Little house in suburbia
I am all moved in to my home now, and now there is only cleaning the old place, and unpacking the new. This week I've had many adventures of the homeowning sort. Here are the top 10.
10. I'm sure there are people in the world who can a) cut contact paper the correct size and b) lay it down straight without c) sticking to themselves, the counter, the other sheets of contact paper, and the scissors, but I am not those people. Nevertheless, I managed to lay contact paper throughout the kitchen, and I only got stuck to it irrevocably once. *g*
9. I'm curiously attracted to my new front-loading washer. It is mysterious and laundromat-like, and it swooshes and makes splashing sounds, and I stand before it, mesmerized, for hours upon hours while it spins and rotates and whooshes. Tantalizing flashes of red tablecloth peek out of the water, teasing me with their damp availability for fabric softening.
8. Your house might have obsolete wiring if: it takes the gorgeous cable dude 90 minutes to get all your cable wires/inputs straightened out just so you can have signal.
7. Hanging an 80 inch curtain rod over a pair of french doors is not as easy as they make it look on the goddamned DIY channel. Fuckers.
6. Oh, hai, stinky garage! Hello, garbage disposal that may once have been used to dispose of rotting zombie flesh! I know of remedies for your stink - activated charcoal for the garage, baking soda and then lemon peel for the garbage disposal - yet still you resist me! I will conquer your stink. Yes. I will.
5. I have almost no storage space to speak of in the new house for things I don't need. I realized this after I had already packed up a bunch of stuff in the current place that I should probably have thrown away. A clue brick knocked me out when I went into the spare room after the move and it was wall to wall boxes. Um.
4. As the sun hits my house, wood pops like a gunshot on a regular basis. Thus after a few phonecalls to friends, I have learned the difference between 'weathering' and 'settling'. Dear house: please stop weathering when I am trying to nap! Thank you.
3. Skylights in the master bathroom are awesome, except when a) you have no door between the bedroom and the bath area and b) IT IS THE MORNING AND SUN IS COMING IN. *puts curtains between bathroom and bedroom*
2. When you have a statue of the archangel Michael slaying a demon on your mantelpiece, people are going to assume you're religious and try to talk to you about God, and no amount of you attempting to explain how the statue is a metaphor for inner strength and conquering one's personal troubles is going to make them stop.
AND FINALLY:
1. TV stands with 50-pound tempered glass shelves that require upside down assembly and screws placed in on the UNDERSIDE of the shelf (which means it has to be held UP while screwing the shelf in place FROM BENEATH) are meant to be assembled by two people, one to hold the shelf, and one to get the screw in. However, after a couple diet Cokes and some sugar, and some thinky time, I have learned that two-person heavy assembly problems can be solved by one determined person in possession of an ottoman, five pieces of string, a stack of papers, two throw pillows, and a penny. \o/
I have missed...pretty much everything in fandom the last two weeks. Let us not even speak of how far behind I am on email and answering comments. GAH. What's been happening, flist? Where are the good new J2 and SPN stories?? How are you on this happy Saturday? Is there anyone but me around? :)
10. I'm sure there are people in the world who can a) cut contact paper the correct size and b) lay it down straight without c) sticking to themselves, the counter, the other sheets of contact paper, and the scissors, but I am not those people. Nevertheless, I managed to lay contact paper throughout the kitchen, and I only got stuck to it irrevocably once. *g*
9. I'm curiously attracted to my new front-loading washer. It is mysterious and laundromat-like, and it swooshes and makes splashing sounds, and I stand before it, mesmerized, for hours upon hours while it spins and rotates and whooshes. Tantalizing flashes of red tablecloth peek out of the water, teasing me with their damp availability for fabric softening.
8. Your house might have obsolete wiring if: it takes the gorgeous cable dude 90 minutes to get all your cable wires/inputs straightened out just so you can have signal.
7. Hanging an 80 inch curtain rod over a pair of french doors is not as easy as they make it look on the goddamned DIY channel. Fuckers.
6. Oh, hai, stinky garage! Hello, garbage disposal that may once have been used to dispose of rotting zombie flesh! I know of remedies for your stink - activated charcoal for the garage, baking soda and then lemon peel for the garbage disposal - yet still you resist me! I will conquer your stink. Yes. I will.
5. I have almost no storage space to speak of in the new house for things I don't need. I realized this after I had already packed up a bunch of stuff in the current place that I should probably have thrown away. A clue brick knocked me out when I went into the spare room after the move and it was wall to wall boxes. Um.
4. As the sun hits my house, wood pops like a gunshot on a regular basis. Thus after a few phonecalls to friends, I have learned the difference between 'weathering' and 'settling'. Dear house: please stop weathering when I am trying to nap! Thank you.
3. Skylights in the master bathroom are awesome, except when a) you have no door between the bedroom and the bath area and b) IT IS THE MORNING AND SUN IS COMING IN. *puts curtains between bathroom and bedroom*
2. When you have a statue of the archangel Michael slaying a demon on your mantelpiece, people are going to assume you're religious and try to talk to you about God, and no amount of you attempting to explain how the statue is a metaphor for inner strength and conquering one's personal troubles is going to make them stop.
AND FINALLY:
1. TV stands with 50-pound tempered glass shelves that require upside down assembly and screws placed in on the UNDERSIDE of the shelf (which means it has to be held UP while screwing the shelf in place FROM BENEATH) are meant to be assembled by two people, one to hold the shelf, and one to get the screw in. However, after a couple diet Cokes and some sugar, and some thinky time, I have learned that two-person heavy assembly problems can be solved by one determined person in possession of an ottoman, five pieces of string, a stack of papers, two throw pillows, and a penny. \o/
I have missed...pretty much everything in fandom the last two weeks. Let us not even speak of how far behind I am on email and answering comments. GAH. What's been happening, flist? Where are the good new J2 and SPN stories?? How are you on this happy Saturday? Is there anyone but me around? :)