Saiyuki Fic, Sorrow Floats--Chapter 2--NC17
Title: Sorrow Floats, Chapter 2
Author: Despina_moon
Pairing: Cat's out of the bag-Gojyo/Kanan
Summary: Gojyo has a surprising secret from his past he can no longer hide. Will it change everything in the present? Saiyuki AU. Mostly.
This chapter contains one of the scenes I couldn't get out of my head.
Many, many thanks to my beta readers, the amazing moshesque and the fabulous whymzycal. Those two have humored me and put up with months of whining and crying. I can't even begin to express my gratitude. They've made this story into something wonderful and I love them both. ♥ ♥ ♥
Oh! But I touched it last.
If you missed it, here is Chapter 1.
Sorrow Floats
Chapter 2
"Gojyo, did you go to school at all?"
They were sitting in a park by the river. It was their fourth date, and this time, Kanan had taken him seriously about the picnic idea. Gojyo had already inhaled all the food. Now he lay on his back and stared at the slow-moving, pure white clouds.
"Nah." He yawned. "I never went to school."
"Can you read?"
He sneered and said, "Of course I can read."
"Oh, really?"
A book landed on his chest, startling him. He grabbed it and sat up. "Hey, what was that for?"
She narrowed her eyes. "Then read me something."
Gojyo gazed at the book. There was a badass-looking guy on the cover holding a sword, with a monster coming at him. "Cool."
"It's a good story." She crossed her arms and nodded at the book. "Read me some."
"Tch." He threw the book back at her, and it fell in front of her folded knees. "You already know I can't."
She picked up the book and then looked at him, her face stricken. "You can't read anything?"
He shrugged. "A little, but I'm not the kind that needs an education. Punks don't, ya know."
She flung the book at him with everything she had. It sailed past him and landed in the grass a few feet away. "Don't say that! Don't you ever say that again!"
"Whoa! Hey, why are you so mad?"
She screwed up her face. "It's not fair! Can't you see that?"
He climbed to his feet, not understanding what was happening. "What are you talking about?"
"Gojyo … " Her voice cracked with emotion and then, confusing him further, she started to cry.
"Hey, Kanan?" He took a step closer to her. "What's wrong? What did I do?"
"It's not something you did!" She rubbed at her eyes. "All those horrible people I went to school with know how to read, and you don't. It's not fair."
He laughed and sat down next to her. "Is that all? I told you, it's not that big of a deal."
"It is a big deal!"
Gojyo didn't bother to argue anymore. Sitting next to her was a bad idea; he could smell her, and he really wanted to kiss her. She still had her head down, so he tentatively reached out and touched her back. Kanan fell against him and curled one arm around him while she rested her head against his chest and cried. Not knowing what else to do, he wrapped both arms around her.
Time seemed to slow down as he held her. When her tears finally stopped, he was conscious of her breathing, her heartbeat, and the press of her breasts against his chest. He had a hard-on without even thinking about it, and he was glad he'd worn a long shirt he'd left purposely untucked. Just in case.
"Hey, I've got an idea." She pulled away from him. Her eyes were red and puffy, but she still looked terrific. "Let me teach you."
His twitching cock demanded all his attention, so at first, he didn't understand her words. "What?"
"Why don't I teach you how to read?"
He blinked at her. "You'd do that? I mean, can you do that?"
Kanan smiled, and Gojyo involuntarily caught his breath. "Of course I can teach you! I think." She glanced at him. "Would you want to learn?"
She was right. Even the most simple writing boggled his mind. He didn't like feeling stupid, but he didn't like admitting he couldn't read, either. Not everyone could read, but he had noticed that people who could tended to be people in charge. "Yeah. I think I'd like that."
"That's great!" She grinned for a moment before grabbing both sides of his head and getting very close. Her tea-scented breath caressed his skin when she said, "Now remember, learning how to read might not be easy at first. Don't expect too much right away, all right?"
She already sounded like a schoolteacher. He nodded because it seemed like the required response.
"Maybe we can start next week." She leaned against him. "That would be an equal exchange."
"Exchange for what?"
She laughed and kissed him, opening her mouth when his tongue touched her lips. Then he forgot to ask what they were exchanging.
***
"That's so good, Gojyo!" Kanan leaned over his shoulder to point at his paper. "I can't believe how fast you're picking all this up. You're amazing. Although to be completely honest, your penmanship could use some work."
Gojyo didn't answer because her soft breasts were pressing into his back. The brain part of him wished she wouldn't do that because it distracted him. The dick part, however, loved it, and without missing a beat, he had a woody the size of a desk. Eventually, like every time he got a lesson, he'd have to excuse himself to jack off in the bathroom. She seemed so clueless when it came to stuff like that, and he wondered if she had any idea of what she did to him.
The brain part wrestled the dick part under control, and he turned his head and looked into her green eyes. They were bright, clear, and proud. Her pride in him was bewildering; and he never knew how to react. She'd been teaching him for about a month, and each time they met for a lesson, he swore she was more enthusiastic. Then again, so was he, but he had an ulterior motive.
After their lessons, they'd usually spend an hour or so making out. She was tentative and shy, so he hadn't pushed her too far. He didn't want to scare her, but he didn't know how much longer he could remain a gentleman, as she put it. Kanan didn't seem to mind the tongue in her mouth or his light touches to her covered breasts, but he had yet to try anything else.
And he wanted to try more.
"Gojyo?" She straightened.
He looked up at her, aware he'd been daydreaming. His cock twitched and his balls ached; he wanted her. "Sorry, I was … um, thinking about something else."
"Maybe that's enough for today." She smiled shyly. "Now it's my turn."
"What?" He blinked at her and tried to get his other head to quiet down.
"Remember?" She giggled nervously. "I said my teaching you to read would be a fair trade?"
"Yeah." His eyes swept over her, openly taking in every detail. He licked his lips while he stared at her bare feet on the wood floor, at the dress ending above her knees, and her wild and loose hair. Gojyo was certain he was sweating. After swallowing, he forced out more words. "I always meant to ask you about that."
She held out her hand. He took it. "I think you have something to teach me." She tugged on his hand, and he followed her lead and stood. She stepped closer, kissing him with passion while she pressed her body into his.
She broke the kiss and stared into his eyes. "Teach me, Gojyo."
His balls were aching and tight, and he'd hoped they'd get to this point, but he was surprised, too. "Kanan, are you sure?"
"You have to take it slow, and I'm not ready for everything, but …"
Gojyo pulled her close and kissed her. He tried to be gentle, but his pulse roared in his ears. Walking her backwards, he cracked his eyes open until they reached the bed.
Her eyes were dark. "Gojyo …"
"It's all right." Gojyo tried to keep his voice steady. "I promise not to go too far."
She nodded and smiled. "I trust you." Then she got on the bed.
Her words reined in his passion, slowing his movements. Cautiously, he stretched out next to her and touched her arm, running his fingers over bare flesh. She looked scared and turned on at the same time, so he leaned in and kissed her again, returning to what she knew. Her response was enthusiastic as she met pressure with pressure and opened her mouth for him. Their tongues curled about one another, and she moaned softly.
Gojyo could feel her trembling. Slowly, he moved his hand, caressing her shoulder and then slipping briefly over her breast and onto her hip, just to test the waters. She didn't protest or flinch from his touch; instead, she kept kissing him.
After a moment, he applied a little more pressure and slid over her right breast, squeezing just a bit and feeling her hard nipple through her clothes. She shuddered and her body arched into him. He took that as permission to proceed, and his hand darted under her dress to find her bra. One less layer of clothing made all the difference, and he groaned when her nipple poked into his palm.
His cock throbbed painfully and he quickly unzipped his pants. Gojyo was certain he'd never wanted anyone quite this much. He tugged her on top of him, and she pulled up her dress in order to straddle his hips. The pressure on his erection was almost enough to make him come.
She broke their kiss and looked into his eyes. As she wiggled her hips from side to side, her eyes widened. "Gojyo, is that what I think it is?"
He chuckled. "Yeah."
"It's huge!"
"Well, it's all right." Secretly pleased by her reaction, he grabbed her hips and shifted her forward, sliding her crotch over his cock. He groaned with the sizzling sensation of heated friction.
"Oh!" She looked confused. "That felt really good."
"Yeah." He panted and pushed her hips back.
This time her eyes nearly shut in obvious pleasure, and then she rocked her hips forward on her own. He'd wanted to touch her, but screw it--if she wanted to dry hump him, he was okay with that, too. He pulled her down to kiss him as her strokes continued, and she cried out again with the new angle.
"Gojyo," she moaned, "something's happening to me."
"Yeah," he kissed her neck, "just keep riding me, do what feels best. You'll feel great, I promise."
The force and rhythm of her stokes increased. Even through their underclothes, he could feel how wet she was. He hoped he would last, but he wasn't sure because she was grinding on him so hard. His balls tightened and his cock expanded, and he tried to slow her down, but she wasn't having it.
Her body tensed and her fingernails dug into his shoulders. "Oh, my god!"
He reacted to her orgasm with his own. His cock spurted against his boxers as he jerked her hips over him in final few thrusts. After releasing a shuddering breath, he swallowed, gazing into her wide eyes.
She panted. "What was that?"
"That," he chuckled, "was an orgasm. You've never had one before?"
"No." She rolled off him and collapsed on her side, still breathing hard. "That wasn't what I expected, not at all. Now I understand. No wonder people do this all the time."
Gojyo didn't say anything. His cock was still hard in spite of the cooling mess in his boxers.
"Can you show me other things?"
He smiled at her. "Count on it."
"Did you …?"
"Yeah."
"But you're still," she blushed as she glanced toward his erection, "you know."
"Yeah, that happens with guys. Especially young guys, I'm told."
"Do you want to do more?" She bit her lip.
Hell, yes, he wanted to do more. He pulled her close, inhaling the comforting scent of her soap mixed with the more personal scent of sex. She was too fragile to push, and everything was too new. He didn't want to scare her. "I think that's enough for tonight. We have lots of time."
Several quiet minutes passed, and Gojyo's eyes slid shut.
"Thank you, Gojyo."
"For what?"
"For letting me go at my own pace." She smoothed back his hair.
Gojyo rubbed her arm and exhaled. "You've had enough bad stuff. The good stuff is right here and waiting whenever you're ready."
For a moment, she was silent. She grasped his hand and then kissed it before settling down next to him. "You know, your ego about this is a little much."
"Ya think?"
"Yes." She snuggled into him and then chuckled. "But I still like you."
He cracked an eye open and returned her smile.
***
"Where are you going?" Banri sat back in one of their rickety chairs and took a drag off his cigarette.
"Out," Gojyo answered.
"Don't forget tonight."
Gojyo paused with his hand on the doorknob and then turned. "What's tonight?"
"Dude, it’s the cigarette run." Banri stared at him. "We need ya ta be lookout again."
"Oh." Gojyo didn't know what to say. He hadn't seen Kanan in almost a week and they had plans for the evening. He didn't want to miss it, but he owed Banri a lot. "I, um …"
Banri raised an eyebrow. "You're standing me up for a chick, aren't ya?"
"Well, I kind of have plans, yeah."
Shaking his head, Banri said, "Don't come cryin' ta me when she rips your fuckin' heart out, ya hear?"
Gojyo didn't say anything.
"Well, get your pussy-whipped ass outta here, I'll find someone else for lookout. Ya suck at it anyway." Banri took another drag.
"Thanks, dude." Gojyo grinned at his friend. "I owe you one."
"Ya owe me about a million. I swear ta fuck I'm turning inta a fuckin' powder puff. And you! Yer just tragic."
"Yeah, yeah. Later!" Gojyo hurried out the door, leaving Banri mumbling under his breath. He wanted to be out of sight before his friend could change his mind. The truth was, his gang's looting habits were starting to bother him a bit. He didn't want to do that kind of stuff all his life, but he really didn't have many options. Yet.
He met Kanan at her place. While he waited for her to get ready, he sat at the small, rectangular kitchen table and looked around at the old yet immaculately clean room. There were cracks in the walls, and the ceiling had rainwater stains.
Even so, the room was cheery. Kanan had decorated with baskets containing dried flowers and several quilted wall hangings. Somehow, with just a few flowers and pieces of fabric, Kanan had managed to turn her rundown, second-floor studio apartment into a comfortable home.
"Come on," she said as she picked up a big basket. She was wearing her tight green dress.
Gojyo eyed the basket with suspicion. "We aren't going a picnic, are we?"
"Yep."
"Are you nuts?" He glanced out the window and saw the gray sky. "It's going to rain!"
She gave him a smile. "It's summer. Even if it does rain, it will be warm. Now come on, I found the perfect place for my final exam."
"Your what?"
She tugged on his arm. "Oh, come on!"
He took the basket from her hands and then followed her outside. Kanan lived on the edge of town, and behind her apartment building stretched a thick woodland. They walked in silence down a pathway that led deep into the forest. He wanted to ask her where they were going, but she had that look of determination in her eyes that said she wouldn't not budge. Instead, he walked behind her, watching her ass in that tight dress and experiencing his usual hard-on.
They left the town behind and started a gentle climb, following a narrow deer path through thick forest and dense underbrush. Finally, after nearly half an hour, the trees fell away, and they found themselves in a meadow clearing--just as the rain began to fall.
"I wanted to show you this." Her breath came swiftly from their hike. She twirled, grinning at him. "Isn't it lovely?"
He watched appreciatively as her breasts swelled against the tight bodice of her dress with each panting breath. "Yes, lovely," he agreed.
She grabbed him by the chin and forced his eyes away from her chest. "While I am fond of your leering look, I'm not talking about those." She took a step back and threw her arms wide and spun about again, damp hair flowing in a circle. "I'm talking about this place; isn't it beautiful?"
The sprinkling rain was thin, steady, and warm, almost more of a fine mist hanging suspended around them. Her dress now clung to her as she began to dance. The moss underfoot was thick, keeping her movements quiet in the heavy air of the clearing while she twisted her body in fleet-footed and seemingly random motion. She couldn't be real--she was more like some mythological being from the stories she had him read.
Gojyo hadn't known she could dance. There was still much he didn't know about her, and he felt a sudden and overwhelming need to find out everything. "When did you learn to do that?"
The thick air muffled her laugher. "I learned it at the orphanage, of course. One of the nuns had spent a long while in Europe. She was a dance-- and if you asked her, a very good dancer--until one day, she fell and broke her leg, ending her career. She felt it necessary to transfer all of her disappointment onto us. I'm not very good, but I always loved it."
"Why don't you think you're very good?" Her actions were fluid and graceful as she executed a flexing step and then moved into an impossibly deft one-footed stance, arms swaying lightly above her head and then down again. He couldn't tear his eyes from her agile, flowing beauty. "I think you're amazing."
"Ah, you are the perfect boyfriend." She motioned for him to join her.
"Perfect? I'm not even mediocre." He rolled his eyes. "And you know I can't dance."
"On the contrary," she grinned at him while still doing complicated and limber things with her body, "I know you can dance."
Kanan's smile was so genuine that he didn't think she was teasing him. Even so, he was uncomfortable with what she asked of him. "Really, I can't."
She floated towards him. "You dance all the time, Gojyo, you just don't know it." Swirling around him and then taking his left hand, she continued, "It's in your walk and how you touch me, and it's there even in the way you fight." With her other hand she brushed away the wet hair sticking to his cheek and then slipped both hands around his neck so that they faced one another.
Automatically he curled his own hands around her waist. Before he knew it, they were swaying, their rain-soaked bodies moving together. He guessed someone might call it dancing, but all he knew was that Kanan's body pressed tight against his.
She looked up at him, her green eyes overflowing with something strange. His body hummed in response, a kind of nervous tension coursing through him. Her look made him feel important, like she trusted him, and he wanted to live up to that trust.
"This is wonderful, Gojyo, but I have to admit that dancing isn't really what I had in mind. This is where I want you to make love to me for the first time."
Now it all made sense. Gojyo relaxed. Smiling, he said, "Final exam, huh? You really are a hopeless romantic, you know that?"
"Yes, I'm a hopeless romantic in world that devours hopeless romantics. Luckily, it seems as if I've found one of my own kind."
Gojyo's face felt warm. "You aren't talking about me, are you? 'Cause that's not like me at all."
She pressed her wet, slowly undulating body closer and kissed him. She was breathless when she spoke again. "Why do you underestimate yourself so much?"
"But I don't want to be … like that!"
"Why?" She was grinding against him now. "Women like romance, you know. We like to be told we're pretty and treated well; it's quite a turn-on."
Her aggressiveness surprised him a bit, but he ran with it. "A turn-on, huh?" Gojyo tugged her dress up and slipped his fingers beneath her panties to cup her bare ass. Fuck, he was horny. "Ya think?"
She pulled away slightly and took his hand again. "No, I know it's a turn on. Come on."
He followed her without question, his erection aching with every beat of his heart. She gathered up the basket and then led him to a tree-shrouded area which was still remarkably dry. Once there, she drew out two blankets and stacked them on the ground. Then she did something he wasn't expecting.
She grabbed the hem of her dress and pulled it up and over her head. Gojyo didn't move while he watched her remove the remainder of her clothing in shy silence. When she finished, her face was scarlet, but she stood before him naked, beautiful, and proud.
He didn't say anything--he was afraid of upsetting the delicate balance in place. Instead, he followed her lead took off his own clothes. Then he lay down on the blanket and waited for her to come to him.
"So," she swallowed, a slight flicker of either fear or anticipation in her features, "will you show me now?"
He nodded and held out his hand to her. "Only if you want to."
She folded herself down to her knees. "What should I do?"
Pushing back a loose strand of her hair, he spoke quietly, "First, you need to relax. This doesn't need to be any different than what we usually do."
She bit her lip. "You don't want to?"
Gojyo chuckled softly. "Oh, I want to, can't you tell?"
She glanced at his erection. "Um, yeah."
"Go ahead and lie down."
Kanan did as he said, and he kissed her. Then he nudged her legs apart while he kissed her breasts and settled in between her open thighs.
"What …?"
"I'm going to lick you."
She looked horrified. "You can't do that!"
"Why not?" He gazed at her wide eyes and then at her hard nipples. His eyes shifted further down to see that her pubic hair was damp. Gojyo ran his thumbs along her lips and opened her. She was dripping wet, and he groaned at the sight.
He returned his line of sight to her face. She was bright red, and she had her eyes closed.
"Kanan." Dipping his head between her thighs, he inhaled her raw, willing scent. Then he raised his eyes and studied her. "Hey, look at me."
She opened her eyes. They were almost black with either desire or fear--maybe a little of both.
Gojyo hesitated. "Are you afraid?"
She shook her head.
"Do you trust me?"
"Yes." She nodded, but her breathing was still shallow and quick.
"Then relax." He ran the pad of his thumb over her clit and her breath caught. "I promise to stop if you tell me, too."
She exhaled, shuddering. "Okay."
Keeping eye contact with her, he dropped his head again. He wanted to taste her so bad. He stretched out his tongue and lightly skimmed over silky, moist skin, a low contented moan escaping from his throat as he lapped at her, savoring her slightly sour flavor.
Kanan gasped when he made a second pass, and then she threaded her fingers through his hair. He pushed his tongue inside her, reveling in her taste and the incredible amount of moisture dripping from her.
Time slowed down as he worked on her. The tip of his tongue circled her hard clit as her fingers tightened in his hair. Sliding his body down, he buried his head between her open thighs, her taste was addicting, and he couldn't get enough. He nudged her legs wider, parting her slick, soft folds, to give him greater access.
He took her gentle sighs as a sign of encouragement, and while he licked her, he slipped a single digit into her wet hole. Her muscles flexed and her breathing hitched, and Gojyo knew she was close to coming. He concentrated, keeping his pace steady and not wanting to do anything to disrupt her approaching orgasm.
Her thighs closed around Gojyo's head and her fingers tugged on his hair as she cried out. Gojyo could feel her quivering beneath him as he lapped at her overflowing pussy.
"Gojyo?"
He raised his head and licked his wet lips, confused and almost annoyed that she'd stopped him.
She was breathless. "Do you want to be inside me?"
He stared at her, surprised by her question. His cock throbbed, and he realized he hadn't even been thinking about himself. He swallowed. Did he want to be inside her? "I do, but are you sure?"
"Yes." She smiled. "I'm very sure."
"Okay." He sat back on his knees and wiped the excess moisture from his face. The scent of her pleasure clung to him, clean and sharp, and he embraced it. Gojyo looked at her face, soft with post-coital bliss, and paused. Part of him didn't want to do anything to wreck this moment, and the other part was desperate for contact. He reached for his discarded pants, fumbling through the pockets for one of the condoms he'd brought, and then, with practiced ease, he rolled it on.
He leaned over her. Kanan's expression was both nervous and curious as he guided his impatient cock towards her wet opening. He watched her, finally understanding that she was willing and unafraid. She was dripping wet but still so incredibly tight. Slowly and carefully he slid inside her, measuring her breaths and her body's reaction until his cock could go no further and his balls brushed against her. Fully inside her, Gojyo couldn't contain his sigh of pleasure. He was relieved when she echoed his sigh.
"Oh, Gojyo," she panted, "that feels …"
Pushing her wet hair away from her closed eyes he said, "Kanan? Are you all right?"
Her eyes fluttered open, and tears spilled from them. Gojyo froze. His voice was merely a whisper, "Should I stop?"
She tossed her head from side to side and then reached up and embraced him. "No. I'm just a little overwhelmed; I didn't think it would feel like this."
"How," he held his body motionless as his cock screamed in neglected protest, "like this do you mean?"
"I didn't think I would feel so close to you." Her tears fell in earnest. "Like we are one."
"Yeah." Gojyo knew exactly what she meant. He'd had many partners, had a lot of sex, but this was different--he'd never had a connection like this before. At this moment, it felt like Kanan was his breath and his heartbeat. If felt like she was his everything.
Gojyo hoped this was love, because he didn't know what else he could call these feelings. "I'm going to move now, okay?"
She nodded.
When he eased backwards, every nerve ending was aware of her--he existed only for her. His rhythm somehow remained unhurried while he made love to her. In-and-out and side-to-side he twisted his hips, rubbing against her clit and matching his strokes to her breaths.
He pulled back and studied her, checking for signs of discomfort.
She raised her hand and smoothed back a strand of his hair. "I'm all right."
Gojyo groaned, rocking deeper inside her. His cock was swelling and his balls tightening as his climax neared. Gojyo felt Kanan's muscles gather, and she slid her legs around him, rolling her hips upward and pulling him deeper. Kanan's willing participation was more than Gojyo had expected, and when she began to move in time with him, he was lost.
His toes curled as his orgasm burned through his nerve endings like a wild fire. "Kanan …"
"Yes." She smiled when she touched his cheek. "Show me."
His body shook with the last of his strokes as his cock pulsed and his come spilled into the condom. He dropped his head as his body relaxed, careful not to crush her as he withdrew and rolled to one side, removing the condom. He tied it in a knot and tossed it nearby.
He lay back as his breathing evened out. Rain dripped steadily through the trees, but the air remained warm and heavy. He looked over at Kanan, aware that she'd been watching him for the past few moments.
She grinned at him and then kissed him, her long hair caressing his skin before she sat up. "I guess that wasn't so bad."
Gojyo raised an eyebrow. "Ya think?"
"Yes. You were very gentle with me." She kissed him again. "Thank you."
He stretched his arms. "So … does that mean we get to do it again?"
"What?" She blinked innocently at him. "Right now?"
"Well," he smiled, "maybe not this exact moment, but I'll probably be ready in a few minutes."
"Hmm." She stood up and grimaced a bit.
"Are you sore?"
"Yeah." She shifted her hips and seemed surprised. "I am."
"Huh." Gojyo placed his arms behind his head and hummed.
"Don't be so smug about it." She stepped towards her clothes.
He stared at her, noticing her pubic hair was still shiny with moisture. "You don't want to do it again?"
"I do." She picked up her dress. "But I think I'd rather do it back at home. What about you?"
He stood up in one fluid movement. "If we get to have lunch first."
She laughed while she wiggled into her dress. "Poor Gojyo. I made you walk all the way up here and didn't even let you eat."
"Yep." For a moment, he mentally toyed with the obvious joke about having already eaten but then decided against it. He didn't think she was ready for that kind of humor. "I'm starving."
Rummaging through the basket, she said, "There are sandwiches in here; will that get you back?"
"I think I can wait until we get back."
She laughed again. "Then I think we better go."
He nodded and finished dressing, before picking up the re-filled basket and taking her hand. Gojyo could already feel the stirrings of a renewed erection, and if he had any say, their walk back would be very quick.
"Let's go!"
***
Chapter 3