cold. I think I’m going to get frostbite from this ice!
ARTHUR:
Oh, god. I’m sorry. This is probably my fault. Erm. What should I do for you? I’ve never had to prevent frostbite before!
ERIS:
(nonchalantly)
Well, you can always warm it up with your own body heat. Like a mouth-to-mouth sort of thing- oh! Iss gettin wuhs now…
Back to flight deck.
MARTIN:
You did what? You bet what? No.
DOUGLAS:
I just said that if she managed to get another sort of reaction than “Brilliant!” out of Arthur, then I’d pay to see it.
MARTIN:
So, basically, you bet her some amount of money to seduce Arthur Shappey. Out of all of the outlandish things you’ve placed bets on, this has got to be the most ridiculous thing so far!
DOUGLAS:
I didn’t bet her money…
Carolyn enters.
CAROLYN:
You’re never going to believe what just happened.
DOUGLAS:
Oh, I have a few ideas…
CAROLYN:
No, you don’t. I just had to yell at Arthur for snogging Ms Archer!
MARTIN:
Well, now, Douglas. Maybe your luck has run out!
CAROLYN:
What?
MARTIN:
Nothing! Nothing. Just… wow. Unexpected news!
CAROLYN:
I should say so! In twenty-nine years, I have not yet had to reprimand Arthur for something like that. I’m starting to think I shouldn’t have stopped him…
Cut to Aberdeen airport. Eris and Arthur are sitting together at a table, having coffee.
ERIS:
Listen, I’m so sorry that you got in trouble over a foolish idea of mine.
ARTHUR:
Oh, it’s no trouble. Mum won’t be mad at me for long. I hope.
ERIS:
You’re really not smart, though. I mean, you came to get coffee with me after that whole incident even though your mother was upset. That’s not a good idea.
ARTHUR:
I couldn’t refuse an invitation from a lovely lady such as yourself!
ERIS:
You’re so happy. And oblivious. I like that.
ARTHUR:
I like that, too! Brilliant!
ERIS:
Anyway, I’ve got to ask you something. Before I make an incredibly stupid decision.
ARTHUR:
I guess you’ve come to the right place, then!
ERIS:
I overheard your mother saying that she didn’t pay the captain anything. Is that really true?
ARTHUR:
I think so. But Skip doesn’t ask for anything, so it’s all right.
ERIS:
See, I don’t think that’s all right. He seems like such an unfortunate man. And I’m sure you don’t get paid anything, either, being part of the family and all.
ARTHUR:
No, but I’m happy. Like you said: happy all the time! And oblivious, too!
ERIS:
Right, then. I’m off to book a weeklong holiday.
ARTHUR:
Most people switch airlines, it’s true. Good luck!
ERIS:
No, no! I’m booking my flights- all of them- with MJN!
ARTHUR:
(incredulously)
Really? Wow! Or was that the sarcasm again?
ERIS:
It wasn’t sarcasm. I’m going to take everyone on holiday to my favourite places. And I’m going to pay double the price just so everyone gets paid.
ARTHUR:
You were right, that was a stupid decision! But still brilliant nonetheless!
ERIS:
That’s reassuring, coming from you.
ARTHUR:
Well, where are we going first?
ERIS:
I didn’t even book the flights yet, what makes you think I know where we’re going?
ARTHUR:
Please say Disney World. I’ve always wanted to go to Disney World.
ERIS:
Fine, I’ll add it to the itinerary. But now I have to go find Carolyn to talk to her about this.
ARTHUR:
Brilliant!
Eris sighs, gets up, and leaves to find Carolyn.
END OF CHAPTER 1